Is there a point in online dating? - Incels gather here

[wtfNeedSignUp]

I don't think I'm blowing anyone's mind by saying that online dating is a soul destroying experience. Whether the dating sites/apps are built as casino Slot Machines to put the majority of users with "near wins" to get them to spend money, or it's a case of survivor's bias where the majoirity of female users (can't speak about the men) are incapable of basic communication, even when you find a partner it rarely lasts more than few dates. So I'm starting to wonder if it won't be best to just try to pick up girls irl where at least there is a person on the other side.
What are your takes on online dating?

 

[The Last Stand]

If you're on a dating site, chances are the people on the same site are single and looking for somebody.

It makes it easier with that regard.

 

[Thumb Butler]

Online dating can be dangerous. I was murdered after one of my dates, and here I am - trapped in purgatory.

 

[AverageAnimeWatcher]

There have been cases where online dating has been so successful, it has even lead to marriage. But overall it's a poor choice.

For a successful long term relationship, you need to learn the nasty side of your partner. Those flaws we all have. It's very easy to show yourself as an "idealized" version of yourself and hide things that would destroy the relationship.

Maybe your partner is hiding from you a hoarding/drug addiction or a mental illness, or an anger issue, that you simply couldn't stand, and won't notice because that will never show up in a chat while you make jokes and share emojis.

In a relationship, you get both the very best and worst a person. Those things, you can only figure out by actually meeting that person IRL.

Online can be a good starting point for some, but eventually, you need to actually meet that person IRL, if you actually want to form a healthy long term relationship.

 

[HeyItsHarveyMacClout]

It depends on who you are. If you’re 19 and in a college town, go for it. You’ll likely find a hookup at the least. If you trying to find the love of your life, I doubt you’ll get that on the internet.

 

[Megaroad 2012]

Made it easier to stalk my husband when we first started dating seven years ago when I stumbled upon his old okcupid I guess?

 

[wtfNeedSignUp]

There have been cases where online dating has been so successful, it has even lead to marriage. But overall it's a poor choice.

For a successful long term relationship, you need to learn the nasty side of your partner. Those flaws we all have. It's very easy to show yourself as an "idealized" version of yourself and hide things that would destroy the relationship.

Maybe your partner is hiding from you a hoarding/drug addiction or a mental illness, or an anger issue, that you simply couldn't stand, and won't notice because that will never show up in a chat while you make jokes and share emojis.

In a relationship, you get both the very best and worst a person. Those things, you can only figure out by actually meeting that person IRL.

Online can be a good starting point for some, but eventually, you need to actually meet that person IRL, if you actually want to form a healthy long term relationship.

I meant online dating as hooking up to the other person online before meeting, not in a sense of only talking on the internet and never meeting.

 

[Mariposa Colorado]

Online dating is mostly for finding easy sexual encounters. If that is what you want i'd say, put on protection and go for it.
But it's obviously (imo) not a good enough tool to find real love.
I know a handful of people who found lasting love to this day via the internet but they found eachother (and i'm not kidding) on youtube or twitter or a hobbyforum.
I'd love to find something like that! But it's like winning the lottery.
I would go for picking up girls irl for now, wtfNeedSignUp. See how it goes. If it really doens't get anywhere you can form another plan.

 

[crocodilian]

The only reliable way to forge a meaningful relationship is to take up a hobby (or several) and happen to meet people of the opposite sex who also enjoy your hobby.

 

[heyilikeyourmom]

I get what I want out of it.

 

[A Cardboard Box]

Compared to what? Trolling the bar.

Don't mistake the role of online dating. It isn't going to or meant to replace those chance meetings with someone where you feel that storybook connection and live happily ever after. Online dating is meant to be an alternative to trolling the bar for pussy or cock.

Go back 30 years before everyone was on Tinder or PoF and people were bitching about meeting partners at the bar instead of fucking your secretary like a good boomer.

People just need to be realistic.

