Intimacy in Current Year -

[Kermit Jizz]

Eh... if I wanted to talk about how I felt that dating sucked, I'd have put my cited dating experience at the top of my list of possible reasons for feeling a disconnect with the concept of marriage.

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding things then. I mean dating and marriage go hand in hand, and most people disillusioned with marriage derive that from experiences with dating.

No, I wanted to see if anybody else who also planned to get married at some point was having the kind of disconnect that I have and if they understood why, but it seems as if some of the commenters so far are under the impression that I primarily wanted to talk about specific relationships I've had in the past.

I used to feel pretty disillusioned with any sort of relationship, let alone marriage. It seemed like a pointless risk for no reason. Then I found one I felt things would work out with and the rest it history. I think the disillusionment is just a thing that's an issue until it's it not, try not to worry about it.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Maybe I'm just misunderstanding things then. I mean dating and marriage go hand in hand, and most people disillusioned with marriage derive that from experiences with dating.

I'm not disillusioned per se-- I just feel disconnected from the concept whenever I think about it. It's not as though I'm really feeling disappointment and fatigue as much as I feel like I'm reading Bopomofo less than a minute after waking up whenever I think of the topic.

It's alien to me, despite my intentions. And I haven't had that feeling until recently.

 

[Express RX-78]

Dunno if this is the right place to ask, but how do most of you guys interact with women these days? Is it online through dating apps, or going out of your way to meet them in real life? Relationships seemed a lot simpler during my parents day

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

I'm not disillusioned per se-- I just feel disconnected from the concept whenever I think about it. It's not as though I'm really feeling disappointment and fatigue as much as I feel like I'm reading Bopomofo less than a minute after waking up whenever I think of the topic.

It's alien to me, despite my intentions. And I haven't had that feeling until recently.

You're probably just somewhat traumatized at this point. You tried it, failed and now you've gone numb. It happens to everyone when young love fails.

 

[三字经]

Get over yourself. There’s an incomprehensible number of people on the planet, even in your local area

 

[FEETLOAF]

Women are dumb and their professed ideas are merely social affectations. Just find a fat woman, ignore everything she says because it doesn't matter, and breed her.
Fat wife, happy life.

 

[Croan Çhiollee]

Dunno if this is the right place to ask, but how do most of you guys interact with women these days? Is it online through dating apps, or going out of your way to meet them in real life? Relationships seemed a lot simpler during my parents day

I've been with my wife for 7 years, so I'm a little bit out of date, but I've never used a dating app in my life. Most of the people I know who do use them see them as a pick up app, rather than a "dating" app. I'm sure there's ones out there that are for serious relationships (okcupid used to be expressly for people looking to get married, at least in Australia), if people insist on using online methods, but the best way is to meet someone in person.
A pub, art gallery opening, or a party can be good places to meet new people, and possibly make a connection. Work is probably too fraught with HR dramas now to be worthwhile (I work in a 99% male workplace, so I'm not up to date).

Also, friends (and especially friends girlfriends) are a good place to start. A lot of women aren't that interested in riding the cock carousel, but don't see another option, so putting yourself out there as someone looking for a serious relationship can be a way to make yourself more attractive.
I've personally found that a lot of women are taking it in every orifice in the hopes that the guy will suddenly "realise" how important she is, only to be let down when they get left behind. Despite the media, most women aren't happy with casual sex, and a man looking to settle down is a rare commodity.
Be honest, but don't be too pushy or jump into the first relationship that comes along, make sure you have something in common with whoever you decide to take a chance on.

 

[Android raptor]

You generally have to respect women for them to want to be in a relationship with you. If you keep getting rejected maybe the problem is you. Muh modern society/onlyfans/whatever is just an excuse.

Like the old saying goes if everyone you meet is an asshole, maybe you're the asshole.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Sometimes, I look at the current year "sexual market" and think that Chris-Chan was lowkey right about dating classes because nobody talking about dating knows what to do. All the advice is PUAs selling snake oil, boomers who haven't had any in decades and women who don't know how to communicate in specifics outside of "wash your balls". Most of the advice just seems to amount to shut up until a chubby chick thinks you're cute.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Get over yourself. There’s an incomprehensible number of people on the planet, even in your local area

I can't believe those "hot single MILFs in your area" ads have evolved this much...

You're probably just somewhat traumatized at this point. You tried it, failed and now you've gone numb. It happens to everyone when young love fails.

I'm almost certain this is separate from that. For that, my post-relationship thing was reconciling with the fact that this woman was telling me I was practically perfect and had all these good qualities even as I tried to persuade her to tone it down and be more realistic, but still broke up with me because she stamped the relationship with an expiry date as soon as we started and was more concerned with complying with that. That was all a year ago, too.

The feeling I'm describing now, I noticed it a couple months ago when I was told by one of my siblings that the woman who marries me will be a lucky woman as part of a compliment for cooking something substantial. I naturally thought about marriage since it was mentioned but then I realized that I was more disconnected to the idea than I was before. But strangely, I didn't stop thinking I was gonna get married despite that, and I didn't think it impossible even at that point.

