Is Barb as ColdHearted and Mean as she's made out to be? -

[TopCat]

I'm going off the back of what I feel to be a lot of hate towards Barbara as a parent and as a person. It seems to be that many believe her to be the enabler of Chris' actions, and generally just feel she's an all-round horrible person to boot.

But is she really?

Firstly, she could have easily abandoned Chris at a young age to whatever social care system was in place at the time. She could have literally left him to fend on his own but instead, looked after him regardless in a warm and safe environment surrounded by things which he liked: toys and games.

It is also clear to me that she tried to avoid making the same mistakes she did when raising Cole, that is to cause as little disruption to Christian as possible by surrounding him with stuff he liked.

She and Bob obviously had Chris' main concerns in mind when they took him out of a school they felt wasn't right for him. Bob also persuaded Chris to sign on for disability, to ensure he always had money in his pocket.

Whilst Barb perhaps has made mistakes in the past, I'm sure that she's always had Chris' best interests at heart. For example, she went with him to his prom so he wouldn't be alone. She defended Chris when the Game Place, his only means of socialisation, threw him out.

Whilst many people on here think that she is a bad person that doesn't care about Chris for whatever reason for not putting him in an institution, I think that caring for a disabled child (and adult) is an incredibly difficult thing to do, so she likely made what she felt where the best decisions at that time.

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

Brother, she is crazy, greedy, controlling and lazy.

 

[Stud2Stud]

So... where does "Leaving him for years to go out boozing with Bob" fit into all of this, then?

Edit: On second thought, it might be worthwhile to go into detail:

She and Bob obviously had Chris' main concerns in mind when they took him out of a school they felt wasn't right for him. Bob also persuaded Chris to sign on for disability, to ensure he always had money in his pocket.

Maybe they just didn't want their son to be sent to an institution since that reflects badly upon them? Also Bob set up Chris' tugboat after Chris failed to hold a Job at Wendy's (for crying out loud) for more than 2 months. If anything that's just the fatalistic acceptance of failure that is Chris in terms of employability.

Whilst Barb perhaps has made mistakes in the past, I'm sure that she's always had Chris' best interests at heart. For example, she went with him to his prom so he wouldn't be alone. She defended Chris when the Game Place, his only means of socialisation, threw him out.

She might have gone there since Chris was bitching and moaning of needing a girl to go there. Also I would seriously doubt it's a helpful/good idea to go to prom with your son. Lastly, her trying to get him unbanned could have three other (more realistic) reasons:
Chris was bitching and moaning (especially about not getting any help) until Barb was fed up and stepped in. She also seems to be rather paranoid and resentful, so she might also have had revenge in mind, since she thought the Game Place was the trolls den.
And the third reason that comes to mind: Maybe she just wanted a place Chris fucks off to, so she doesn't have to deal with him all the time.


I can't tell what kind of person she is and I'm simply not the kind of guy who would just assume someone is terrible despite a lack of knowledge. All I am trying to say is: you try to spin it in a VERY positive light. That's a nice thought to have. But nothing you named really seems like a purely selfless deed.

 

[Dr. Tremolo]

She's not as mean as she's been negligent.

 

[CWCissey]

What about the total lack of discipline?

I don't care if Chris has a disability, you discipline him when he fucking deserves it!

 

[TopCat]

So... where does "Leaving him for years to go out boozing with Bob" fit into all of this, then?

I'm not saying she hasn't made mistakes, but at least she managed to get a 'babysitter', even if said sitter turned out to be a lunatic (going by what Chris himself says). At least when Barb found out about this, she put a stop to it.

 

[Holdek]

You're setting the bar really low.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I don't think anyone believes Barb is actively malicious toward Chris. When she's not using him as a piggy bank, she seems to have his best interests in mind - as viewed through her own twisted lens. I mean, she assaulted a cop for him, for crying out loud.

 

[CatParty]

no she is actually worse than is documented

 

[Stud2Stud]

So... where does "Leaving him for years to go out boozing with Bob" fit into all of this, then?

I'm not saying she hasn't made mistakes, but at least she managed to get a 'babysitter', even if said sitter turned out to be a lunatic (going by what Chris himself says). At least when Barb found out about this, she put a stop to it.

That's just an assumption. In fact, Chris story about the shitty Babysitter being at fault for his autism might very well just be him blaming his autism on some exterior source rather than on his parents. It might have been a story Barb told him, too. We know how flakey Chris' memories are, so why should we take this ancient piece of hearsay for the unadultered truth.

 

[jemas42]

I think a lot of the reason why people have a negative view of her is due to what we learned about her from Cole. To be fair, I don't know what kind of person she is, and I certainly don't envy her having a son like Chris, but she does seem to be poor parent, and a world class enabler.

Plus, she never even threatened to cut down the Internet.

 

[Coldgrip]

I'm going off the back of what I feel to be a lot of hate towards Barbara as a parent and as a person. It seems to be that many believe her to be the enabler of Chris' actions, and generally just feel she's an all-round horrible person to boot.

But is she really?

Yes. Going by what people who have met her have said, Barb is manipulative, selfish and honestly believes that anyone not her is a sucker to be taken advantage of.

Firstly, she could have easily abandoned Chris at a young age to whatever social care system was in place at the time. She could have literally left him to fend on his own but instead, looked after him regardless in a warm and safe environment surrounded by things which he liked: toys and games.

You're right she could of just abandoned him, instead she decided that going out and boozing it up was the better parenting option. Also toys and games are no substitute for actual parenting.

It is also clear to me that she tried to avoid making the same mistakes she did when raising Cole, that is to cause as little disruption to Christian as possible by surrounding him with stuff he liked.

