• :julay:

ITT: Copy & Paste a Movie Synopsis from wikipedia and replace the characters with Kiwi Farms UsersLet's put ourselves in the movies

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Somari1996, Nov 13, 2017.

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  1. If I don't get temp banned for this shit, then I am truly the unbannable Kiwi.

    Semi-retired porn star @Jon-Kacho lives with his wife, @Big Nasty, and six-year-old son, @DeagleBoipussy420. His brother, @John Furrman, a corrupt police officer, is attracted to Big Nasty and is jealous of Jon-Kacho's sexual prowess. Big Nasty is curious about her husband's past and is concerned about the family's income. @Feline Darkmage, a former co-star, offers Jon-Kacho a starring role in an art film directed by @Kiwi Jeff, an independent pornographer, who wishes to cast Jon-Kacho for his powerful erection. Having already caught DeagleBoipussy420 watching one of his films and unaware of the details of Kiwi Jeff's film, Jon-Kacho is hesitant to participate and continue his career, but accepts to secure his family's financial future. While meeting Kiwi Jeff, Jon-Kacho passes a bald man and his entourage, regarding them warily.

    Filming begins at an orphanage, where Kiwi Jeff feeds Jon-Kacho instructions through an earpiece given by Kiwi Jeff's driver, @cumrobbery, while a film crew follows him. Jon-Kacho sees a young woman being physically abused and scolded by her mother, having disgraced her deceased war hero husband's memory by becoming a prostitute. In a dark room, screens show @ShavedSheep seductively eating an ice pop, while Jon-Kacho is fellated by a nurse. Then, Jon-Kacho is instructed to receive fellatio from the mother, while ShavedSheep watches. Jon-Kacho refuses, but is forced to continue. John Furrman later informs him that Kiwi Jeff is a former psychologist and has worked in children's television and state security. Jon-Kacho meets with Kiwi Jeff, announcing that he is retiring and dropping out of the film, but Kiwi Jeff explains to a hesitant Jon-Kacho his artistic style of pornography, showing a film of a woman giving birth to a newborn baby, which is then immediately raped by cumrobbery. The disgusted and horrified Jon-Kacho storms out and drives away as Kiwi Jeff boasts to him that this is "a new genre" and that he terms it as "newborn porn". At a road junction, being in a disturbed state of mind, he is approached and seduced by an attractive woman who, unbeknownst to him, is Kiwi Jeff's female doctor.

    A bloodied Jon-Kacho wakes up in his bed the next morning with no memory of what has happened. He returns to the now abandoned set and finds a number of tapes. Viewing them, Jon-Kacho discovers that he was drugged to induce an aggressive, sexually aroused, and suggestible state. At Kiwi Jeff's manipulative direction, Jon-Kacho beat and decapitated ShavedSheep's mother while raping her and was later raped by one of the guards. He then watches footage of Feline Darkmage voicing concern for Jon-Kacho to Kiwi Jeff, stating that she is quitting and taking Jon-Kacho with her. A bloodied Feline Darkmage is then shown restrained, with a blood puddle and several teeth in the floor right in front of her. A masked man appears and she is forced to fellate him, suffocating her to death. The footage continues as Jon-Kacho is led to ShavedSheep's home, where an elderly woman praises him for killing ShavedSheep's mother, laments about ShavedSheep's father dying before he "made her a woman", and offers ShavedSheep as a "virgin commune". Jon-Kacho refuses, threatens to cut off his penis with a knife, and escapes through a window. After wandering the streets for a while, he ends up huddling in an alleyway, where he watches as a teenage girl passes by while being tailed by a pair of thugs. He begins masturbating and is assaulted by the thugs before they are killed by cumrobbery, who along with Kiwi Jeff takes Jon-Kacho to a warehouse.

    At the warehouse, Kiwi Jeff's doctor administers more drugs to Jon-Kacho, who in an angry outburst sticks a syringe into her neck, rendering her unconscious from the overdose. He is then taken into a big room, where he is conducted to have intercourse with two hidden bodies placed under sheets and with bags on their heads. Jon-Kacho furiously begins penetrating them while keeping them restrained, and as he swaps from one onto the other, the masked man from Feline Darkmage's film enters and begins raping the first. Kiwi Jeff then reveals the masked man to be John Furrman, his victim to be Big Nasty, and finally, that Jon-Kacho is raping DeagleBoipussy420. At this moment, the agonizing female doctor enters the room, with her crotch entirely covered in blood and a bloody pipe on her hand, attracting everyone's attention before collapsing dead. Snapping, an enraged Jon-Kacho lunges at Kiwi Jeff and repeatedly smashes his head against the floor, initiating a brawl during which Big Nasty bites off a piece of John Furrman's neck, then bludgeons him to death with a sculpture. Jon-Kacho wrestles with the guards and seizes one of their guns, shooting both of them and injuring the one-eyed cumrobbery, whom he kills by ramming his erect penis into his empty eye socket. During all of this, a dying Kiwi Jeff praises Jon-Kacho's actions as truly worthy of cinema.