 

[Seventh Star]

Takes time but you can absolutely find a nice traditional lady. Not in the city, though, that shit is dead.

 

[Lemmingwise]

You generally have to respect women for them to want to be in a relationship with you.

Mild disrespect works far better than respecting women.

 

[A Welsh Cake]

Have a hot chocolate and some cookies buddy. Think about gardens or something nice like that

 

[ArnoldPalmer]

I share a similar sentiment, but I'm not under any illusion that internet women are all women. My problem comes from society at large and what that's turned people into. More than just women being camwhores or bitchy SJWs for attention.

There is no public forum, and this was a problem even before the pandemic. I'm not meeting someone at the bar. That's for hookups. I'm not going clubbing because it's loud, you can't see the person you're talking to, and the music sucks. You can't meet a girl at work, because you'll be on the local news next morning for literally raping her. Arcades don't exist anymore unless they're attached to a bar, restaurant, or theme park. Malls don't exist anymore because people buy all their shit on Amazon, Wayfair, and Magnolia. You could go to the beach, but it seems kind of improper to meet people there. Same deal with church or school. Where the fuck do people go and do things anymore? Where's the social hub? What's the Millenial/Gen Z equivalent of the Malt Shop or Soda Jerk? Do people still go to the Bowling Alley?

 

[Car Won't Crank]

I share a similar sentiment, but I'm not under any illusion that internet women are all women. My problem comes from society at large and what that's turned people into. More than just women being camwhores or bitchy SJWs for attention.

There is no public forum, and this was a problem even before the pandemic. I'm not meeting someone at the bar. That's for hookups. I'm not going clubbing because it's loud, you can't see the person you're talking to, and the music sucks. You can't meet a girl at work, because you'll be on the local news next morning for literally raping her. Arcades don't exist anymore unless they're attached to a bar, restaurant, or theme park. Malls don't exist anymore because people buy all their shit on Amazon, Wayfair, and Magnolia. You could go to the beach, but it seems kind of improper to meet people there. Same deal with church or school. Where the fuck do people go and do things anymore? Where's the social hub? What's the Millenial/Gen Z equivalent of the Malt Shop or Soda Jerk? Do people still go to the Bowling Alley?

I still maintain that the turbo use and addiction for online clout/followers ruined interpersonal relationships. In addition to all that you said, if you do somehow manage to meet a girl the traditional way (not online), you still have the risk of getting metooed for breathing the wrong way. Anecdote - someone I knew back in school who was Christian and attended church regularly got married to a girl from his church. As for people who don't attend any sort of religious community, good luck.

I've often heard people say you can meet new people engaging with others who share your hobbies. While it sounds like a good idea, the probability of bumping into single ladies is super low and even lower depending on the hobby. If you have boomer type hobbies like me you're shit out of luck.

 

[Zero Day Defense]

Mild disrespect works far better than respecting women.

Maybe not "disrespect", but being ready to respect yourself and draw lines in the sand based on things you know you want.

You might be being flippant, but if you're not being 100% flippant, I'm curious about this idea as you conceive it.

On a side note, I didn't even realize the comment you were responding to existed, and after reading it, I'm kind of baffled at how irrelevant and unmoored it is and miss five minutes ago when I was ignorant of it.

 

[Lemmingwise]

Maybe not "disrespect", but being ready to respect yourself and draw lines in the sand based on things you know you want.

You might be being flippant, but if you're not being 100% flippant, I'm curious about this idea as you conceive it.

On a side note, I didn't even realize the comment you were responding to existed, and after reading it, I'm kind of baffled at how irrelevant and unmoored it is and miss five minutes ago when I was ignorant of it.

I wasn't being flippant and I meant what I wrote.

Of course there are exceptions, but on the whole women want a partner that is better than themselves (not that most will really admit it). At some level they want someone to submit to.

Men that are or act arrogant have an edge for that reason. It's the one thing I find most tiresome about chatting up women. So yes mild disrespect.

On the whole my experience is that women don't really know what they're saying on a lot of subjects. That is fine, neither do I. But that includes when they talk about what they like, what they don't like and what their limits are. It's never without risk of course so heed this advice at your own peril. But I don't think any of the women I've taken to bed could accurately tell me what they like and what they don't. I'm not proud of it, but it's not a small sample size.

To give a small selection of experiences,
* I've known a woman that thought she was really tough, but she just needed to be treated softly and gently, because it was all exterior. So while she might be rough, she desired someone that was just unfazed by her sharp tongue and physical aggression.

* I've known a woman that thought she was fiercely sexual, but was at heart very frigid. She had come onto me strong a couple of times, but it wasn't until we had sex, and not so succesfully, that we started talking about it and she described her sexual experiences of hardly ever getting wet. She had one really good experience in her past and when she described it, it was basicly her describing what would legally be rape by her coworker. At the time I found the thing too risky to continue and broke things off soon after rather than confirm my theory about her, so I'm not 100% sure.

* There have been more than one that weren't very verbal (I am a very physical person engaged in a number of physical activities, like martials arts, dancing, massage, so have met women eho connect on that rather than talking). None of them could directly describe what they liked, but all responded sexually to me describing what I liked (once we had already gotten involved, of course).