 

[Spl00gies]

It can work. If things start to get serious, sift through their entire internet history to make sure they have no history of being a cow, a furry or a creep.

 

[Pineapple Fox]

Kiwifarms dating app when

 

[hexonxonx]

Tbh I'd rather meet someone online than in a bar or something. It's much easier to check people out that way. They tend to fall for the same pitfalls many do in using the same name for everything. Plus reverse Google image search works wonders. One time years ago I was on a dating site and this dude and I were talking and about to set up a date. I always did a little research first and gave the info to friends in case anything happened. Well this motherfucker. In his 30's mind you. I find his fb and at first it seems generic. Then I notice something with his friends. Almost all of them were teenage girls. At least over half. Not as in barely legal teenagers. 13-16 year olds. That are leaving comments on his pictures about how 'omg cyuuuute' he was.

Later I texted him and told him I wasn't interested anymore since he seems like a possible pedo. You know how he responded? I shit you not his first reply was "WHO TOLD YOU?" then "It was Tiffany, wasn't it?" Went back to his profile, found Tiffany. A 14 year old. He started offering all this weird info about how Tiffany was a lying cunt and he'd given her a stern talking to before. I'm just between horrified and amused at this point. Then he goes the fuck off about how I'm not even that hot anyway and it's sad because we would have been so good together. Then he sent me pictures of his ex and says "She's way hotter than you". Okay? lol 5 minutes later "It's just sad because we really would be good together and you should give me another chance."

Now see, if I'd met this guy out somewhere there's no telling how long before I would have even discovered any of this.

 

[The Fool]

Tbh I'd rather meet someone online than in a bar or something. It's much easier to check people out that way. They tend to fall for the same pitfalls many do in using the same name for everything. Plus reverse Google image search works wonders. One time years ago I was on a dating site and this dude and I were talking and about to set up a date. I always did a little research first and gave the info to friends in case anything happened. Well this motherfucker. In his 30's mind you. I find his fb and at first it seems generic. Then I notice something with his friends. Almost all of them were teenage girls. At least over half. Not as in barely legal teenagers. 13-16 year olds. That are leaving comments on his pictures about how 'omg cyuuuute' he was.

Later I texted him and told him I wasn't interested anymore since he seems like a possible pedo. You know how he responded? I shit you not his first reply was "WHO TOLD YOU?" then "It was Tiffany, wasn't it?" Went back to his profile, found Tiffany. A 14 year old. He started offering all this weird info about how Tiffany was a lying cunt and he'd given her a stern talking to before. I'm just between horrified and amused at this point. Then he goes the fuck off about how I'm not even that hot anyway and it's sad because we would have been so good together. Then he sent me pictures of his ex and says "She's way hotter than you". Okay? lol 5 minutes later "It's just sad because we really would be good together and you should give me another chance."

Now see, if I'd met this guy out somewhere there's no telling how long before I would have even discovered any of this.

I'm not lying, my ex is a lot hotter than you.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

It depends on who you are. If you’re 19 and in a college town, go for it. You’ll likely find a hookup at the least. If you trying to find the love of your life, I doubt you’ll get that on the internet.

You're unlikely to find the love of your life anywhere. The vast majority of relationships end.

 

[Consenticles]

Met my current SO playing tf2, of all games.

To clarify, we were both over 18 at the time. Because I dont want anyone thinking I'm a pedo

 

[W00K #17]

I mean maybe it's not the best way to find someone to spend the rest of your life with, but I've used online dating with success in the past as a minimal effort way to get laid. Single moms over 30 are especially easy pickings.

