Is Coffee the worst hot beverage of all time? -

[Just A Butt]

Coffee tastes like poo. And makes me have to poo. Also, only stupid hipsters drink coffee, and they have to load it up with syrups and creams to make it bearable meaning that coffee is probably the worst thing to put in your mouth. Everyone knows that Coke Zero is the superior hot beverage.

 

[Valhalla]

I’m personally offended. Grow up you baby and get over it! Coffee is proof of there is a god he provides for his people. I drink it black too cause I’m a purist. Coke Zero is good though. Ha

 

[A Welsh Cake]

I like cocoa

 

[Clarence]

Is semen considered a beverage?

 

[stares at error messages]

I take my coffee black. It's the only thing that should ever be nigger flavoured.

tastes like poo.

How do you know what poop tastes like?

Coffee tastes like poo. And makes me have to poo. Also, only stupid hipsters drink coffee, and they have to load it up with syrups and creams to make it bearable meaning that coffee is probably the worst thing to put in your mouth. Everyone knows that Coke Zero is the superior hot beverage.

Coke Zero has aspartame which causes caner. Coke Zero legit causes cancer.

<https://drkelley.info/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/aspertame.jpg>
Why didn't you just say you worked for big soda?

 

[Drain Todger]

Anyone who thinks coffee tastes bad is simply making it wrong. You need to go down a quick checklist.

• Is the brewing equipment clean and in proper working order?
• Are the beans a medium-roast 100% Arabica and freshly ground?
• Is the ratio of grounds to water correct?
• Is the water as close to 200 F as possible?

If the answer to all of these things is yes, then there is no reason why you should have a bad cup of coffee. Most people who think coffee is disgusting have only ever drank watery piss out of a Mr. Coffee or a Bunn commercial machine at work. They don't realize that there are several things that ruin coffee without fail.

First, dirty equipment and dirty cups. Some people hold to a myth of keeping coffee oils in their mug and using the same unwashed mug over and over. Some people never clean their drip machines and their carafes inside and out. Coffee leaves behind residual oils on basically everything it touches that will give you a bitter, burnt-tasting cup if you don't wash them off properly.

If you have cheap Robusta beans or pre-ground coffee, you'll have bitterness from the shitty cultivar (some blends use Robusta to generate more crema in espresso; this does not apply to making drip), or from oxidation of the grounds. Coffee should always be ground just before it is brewed, no earlier. Pre-ground coffee is a convenience that basically should not exist. Only coffee pods like Senseos and Keurigs are even vaguely sealed well enough to preserve them from oxidation, and even then, it's marginal. Bagged ground coffee is always oxidized trash.

Put the coffee in a clear glass and hold it up to the light. Is it transparent? Then it has too much water by far. Proper coffee is 100% opaque and almost black and cannot be seen through in the least, even before adding cream or sugar. Watery coffee is thin and bitter as shit.

If you brew below 195 F, it will be watery and bitter and under-extracted. If you brew above 205 F, you'll burn the coffee. Dark roasts are already pre-burnt from the roaster and taste like shit.

If you think coffee is garbage, try this experiment.

https://www.amazon.com/Lavazza-Coffee-Medium-Espresso-2-2-Pound/dp/B000SDO6PO/

https://www.amazon.com/AeroPress-Coffee-Espresso-Additional-Filters/dp/B002ZD3QJC/

https://www.amazon.com/HadinEEon-Variable-Temperature-Electric-Protection/dp/B07HT3FXCY

https://www.amazon.com/SHARDOR-Electric-Grinder-Removable-Stainless/dp/B07NYVDTQF

Get good quality Italian medium roast beans, an AeroPress, an adjustable temp kettle, and a spice grinder. Heat up some water to 200 F, use the spice grinder to obtain a semi-fine grind (but not too fine; it will take a LOT of force to push the plunger down), add some grounds to the bottom of the press, add water, agitate and stir the grounds and wait a few minutes, stir again, and then press it into a cup and dilute with hot water from the kettle to make Americano.

If you do this correctly, you will notice an immediate and pronounced difference between actual fucking coffee and whatever sad piss you were drinking before.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

only stupid hipsters drink coffee, and they have to load it up with syrups and creams to make it bearable meaning that coffee is probably the worst thing to put in your mouth

No. Hipsters are just not man enough to take a steaming hot cup of black liquid in the mouth.
Hate the player not the game.
Coffee is the elixir of life

 

[break these cuffs]

All hot drinks are terrible except mulled cider. Just eat some soup or put on a sweater if you're cold. Cocoa is for children. Tea is for women and Europeans. A cold brewed cup of black coffee is heaven.

 

[WeWuzFinns]

Coffee is the only drug I use regularly and it is fucking great! It is like milder coke and meth without any bad side effects.

 

[Bad Gateway]

All caffeine is for softcore addict cucks who are too pussy to be addicted to something fun and too weak to just live life.

 

[Wingnut]

Coffee is mud water, it smells great but tastes like shit.

 

[Rupert Bear]

I too have my tastes stuck at the age of 9.

 

[Dutch Courage]

Coffee tastes like poo. And makes me have to poo. Also, only stupid hipsters drink coffee, and they have to load it up with syrups and creams to make it bearable meaning that coffee is probably the worst thing to put in your mouth. Everyone knows that Coke Zero is the superior hot beverage.

It tastes better when you grow up.

 

[User names must be unique]

Bovril is the best hot non alcoholic beverage.

 

[MediocreMilt]

And makes me have to poo.

Well yeah, why do you think I like it so much?

All caffeine is for softcore addict cucks who are too pussy to be addicted to something fun and too weak to just live life.

Oh fuck off. I can be hooked on two things.

 

[Bad Gateway]

Oh fuck off. I can be hooked on two things.

The mentality of weakness.

 

[Easterling]

i dont even drink hot drinks fullstop. dunno why i just find cold drinks more refreshing.

 

[Neil]

kill yourself what a horrible question
Here's a better one: how could anyone, even the most degenerate of degenerates not like coffee?

 

[Just A Butt]

How do you know what poop tastes like?

nigger flavoured

 

[lowenergy]

This is coming from someone that thinks Coke Zero is an acceptable “hot” beverage, so all further opinions are invalidated.
Seriously, though, coffee (especially when poorly made) does taste pretty bad at first. It is, like many things, an acquired taste. If you find a good roaster/barista, or try different kinds of coffee (cold-brew, espresso, light/dark) you might be surprised at how delicious it can be.