    Jon-Kacho, having recalled his actions up to that point, including locking his wife and son in their basement before passing out earlier, smashes John Furrman's head with the sculpture in a fit of impotence and despair, before returning home to find both of them in shock, with DeagleBoipussy420 totally unresponsive. After coping with the matter for hours, Jon-Kacho and his wife ultimately agree, in silence, that they and their son should die together, so the three gather in bed and embrace before Jon-Kacho fires a fatal shot through himself, DeagleBoipussy420 and Big Nasty. Sometime later, a new film crew, including the bald man from the beginning of the film, is shown recording in the bedroom. One of the security guards begins to unzip his pants and @Marjan Šiklić, the unnamed bald man, advises him to "start with the faggot".
     
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    #41 Broseph Stalin, Nov 14, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
    Broseph Stalin

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  2. FBI Special Agent @Sanae Kochiya survives an assassination attempt by freelance domestic terrorist and homicidal sociopath @Sanae is a slut, but the bullet penetrates @Sanae Kochiya's chest and strikes her son @autisticdragonkin, killing the boy.


    Six years later, @Sanae Kochiya's vendetta against @Sanae is a slut culminates in his team's ambush of @Sanae is a slut and her younger brother/accomplice @MehicTUH_92 at Los Angeles International Airport. @Sanae is a slut goads @Sanae Kochiya with knowledge of a bomb located somewhere in the city set to go off in a few days, but she is knocked into a coma before @Sanae Kochiya can learn more.


    @Sanae Kochiya affirms the threat is real, but is unable to convince @MehicTUH_92 to reveal where the bomb is located. At suggestion of her partner @Bones and Special Ops specialist @Dr W, @Sanae Kochiya secretly undergoes a highly experimental face transplant procedure by @Dr. Meme (Colm Feore) to take on @Sanae is a slut's face and appearance. @Sanae Kochiya is taken to the same high-security prison where @MehicTUH_92 is being held, and slowly convinces @MehicTUH_92 that she is @Sanae is a slut, gaining information on the bomb's location. Meanwhile, @Sanae is a slut awakens from her coma prematurely and discovers her face missing. she calls his gang, and they force @Dr. Meme to transplant @Sanae Kochiya's face onto her.


    @Sanae is a slut visits the prison and surprises @Sanae Kochiya. she taunts her nemesis with how she burned down @Dr. Meme's lab with @Dr. Meme, @Bones and @Dr W inside to eliminate all the evidence of their transplant and will take over @Sanae Kochiya's life. she leaves @Sanae Kochiya to languish while she convinces @MehicTUH_92 to "reveal" the bomb's location in exchange for release from prison. Disarming her bomb in a dramatic fashion, @Sanae is a slut-as-@Sanae Kochiya gains respect from @Sanae Kochiya's fellow FBI colleagues. @Sanae is a slut gets close to @Sanae Kochiya's family that @Sanae Kochiya neglected over her vendetta: she romances her husband @cumrobbery and rescues her daughter @Somari1996 from an attempted rapist.


    @Sanae Kochiya escapes after staging a riot, and retreats to @Sanae is a slut's headquarters. There, @Sanae Kochiya meets @Wildchild, the sister of @Sanae is a slut's primary drug kingpin, and her son @atm who reminds @Sanae Kochiya of @autisticdragonkin. @Sanae Kochiya learns that @atm is @Sanae is a slut's son, whom she once had planned to put under foster care. @Sanae is a slut learns of @Sanae Kochiya's escape and hastily assembles a team to raid his headquarters. The raid quickly turns into a bloodbath, killing numerous FBI agents and several members of @Sanae is a slut's gang, including @MehicTUH_92; @Sanae Kochiya, @Wildchild, and @atm are able to escape. @Sanae Kochiya's supervisor, Director @Alan Pardew blames @Sanae is a slut for the numerous slayings. @Sanae is a slut, furious over @MehicTUH_92's death, kills @Alan Pardew and makes it look like a heart attack. @Sanae is a slut-as- @Sanae Kochiya is promoted to Acting Director as plans are made for @Alan Pardew s funeral.


