Careercow Jack Scalfani / Cooking With Jack - Youtube Celebrity "Chef" and Salmonella Survivor; 2 Strokes and counting

Stroke 3 when? As of May 2021

  • Within the next 3 months

    Votes: 40 13.1%
  • 3-6 months

    Votes: 42 13.7%
  • 6 months - 1 Year

    Votes: 72 23.5%
  • 1-2 Years

    Votes: 40 13.1%
  • 3+ Years

    Votes: 11 3.6%
  • Never

    Votes: 6 2.0%
  • The next big health scare will be something else

    Votes: 143 46.7%

  • Total voters

Uncle Warren

True & Honest Fan
Depends. Some bottled rubs are just salt pepper and sugar. Others don't have a lot of salt or sugar. But you know what JS gravitates to.
Honestly, I don't think he looks at the ingredients. I am like 90% convinced he just stares at the bottle's front label, goes "Mmm yummy" and then snags it. A lot of walmart trash tier shoppers do this.

How much sodium is in those blends? I mean put aside fact that this is a blatant excuse to “cheat smart” on his diet. The amount of sodium in those would have to be like using a salt lick because you know he’s not going to use the recommended amount. He over seasons the fuck out of everything. He’s gotta have high blood pressure.
Serving size for all are 1/4 tsp (so Jack is already waaaaaay over) and is at least 5% of your daily salt intake.

The Blend: literally salt, pepper, and dehydrated garlic.

Italian Chophouse Mix: third ingredient on the bottle is cane sugar.

Buttery Steakhouse has dextrose and maltodextrin as two of it's ingredients.

Jack isn't "smart cheating" with these, he's failing to stick to the diet outright.

Edit: some pretty prettying up and added more blends
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I got in...
Any of those except Masaokis would have used a rub by rubbing it on the meat, not just pouring it on like a retard.
And Masaokis would have gone all the way in the opposite direction by sprinkling it on the meat over a toilet with burning oil in it to try and turn regular paprika into smoked paprika at home; making a very entertaining video for totally different reasons.

Pig Cups

Jack this is what a weight loss is supposed to look like.
View attachment 2136836

Imagine man, imagine.
Pig would like to address Jack, since he obviously reads this thread...

At this point, if Jack wants a decent 5-10 year survival rate (where he can live a somewhat passable existence with the damage he’s done already anyway..), he needs to do more than just drop pounds. Weight is only part of the equation. He’s done nothing but pump his body with toxins for decades; damaged fats, triglycerides, processed foods, fatty meats, and cheese. Don’t get Pig wrong- Pig is an avid home cook who LOVES meats and cheeses, but those food groups are not Pig’s sole subsistence. It’s about 40% meats/fish, carbs and cheese, with raws (greens/veg, fruits, seeds/nuts) comprising the other 60. What Jack eats and the amounts at which he eats them is killing him slowly. He can try all he wants to eat smaller portions of said foods to drop weight, but if he’s relying solely on inflammatory shit for his nutrition, he’s not making positive change at the degree to which he thinks he is, even with weight loss. Get some real food in your system, you fat miserable fuck.

For example, Jack, this is part of Pig’s daily slop regimen that functions as its breakfast and lunch during the week: green smoothies (not that SlimFast-esque horseshit you’re getting from Profile). It’s several boxes of fresh, triple-washed kale and spinach compressed into the blender. Then Pig adds water, flax seed, chia seed, moringa, spirulina, 2 frozen bananas, and a bag of either frozen pineapple or mango. Pig lastly mixes in lime and lemon juice at the end. Each blender produces 3 jars, and it’s kinda sweet, thanks to the fruit/citrus. Just think..DAYS worth of raw nutrition intake consumed in a single day via an easy-to-prepare/digest medium. And this is on top of Pig’s daily gallon of water and fermented probiotics. If Jack is serious about improving his health, this is the bare minimum of what he needs to do.
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Archive (480p):
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Oh FFS...

Jack gave Meat Marine the smoker, Meat Marine gave Jack a bottle of half-used seasoning (and some dick in the mouth). Hardcore Carnivore is the name of the company, Black is the name of the seasoning (and Tammy's preferred bull)

Jack commits several food crimes on the chicken side. First, he doesn't understand that Nashville hot seasoning is meant to be mixed into the dredge or added with some oil and brown sugar as a glaze. Jack just dumps it on his chicken and thinks it is the same thing.

Spanish paprika having a burnt taste meant YOU BURNT THE PAPRIKA YOU KNUCKLEHEAD.

