Careercow Jack Scalfani / Cooking With Jack - Youtube Celebrity "Chef" and Salmonella Survivor; 2 Strokes and counting

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KFC

✈ ✈ █ █
kiwifarms.net
He cooks like a 7 year old trying to emulate what he sees on the Food Network.

Disregarding his incompetency with cooking, this guy, as lolcow, seems a more so naive than arrogant. Even then, I don't really find him funny. I just think he's an idiot who can't cook. I feel like he could be a lolcow, maybe there's just a little digging that needs to be done.
 

FBIfellow420

What the flying fuck is a Metal Gear?!
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That "party cheese salad" does not deserve to be called a salad, has never been involved in anything that could actually be called a party (unless you mean a party to the crime), and only contains the vaguest approximation of cheese. Three strikes and you're out, Jack.
I've seen a lot of shitty YouTube cooking shows, but I've never seen one where a mid-50's red scare jell-o dish was passed off as a thing that people would want to make.
 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
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That burger. That fucking burger my God.
Undercooked meat is the nastiest shit to bite into, also wtf is a nuwave oven if you really want to grill pork in winter just bring your bbq into the garage and grill with the door open.
Nuwave is one of those things sold to exceptional individuals and drunks on TV at 3:00 in the morning.
 

waffle

kiwifarms.net
That burger. That fucking burger my God.
Undercooked meat is the nastiest shit to bite into, also wtf is a nuwave oven if you really want to grill pork in winter just bring your bbq into the garage and grill with the door open.
Or, ya know, just put a jacket on and grill outside? I do it all the time, the fire keeps you warm.

Seriously though, I'm a fan of rare meat and this guy makes some gross shit. This guy looks and sounds like Dark Side Phil, "why won't this pork pull! I cooked it all the way, BUGED FOOD MECHANICS!"
 

Ouija Board

Worldwide Gangster Computer God
True & Honest Fan
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Ugh...just ugh. Raw pork squicks me out because of the fact you could get parasites such as trichinosis and tapeworms as well as getting bacteria such as listeria. I would never eat undercooked pork. Now steaks and burgers I will eat medium rare as that's when they taste the best but not actually raw.

My dad has one of those Nuwave things and either way he is a good cook without it but the thing does work well for smaller meats and it is pretty much less of a hassle and it is quicker. It's probably not for the large kind of meat that this dude was doing and that may be why it came out undercooked as the heat couldn't be distributed evenly. Now he could possibly do a small roast or a small brisket and it probably would have come out ok.

As for this guy eating things raw or undercooked, my stepdad is ahead of him. My stepdad will eat shit that is fucking rancid and somehow never get sick. He just told me on Facebook that he was eating a pizza that is three weeks old.
 

For The Internet

Tits and ALL
True & Honest Fan
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My mother has a cooker that is similar to the Nuwave, it's a convection oven. It's amazing for small roasts such as a pork shoulder or a chicken, and it does roast potatoes really well too. Any fucking idiot can cook a roast in one of those things.

I think Jack makes the mistake of cooking for too short a time at too high a temperature, based on the way he seems to burn things on the outside and have them raw on the inside.

If he's pressed for time because he's making one show after the other, what he needs to do is preheat his pan/oven/skillet so it's nice and hot. Add in any oil/butter just before he puts in what he's cooking, and once he puts it in the pan he should immediately turn down the temperature to medium-low. That way the outside will seal/brown nicely but won't burn. Then he needs to leave it to cook on a lower temperature for a slightly longer time, and that way the inside will cook nicely without the outside getting overdone.

It does take longer, but isn't it better to take a few extra minutes and know your food is cooked properly? I really like medium rare (or even rare, sometimes) meat but what he does isn't rare, it's undercooked. You can't fuck with undercooked pork or chicken.

Also, if he's really using canned shit because he thinks that's what poor folks do because it's cheaper than fresh, he needs to start using frozen food and preach about that. Snap frozen veggies are cheap and almost as good as fresh ones. There's no added sodium, either. The only good tip I saw him give was to not press down on burgers/steaks while they're on the grill.

Goddamn, he reminds me so much of Phil, only I would eat Phil's food before I ever touched Jack's. Never thought I would say that.
 

