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LordofTendons

OW MAI LAIG
True & Honest Fan
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Josh Brolin Tries ‘Perineum Sunning’ And Burns His ‘Pucker Hole’
The “Avengers: Endgame” star said the pain was so bad he had to spend the day icing and using aloe and burn creams on his perineum instead of hanging with his family.

Actor Josh Brolin has a message for today’s youth: Tanning your taint isn’t a good idea.

The actor learned that hard lesson a few days ago after he engaged in “perineum sunning,” a new trend in which people expose the area between the anus and the sex organs to the sun, according to the New York Post.

One practitioner, who calls herself Metaphysical Meagan, claims that perineum sunning can regulate hormones as well as sleep patterns.

The man who plays Thanos in the Marvel Cinematic Universe saw the Post story and decided to try it out.

It wasn’t such a hot idea, he admitted on Instagram this weekend, and he hopes others don’t make the same mistake:
“Tried this perineum sunning that I’ve been hearing about and my suggestion is DO NOT do it as long as I did.
“My pucker hole is crazy burned and I was going to spend the day shopping with my family and instead I’m icing and using aloe and burn creams because of the severity of the pain.
“I don’t know who the fuck thought of this stupid shit but fuck you nonetheless. Seriously.”
New York-based dermatologist Jeremy Fenton isn’t surprised Brolin feels a little burned by the experience.

“This area is vulnerable for two reasons,” Fenton told Yahoo. “Number one, it is an area that has not received much sun exposure in most people, thus it would be lacking in the body’s normal response to sun exposure that protects it from future sunburn, such as producing pigment. Number two, it is sensitive skin to begin with, so any burn in that area may be more significant and more uncomfortable.”

Fenton warns people who insist on baring their buns to the sun that they could increase their chance of getting a sunburn.

“There is some evidence to suggest that the genitals may be more susceptible to skin cancer than other areas of the body,” Fenton said. “A skin cancer developing in this area may be more difficult to detect because people don’t regularly view this area on themselves.”

 

keyboredsm4shthe2nd

CRUSH YOUR ENEMIES! GRIND THEIR BONES INTO DIRT!
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A father has been cleared of causing death by dangerous driving after killing a man who was being abusive to children. Scott Hamshire, 39, got a call from his son to say that there was a man running around their estate in Rainham, Essex, who was also being threatening. The man, later identified as Andrew Huston, 54, smelled of alcohol, was staggering and had slurred speech. One witness told him to ‘go home and put the kettle on’. But when Mr Hamshire arrived and tried to speak to him, Mr Huston punched him in the face through the open window of his Vauxhall Astra. He then jumped on the bonnet and started punching the windscreen before climbing onto the roof.

Mr Hamshire started driving with Mr Huston still on the roof before hittingthe brakes. Prosecutor Max Hardy: ‘(Witness) Keith Hinton saw the car come to an abrupt stop and the man on the roof was catapulted off the roof, slammed the bonnet, landed on the road and slid along the road before coming to a stop against the reversing car with some force.’ Mr Huston died as a result of a head injury but Mr Hamshire drove off in a panic. He was cleared at the Old Bailey yesterday after the jury heard that he did not intend to kill Mr Huston and he only went to the scene to speak to him. As the jury returned a not guilty verdict, Mr Huston’s family wailed and left the court in tears. Meanwhile, Mr Hamshire breathed a sigh of relief and looked up at his family as he was told he could leave the dock.
I get that losing a family member is hard, but goddamn he sounds like he'd been a drunk for some time. I know people can't be helped unless they want to be, but ffs. Also UK, does it feel good? The drunkard could have walked away with a stab wound but got run over instead.

Josh Brolin Tries ‘Perineum Sunning’ And Burns His ‘Pucker Hole’
The “Avengers: Endgame” star said the pain was so bad he had to spend the day icing and using aloe and burn creams on his perineum instead of hanging with his family.

Actor Josh Brolin has a message for today’s youth: Tanning your taint isn’t a good idea.

The actor learned that hard lesson a few days ago after he engaged in “perineum sunning,” a new trend in which people expose the area between the anus and the sex organs to the sun, according to the New York Post.