    @Sanae Kochiya finds safety for @Wildchild and @atm and approaches @cumrobbery. She persuades him to take a sample of @Sanae is a slut's blood and her own to compare their blood types at the hospital where he works to prove he is @Sanae Kochiya. Convinced of his wife's identity, he tells him that @Sanae is a slut will be vulnerable at @Alan Pardew's funeral. At the ceremony, @Sanae Kochiya finds that @Sanae is a slut has anticipated her actions and takes @cumrobbery hostage. @Wildchild arrives, and a gunfight ensues; @Wildchild manages to save @cumrobbery after taking a bullet. Before she dies, @Sanae Kochiya promises to take care of @atm for her and not allow him to grow up with a life of crime.


    @Sanae is a slut flees the church with @Sanae Kochiya pursuing him. After killing two more federal agents, @Sanae is a slut briefly takes @Somari1996 hostage, but she escapes by stabbing her with a butterfly knife @Sanae is a slut ironically gave her earlier for self-defense. A speedboat chase ensues wherein @Sanae Kochiya forces @Sanae is a slut to shore by collision, then bests @Sanae is a slut in a melee fight. @Sanae is a slut mutilates her/@Sanae Kochiya's face to taunt him, but @Sanae Kochiya kills @Sanae is a slut with a spear gun. Backup agents arrive and address @Sanae Kochiya by name, having been convinced by @cumrobbery of @Sanae Kochiya's true identity. After the face transplant surgery is undone, @Sanae Kochiya returns home, adopting @atm into her family and keeping her promise to @Wildchild
     
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    #42 Somari1996, Nov 14, 2017
    Last edited: Nov 14, 2017
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  3. damn now i want to see a kiwi movie unironically
     
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    DrainRedRain

    DrainRedRain Pile Sperg Upon Sperg
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  4. This all sounds like stuff I'd do tbh.
     
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    Jon-Kacho

    Jon-Kacho levvd
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  5. I like how I hold all of your lives in my hands in this movie. }:P
     
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    scorptatious

    scorptatious is just fine again today
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  6. In the aftermath of a massive economic recession, the authoritarian government has passed the BR Act as a means of population control. American middle school student @Ntwadumela copes with life after his father's suicide. Meanwhile, schoolmate @Meowthkip is the only student regularly attending class 3-B. Their teacher, @Null , resigns after being wounded by another student.

    One year later, class 3-B takes a field trip, but they are gassed, fitted with electronic collars, and sent to a "briefing room" in a school building on a remote island. Surrounded by JSDF soldiers, Null explains that the class has been chosen to participate in the annual Battle Royale as a result of the BR Act. A cheerful orientation video instructs the class: they have three days to kill each other until only one remains. The explosive collars will kill any uncooperative students or those within daily "danger zones". Null kills two students, @Super Collie and @Broseph Stalin (Ntwadumela's best friend and Null's attacker), for horseplay. Each student is provided rations, water, a map of the island, compass, and a weapon ranging in efficiency from firearms to a paper fan.

    The first six hours see twelve deaths, four by suicide, and most caused by the desperate, psychotic @c-no and psychopathic volunteer @Oglooger, who soon become the most dangerous players. A transfer student, @Jaimas, deliberately lets Ntwadumela go, while basketball player @DrainRedRain plots to hack into the military's computer system to disrupt the Program. Amid shifting loyalties and violent confrontations, Ntwadumela promises to keep Meowthkip safe, because his friend secretly loved her. Ntwadumela carries Meowthkip to a clinic after she collapses, where they encounter Jaimas, who reveals that he won a previous Battle Royale at the cost of his girlfriend, @Sable, whose death he seeks to avenge. When Oglooger attacks, Ntwadumela entrusts Jaimas to protect Meowthkip and runs off as a distraction. Although saved by @KidKitty , a martial artist looking for @Jon-Kacho , Ntwadumela is wounded.

