In the same boat, and I think the bridge between the sexes and communication is growing larger.I struggle with that I confess.
As for porn, if I want to watch porn as in a video of people fucking, I like the stuff that presents real couples doing it, as opposed to paid performers, basically I think the more "reality" there is in porn the healthier it is to consume, the more it presents real passion, the more you see women having real orgasms with no "acting" involved and so on, the better is as opposed to carefully constructed artifice.
I also personally simply find that sexier and more of a turn on.
EDIT: For example I have this.... documentary from 2004 called "Orgasm: The Faces of Ecstasy" which is simply close ups of people's faces as they have real orgasms.
There's this one segment of this middle aged lady, not unattractive but definitely older, far from "porn star" material and it just shows her as her husband does... something to her (not sure what exactly, since it's not shown) and she just totally loses it as she cums.
That is way sexier to me than any number of "Brazzers" or whatever type crap.
I feel like the Brazzers type of stuff is made to be easier to jack off to, while the amateur stuff is better for analyzing. With amateur, it's more intimate, arousing, and interesting, but it's long. Brazzers type of stuff is 4K HD VR trailers where you can quickly get your nut and go (unless you want the whole film)