One practitioner, who calls herself Metaphysical Meagan, claims that perineum sunning can regulate hormones as well as sleep patterns.

The man who plays Thanos in the Marvel Cinematic Universe saw the Post story and decided to try it out.

It wasn’t such a hot idea, he admitted on Instagram this weekend, and he hopes others don’t make the same mistake:

New York-based dermatologist Jeremy Fenton isn’t surprised Brolin feels a little burned by the experience.

“This area is vulnerable for two reasons,” Fenton told Yahoo. “Number one, it is an area that has not received much sun exposure in most people, thus it would be lacking in the body’s normal response to sun exposure that protects it from future sunburn, such as producing pigment. Number two, it is sensitive skin to begin with, so any burn in that area may be more significant and more uncomfortable.”

Fenton warns people who insist on baring their buns to the sun that they could increase their chance of getting a sunburn.

“There is some evidence to suggest that the genitals may be more susceptible to skin cancer than other areas of the body,” Fenton said. “A skin cancer developing in this area may be more difficult to detect because people don’t regularly view this area on themselves.”

Misread title as "Perineum stunning" and expected a stun gun to the taint.
 

AnOminous

Really?
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Retired Staff
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This is why you spread idiotic death memes that can kill you if you do them. Even someone famous might die as a result. It's the cowardly version of assassination because it's LOLSORANDOM.
 
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Ahriman

Vivere Militare Est.
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Spiteful Crow

にくいカラス
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Technically it's an advice column but whatever

I saw my girlfriend getting oral sex from her dog. What now?

I saw my girlfriend of six months being orally pleasured by her neutered male dog. She doesn’t know I saw her. I don’t know what to make of this. We both come from fairly conservative backgrounds and have limited sexual experience. I can’t imagine discussing this with her. But I can’t get the image out of my head. I really like this woman, and one side of me wants to say it’s no big deal, just another way to masturbate. But this is bestiality, right? Isn’t it technically illegal, or at least immoral? I keep wondering what she’s thinking while we have sex, and my appetite for oral is nil now. This is sad because we had been communicating well about sex (a first for me). I can’t talk about it with friends like I usually world. So I ask you, how weird is this? What would you do?

—Puppy Love

Dear Puppy Love,

What you describe, doggone it, is bestiality. Any sexual activity with an animal that is invited or facilitated by a human is bestiality. (Rover taking it upon himself to hump your leg doesn’t quite qualify.) It is illegal in most states, though somewhat counterintuitively, possession of pornography that features bestiality is legal in nearly every state. Look but don’t touch, says the law. The prevailing understanding is that because animals, which are sentient beings, cannot consent to sex, having it with them is unethical. As far as I can tell, studies have not been performed on the traumatic effects of bestiality on animals (so, sex researchers who may be reading, there’s a topic for you to pursue), but it’s generally a good rule of thumb to assume the worst and not have sex with animals.

What you describe, doggone it, is bestiality.

I understand your desire to write this off, and I think “Bestiality: Just Another Way to Masturbate” would be a catchy, if untrue, slogan for an animal lovers’ lobby. While I suppose it is conceivable that one could enjoy the feeling of a dog’s tongue without being attracted to the dog it is attached to, per se, it’s not like your girlfriend was on a desert island with no vibrator and a Labrador. Getting eaten out by a dog is a choice. (I’d also be at least a little insulted that she opted for a dog’s tongue instead of mine if I were you.) In fact, if she weresexually attracted to the dog, the troubling thing would be less her urge than the execution of it. It’s one thing to have fantasies, and it’s quite another thing to enact them. Zoophilia is not an uncommon fetish, though I wouldn’t say it’s widely practiced. (You can decide whether that fits your definition of “weird.”)

Her behavior is well within the reasonable boundaries of deal-breakers. Is this someone you want as a sex partner? A life partner? Wanna share your girlfriend with a dog? That seems, uh, rough. You’re only six months into things. Be happy that you discovered this now, while it’s still early.
 

JosephStalin

Vozhd
True & Honest Fan
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The Left Hates The Salvation Army and the Boy Scouts.

