Let's Sperg Jaimas Plays a Terrible Game: ReGiCiDe by Punch Drunk Games - Worst RPGMaker Game I've Played in Almost a Decade

Jaimas

H O N K
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 27, 2014
Oh sweet GodJesus Bearchrist, children, this is a terrible RPGMaker Game. No, I correct that. This is one of the worst I've seen given public launch. See, terrible RPGMaker Games are a dime a million. A friend of mine and I used to have running contests on who could find the least-functional and worst ones and we'd MST3K them something fierce. This ended when we repeatedly found a barrage of games that were bad enough that we lost the ability to make them funny. The bit was retired and I thought that was the end of it.

Oh how naive I was. How foolish.

A52ZDQ7.png


Welcome to Regicide, children, or as the title screen calls it, ReGiCiDe. I will choose to call it that for the duration of this review because if I have to suffer through this idiocy so does everyone else. Regicide is the perfect example of why I actively avoid shitty RPGMaker games. There's a lot of great RPGMaker games out there, some are even flat-out brilliant, but others, like this one, are bottom-feeders, predominantly made with stock assets and generally looking and playing like shit.

There's a special place in hell for the especially bad ones, though. The ones that don't work, are nigh-on unplayable, or feature completely broken game design. Any one of these is a no-seller, but this shitstorm manages to possess all three. What you are looking at is one of those games, a landmark in shittiness that will take some time to beat, and which will take me a great deal of powerful alcohol to get over.

ZtWlmHl.png


The game opens with a text crawl, explaining the plot and how our protagonist, named Euphoria, cannot remember anything, not even who she is, though the narration just told us who the fuck she is, completely undermining the initial point.

This is followed by a mysterious voice telling our protagonist that she has to escape from here and telling her who she is, following by stating the mysterious voice loves her. We are exactly 24 seconds into this game and the story has contradicted its own intro twice. How the fuck?

p2CFLWJ.png


This game may look like it was made using an early case of RPGMaker. It is not. It is made with one of the most cutting-edge versions of the program (VX, specifically), and despite this, runs at about five frames per second on my computer. Many of the assets seem to be scratchbuilt - others stock. What I will say is that the map runs like absolute shit and the game design is even worse as you will soon see.

DV1RzdH.png


The narrating mysterious voice tells you what items do, and tells you to collect them. Your goal in each area seems to be finding all the star discs and keys and working your way forward. The first one we gather sends us to an area with other stars filled with memories of other people from other games and works of fiction: Specifically Stephen King's "It," The Magic Labyrinth of I.M. Meen (you fucking wish I was joking), Luigi's Mansion, and Cooking Mama. I really would prefer to be playing any one of these. Especially I.M. Meen, that shit is actually a decent edutainment title and falls into the video game equivalent of The Room, where it's literally so-bad-it's-amazing. A rare thing.

Where was I? Shit, right, the pointless flashback stars. We then get an explanation that Star Discs save memories, exactly as the dialogue told us a fucking second ago. That was productive.

VfEqK2y.png


More proof of it being a fucking RPGMaker Title. You know what's a good one that sheds archetype? Mermaid Swamp. I could be playing that game right now. That is a fucking amazing little game done simply.

Fuck it, back to gameplay, or lack thereof.

Back in the hallway, you may have noticed that you got a gray key. These unlock the gray doors. Due to this game being designed by an absolute fucking cretin, it's entirely possible to wind up forevermore unable to progress because you foolishly opened a door and don't have any of the keys needed to progress. Top-notch design, Punch Drunk Games. Maybe for a chaser you could have fucking broken scripting or do something that makes the game borderline unplayable.

Taking me up on that challenge, the game proceeds to have a robot in the hallway (an enemy) who refuses to fucking get out of the way. The game tells me that you should run from fights that you can't win and that the enemy will chase you so you can exploit their movement. Noticing that despite this claim, the robot is moving randomly, and thinking that this is probably an encounter I'm supposed to fight, I go for it.

zpYy5Yy.png


You get in a fight with a monster you are completely unable to hurt. Despite the Mysterious Voice's advice, there is no way to run away from it and you have no way of doing anything to even scratch it as it slowly whittles away your hit points.