There's a difference between causing little disruption as possible and spoiling. Barb found it easier to ignore Chris, then when his autism became more pronounced proceeded to spoil him so no one could accuse her of being a bad parent.

She and Bob obviously had Chris' main concerns in mind when they took him out of a school they felt wasn't right for him. Bob also persuaded Chris to sign on for disability, to ensure he always had money in his pocket.

Borb was mainly concerned about how having an autistic child would reflect on them. Borb (mainly Barb if I'm not mistaken) has a huge victim complex and thought that anybody that didn't cater to their special snowflake was some sort of homosexual bully that was out to get Chris.

Whilst Barb perhaps has made mistakes in the past, I'm sure that she's always had Chris' best interests at heart. For example, she went with him to his prom so he wouldn't be alone. She defended Chris when the Game Place, his only means of socialisation, threw him out.

Just from observing her actions over the years it becomes blatantly obvious she's only thinking about herself. She went to Chris' "prom" because she was still coddling him. She defended Chris at the Game Place because that was one of the places that Borb used as a daycare center for him. She was angry that Snyder (who had at that point been given ample reason to of kicked Chris out sooner) was doing the one thing that she wouldn't do: Hold Chris responsible for his actions and make the consequences stick. Seriously, go read the article on the CWCKI about the shit Snyder had to put with from Chris. He had every reason to kick Chris out (like with all the creeping Chris did on Megan while at the Place).

Whilst many people on here think that she is a bad person that doesn't care about Chris for whatever reason for not putting him in an institution...

Barb has been a bad mother to Chris.

...I think that caring for a disabled child (and adult) is an incredibly difficult thing to do, so she made the best decisions at that time.

Except she hasn't really cared for Chris. She'd go out drinking when he was a baby and when he got older, drop him off at toy stores so she didn't have to deal with him. Really, Barb has been a shitty parent.

So I'd like to conclude with saying:

 

[Satoru182]

We only go for the little we know of her and that sketchy and wrong.

My opinion is that Barbs worst fault is being a terrible mother. That is, she wasn't cut for it, a lot of people shouldn't have children and she is the prime example.

I cant believe that someone is downright evil, not even Hitler had horns and tail. He was a charismatic and talented man who surrounded himself with a collection of talented people to, by all means, turn Germany into a glorious superpower, but ended up causing war a death to many because of his shortsightedness and hate. But in the end he was just a human being.

I apply the same to Barb, given the little we know about her, I imagine Barb as a young girl who partied too much who was a revel maybe because her parents where shitty as well. She fucked up her life in rural virginia turning into a whore, hanging out with several guys and aging to become bitter and resentful.

And the last stroke when she found a well enough guy(Bob) to get old and have their last party time was to having a unplanned tard-baby to take care of.

 

[Xarpho]

Barb needs Chris, not the other way around.

 

[Elbow-greased strongman]

I think that caring for a disabled child (and adult) is an incredibly difficult thing to do....

She disabled him. I know I mentioned it before, but one need look no further than the, "You're always pretty" video to see just how coldhearted and mean she is. She's distant, uncaring, unengaged. Take someone without ATSIMU, give them a mother like that, and they'll turn into a Chris style fuckup most of the time.

Loving, caring parents draw kids out of autism every day. Teaching them how to make their way in the world with the tools they have. Speaking to your son like he is a stranger while stuffing your face isn't one of those tools.

Chris being a font of fuckupitude isn't entirely her fault, but mostly. She may not be mean, but that Snorlax is one coldhearted bitch. There is just one person in this world who will mourn her passing, and he'll have to buy a black skirt to attend her funeral.

 

[Steve Mayers]

We don't know if Barb is a shitty person. What we do know based on both Cole, and Chris is that her parenting style leads to her children having inflated ego's. She is now co-dependent on Chris in many ways because she has alienated everyone else out of her life.

 

[drtoboggan]

Everyone else has answered this pretty well. All we really have is hearsay outside what has already been confirmed.
What we do know is that Barb is a hoarder and has some codependency issues. She also threatened to kill herself on multiple occasions. Additionally, she is a pathological liar, as shown by her relationship with Cole.
I'd call that abusive with a ton of issues.

 

[drmccoy]

Barb is a parent who has not considered her child's future in any way. She lives in the present and, perhaps, the past. She's also a hoarder, which is a legitimately a mental issue. She messed up one child already, who escaped and, despite our meaningless criticism, is doing alright for himself post-Barb.

Is she mean? I actually doubt it. The people who called about Bob's BMW had a very pleasant conversation with her. Is she manipulative? I would say yes. Marv has essentially confirmed this. She's in the twilight years of her life and she has nothing to show but a moronic son, a crumbling, infested house that will shortly be semi-habitable again and enough shit to fill King Tut's tomb twice. I would say she's selfish and her actions, of what we know, prove that.

 

[Trickie]

I don't know enough about what's gone on between them to be able to make a judgment, but I will say it's good that Chris wasn't institutionalized. I had a friend who was when they were young and let's just say it hasn't done them any favors.

 

[Stud2Stud]

There is just one person in this world who will mourn her passing, and he'll have to buy a black skirt to attend her funeral.

Somehow, that line made me feel really depressed...

Spoiler

then I realized I misread "skirt" for "shirt" and it became hilarious.

edit:

What we should really ask is this: "Did Chris experience the same 'Bizarre Scenarios' that Cole complains about; and if so, is he repressing that memory?"

It's very Weston-esque to just throw out something like the "bizarre scenarios" line and assume, everyone is going to understand just what the hell that is supposed to mean. Then again, being a quote from Cole, he might just have written that since it sounds smart or mysterious or whatever this clown thinks will impress his (three) readers.

Then again, I would like to know about these 'scenarios'. I'd say Chris was exposed to them, too, never understanding how he was manipulated...