The Left Hates the Salvation Army. That’s All You Need to Know About the Left
DENNIS PRAGER 12/03//2019
One of the great puzzles in contemporary American life is whether there is anything the Left could do to make Americans understand how destructive it is.

We all know some individuals who are so obviously good and kind that we are certain if anyone were to dislike them, that’s all we would need to know about the person. We would immediately assume he or she is a bad person. To hate the manifestly good is a sure sign of being bad.

Such is the case regarding the Left’s hatred of the Salvation Army. You don’t have to be a Christian—I am not—to appreciate the goodness of the people who run and work for the Salvation Army. They devote their lives to helping the poorest, the saddest, the loneliest and the most troubled among us—completely irrespective of race, gender, transgender identity, faith or no faith. And they do it for almost no money. They do it because of their Christian faith.

They provide these downtrodden people with not only food and shelter but also human warmth and love. And they offer the people they care for the one thing most likely to get them out of their predicament: meaning. They offer it; they do not coerce it. And while the vehicle for this meaning—Christian faith—may not be your faith or mine, so what? It takes a truly narrow-minded bigot to want to deprive people of meaning just because that meaning is rooted in faith or in a faith other than their own.

Yet, leftists—most especially LGBTQ groups, which spread a remarkable amount of hate in the name of “love”—seek to crush the Salvation Army. They threaten and pressure whoever supports the Salvation Army.

“British pop singer Ellie Goulding,” the Wall Street Journal recently reported, “threatened to cancel an appearance at the Dallas Cowboys’ Thanksgiving halftime show, which will celebrate the army’s red-kettle campaign, unless it made a ‘pledge or donation to the LGBTQ community.’ She backed down after the Salvation Army assured her it serves needy members of that community.”

Most depressing of all, Chick-fil-A, a business owned by a Christian and heretofore run according to Christian principles, caved in to LGBTQ organizations’ pressure and stopped funding the Salvation Army, while it has also donated to a left-wing group that hates the good, the Southern Poverty Law Center.

I never thought I’d see the day when the Salvation Army would be hated by a substantial number of Americans or lose the support of a Christian-run business.

But given the Left’s loathing of virtually all things good—such as America, Israel, traditional Christianity and Judaism, the Boy Scouts, the nuclear-family ideal, Thanksgiving and America’s Founders—it is not surprising.

As I have said for years, the Left destroys everything it touches: music, art, Christianity, Judaism, economies, universities, high schools, late-night comedy, pro football, women’s likelihood of finding happiness, men’s likelihood of maturing, the Boy Scouts and the innocence of children (think “Drag Queen Story Hour” for 5-year-olds at public libraries), to cite some of the more obvious examples.

And while it destroys good institutions, the Left never builds a viable replacement. Is there a left-wing equivalent to the Boy Scouts, a left-wing institution that helps mold boys into responsible men? Of course not. The Left destroys, but it builds nothing—except state power. Or, to take the present example, is there a left-wing equivalent to the Salvation Army? No, there isn’t.

“We believe we are the largest provider of poverty relief to the LGBTQ+ population,” the Salvation Army said in a statement after Chick-fil-A announced its decision. As the Wall Street Journal concluded, “Considering it serves nearly 25 million people every year, that’s likely true.”

But all the good the Salvation Army does means nothing to the Left. The Left judges people or institutions not by their behavior but by their beliefs. And the Salvation Army believes—as has every civilization in recorded history, and as former President Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton did until a few years ago—that marriage should be defined as the union of a man and a woman. To the Left, that belief outweighs helping 25 million people, including married gays.

One of the great puzzles in contemporary American life is whether there is anything the Left could do to make Americans understand how destructive it is. If suppressing free speech at colleges and on the internet, fomenting interracial anger, supporting those who wish to annihilate Israel, allowing (and even encouraging) teenage girls to have their healthy breasts surgically removed if they think they are a boy and trying to crush the Salvation Army don’t do it, probably nothing will.


 
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Thank Fuck For Evil Otto

He lived the life of a black man, authentically.
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As Colleges Move To Do Away With The SAT In The Name Of Diversity, Detroit High School Valedictorian Struggles With Low-Level Math

The valedictorian of a Detroit high school is struggling with low-level math at Michigan State University, where 1 in 8 students were in remedial math.
Universities have loosened their requirements to attempt to increase graduation rates and diversity.
The University of California system may abolish the SAT and ACT as a requirement for entry, saying the standard screenings lead to “inequity” in student populations.