3N8S8rt.png


Fucking amazing.

So I start again, boot the game up, play through the intro, go through the flashback, get the basic goodies in the starting rooms, and go back to try to move forward; the robot is literally the only way forward and he will not move and can't be fucking harmed.

The game is essentially impossible at this point, and I would consign it to the same fate as That Really Hot Chick's completely unplayable level design, but I'm nothing if not persistent. Fortunately due to the game's programmer being a fucking idiot, the enemies will not fight you unless you talk to them or touch them (bump into them with the direction arrows; simply standing next to you is not sufficient).

keRYSQs.png


Ever ready for more is the Kiwi Farms' resident shitty game reviewer, and by repeatedly reloading my game saves, this shit is able to progress. It takes no less than four attempts to get the mothefucker out of the hallway, but eventually he leaves and I'm finally able to move on.

I fight some of the bats in the area; these fuckers hit hard but you can at least harm them in turn. Nonetheless each one is basically a guaranteed healing potion used and running into a robot is an automatic game over because you can't run from combat and can't hurt them.

I encounter more star discs. The first one establishes that there was some kind of issue with Euphoria losing her memory due to a star disc malfunction, and another of Euphoria learning to read.

Finally I get another star disc and I'm led into a land of confusion and horror, as this one features Euphoria trying to take a nap only to have a frantically masturbating man jerking off to her.

vnyILae.png


You fucking wish I was kidding. Euphoria yells at him, he runs off, and the scene end.

x5TZXpr.png


As I try to leave the fucking area I found what I'm now calling the Fap Disc and hitting a switch, I wound up in this fucking situation and was completely unable to progress again. Let this set the mood for what is to come.

kut7Jco.png


Finally after six fucking reloads, I manage to escape from that shit.

I proceed onwards, only to fight some more bats and run low on medicine vials. Finally I see a small arching hallway that has some medicine at the end. I go and grab it, return, and....

zIWY92I.png


ಠ_ಠ

I̷̦̬͎̱͇̯͋ͩ̒̈́ ̛͕͕̼̝̃ WI͚ͮ̎ͦͨ̓̓L̑̕L͒̽͛ͧ͏̱͔̳̭̩ ̙̞͔̺͋̋ͪ̇͐M͚̦͍̜̳ͣU͔̥̹̐̊̐̀R̄̅̍ͫ̄̽̓D̤̓͊̚E͆́ͭ̈́̔̎͐Rͮ̓̍̉͊ ̹̫̲̗̱̙̿͞Yͦ͢O͓͈̦̗̭̞̯ͣ̈́͊U̷ͯ̏̈̈̀R͕̒ ̢̯̯̦͇͓͚ͦE̶͎̤͍͛̾ͥ̈́̀N͇͙̣̩̱̙͓͋̇͢T̵͕̈́̐ͪI̜͓͖̮͙̱̠̍͛̂̋̾R̖͇̼͙̦̯͍̄͐Ë͉̹́̐ͯͨͬ̀ͨ ̝̠̗̗̜͉ͬͤ̊̆͐̒ͮF̤͓̼̻͚̿ͬ͆̏͟Ã̯͂̓ͣ̚M̦̍I̝̲̦̦̱͙̜ͪ͛ͨ̈́͋̚̚L͕͗ͧ̇̇̔͐Y̤̫̼̗̿́ͮͩ̇͠ͅ

Ahem. Two reloads later, and I've escaped this idiocy, but I'm seriously getting my buzz harshed by all these fucking robots. This has got to be some of the worst game design I've seen in years. Another flashback, this time with Euphoria solving a puzzle for her mom, followed by another one with her shooting an arrow by running it at the target and poking it because again, the programmer lacks any ability to program. Did you notice that every single area in the game has no furniture or demarcation of location of any kind? Hot shit there.

