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Jacob Wohl, born December 12, 1997, is a Jewish-American political pundit and Sunglass Hut employee, best known for essentially jumping in front of buses, for 15 minutes of national fame. By the time he was 20, he managed to get banned for life by the National Futures Association, for defrauding people by taking their money and transferring it to his mother's account. After becoming an ardent Trump supporter, he came to social media prominence for his constant tweets about "hipster coffee shops" where he claimed liberals were muttering about looking to switch sides. Of course, his biggest moment under the Sun came when he and Jack Burkman attempted to bribe women to claim that Robert Mueller raped them. He attempted to repeat his Mueller antics against Pete Buttigieg, using the gay angle, to no avail once more.

He's now banned from social media platforms - namely Twitter - and is facing criminal charges, but he's still a golden ever-lactating lolcow, with new content on a regular basis.

Hedge Funds

In 2014, when little Jacob was 17, he founded Wohl Capital Investment Group, NeX Capital Management, and Montgomery Assets, Inc., prompting him to introduce himself as the "Wohl of Wall Street". I'm not making that up. He attempted to start his own Playboy Bunny/Corey's Angels variant called the "Wohl Girls", even registering wohlgirls.com, but according to Wayback Machine the brand never got on its feet. Instead, he began his practice of Copy-Pasting images of people without their permission, to tell a narrative.

On top of wohlsgirls.com, Jacob also is the proud owner of http://buyaslut.com and http://buyabadbitch.com.

In 2016, just as the election was kicking into high gear, the National Futures Association had received several complaints, including from a David Diedrich, about mismanagement of investors' funds. With a few simple Google searches, they discovered that Jacob had been acting as a manager before getting registered with them. Also, with Jacob claiming that he had ten years of investment background, he would have been in 2nd grade when he started. So, after having secured some compelling evidence, some NFA agents drove to Jacob's house - twice - where the kid and his brother were seen hiding and pretending to not be there, while filming them with their phones. They then drove to several listed addresses, which included the closed-down La Sierra University's Business School, as well as a random-ass house where the people had never heard of Jacob. His father threatened the agents over the phone shortly after, which didn't help what was supposed to be a routine investigation. (Source)

After this had begun, Jacob appeared in an article by ValueWalk, where he talked about how out-of-control the NFA had gotten and how abnormal it was for them to attempt to address security fraud in person. But, most of all, he wanted to point out that he had paid Instagram models to escort him around.

SPOILER ALERT: Jacob was banned from trading for life on March 2, 2017.

Hipster Coffee Shops

Throughout 2018, Jacob started a trend of posting on Twitter about going to "hipster coffee shops", where obvious liberals - skinny jeans, beanies and E-cigarettes - talked about how great they had discovered Trump to really be.



...In a feature run by USA Today, Jacob revealed he made all of it up.

Surefire Intelligence - "where on the doll did the Mueller touch you?"

With the midterm elections looming, Jacob's next scheme was to found the private security firm Surefire Intelligence. Jacob created a number of fake LinkedIn accounts for employees, including Tel Aviv Station Chief Talia Yaniv (supermodel Bar Rafaeli), private investigator Mark Teller (supermodel Nick Hopper), Donald Treehorn (Nick Hopper-- again), finance investigator Simon Frick (Academy Award-winning Christoph Waltz) and managing partner Matthew Cohen (verified retard Jacob Wohl). The company line was set to Jacob's mother.

Jacob advertised Surefire on Craigslist, which prompted one poor sap to ask for help with recovering her stolen car. Going by Matthew Cohen, Jacob accepted the job, pocketed the $1,200 advance and never communicated with the client again. Another client of Surefire's was Carolyne Cass - an exceptional, narcissistic brat in her mid-30s who destroyed her trust fund and had to resort to stripping - who offered $2,000 for assistance recovering stolen money. Instead, Jac-- I meant, Matthew, pursued a relationship and strictly using his alias, slept with her over the course of six months. In October of 2018, he asked Cass if she would sign an affidavit swearing that Mueller had raped her in New York eight years prior, using the story of her getting raped by a fraudulent investigator eerily similar to Little Jacob. Cass initially agreed, but upon seeing that Matthew was actually Jacob Wohl, mere hours before the press conference, she bailed, so Jacob and his attorney, Jack Burkman, forged her signature on the aforementioned affidavit.