* there have been a couple of women that were really sexually adventurous and had done a lot of self-exploration. They have a better understanding of what they like and don't like, and that is even riskier, because it's like having a very good map that might have some major errors (that you miss because some parts of the map are so good). They might think they're bi, when they're not, they might think they want to be promiscuous when that is making them more unhappy than anything else.

I haven't dated men, so maybe the reverse is true as well. I certainly have had no shortage of women trying to disrespect me, but I don't put up with it. I'll either spend my attention at someone less shrewd or just blast through it and get to the woman under the exterior and tell her how badly she is behaving. See? That's what I mean. Why should I as an adult explain to another adult why they're behaving like a child? Women usually respond positively to it when you do it gently and from a position of strength (willing to walk away). I say gently, but that really depends on her sensitivity level and that too is something she will not be able to explain herself. I almost want to say that the signals are always wrong, but that implied they would tell you something directly and you'd just act like it's opposite day or something. Oh yeah that reminds me of two others.

* some women are very gentle and this might give you the idea that they want to be treated gently, but what they really want is a kind of schoolyard bully that treats them kind of badly, because despite being sensitive they have a very high tolerance for pain and disrespect.

* I've also met one that is very gentle and als said she was very gentle and she just absolutely broke when treated anything but gently, so it isn't without risk to disregard boundaries either.

I find it important to listen to a woman's experiences but keep in mind to listen not to what she says, but what she describes. Her feelings are much more important and accurate than her conclusions in regards to her experiences.

I really feel for people with autism because they lack the sense that helps them read women, because on the whole women are really bad at explaining themselves.

How can I respect adults that I seem to understand better than they understand themselves? This isn't an intelligence thing either, I've dated at least two women I'm convinced would be more intelligent than me across the board. They ended up teaching me a lot about themselves. The first of the two made me realize how important it is to maintain that mild disrespect, because when I openly accepted her advice she became too arrogant (and as a result unhappy), because she thought it made her better than me (and women want someone better than themselves). Of course women never admit this (except maybe in bed, but then they'll admit anything, even things that aren't true), which proves yet again that they can't be trusted at saying what they like.

It's what makes online interaction with women so tiresome and why I don't text or chat generally with women that I don't know. It's like trying to sail without having a sense of which way the wind is blowing. For the periods where I used dating sites to meet women (not a big fan), I never really chatted much. I said what I liked about her, suggested a date while making clear there was some leeway and then make one or two conversation starters so she can slow things down a little but more importantly feel like there's space for her to slow things down. The day before/of the date I made sure to text a bit, because women get more nervous than men and she needs to be reassured basicly. Without doing that you waste a lot of time getting stood up. I guess it's also a kind of foreplay to the date. It's not just be reassuring, it's also throwing up a ball or two and saying one or two things where she can't be sure exactly what you mean; things to make her curious. If it was writing a book, it would be the one or two hooks to get people turning the page. It may sound gimmicky, but it works.

This whole thing reminds me of that old adage: "You can either understand women or love women, but not both". There is a truth in that. Though I think you can still love something without taking their words too seriously.

I think when you really break it down, women just respond strongly to being disrespected. It focuses a woman's attention on you, which depending on what she's like might be positive (if she's an appeaser) or negative (if she thinks she's tough). As a sidenote you don't really see the appeasers online in forums because they avoid confrontation so they either just lurk or just don't say what they disagree with, which is why women you do discuss eith online are invariably insufferable.

A negative response in person is fine, even great, because now she'll try to tear you down and then when she discovers she can't affect you the way you affect her, she realizes at a base animal level that you're stronger and better than her and she'll be subscribing to your dick in no time.

Inexperienced men might be so swept of their feet by the sexual experience that they forget that women in bed have more desire to be disrespected even than th is outside it. This how sometimes women reclaim the power through sex and it tends to make both miserable pretty quickly.

I've known one guy who related his first sexual experience of a woman pointing out his nervousness and he didn't admit it and said "it's because you're exciting me". He was kind of a natural at understanding women. It took me mistakes to learn. He knew to retain the initiative from the get go.

I feel it's kinda sleazy talking about all this and it's easily misinterpreted because it's bad advice to say "disrespect women", but just keep in mind that it's worse advice when someone says "respect women".

 

[ToroidalBoat]

despite the nation being obsessed with sex, no one is having it and actually breeding

It's likely just as planned by the powers that shouldn't be.

I also think it's a side effect of this cyberpunk dystopia. Japan has a huge problem with sexlessness too.

 

[J'mucho grando]

we live in a society

 

[Old Sun World]

Your problem stems from the feminist newage notion that women are somehow equal to men and deserve to be treated like men. Your relationships fail because you don't act like a man should and therefore you attract city trash women. How can you even hope to have intimacy with a woman that you can't even dominate in both body and soul? Women are like water and men are the containers, a woman behaves and thinks whatever you allow her to think. If a woman is bad is not her fault, its yours. I think you might be having trouble finding a good woman because you overlook their age, aim for 16-20 because anything beyond that is damaged goods even if they are somehow still virgins.