    Ntwadumela awakens in the island's lighthouse, bandaged by female class representative @Yaoi Huntress Earth , who has a crush on him. Five other girls from her clique have also been hiding out in the building, including @Cosmos, who attempts to poison Ntwadumela out of fear for @Alan Pardew who she saw die and believes that Ntwadumela had killed him, only for @DirkBloodStormKing to accidentally eat the food. Cosmos is the only survivor of the ensuing shootout; horrified, she apologizes to Ntwaduemla and commits suicide. Ntwadumela returns to Meowthkip and Jaimas, and they set out to find DrainRedRain. Meanwhile, c-no and Oglooger, the two deadliest students, face off, ending with Oglooger killing c-no. Of the seven students remaining, all except Oglooger are attempting to subvert the game. DrainRedRain and two others, @Gym Leader Elesa and @Loxiozzz , infiltrate the military's computer system, but Ogloogerkills them. When Jaimas, Meowthkip and Ntwadumela arrive at the hackers' burning base, Jaimas confronts and kills Oglooger, who had been blinded by an explosion rigged by DrainRedRain as she was killed.

    On the morning of the final day, Jaimas, aware of the collars' internal microphones, seemingly kills Ntwadumela and Meowthkip. Suspicious, Null ends the game and dismisses the troops, intent on personally killing the supposed victor. Null realizes that Jaimas had hacked into the game's system months beforehand, and has now disabled Ntwadumela and Meowthkip's tracking devices. The three survivors confront Null in the headquarters, and he unveils a disturbing homemade painting of the massacred class that depicts Meowthkip as sole survivor. He reveals that he was unable to bear the hatred between him and his students, having been rejected by his daughter. He confesses that he always thought of Meowthkip as a daughter and asks her to kill him, but Ntwadumela shoots Null after he threatens Meowthkip with a gun. As he falls, Null shoots, revealing the gun to be a water pistol. Before he dies, Null's daughter calls him, and after a brief argument, he shoots the phone with an actual gun.

    Ntwadumela, Meowthkip and Jaimas leave the island on a boat, but Jaimas dies from injuries sustained in his gunfight with Oglooger, happy that in the end, he "found true friends". Ntwadumela and Meowthkip are declared fugitive murderers, and are last seen on the run in the direction of the Colebrookdale Railroad. Meowthkip gives Ntwadumela a Seto Dragon Claw balisong butterfly knife before they run off together.
     
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    c-no

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    Super Collie

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  7. wow

    Never thought I'd end up as the Noriko in this scenario.
     
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    Meowthkip

    Meowthkip I MAKE MONEY OFF OF THE LASAGNA I EAT!
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  8. @CatParty is an overweight and free-spirited orange cat who lives with his owner, @Flowers For Sonichu. @CatParty passes his time by antagonizing @Flowers For Sonichu and teasing an aggressive neighbor dog, @Y2K Baby. Aside from @Flowers For Sonichu, @CatParty maintains an unlikely friendship with a helpful alligator, @Kiwi Jeff. He also socializes with his fellow neighborhood cats, including @CatParty's stooge @Meowthkip and @Feline Darkmage.


    Meanwhile, a local television host, @AnOminous, known for his cat "@Catetive" is introduced as supposedly a happy man. In reality he is allergic to cats, jealous of his brother @John Furrman., a news reporter, and destined to be more successful by performing on TV show Good Day New York. @Flowers For Sonichu has made a habit of bringing @CatParty to the veterinarian, in order to see vet Dr. @Tempest (whom he is in love with). @Flowers For Sonichu tries to ask her out, but due to a misunderstanding, he is given custody of a stray dog, @The Fool. Regardless, @Flowers For Sonichu and @Tempest begin dating. @CatParty is jealous of @The Fool and tries to get rid of him. @The Fool is brought to a canine talent show, where @Tempest is a judge. @CatParty gets involved in an altercation there with other animals, which moves @The Fool to the center of the ring, where he begins dancing to "Hey Mama" by the Black Eyed Peas.


    His improvised performance is a hit. @AnOminous, who also is a judge of the dog show is impressed with @The Fool, and offers @Flowers For Sonichu a television deal for @The Fool, but @Flowers For Sonichu declines. When @CatParty comes back, he accidentally hits the ball and causing it to destroy @Flowers For Sonichu's house by making this a huge mess, and @Flowers For Sonichu finds out that the mess and blame was by @CatParty. @Flowers For Sonichu makes him sleep outside for one night. @CatParty sadly sings ("New Dog State of Mind"). When @The Fool comes out to comfort @CatParty, he gets inside and locks @The Fool out. @Meowthkip and @Feline Darkmage witness this as @The Fool runs away; he is then picked up by an elderly woman named Mrs. @Deadpool. @Flowers For Sonichu searches with @Tempest for @The Fool while the neighborhood animals accuses @CatParty for locking @The Fool out and making him run away, last night. Meanwhile, @AnOminous and his assistant @Ntwadumela find a notice Mrs. @Deadpool created of @The Fool and, recognizing the lucrative possibilities, claim @The Fool as @AnOminous's own.