Jason Puncheon

He shits when he wants.
kiwifarms.net
In the pork video he said that he was sent some items to review and use on his show, who the fuck is sending him this shit is he really that popular?
Well to be fair those products looked like a load of crap so they're probably just some shitheel company hoping to piggyback on his moderate amount of Youtube success to reach out to an audience of morons. I imagine the kinds of people who'd unironically subscribe to this guy's channel are exactly the sort of people that'd buy a meat thermometer with an app that doesn't work and some plastic claws that let you pretend you're Wolverine in the kitchen.
 

Phil Ken Sebben

The Potato Whisperer.
kiwifarms.net
I'm sure some of you have heard of/seen pictures the "Cooking with Jack Show," but if not, let me explain a bit. He has made his career, for the last seven plus years, doing a cooking show on YouTube. In this time he has become infamous for his inability to actually cook things, and his awful creations.

Here's a recent video where he tries to make pulled pork, note that the pork is completely raw at the end:


Here's him trying to make cookies and again, undercooking them:


Here's him biting into a raw burger:


And finally, here's a video from a few years ago where he made a terrifying aspic abomination and presented it as delicious:


So yeah, this guy gets spread around a lot as a part of people talking about bad chefs, but no one so far as beat him in terms of sheer incompetence in the kitchen, and he's been doing it for a very long time now with over 200k subs. I'm not sure if most of those are ironic or not since people call him out for his bad cooking but he hasn't changed since he started the show in 2007.
There is so much wrong with all of these recipes but you can't match the sheer ineptitude and corner cutting as the Queen of kitchen bullshit namely Sandra Lee. The girlfriend of Mario Cuomo and creator of "Semi-Homemade Meals" which should be renamed, "shit I threw together from stuff I got premade". Her mantra is "70% pre-packaged and 30% homemade". She's made some abominations in the past but the thing that everybody remembers is the infamous Kwanzaa Cake.
It's been described as an edible hate crime.

Her favorite part of every show was the table decoration which she spergs over like you wouldn't believe and "cocktail time" where she makes a special cocktail depending on the theme. It's usually something like, "take this bottle of Starbuck's frappacino, add some cocoa and vodka. Shake and pour into a glass. Then decorate it with ground coffee and cocoa." But the best one was one that is very hard to find on video because she never tests her cocktail recipes before and it bombed for obvious reasons.

She wanted to make a kind of lemon meringue drink so she took the juice from some fresh lemons, added it to vodka, sugar and heavy cream. Now can anybody tell me what happens when you mix an acid like lemon juice to a dairy product? It curdles and gets sour. It's a quick and dirty way of making almost buttermilk when you don't have buttermilk. The look on her face is priceless and the video uploader has graciously slowed it down so we can see her every reaction.

 

c-no

Duck
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
There is so much wrong with all of these recipes but you can't match the sheer ineptitude and corner cutting as the Queen of kitchen bullshit namely Sandra Lee. The girlfriend of Mario Cuomo and creator of "Semi-Homemade Meals" which should be renamed, "shit I threw together from stuff I got premade". Her mantra is "70% pre-packaged and 30% homemade". She's made some abominations in the past but the thing that everybody remembers is the infamous Kwanzaa Cake.
It's been described as an edible hate crime.

Her favorite part of every show was the table decoration which she spergs over like you wouldn't believe and "cocktail time" where she makes a special cocktail depending on the theme. It's usually something like, "take this bottle of Starbuck's frappacino, add some cocoa and vodka. Shake and pour into a glass. Then decorate it with ground coffee and cocoa." But the best one was one that is very hard to find on video because she never tests her cocktail recipes before and it bombed for obvious reasons.

She wanted to make a kind of lemon meringue drink so she took the juice from some fresh lemons, added it to vodka, sugar and heavy cream. Now can anybody tell me what happens when you mix an acid like lemon juice to a dairy product? It curdles and gets sour. It's a quick and dirty way of making almost buttermilk when you don't have buttermilk. The look on her face is priceless and the video uploader has graciously slowed it down so we can see her every reaction.

Those that know of Sandra Lee would of been reminded by the likes of Jack. One thing that makes her different from Jack is that her show is (or was in case it is no longer around) on Food Network. One thing to mention about her cooking is a meatloaf she made had an unappealing coat of grease near it with a bottom that looked like it fused to the baking tray.

Also considering her reactions, would this be it?

Really though to stay on topic, if Jack were to somehow succeed in getting a tv show about his cooking, it would be on-par with Sandra Lee and her cooking with maybe some differences.
 