He tried to claim that Cass was exclusively a victim and nothing more. Unfortunately, anyone with a brain was able to reverse Google search it and find that it was an older picture of Jacob posing with his girlfriend. After plowing a few more times, he dumped her over her age.


Vermont Law School professor Jessica Taub reported to the FBI that Surefire contacted her, requesting that she allege that Mueller raped her. A woman called Lorraine Parsons contacted a number of media outlets, stating that Jacob and Jack had tried bribing her with $20,000, if she signed an affidavit Mueller raped her while working in the same community as him. With the scheme blowing up in Jacob and Jack's faces, their next tactic was to claim that Mueller was behind everything and that Lorraine Parsons didn't exist. Additionally, Jacob denied that he had any connection with Surefire.

That is, until Jacob and Jack held this infamous press conference on November 1, holding an affidavit with Carolyne Cass' forged signature...
"Are you both prepared for federal prison?"

Of all the days he picked out of a hat for being the one that Mueller raped a woman, it happened to be when Mueller was reporting for jury duty. Jacob was sure to proclaim that it's nobody's business whether or not he dates Instagram models. Nobody was asking.

Twitter Ban

On February 26, 2019, USA Today ran an article on Jacob. He admitted to not only pulling the "hipster coffee shops" claims out of his ass, but attempting to spread disinformation through social media - particularly Twitter - in the hopes of influencing the 2020 presidential election. Twitter immediately perma-banned his ass. It's usually not a good idea to declare a plot before you've even begun.

"I was just threatened by Matthew Cohen!"

Jacob and fellow troll, Laura Loomer, traveled to terrifying Minneapolis in March 2019. Wearing bulletproof vests, (so you know it's super scary), they were on their way to find out if Congresswoman Ilhan Omar had married her own brother, when a well-dressed diversity coordinator @Drakehomes612 threatened them with pre-made lines.

“I hope you fuckin know that if bump into you in Dinkytown or anywhere else in my city I’m going to shoot you and shit on your fucking bodies. Get the fuck out of my city you piece of shit. Now.”

Click to expand...

When investigative journalists looked into "Drake Holmes", (misspelling his own handle, of course), it was discovered that it was fake; Jacob had falsified a police report. The picture that was used was of Aaron Delgado, who is a Minneapolis local and mortgage specialist. Naturally, Dellgado's none too pleased, so it took only a week for him to file a lawsuit. The best part? Fellow lolcow and ambulance chaser Michael Avenatti is representing Delgado. Though, I think his plate will be full for the next... 20-30 years.

Also, as of April 2019, when The Young Turks filed for a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request about Jacob, it was denied, on the basis of it being an active investigation. He's not out of hot water with the FBI, after the Mueller stunt he pulled.

Buttigieg rape operation: "Our coveted seal of approval!"

Half a year after Jacob and Jack's disastrous attempt to frame Mueller for raping Jacob's now-ex, Carolyne Cass, they tried pulling the same stunt on gay Democratic presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg... but with even worse results. Their new scheme was to entice a young, gay Republican into saying that Buttigieg sodomized him against his will.