    When @CatParty sees @The Fool on television and hears @AnOminous announce he and @The Fool are going to New York City, @CatParty sets out to rescue @The Fool. @Flowers For Sonichu discovers @CatParty missing so @Flowers For Sonichu and @Tempest start searching. @CatParty gets into the broadcast tower via the air vents but he is blown around violently. @CatParty finds @The Fool locked in a room; @AnOminous enters and secures a shock collar to @The Fool, which, when activated, releases an electric discharge that forces him to perform tricks.


    @AnOminous heads for the train station with @CatParty in close pursuit. However, an animal control officer catches @CatParty mistaking him as a runaway. Mrs. @Deadpool tells @Flowers For Sonichu that @AnOminous took @The Fool, making him believe @CatParty was taken by @AnOminous too and he and @Tempest race to Telegraph Tower and then to the train station, after learning @AnOminous has left. @CatParty is released from the pound by @AnOminous's abandoned feline star, @Catetive, who is really named Sir @cat. @AnOminous boards a Texas-bound train, with @The Fool in the luggage car. @CatParty arrives only to see the train depart. @CatParty sneaks into the train system control room and frantically switches the tracks, leading to an impending train wreck. @CatParty hits an emergency control and causes @AnOminous/@The Fool's train to return to the station. @CatParty frees @The Fool and they exit the train. However, @AnOminous chases them. @AnOminous threatens @The Fool with the shock collar, but is stopped by @CatParty's friends and animals from the pound, led by Sir @cat. They swarm and attack @AnOminous, allowing @The Fool and @CatParty to escape.


    The shock collar is now on @AnOminous who gets shocked. @Flowers For Sonichu and @Tempest arrive to reclaim the animals and find @AnOminous disoriented. @Flowers For Sonichu punches @AnOminous in the face for stealing "both" his pets, and leaves with @Tempest and the two animals. @AnOminous is arrested for his supposed involvement with the trains, as well as for abducting @The Fool. @CatParty regains the respect of his animal friends as a hero. Back at home, @Tempest and @Flowers For Sonichu form a relationship, and @CatParty learnt his lesson about friendship.
     
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  9. Bark bark.
     
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    Y2K Baby

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  10. The film follows the adventures of @AnOminous (Arkın) and @Curt Sibling (Akkaya), whose spaceships crash on a desert planet following a battle, shown by using footage from Star Wars as well as Soviet and American space program newsreel clips. While hiking across the desert, they speculate that the planet is inhabited only by women. Curt Sibling does his wolf whistle, which he uses on attractive women. However, he blows the wrong whistle and they are attacked by skeletons on horseback, which they defeat in hand-to-hand combat. The main villain soon shows up and captures the heroes, bringing them to his gladiatorial arena so they can fight. The villain tells them he is actually from Earth and is a 1,000-year-old wizard. He tried to defeat Earth, but was always repelled by a "shield of concentrated human brain molecules", which looks like the Death Star from Star Wars. The only way he can bypass this impenetrable defense is to use a human brain against it. The heroes escape and hide in a cave full of refugees who already fled the villain's tyrannical rule. AnOminousdevelops a romantic connection with the only woman there (Uçar), who looks after the children. (The implied romance is shown through many long eye-contacts and smiles from the girl, but nothing more.) Zombies of the dark lord attack the cave and turn several of the children into zombies, their blood used to renew the evil wizard's immortality. The three then flee the cave and find a local bar, lifted directly from Star Wars (the Mos Eisley Cantina). The two men quickly get into a bar brawl, but the villain suddenly appears and captures them again.

    The wizard separates the men and tries to convince them to join him. He sends his queen to seduce Curt Sibling, while he orders AnOminous to be brought before him. He offers AnOminous the chance to rule over the earth and stars if he joins him. He possesses the power of Earth's ancestry in the form of a golden brain, and all he needs to conquer Earth is a real human brain. After AnOminous declines, the wizard shows that he has the woman and child in captivity. Enraged, AnOminous fights the wizard's monsters and skeleton guardians. Meanwhile, monsters attack Curt Sibling when he is about to kiss the queen. He defeats the monsters and joins AnOminous'sfight. They are both disabled by laser-armed guards and then unsuccessfully tortured by the wizard. Finally, the wizard pits AnOminous against a giant monster in the arena. AnOminous defeats the monster and flees, taking the woman and the child with him. Curt Sibling is left in captivity.