Bugaboo

I have to kill fast and bullets too slow
True & Honest Fan
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So he uses prepared foods because "that's what the average person can afford" but then he goes and uses shit like the Nu Wave Oven and it's like, who the fuck even owns one of those?
Those look exactly like the potato wedgies that we make sometimes and we just make them in an oven like a normal human who doesn't buy shit on the shopping network at 3 am
He made jerky in it too
The Nu Wave Oven Pro is 250 CAD on Amazon and this is what one customer had to say about it
"Sometimes the food was cooked unevenly because there is only one heat source
The dome eventually cracks and breaks (no one tells you this)
NuWave doesn't offer any replacement parts

It will not replace certain microwave items or the need to deep fry certain things
Cooking fatty foods will make it explode oil all over your plastic dome
The dome eventually gets stained and is difficult to remove
They don't offer a glass dome"
See this is the kind of shit your grandma buys and claims it's the greatest thing.
 

Phil Ken Sebben

The Potato Whisperer.
kiwifarms.net
So he uses prepared foods because "that's what the average person can afford"...
Yeah, that's bullshit.

I'll admit to using prepared or packaged stuff when I'm in a rush or if they're on sale or you don't mind cutting corners. Like I go to Costco and the price for a large pack of washed and sliced mushrooms is the same exact price as the whole mushrooms. And in certain cases canned works better like if you're making a stew or soup or something and it requires tomatoes. Canned works just as well as fresh in fact they work better. But often times it's more expensive to use canned than fresh depending on where you are of course.

I've made something similar to his bison tacos. It takes several hours and the only thing from a can that goes in there is the beef stock that it's going to simmer in before it reduces to a wonderfully beefy syrup that coats the meat, onions and peppers.[/QUOTE]
 

Magpie

Your local feathered friend.
True & Honest Fan
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God my ex roommate had a variant of one of those stupid Nu Wave things because her oven broke and she was too lazy to get it fixed. I'm not a chef by any means but I fancy myself a well seasoned (heh) cook with a ton of experience working from scratch and not having any hiccups, and that thing was terrible. It couldn't make up its mind if it wanted to burn the living shit out of your food or leave it raw after two hours of cooking at the same temperature a conventional oven would have done in 30 minutes.

I dunno about most of you but if he is touting affordability, he seems pretty damn upper middle class to me. I must say that I can't go out of my way to drop what would be over $30 worth of ingredients on some mediocre beef jerky. I doubt this dude could do anything to produce a tasty, filling, and balanced meal for less than $2-3 a plate. Also that pulled pork video made my soul (or was that my stomach) cry. Such a beautiful cut of meat wasted at the hands of this oaf.
 

littlebird

kiwifarms.net
Those that know of Sandra Lee would of been reminded by the likes of Jack. One thing that makes her different from Jack is that her show is (or was in case it is no longer around) on Food Network. One thing to mention about her cooking is a meatloaf she made had an unappealing coat of grease near it with a bottom that looked like it fused to the baking tray.

Also considering her reactions, would this be it?

Really though to stay on topic, if Jack were to somehow succeed in getting a tv show about his cooking, it would be on-par with Sandra Lee and her cooking with maybe some differences.
I LOVE this drunk bitch. Her horrible recipes and love of vodka warms my heart. And honestly I'd gladly eat that shitty meatloaf and the entire kwanzaa cake before I'd eat any raw meat Jack put his greasy hands on.

 

AnOminous

Really?
True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
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It's like none of these "average people can't afford produce people have heard of a farmer's market (assuming there is one around, of course. I know it sometimes isn't an option)
The same people making these claims eat absurdly expensive fast food all the time of course. And all kinds of brand name bullshit processed foods.
 

Phil Ken Sebben

The Potato Whisperer.
kiwifarms.net
The same people making these claims eat absurdly expensive fast food all the time of course. And all kinds of brand name bullshit processed foods.
It's because it's convenient and they think cooking properly takes time. It doesn't have to, you can prep some things in advance, freeze them for when you need them and nobody is the wiser.

Anybody that cooks often has about a dozen or so "go to" meals that they can prepare with a minimum of fuss or effort and are usually ready in thirty minutes or so. Learn the basics, learn a couple of easy things to make and you'll find that pre-packaged and take out just aren't worth it.