Tiberius Rising Jace publishes absurd new chapter in Tiberius Rising -

[DeagleDad420]

So Jace just posted this on Twitter - evidently this is the "new chapter" he's been teasing and talking about for days. Read it here.

It's the closest thing to new content this week so I naturally descended on it like a starved carrion bird. I think it's noteworthy becuase it's probably the worst piece of writing Jace has produced yet in all of Tiberius Rising save for possibly the introduction chapter. If you haven't dipped into Tiberius Rising yet, this is the time, because this is one of the most shining examples of autism Jace has put on display yet.

It's 6 pages long and considering all of Tiberius Rising is probably only 20 pages so far, this single comprises about %20 of the book so far despite the fact that most chapters are under two pages, with the worst offender being Chapter 6, "Eastbound", which is literally three paragraphs worth of text and not even enough to fill a single page.

From what I've skimmed so far the entire thing is just over-the-top "realistic" action and fighting interspersed with absurdly long and detailed rants about gear the main characters are using. At one point the action is moving at a breakneck pace until it's stopped abrupdtly when a character holds a gun to another's head and an entire page is devoted to describing the specifications of the gun one of them is holding before it resumes just as awkwardly as it left off, with Jace's classic line, "But none of that mattered now".

Other highlights:

• Stryker is somehow described as being an "MMA expert" alluding to a hilarious possibile backstory where he was a pro fighter before he became an ultramarine specop Muslim slayer
• All of the weapons/gear mentioned are each described as "something you can't find in a catalog" despite the fact that you can find all of them in catalogs by simply googling them, revealing that 90% of everything Jace wrote about the weapons was shamelessly copy-pasted and he still managed to get most of it wrong.
• Jace misspell his own main character's last name at several points
• There is a "terrorist boss" who is a white American named "Jackknife" weraing EOD bomb suit. Jace doesn't know that EOD suits don't protect you against bullets. In Tiberius Rising, the suit is able to withstand sustained machinegun fire at close range and only "stuns" Jackknife
• Stryker frontflips into the middle of a gunfight wielding a pistol and a knife and uses CQC moves to dispatch Muslims, like a cross between a racist Power Ranger and Solid Snake from MGS4

 

[CatParty]

@Hellblazer we need this read asap. it is amazing. i cannot wait for chapter 15

@DeagleDad420 will he be addressing this or possibly doing a reading on the stream tonight?

 

[c-no]

Seeing as how the evil terrorist boss is named "Jackknife", I'm thinking of this:

If Jace describes him as a man with tattooed arms and black hair, I'm just gonna say this: Jailbot would be a better main character in taking down Jackknife.

 

[DeagleDad420]

will he be addressing this or possibly doing a reading on the stream tonight?

He's only done a reading one other time but I don't know, he might be psyched enough about it to do a surprise reading. I think he'd announce that beforehand though because he tends to hype anything he can get his hands on.

 

[Le Bateleur]

Their injection-molded flex cap design allowed jackknife to rapidly plow into stryker with a large amount of attacking motions and also prrotect his knees from injury or discomfort at the same time

Hawt

 

[impossibility]

Just at that same time Stryker's flashbang flew through the air like an American eagle as it exploded deafening the cowardly terrorists with its pericing eagle cry.

When I read this line I was compelled to drop my hamburger, stand out of my chair, salute, and then clap loudly in approval.

 

[FlyAwayNow]

Dibs on this chapter for the audiobook.

 

[Zim]

When I read this line I was compelled to drop my hamburger, stand out of my chair, salute, and then clap loudly in approval.

Americaaaa! Fuck Yeah! Comin' around to save the motherfuggin' day yeah!

 

[Ronald Gaygun]

For some reason I decided to go ahead and do a "dramatic" reading of this chapter. For reasons that I hope are obvious, it soon turned in to me repeatedly stumbling over my words, nearly losing my ability to speak, laughing hysterically, and screaming "Nooooo!"

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1SPzW0klFqS

 

[EI 903]

Dibs on this chapter for the audiobook.

If you want it, you've got it.

 

[WWWWolf]

Holy crap. Copypasted to my EPUB version in no time. IT'S WONDERFUL WHAT BEER CAN DO. May do rambling in future

 

[WachtAmWeb]

The hilarious thing is that we always knew Jenkins was going to die, but the death scene was hideously rushed. I also like how the scene switched from Omar's daughter (conceived when Omar was 7...) to Stryker randoming massacring terrorists (or as Jace broadly terms them "muslims").

 

[CatParty]

This reads like the John Doe notebooks from the movie Seven

 

[EllaMental]

"He was truly in a sticky situation iv he'd ever seen one ok dude." The imagery delicious, and the grammar...ok dude.

 

[DeagleDad420]

This reads like the John Doe notebooks from the movie Seven

It's nothing short of a tome of madness. The grammar and writing style is completely incomprehensible and the continuity errors have become so great that it's more like a surreal stream-of-consciousness poetry than an actual book. It really shines when you view it as what it is, a piece of outsider art (i.e. pretend you're looking at a really intricate and cool drawing a homeless man made with his own feces) but then again that could be said of everything that comes out of Jace's wild and crazy world.

 

[EllaMental]

Seeing as how the evil terrorist boss is named "Jackknife", I'm thinking of this:

If Jace describes him as a man with tattooed arms and black hair, I'm just gonna say this: Jailbot would be a better main character in taking down Jackknife.

I like your picture better, but for some reason I was picturing something like this for Jackknife:

 

[c-no]

I like your picture better, but for some reason I was picturing something like this for Jackknife:

Whether Jace would describe Jackknife as the guy from Super Jail or the image you posted, it can go to show how absurd this new chapter he released is.

 

[Varis]

Stryker had already parkoured across the room, cartwheeled through the open space

(The internet needs an animu cartwheel gif.)

"NOOOOO!" Stryker said!

deadly knee to the groin

"Whats the matter" he siad "Dont you know the americans are the real terrorists dude."

Even if it was raining (but it wasnt0

like a Mohawk warrior from assassins creed 3 or something

I'll stop now. Bottom line, Stryker's balls are gone.

 

[WWWWolf]

He was truly in a sticky situation iv he'd ever seen one ok dude.
...
The richochet made it even worse off the cement floor because each bullet had an even greater potential to kill them even worse which was super fucking bad news ok.

Jace's attempts at writing postmodern literature continue. He uses cunning writing techniques to put in a sligtly Vonnegutian twist on the whole thing by blurring, but not eliminating, the line between himself and the narrator of the story.
...That, or he's not a very good writer and it's all unintentionally brilliant.

 

[I AM THE CREASE DANGER]

Jace's attempts at writing postmodern literature continue. He uses cunning writing techniques to put in a sligtly Vonnegutian twist on the whole thing by blurring, but not eliminating, the line between himself and the narrator of the story.
...That, or he's not a very good writer and it's all unintentionally brilliant.

To be on the safe side, follow the saying, "If it's in a gallery, it's art."