Invent a breakfast cereal -

[MAPK phosphatase]

This thread is a place to create a fictional breakfast cerial. Either write up your own or create one randomly using the tables below.

Name
Roll 1d12 twice

	First Roll	Second Roll
1	Special	Wheat
2	Frosted	Meal
3	Oat	Flakes
4	Fruity	Charms
5	Mini	Crunch
6	Honey	Crisps
7	Apple	Bran
8	Corn	Jacks
9	Raisin	Pebbles
10	Shredded	Loops
11	Lucky	Oats
12	Rice	Charms

Health
Roll 1d6

1-2	Healthy
3-4	Unhealthy, but pretends to be healthy
5-6	Unhealthy

"Health" "Benefits"
Even if the cereal is unhealthy they'll advertise some health benefit.
Roll 1d6

1	Vitamin C fortified
2	Good source of vitamin D (when eaten with milk)
3	Electrolytes
4	Excellent source of fiber
5	Will make your heart healthy
6	Has literally every vitamin and mineral you need.

Target Demographic
Roll 1d6

1	For kids
2	For adults
3	For kids that act like adults
4	For adults that act like kids
5	For those with an active lifestyle
6	For the whole family

Mascot
Roll 1d6

1	No mascot
2	Real life person/people
3	Character from a TV show (roll 1d6, if a 1 it's from a live action TV show, else it's from a cartoon)
4	Racist caricature
5	Used to be a racist caricature but was changed (roll again to see what it was changed to)
6	Anthropomorphic animal
7	Anthropomorphic animal, but furries don't want to have sex with it.

Prize
Roll 1d6, +5 if the target demographic is adults

1	Mask you cut out from the back of the box
2	Temporary Tattoo
3	Whistle
4	Toy car
5	Action figure (roll 1d6, if 1 it's articulated)
6	"Go online for your chance to win..."
7+	No prize

Advertising
Roll 1d6 three times. First is how the commercial opens, second is the middle, third is how it ends

1	Catchy Jingle
2	Feel Good message
3	Feel Bad message
4	"It's basically legal steroids"
5	"Part of any nutritious breakfast"
6	"Side effects may include..."

Market Share
Roll 2d6

2	0.5%
3	1%
4	3%
5	5%
6	10%
7	15%
8	30%
9	40%
10	50%
11	70%
12	90%

 

[Ex Cummunicated Sasser HD]

Oat Oats,
Healthy,
Excellent source of fiber,
for kids,
no mascot,
Mask you cut out from the back of the box,
feel bad message,
3% market share

So I invented porridge essentially.

 

[nohull]

Roll 1d6

7	Anthropomorphic animal, but furries don't want to have sex with it.

What did OP meant by this???

 

[Very Clever Nickname]

mini flakes
unhealthy
electrolytes
for adults who act like kids
no mascot
no prize
part of nutritious breakfast
feel good message
still part of good breakfast
50%

So kind of like a cross between frosted flakes, and powerade?

 

[Admiral Mantoid]

Shredded Pebbles
Unhealthy, but pretends to be healthy
Vitamin C fortified
For adults that act like kids
Racist caricature
Temporary Tattoo
"Side effects may include..."
1%

The name alone sounds painful.

 

[JambledUpWords]

Jelly Donut Cereal

• Mini bits of pillowy cereal filled with raspberry jelly, covered in a dusting of powdered sugar
• Definitely unhealthy
• Mascot is an anthropomorphic donut eating the donut cereal (because cannibalism is fun!)
• Slogan “is it a dessert, or is it breakfast?”
• Market share: 20% because it’s pretty much a legal form of crack
• Prize: donut scented chapstick or a color changing spoon
• Target demographic: kids 12 and under as well as influencers looking for the latest gimmick to test out on camera

 

[Lemmingwise]

Salted Fruity Foreskins

* 15% off!
* Only the healthiest of aztec descended royal line are selected for you
* With Guarana and Acerola
* No added sugars
* Koshersalted
* Send in your own foreskin and have a chance to win a prize!
* Now with temporary female foreskins for trans celebration month!

 

[Dell Conagher]

Lucky Pebbles

• Unhealthy, but pretends to be healthy
• Has literally every vitamin and mineral you need.
• For kids that act like adults
• Real life person/people
• Action figure
• "It's basically legal steroids" -> Feel Good message -> "Side effects may include..."
• Market share: 40%

 

[NewFriend]

>Corn Loops
>Healthy
>Vitamin C fortified
>For kids that act like adults
>Anthropomorphic animal
>Mask you cut out from the back of the box
>Catchy Jingle - Feel Bad message - "Part of any nutritious breakfast"
>30%
pic. related

 

[MAPK phosphatase]

Oat Oats,
Healthy,
Excellent source of fiber,
for kids,
no mascot,
Mask you cut out from the back of the box,
feel bad message,
3% market share

So I invented porridge essentially.

I was hoping someone would roll Oat Oats.