    AnOminous finds out about a sword made by "the 13th clan," who melted a mountain thousands of "space years" ago. AnOminous later finds this sword, shaped like a lightning bolt, in a cave defended by two golden ninjas. He takes the sword after dispatching the guards in an uncharacteristically short fight. Renewed by the sword's power, AnOminous goes to free his friend from the sorcerer's dungeon. However, Curt Sibling becomes envious of the sword, knocks out AnOminous and takes both the sword and the golden brain. The wizard then uses trickery and deceit to make Curt Sibling hand over the artifacts. Having touched these items, the wizard now has increased powers and traps AnOminous, Curt Sibling, the woman and the child. Curt Sibling is killed in a foolish attempt to escape.

    Grief-stricken, AnOminous decides to melt down the golden sword and the golden human brain and forge them into a pair of gauntlets and boots. Equipped with magical gloves and super-jumping boots, he searches for the sorcerer to avenge his friend's death. After fighting numerous monsters and skeletons, he comes face-to-face with his nemesis and karate chops him in half. He then leaves the planet for Earth in a ship that greatly resembles the Millennium Falcon.
     
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    c-no

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  11. This one's for you @A Hot Pizza

    @Kiwi Jeff and @Somari1996 live in the city of CWCville with their mother, @bearycool. @bearycool works for neat-freak @Alan Pardew, and is hosting an office party at her house. One day, she is called back to the office, leaving the kids with Mrs. Kwan, a tired babysitter, and forbidding them to enter the living room, which is being kept pristine for the upcoming party. @bearycool is also dating their next-door neighbor, @Null, much to @Kiwi Jeff's dismay. @Null is constantly on the lookout for any mischief @Kiwi Jeff may be up to, as he wants nothing more than to send him away to military school, as @Kiwi Jeff has earned the reputation of "hot-headed trouble-maker", while his sister is characterized as "perfect and well-behaved".


    Once their mother leaves, @Somari1996 and @Kiwi Jeff meet a humanoid, oversized talking hot pizza in their house. @A Hot Pizza reveals he wants them to learn to have fun, but the children's pet fish doesn't want @A Hot Pizza around when @bearycool is away. @A Hot Pizza then leaves a trail of destruction across the house, including dancing on a fake stage. In the process, he releases two trouble-making potatos, potato 1 and potato 2, from a crate that he explains is actually a portal to another world. @A Hot Pizza tells @Kiwi Jeff that he only has one rule: never open the crate, then allows the potatos to have fun, but they make a mess of the house. Despite @A Hot Pizza's warning, @Kiwi Jeff picks the lock on the crate. When the crate's lock attaches itself to the collar of the family dog, @Super Collie, @A Hot Pizza and the kids must go find him and the lock. They drive a super-powered car in search of @Super Collie and use @A Hot Pizza's magic hat. @Kiwi Jeff realizes that the potatos always do the opposite to what they are told. and that this can be used to their advantage and has them stall @bearycool.


    Meanwhile, @Null is revealed to be an overweight, unemployed slob with dentures and is in financial ruin, though claiming he is a successful businessman in the hopes of marrying to @bearycool for her money. @Null sees @Super Collie running across the street and tracks down @bearycool to tell her, but potatos 1 and 2 have stalled her on the road, posing as police officers. @Null goes back to the house, telling @bearycool to meet him there.


    By the time the kids and @A Hot Pizza (and @Null) return to the house with the lock, a huge mess spills from the unlocked crate and enters the house, seemingly killing @Null in the process. They navigate their way through the oversized house and find the crate while cleaning up. The house is returned to its normal proportions but then immediately falls apart. @A Hot Pizza tells the kids that he planned the whole day, including making not opening the crate his one rule, as he knew @Kiwi Jeff could not resist. The kids angrily tell @A Hot Pizza to leave the house. @Kiwi Jeff prepares to face the consequences when @bearycool comes home, but @Somari1996 says she will share the blame. @A Hot Pizza, having overheard this, happily returns to clean up the mess with a great cleaning contraption. Afterwards @A Hot Pizza says goodbye and departs as @bearycool is arriving. @Null returns, revealing he didn't get killed when all is restored, thinking he has busted the kids, but when @bearycool sees the clean house (and a messy @Null), she does not believe @Null and dumps him. After the successful party, @bearycool spends time with her children and @A Hot Pizza finishes narrating. The film ends as he and his potatos decide to go on a vacation
     
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    #52 Somari1996, Nov 16, 2017 at 11:10 AM
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2017 at 2:43 PM
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  12. I love how I'm always portrayed as a girl in these, and have some weird ass relationship with another kiwi farmer lol. Also, my children will be brought up to be excellent trolls, telling all lolcows to kill themselves.