The first candidate was set up with a meeting with a Bill (Jacob) and Matt Teller (Jack) of "Potomac Intelligence". This unidentified young man recorded a portion of the conversation, in which Jacob described Buttigieg as a rising threat to Trump who needed to be dealt with. Hafiz Malik, an associate professor of electrical and computer engineer at the University of Michigan-Dearborn, concluded with certainty that the recording was authentic and that Jacob was indeed the one going by the name of Bill. (Source)

The next and final candidate was Hunter Kelly, a dumb-shit Michigan gayboy-fanboy of Jacob's who agreed to help Jacob bring down Buttigieg, on the pretense that the operation was directed by Trump. Kelly was promptly flown out to Baltimore in late April and was driven to Jack's house in Arlington, where he was presented with a prepared statement that would describe how Buttigieg raped him. Jacob told him to simply sleep on it. The next morning, however, Kelly awoke to find Jacob dressed up - "I can’t do a Monday if I'm not in a suit" - as well as pre-prepared Medium and Twitter accounts that detailed the rape. Jacob and Jack told Kelly that he would not be allowed to bow out or leave the residence and that he would give a press conference before long. Kelly managed to pretend to nap in his room, while alerting his family to the situation. When they arrived, he bolted out of the house, before Jacob and Jack could react. (Source)

Even without their star witness, Jacob and Jack went ahead with a sham press conference in the driveway, hosting reporters, donuts and garbage trucks in full operation.


They have continued pulling these stunts so much that I don't have the time to update this post - just go through the thread yourself.

Criminal Charges #1 - Illicit Sales of Securities

Jacob's ghosts from his past as a con artist hedge fund manager returned with a vengeance. It was revealed that in June 2016, Jacob and his little partner Matthew Johnson screwed a client out of their life's savings of $75,000. The client reported the crime to the police, then committed suicide shortly after. An investigator subsequently organized a sting operation, by presenting himself as a real estate agent asking Jacob to invest in a security with $100,000. Jacob attempted to illegally sell the security, by not registering it or filing for exemption. As such, it was Jacob doing the only thing he knows how to do: conning people. (Source)

On September 4, 2019, Jacob was charged with felony for selling securities without registration. He avoided arrest by appearing in court and being released on his own recognizance. After appearing in court on October 24, getting charged with false state security and being granted three continuances, his trial resumed on February 24, 2020.

Criminal Charges #2 - Michigan Election Interference

In August 2020 - while awaiting trial for the securities felonies - Jacob conducted a massive operation along with Jack, to robocall upwards of 85,000 numbers in Detroit, with fraudulent & racist information regarding the risks of mail-in voting. Michigan Secretary of State Jocelyn Benson announced on August 27 that she would be pursuing litigation against Jacob and Jack. (Archive) Feeding off of Michigan's investigation, Jacob and Jack hired actors on Craigslist, to stage an FBI raid on Jack's house, on the pretense of it being a film shoot. (Source) During the last week of September, Jacob's (family's) home was actually raided by the FBI. On October 1, Jacob and Jack were charged with four felonies, including: intimidating voters, conspiracy to commit an election law violation, using a computer to commit an election law crime and using a computer to commit a conspiracy crime. If convicted, they could serve up to 24 years in federal prison. (Source)

On October 8, 2020, Jacob and Jack surrendered to Michigan authorities and were arraigned in the 36th District Court in Detroit, with a bail set at $100,000. (Archive)

Criminal Charges #3 - Ohio Election Interference

The robocall campaign in Detroit brought to light a litany of other cases Jacob and Jack enacted around the country, specifically targeting black communities. By October 13, 2020, Ohio Attorney General Dave Yost became aware of 8,050 or more robocalls made to the Cleveland suburbs by the exceptional duo. (Source) After being handed the investigation by Yost, Cuyahoga County Prosecutor Michael O'Malley investigated further and charged Jacob and Jack on October 27, with seven counts of telecommunication fraud and eight counts of bribery. (Source)

Jacob's Accounts:
Telegram
Twitter (Banned) / Archive listing
YouTube* / Archive
Facebook / Archive (Banned)
Soundcloud (For his now-defunct site: offendedamerica.com / The Washington Reporter-- it won't archive)
Instagram (Banned)

Jacob's Known Websites:
https://jacobwohl.org (Archive)
https://surefireintelligence.com (Archive)
https://offendedamerica.com (Now defunct; Archive listing)
https://culttture.com/ (Archive) (Started with Laura Loomer and Ali Alexander, who is a potential cow himself)