The valedictorian of a Detroit high school is reportedly struggling with basic math in college.

The development comes as colleges have increasingly rejected objective admissions criteria in the name of “equity,” with University of California poised to no longer require the SAT because of the racial impact it has on admissions.

“Marqell McClendon has struggled in the low-level math class she’s taking during her first semester at Michigan State University,” the news outlet Chalkbeat reported Nov. 15. McClendon, the valedictorian of her graduating class at Detroit’s Cody High School, was used to getting all A’s, but found herself asking strangers to help her with her college coursework, it said.

MSU has pushed for admitting more racial minorities in the name of diversity. Its “incoming freshman class is predicted to be the largest and most diverse in the school’s history, with more than 8,400 anticipated students,” the school stated in May 2018, noting that black enrollment was up 24%.

But nearly half of graduates from Detroit’s main school district must take remedial courses when they get to college, Chalkbeat reported.

In 2016, MSU removed the requirement that all students at least take algebra in either college or high school. Algebra is taught in eighth grade in many schools. Meanwhile, Wayne State University in Detroit dropped its general-education math requirement altogether.

Bob Murphy, the director or university relations and policy for the Michigan Association of State Universities, told Inside Higher Ed that not requiring math will ideally “lead to more successful graduation outcomes.”

Nearly 1,000 MSU students a year — or 1 in 8 freshmen — took a remedial class course called MTH 1825 that didn’t count toward a college degree and covered material students should have learned in high school, the Lansing State Journal reported in 2018.

It said MSU stopped offering that class and added MTH 103A and 103B, which spread out algebra over two semesters and count toward a degree. MSU said MTH 103 is “accessible to visual learners.”

Students who don’t want to take algebra can take “MTH 101 Quantitative Literacy I and MTH 102 Quantitative Literacy II” instead. The course website for MSU’s Math 101 discusses topics such as “Side-by-Side and Stacked Bar Graphs” and “percent change.”

McClendon, who could not be reached for comment, said she is majoring in biomedical laboratory science, which requires her to pass classes such as calculus, organic chemistry and advanced clinical chemistry. It will take her five years to complete the four-year program.

She’s scheduled office visits with her professor, gone to math learning centers and joined an intensive program of mostly students from “underrepresented communities,” Chalkbeat said.

“Sometimes when I’m in class and I’m learning, some things start to feel familiar from high school and I’m kind of like, ‘I learned this already but I don’t really understand it,’” she told Chalkbeat.

Believing she would fail, she asked a stranger in her dorm to help her for an hour and a half and got a B on her midterm.

The juxtaposition of her performance in high school and college suggests that GPAs are flawed when comparing college applicants from different high schools. The average SAT score at her high school was about 800 out of 1600.

Yet top leaders of the University of California system said in November they support dropping SAT and ACT exams as admissions requirements. “They really contribute to the inequities of our system,” UC Berkeley Chancellor Carol T. Christ said.

Advocacy groups are attempting to force the change. “These tests are incredibly sensitive to socioeconomic status and race and have nothing to say about the individual,” Alisa Hartz, an attorney with the group Public Counsel, said.

The College Board, which runs the SAT, told USA Today, “The notion that the SAT is discriminatory is false.”

Opponents of the test said wealthy students pay for classes to help them prepare for the SAT. A study from Harvard contended that the SAT’s written questions were culturally biased against black students; the College Board rejected the study as flawed.

Lee Bridges wrote in a letter to the Los Angeles Times that the SAT served as a great equalizer in his case, measuring raw intelligence even when family problems prevented him from performing regularly when it came to high school classwork.

Thomas Ostwald, a former UC Santa Barbara official, wrote to the LA Times that “Not mentioned in the discussion of the unfairness of the SAT or ACT to students of color or poverty is the UC policy called Eligibility in Local Context. Students can gain eligibility to the UC system if they have a GPA in the top 9% of their high school class on the required courses for UC and California State University admission. They must take the SAT or ACT, but their scores cannot disqualify them.”