No shit the everything bagel seasoning tastes like's made from sesame and poppy seeds! The other two ingredients are onion and garlic powder!

Richard Mongler

i'll suck your dick

Scented Candle

Diggy Diggy
Archive (480p):
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I legitimately thought this was a reupload, but no, it's just another video where he checks his cabinet for whatever spices he has to make some quarter assed "spice wars" video where he shoves chunks of poorly seasoned meat down his gullet.
Why the hell would someone put everything bagel seasoning on meat? And why does he use hotdogs as a proxy for beef? Why is he comparing straight paprika with a beef rub? This is his strokiest idea for a video yet.


Last Gunman
True & Honest Fan
Archive (480p):
View attachment 2143215
Yeah, just gonna say it's fucking telling Fat Jack called this #1.

This desperate to cheat on his diet pig is going to make a series out of this. Only question is if it's due to him wanting to cheat and lie to himself and tammy with this oh so convenient excuse to eat seven hunks of meat, or because like Pigroach he knows this is more boring and is hoping it'll scare off people like Pink Chicken and Lazy Man or my own autopsies.

If it's the latter, I can state I'll do more autopsies regardless. Case in point:

1. Jack is currently wearing his Grimace Shirt that's way too small for him, of course.
2. He is super excited about shoving seven hunks of meat down his throat, and almost squees about the Xth smoker he's now hoarding in his manchild deck.
3. Jack hints about sauces and mentions he compulsively bought another knife set.
3b. It's really clear by the way that he's really excited in this episode; it's almost like he realized and found a way to lie about doing his diet while still feeding his drug need.
4. Jack just remembers he's supposed to introduce himself to new audience members.
5. Uh huh, lie harder to me you fat fucking fibber; you've done seasoning mix reviews before, you just think it's a cute way to cheat on your diet after Sanford warned your stupid ass to stop lying about sponsorships.
6. Jack's going to review them; it's just going to be "mmm good".
7. Jack slips out he likes the fatty skin that clings to chicken thighs. Of course you do you glutton.
8. Fat fuck Jack admits that besides eating seven pieces of chicken that he has several steaks too; this fucking manchild might actually OD on smoked meat holyshit.
9. Fat Jack whines how he doesn't have beef for the stuff that works on beef, so he crows and acts like an excited school girl about using hot dogs.
10. This faggot is clearly in a food high.
11. "DO IT" ~ Jack on his own upcoming suicide by gluttony
12. "I want to get more- a heavier taste of it" ~ Jack on wanting to drown hot dogs in this salt-seasoning mix.
12b. Seriously, Jack goes on and tries to defend his tendency to use 100x the normal seasoning amount due to his dead tastebuds.
13. Jack talks about the two Traeger rubs that his gay crush mentioned to him, since he only got 3 of the seasoning so far because of that man.
13b. Jack shows a supreme thirst for that man, so dude who gave him the carnivore rub? Run. Run the fuck away.
14. By the way, yes, they're just salt, sugar, and garlic; not shit I'd rub onto all beef hotdogs, but might use while making them at least since they have their own seasonings.
15. Jack doesn't for some reason want to mention his generic is a Best Value seasoning mix from Sam's Club. Why? Fuck if I know.
16. "Nashville Hot seasoning"... otherwise known as "Cayenne Pepper".
16b. I'm not sure who to be more annoyed with; Jack for being that retarded, or the maker of this shit needing to market Cayenne Pepper as Nashville Hot due to knowing how retarded some of its customers are.
17. Jack proclaims and fakes pride in knowing what Nashville Hot is... even though it's literally just 3 parts lard to 1 part cayenne pepper... maybe some garlic and sugar to add a bit of sweet to the heat and a bit more complexity to the flavor.
17b. Now you guys from Tennessee know how I felt when this fucking idiot made a French Dip and called it Philly Cheese Steak.
18. One of the flavors he's going to add is just paprika imported from Spain... wot.
19. The last flavor Jack has is Everything Bagel seasoning... so poppy seed, sesame seed, black sesame, garlic, onion, and salt.
20. So in short, a lot of salt and sugars.
21. Jack pretends he doesn't know why he wants to use bagel seasoning on chicken, when you know it's due to him just wanting to stop lying about "KEEEETOOOO" and just horking down 5 bagels.
22. Fun fact: the Saskatoon mix Traeger made also works on poultry. Source: the website I googled for a minute to find.
23. Jack has the gall to pretend dumping 3-5 tablespoons until there's a mound of seasoning on the meat "seasoning".
23b. This is what it's supposed to look like when you do it right for those too used to seeing Fat Jack, Overseer of Overseasoning fuck this up:


24. Jack is such a mushbrained stroked out illiterate retard he confuses Saskatchewan for Sichuan while gurgling the spice lists.
25. Jack thinks that chicken only needs to cook slightly longer than the precooked hot dogs he's using in place of beef.
26. Jack again whines that he didn't have beef for the "beef seasonings" and is very conveniently hiding his uncooked chicken behind the tall spice canisters since he knows it's undercooked; just like how he likes it.
27. Faggot wastes watch time talking about his sauce video and how super spread out his sauce brand will be...
28. Reminder he just begged a friend from his murderchurch to sell it to "own the haters" like the insecure little faggot he is.
29. Fat Jack minces with the hotdog and spends a few second cringing at how salty it tastes before mooing out some "MMMS".
30. Jack, again proving he reads this site and all of us laughing at his attempt to suicide by food, tries to childishly spite us by trying to actually review the rub.
30b. His verdict: "salty, then it becomes peppery, but the salt is the main taste".... thus meaning that the shitty rub his friend gave him is just a salt-pepper rub I'd rather just grind myself.
31. Jack shows some clinginess and hope for Reggie to come back and be his daddy-husband given he misses the brisket.
32. "If you like salt and pepper on your meat, you'll really like it" ~ Jack on Hard Core Carnivore
32b. TBH I'd sue given this is slander, since it's ackshually a charcoal/salt/pepper/garlic/onion rub I could bang out myself.
33. Fat Jack says he would've eased on the salt, despite the overseasoning being due to pouring too much on a preseasoned meat tube. What an insecure homosexual.
34. Fat Jack now believes that Saskatchewan is in China. I guess it can hang out with Peru in the Asian inspired sports leagues.
34b. Seriously, he's continuously making that mistake.
35. After spending a second before mooing more "MMMs", he again blames the rub for his overuse of it.
36. Jack says the Hard Core Carnivore is better despite taking longer to moo, meaning he only likes it because of Reggie-sempai.
37. Licks thumbs, moos an MMM, and remarks that the rub whose main ingredient is sugar is sweet.
37b. Jack then lies about it having molasses in it for the sugar... lolno.
38. "Sweet and Spicy has always been a favorite" ~ Jack tempting God to hit him with another Stroke
39. Whoda thunk that the fat glutton who tries to lie about his sugar intake likes the sugar rub the most?
40. Jack licks his fingers like a slob, but is not happy with the giant thing of cayenne pepper he poured out.
41. He complains he bought a whole big bottle of the stuff and how it isn't "Nashville hot".
41b. It's almost like it requires lard for the full flavor or something, and he's angry that it doesn't taste like lard and spice.
42. The spice actually slowly sneaks in, thus proving fatty wrong.
43. Jack prefers Best Value brand over that stuff, when I could just make this shit with my bottle of cayenne and some bacon fat or some shit.
44. Jack licks his fingers, and is surprised at the taste.
44b. Jack for the first fucking time ever ate something with fresh paprika, for once actually getting its true flavor.
45. Jack doesn't like the aftertaste and accidentally let slip he bought several of those tins like the hoarding retard he is.
46. Jack again isn't in love with the Everything seasoning... notice that he only liked the stuff on the pre-seasoned meat that Reggie gave him?
46b. Jack really wants to rub meat with sempai....
47. Jack doesn't like the flavor; it's almost like the ones he dislikes are the ones that aren't loaded with salt and sugar or something.
48. Jack is sofa king we todd ed he didn't know sesame seeds are a key ingredient on this bagel seasoning mix.
49. Jack confuses the onion and black sesame flavor as pepper and doesn't taste the small amount of salt that the bagel seasoning has.
50. "It's so bland" ~ Jack on a normal seasoning load.
51. Jack's favorite blend is the sugar one from Traeger, obviously because it has calories and sugars that he can lie about eating, just like how he cooks with alcohol to hide his desire to chug.
52. Jack then turns on the Carnivore mix because he has to shit on all the other ones but the one he liked.
53. Jack ends the episode by threatening to make this a multi-part series, even hinting at him buying them from amazon to do it.

This was a bit more interesting than I thought it'd be, but yeah this is Condiments with Jack.

And Jack, if you are doing this to turn people off from taking the piss out of your videos, ain't gonna work son.

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