    Also, @Null use your fucking buttcoins instead of my prestigious inheritance, you slut.
     
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    bearycool

    bearycool The Movie Night Queen
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  13. The story centers around four gay friends who have recently graduated from San Torum High School. @Todesfurcht is an awkward, sex-crazed character who frequently masturbates with his mother's fruits and vegetables. @Kiwi Jeff is a handsome and fit jock who is quite insecure. @ToroidalBoat is a nerdy, well-dressed guy who is secretly in love with @Kiwi Jeff . @Kumatora is the most flamboyant, outgoing, and effeminate of the group. The four of them decide to make a pact to have sex by the end of the summer. Each boy proceeds to pursue sex in different ways, with both tragic and comedic results. @Kumatora tries to secure an online date with a man named @Eggplant but ends up with the grandfather (@AnOminous)of their lesbian friend @Super Collie. @Kiwi Jeff seeks out fellow jocks, including a baseball pitcher named Bean (@Pikimon ), while @ToroidalBoat tries to earn the affection of @Internet War Criminal , a male stripper; @Kiwi Jeff and @ToroidalBoat leave these men to have sex with each other instead, because they are in love. @Todesfurcht , having failed to seduce his long-time crush, his math teacher, @bearycool, has a threesome with the rejected Beaner and @Internet War Criminal. Much of the humor comes from how awkward each boy is at romance and how naive they are about sex. Each plot backfires horribly, until the boys finally begin to change their attitudes towards sex at the end of the film. THEY ALL FUCK. THEY ALL FUCKING FUCK.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Semper Fidelis Semper Fidelis x 2
    • DRINK DRINK x 2
    Y2K Baby

    Y2K Baby The Codex of Ultimate Wisdom???
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  14. My life is interesting.
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Feels Feels x 1
    A Hot Pizza

    A Hot Pizza DIRTY HOE!
    True & Honest Fan

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  15. At least you get to star!
     
    • Feels Feels x 5
    • Agree Agree x 1
    Gym Leader Elesa

    True & Honest Fan

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  16. Soon-to-retire detective @The Dude is partnered with short-tempered but idealistic @AN/ALR56 , who has recently moved to the city with his wife Tracy. Tracy confides to Somerset that she is pregnant and has yet to tell Mills, as she is unhappy with the city and feels it is no place to raise a child. Somerset sympathizes, having had a similar situation with his ex-girlfriend many years earlier, and advises her to tell Mills only if she plans to keep the child.

    Dude and AN investigate a set of murders inspired by the lolcows: a man drink salty fanta until his stomach ruptured, representing Chris Chan's and his recycling video, and a game developer is killed after his patreon was taken from him, representing Yandere_Dev and his patreon. Clues at the murder scenes lead them to a suspect's apartment, where they find a third victim, a horror cow and child molester, strapped to a bed, toothless but alive, representing Nick Bate. Daily photographs of the victim, taken over a year, show the crimes were planned far in advance.

    The detectives use library records to identify @Jon-Kacho and track him to his apartment. Kacho flees and AN/ALR gives chase. Kacho turns to hold AN/ALR at gunpoint for a moment before escaping. The apartment contains hundreds of notebooks revealing Kacho's psychopathy, as well as a clue to another murder. The detectives arrive too late to stop a man forced to kill a pillow by raping it as he wears a diaper and stockings while watching a porno, representing Len Shaner. They are told of a fifth murder, a man whose face has been punched by Kacho; he was given the option to call for help and look like bitch, or commit suicide by taking pills, representing Richard Spencer.

    As Dude and AN/ALR return to the police station, Kacho turns himself in, covered in blood. He has been removing the skin on his fingers to avoid leaving prints; the blood is from an unidentified victim. Doe offers to take the detectives to the final two victims and confess to the murders, but only under specific terms, or he will plead insanity. The Dude is wary, but AN/ALR agrees.