His observation implied that one goal of the proposed change might be to prevent the collection of statistics that would show the extent of unpreparedness by college students.

The K-12 and college academic industry has taken steps to lead to statistics that indicate more “equal” results across the country, without necessarily improving measurable scores of poor and minority students.

Critics like Elizabeth Schultz, a Republican school board member in Fairfax County, Virginia, said these efforts are aimed at helping administrators boast of on-paper improvements — not at setting kids up for success.

In the academic industry, much of the rhetoric around allege racism stems from the idea that wherever there is a difference in results by racial group, racism is implied, known in education lingo as “inequity.” (RELATED: School Districts Push A Return To Busing, Despite Their Own Data Suggesting It Won’t Reduce The ‘Achievement Gap’)

School districts have turned “equity” initiatives over to for-profit consulting firms like Corwin and the Crescendo Education Group.

Joe Feldman, CEO of Crescendo, wrote in 2017 that not only is it prejudiced to grade based on whether a student gets the right answers, it’s inherently prejudiced to penalize a student for not doing his homework at all.

“We often grade in ways that reward students who have privilege and punish those who don’t. Let’s return to homework,” he wrote. “For those who don’t grade homework for accuracy, we often grade for completion. We want students to attempt the homework even if answers aren’t correct. The problem is that homework completion is more often a reflection of a student’s income, language and family, and this grading approach places underprivileged students at a huge disadvantage.”

Seattle public schools in October unveiled a “framework” to inject “math ethnic studies” into all K-12 math classes, teaching “how math has been and continues to be used to oppress and marginalize people and communities of color.”

Tracy Castro-Gill, the Seattle schools' Equity Manager. Government photo https://www.k12.wa.us/award/2018-2019-regional-teacher-year-tracy-castro-gill

1575507499242.png
Tracy Castro-Gill, the Seattle schools’ equity manager, is pictured. Government photo

In New York City, a panel the mayor appointed proposed in August to eliminate the city’s gifted and talented schools and programs in the service of racial integration. The proposal would end the practice of gifted and talented schools screening students by exams and grades — and block considering students’ attendance records at their previous schools. It also said it was unfair that students who were not fluent in English were “underrepresented” in the most rigorous academic programs.

“If you get rid of testing, you’re open to subjective decision-making … you’ll see a lot of parents send their children to private schools, and you’re just furthering the income gap,” David Lee of the Chinese American Citizens Alliance told New York’s CBS affiliate. (RELATED: As School District Implements Busing Over Near-Unanimous Opposition, Chinese Immigrants See Communism)

Lowering the barrier to gaining admission to, or graduation from, prestigious schools might improve top-line statistics; however, it’s unclear what will happen to students who are passed because of the policies.
Bonus the cursed photo from a link in the article:
msu mathprof.jpg
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
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Bob Murphy, the director or university relations and policy for the Michigan Association of State Universities, told Inside Higher Ed that not requiring math will ideally “lead to more successful graduation outcomes.”
I suppose that's for certain values of "successful." If the purpose of school were to turn out exceptional individuals incapable of performing basic functions, then this would be success, but I'd consider turning out adults who can't add two and two by just giving them a fake diploma a gigantic failure, personally.
 

yahooligan

HA-HA-HA-HAPPY HOLLLLIDAYS
kiwifarms.net
1575507499242.png
Tracy Castro-Gill, the Seattle schools’ equity manager, is pictured. Government photo
This is the second time this idiot has reared her ugly head in A&H.

She seems to have plenty of lolcow potential, but I didn't find much of an online presence last time I looked (Twatter). Each post had only a couple reactions; i.e. she's a nobody online, and she's broadly disliked even within her peer group.

I can't quite put my finger on why I despise this fattie as much as I do, but I want her to turn threadworthy so badly.
 
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Cactus Wings

Coughing for Cash
kiwifarms.net
What is it with actors, and thinking people actually give a shit what they think?
I mean let's be real. We got so many holes and loops in the economy that just further feeds into a collapsing infrastructure. That some $30m of those go to a person who try to make some kind of change isn't all that bad. Let's say he spent all his money changing the world, then what? It'd once-more go directly into the same loop and we'd have one less advocate for fixing the economy.