 

[queerape]

Look up Akerlof's market for lemons. In a market for lemons, information asymmetry between sellers and buyers causes the market to be flooded with poor quality product, until the market crashes. In this case, the sellers know more about their product than buyer, they know if they are selling a quality product (a peach), or a bad product (lemon). The buyers have no way of knowing what they are going to get, so they settle on an average price between that of the more expensive peach and the cheaper lemon. Because the price is set at average, those with peaches have to sell at a lot, while those with lemons profit. Over time, those with peaches leave the market, while those wth lemons stay in, so the average price goes down and teh overall quality does too, driving buyers out. It becomes apositive feedback loop, until the market is overrun with lemons and crashes,

Are there conditions for OLD to become a market for lemons? Yes, and by and large it has. Do the people posting their profiles know more on if they are a high quality mate?Yes, they do, as you can put anything on their profile and you won't know you've been catfished until the first date. Is there no honest signal of quality? Yes, because in most cases you have no way to verify what they mean on their profile. Say you are a decent quality mate, and you connect with someone, and they turn out to be shitty. This disincentivizes you from continuing, but since that shitty person got an upgrade for you, they stick around as they thik they can do better for themselves. This is why Tinder, OkC and a lot of other free dating sites have gone to shit. That's why it seems no matter how you try all you find are bitchy, obese, bluehaired cat ladies with a gaggle of children/ scraggly fedora'd unemployed pothead neckbeards. It has nothing to do with you, all of the kind, intelligent, slim, beautiful fair maidens/handsome, well groomed, gainfully employed, stable gentlemen have long since packed their bags having the same problem you did.

So, is online dating bound to crash? Yes and no. Free online dating, yes. With no barrier to entry there can be no honest signal of quality. But, if there is a payment, or any other barrier to entry (Ie an invitation), there can be an honest signal of quality, so high quality mates are incentivized to participate while low quality ones are kept out. Notice how tinder and bumble have introduced premium subscriptions and are icnreasingly relying on them. This is the only way they can survive being overrun by lemons. People may also respond by going back to basics: meetups through mutual friends and in real life, which can have more honest signals on both ends.

 

[Your Weird Fetish]

Look up Akerlof's market for lemons. In a market for lemons, information asymmetry between sellers and buyers causes the market to be flooded with poor quality product, until the market crashes. In this case, the sellers know more about their product than buyer, they know if they are selling a quality product (a peach), or a bad product (lemon). The buyers have no way of knowing what they are going to get, so they settle on an average price between that of the more expensive peach and the cheaper lemon. Because the price is set at average, those with peaches have to sell at a lot, while those with lemons profit. Over time, those with peaches leave the market, while those wth lemons stay in, so the average price goes down and teh overall quality does too, driving buyers out. It becomes apositive feedback loop, until the market is overrun with lemons and crashes,

Are there conditions for OLD to become a market for lemons? Yes, and by and large it has. Do the people posting their profiles know more on if they are a high quality mate?Yes, they do, as you can put anything on their profile and you won't know you've been catfished until the first date. Is there no honest signal of quality? Yes, because in most cases you have no way to verify what they mean on their profile. Say you are a decent quality mate, and you connect with someone, and they turn out to be shitty. This disincentivizes you from continuing, but since that shitty person got an upgrade for you, they stick around as they thik they can do better for themselves. This is why Tinder, OkC and a lot of other free dating sites have gone to shit. That's why it seems no matter how you try all you find are bitchy, obese, bluehaired cat ladies with a gaggle of children/ scraggly fedora'd unemployed pothead neckbeards. It has nothing to do with you, all of the kind, intelligent, slim, beautiful fair maidens/handsome, well groomed, gainfully employed, stable gentlemen have long since packed their bags having the same problem you did.

So, is online dating bound to crash? Yes and no. Free online dating, yes. With no barrier to entry there can be no honest signal of quality. But, if there is a payment, or any other barrier to entry (Ie an invitation), there can be an honest signal of quality, so high quality mates are incentivized to participate while low quality ones are kept out. Notice how tinder and bumble have introduced premium subscriptions and are icnreasingly relying on them. This is the only way they can survive being overrun by lemons. People may also respond by going back to basics: meetups through mutual friends and in real life, which can have more honest signals on both ends.

Who is the buyer and who is the seller here?