    The detectives follow DKacho's directions to a remote desert location. Within minutes, a delivery van approaches. AN/ALR holds Kacho at gunpoint while The Dude intercepts the driver, who has been instructed to bring a box to them. Kacho taunts AN/ALR by telling him how jealous he was of his life and @Dork Of Ages . The Dude opens the box and warns AN/ALR to stay back. Kacho states that he killed Dork, representing Kiwi Farmers he also states that his head is in the box and that he was autistic. Despite The Dude's warnings, AN/ALR shoots Kacho, completing Kacho's last murder, representing banned Kiwis. Police converge and take the devastated AN/ALR away.

    *I honestly need to brush up on lol-cows more.
     
    • DRINK DRINK x 3
    • Like Like x 1
    • Feels Feels x 1
    c-no

    c-no Pickle Dick

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  17. Everyman Mormon missionary @bearycool (Trey Parker), assigned with his mission partner to Los Angeles, finds the city to be a hostile and unenthusiastic place for their work. The problems worsen when they knock on the door of sleazy porn director @Somari1996 (Michael Dean Jacobs) and several security guards are sent to dispose of them. Beary defeats all of them single-handedly with a variety of martial arts skills. Impressed by his performance and bored of his current project’s lead actor, Somari attempts to hire beary to be the title character and lead of his pornographic superhero film, Orgazmo. Beary is conflicted because of his beliefs, but the salary offered would pay for a wedding in the temple in Utah where his fiancée @Gym Leader Elesa (Robyn Lynne Raab) has expressed a strong desire to wed. Beary reluctantly accepts despite being given a sign from God.

    Beary finds the crew of the film intimidating but manages to befriend co-star @Jon-Kacho (Dian Bachar), a technical genius and graduate from M.I.T. who works in the pornographic industry to satiate his overactive sex drive. He plays Orgazmo's sidekick Choda Boy, who assists Orgazmo with specially designed sex toys, including Orgazmo's signature weapon, the Orgazmorator, a ray gun that forces orgasm upon whomever it is fired. Jon-Kacho invites beary to his home later on and shows beary a real, working Orgazmorator Jon-Kacho has built, and he and beary spend an evening using it on unsuspecting citizens for amusement.

    At a sushi bar owned by Ben’s Japanese friend @Super Collie (Masao Maki), the two witness a group of thugs vandalizing the bar in an attempt to force out G-Fresh so their dance club next door can expand. Later on, when Jon-Kacho and beary are not present, Super Collie is coerced to leave. Upon finding this out, beary and Jon-Kacho don costumes and use their film props and the Orgazmorator to sneak into the club and steal back the contract Super Collie was forced to sign. Bearycool is agitated after nearly being shot in the head but Jon-Lacho is excited by finally getting to be a real superhero.

    Orgazmo becomes an amazing success, both financially and critically, and Somari withholds beary's paycheck to keep him in town long enough to announce a sequel, and asks beary to reprise his role. Tempted with a doubled salary, beary is confronted by his fiancée who has found out what he has been doing and leaves him. Facing production difficulties and harassment from Somari's unsympathetic nephew @Y2K Baby (David Dunn), beary tries to back out of the project but Orbison refuses. When beary stands up to him, Somari has Gym Leader Elesa kidnapped to force beary into agreement. When Jon-Kacho finds out the thugs who assaulted Super Collie are also working for Somari, he joins beary in storming Somari's mansion before Gym Leader Elesa can be forced to perform in one of Somari's films.

    Fighting through Somari's group of henchmen, beary and Jon-Kacho meet their match in Y2K Baby. Beary helps Jon-Kacho overcome a mental block from childhood that forced him to repress the Hamster Style discipline of martial arts, allowing Jon-Kacho to beat Y2K Baby. After repairing his damaged Orgazmorator, beary repeatedly shoots Somari with it, incapacitating him and capturing all the henchmen. Jon-Kacho blows up the mansion with another device, the "Cock Rocket", destroying Somari's base of operations. Beary and Gym Leader Elesa reconcile and she gives him her blessing to remain in Los Angeles and continue being a hero alongside Jon-Kacho.

    As the film ends, Somari1996 is seen in a doctor’s office being told that after so many orgasms in a row, his testicles have swollen to the size of oranges and that surgical removal is the only option. A now insane Somari declares revenge on Orgazmo as he will now be the personification of Y2K Baby's character and Orgazmo's nemesis who is immune to the Orgazmorator: Neutered Man.
     
    • Winner Winner x 2
    c-no

    c-no Pickle Dick

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