The alternative is another Kardashian who doesn't give a shit. I doubt Emma Watson has achieved fuck all more than he has and she made it her one task in her life. I'm not saying they change shit, but he could be worse off with those $30m. That's what, 1/950 of the Amazon chad's wealth?
 

greengrilledcheese

Free, White, and 21
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Thank Fuck For Evil Otto

He lived the life of a black man, authentically.
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1575584605009.png
Lawmakers in a Chicago suburb earlier this week approved using taxes from recreational marijuana sales to establish a local reparations program.

The money will go toward job training and other benefits for Evanston's black population, the Pioneer Press reported.

“We can implement funding to directly invest in black Evanston,” said Ald. Robin Rue Simmons, who proposed the reparations bill.

Simmons said the source of the funds was especially appropriate, citing the "war on drugs" that has led to increased incarceration rates among African-Americans, particularly for marijuana-related offenses.

Lawmakers in Evanston, Ill., will use taxes from recreational marijuana sales to fund a local reparations program. (National Institute on Drug Abuse)
The 8-1 vote comes as the city's black population has dipped from 22.5 percent in 2000 to just under 17 percent in 2017, the paper reported.

Supporters of the program say it will help address the lingering effects of slavery and discrimination, per the Pioneer Press.

The fund will be capped at $10 million, while the city estimates that the taxes from recreational marijuana sales could generate between $500,000 and $750,000 annually.

The idea of reparations to compensate the descendants of slaves has gained traction among progressives while a majority of conservatives oppose it.

Marianne Williamson, a spiritual advisor and 2020 presidential candidate, unveiled a formal reparations plan earlier this year.

The long-shot Democratic candidate has called for between $200 and $500 billion for a "payment of a debt that is owed."
 

Cat Menagerie

kiwifarms.net
This was a few weeks ago, but Eyeball is one badass eagle. :semperfidelis:

Bald Eagle Released After Being Struck By A Car In Muskogee
Friday, November 15th 2019, 4:59 PM CST
Updated:
Friday, November 15th 2019, 6:07 PM CST
By: Mallory Thomas


TULSA, Oklahoma -
A bald eagle was released back into the wild Friday morning after it was hit by a car last month.

“She had a horrible concussion. She had been hit in the face probably by a car,” said Annette King with Wild Heart Ranch.

King said back on October 19th she received a call about a bald eagle in Muskogee that had been hit by a car. King said they rushed the eagle to the Tulsa Zoo where they were able to help heal the eagle’s injuries.

She said they also nicknamed the eagle “Eyeball."

After recovering for almost a month, “Eyeball” was released back into the wild.

“The orb around her eye was fractured. One eye looked like it was not savable,”
said King.

“She flew away like she never had a bad day,” said King.

King said the fall and winter months are the busiest times of the year for calls about injured eagles. They have two more they are helping recover.

Learn More About Wild Heart Ranch

 

WarJams

kiwifarms.net

Kentucky family court judge and alleged-whore Dawn Gentry hires a band's guitarist for a crony position at her court.
Fucks him on the job.
Ropes the secretary into a threesome.
Starts stashing booze at the courthouse and drinking on the job.
Invites another woman onto a panel to protect abused children only so she could solicit her for sex and attempt to get her to seduce her husband (pro-tip: the guitar player IS NOT the judge's husband).
That annoying fucking guitar faggot wont stop fucking playing the guitar during court, FUCK!
"Encourages" staff at the court to contribute to her re-election campaign.
Failure to contribute to her campaign will result in termination.


Now she's facing misconduct charges. This ho will probably land a gig as the host of a daytime television court show by next season.
 

CheezzyMach

Hulkamania Brother!
kiwifarms.net
While you're not quite wrong, the 1% elite he's talking about isn't making capitalism any better.

It doesn't help to talk about capitalism when you're worth $30 million. Capitalism is the most successful economic propensity, don't expect it to go away anytime soon.

Capitalism isn't the problem; the people that take advantage of it is the problem.
I laugh my ass off when I see rich actors and billionaires bitch about capitalism.

It's a wonder they don't self immolate by hypocrisy.
 
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