ETq2ScI.png


Finally, I find this fucking thing, which heals fully and can be used infinitely. I proceed to use this and kill every single bat I can find. Soonafter, I hit level 3, and can now defeat the Robots. And my friends, there is a fucking reckoning. I go through the level and conduct genocide on the fucking things (they're virtually worthless XP/Treasure wise, I'll add), and finally sate my bloodlust after about 20 minutes of this faggotry.

g24ekYg.png

This thing is a literal maze. It's fucking boring and stupid and the gameplay is fucking worthless. No combat options, no tactics other than "punch the thing until it falls down," and no fucking variety whatsoever. You go around, hit buttons, collect random shit, punch people, die if you punch ones before you can punch them hard enough, use healing point, rinse, repeat.

73NtsYu.png


Finally we run into this fucking thing, a boss I would venture. I am now level 4 and I am prepared to show my woman-fists to this asshole. I murdered every single bat and robot in this cesspool, so I'm at best reasonably sure that I am overpowered for the upcoming fight.

NtyxXkE.png


Sweet Jesus, am I wrong. This dude hits like a truck and though he's none too durable it's a damned good thing I killed every mothefucker on the way here because I sincerely doubt she'd be strong enough otherwise. That's some fucking great game design there. Holy shit.

Finally I kill his ass, using most of my medicine stockpile, and head through the door into a forest. Thinking there may be hostiles ahead, I try to immediately go back so I can use the healing point.

n7jwBiG.png


...The game unceremoniously dumps me in a wall and I am trapped in hell, unable to ever escape.

I reload my save. I pray I'm nearing the end of this shitheap because I may have to find out more about Punch Drunk games and take someone hostage otherwise.
 

Cthulu

Satan's little helper
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 23, 2015
yw fam
Oh sweet GodJesus Bearchrist, children, this is a terrible RPGMaker Game. No, I correct that. This is one of the worst I've seen given public launch. See, terrible RPGMaker Games are a dime a million. A friend of mine and I used to have running contests on who could find the least-functional and worst ones and we'd MST3K them something fierce. This ended when we repeatedly found a barrage of games that were bad enough that we lost the ability to make them funny. The bit was retired and I thought that was the end of it.

Oh how naive I was. How foolish.

A52ZDQ7.png


Welcome to Regicide, children, or as the title screen calls it, ReGiCiDe. I will choose to call it that for the duration of this review because if I have to suffer through this idiocy so does everyone else. Regicide is the perfect example of why I actively avoid shitty RPGMaker games. There's a lot of great RPGMaker games out there, some are even flat-out brilliant, but others, like this one, are bottom-feeders, predominantly made with stock assets and generally looking and playing like shit.

There's a special place in hell for the especially bad ones, though. The ones that don't work, are nigh-on unplayable, or feature completely broken game design. Any one of these is a no-seller, but this shitstorm manages to possess all three. What you are looking at is one of those games, a landmark in shittiness that will take some time to beat, and which will take me a great deal of powerful alcohol to get over.

ZtWlmHl.png


The game opens with a text crawl, explaining the plot and how our protagonist, named Euphoria, cannot remember anything, not even who she is, though the narration just told us who the fuck she is, completely undermining the initial point.

This is followed by a mysterious voice telling our protagonist that she has to escape from here and telling her who she is, following by stating the mysterious voice loves her. We are exactly 24 seconds into this game and the story has contradicted its own intro twice. How the fuck?

p2CFLWJ.png


This game may look like it was made using an early case of RPGMaker. It is not. It is made with one of the most cutting-edge versions of the program (VX, specifically), and despite this, runs at about five frames per second on my computer. Many of the assets seem to be scratchbuilt - others stock. What I will say is that the map runs like absolute shit and the game design is even worse as you will soon see.

DV1RzdH.png


The narrating mysterious voice tells you what items do, and tells you to collect them. Your goal in each area seems to be finding all the star discs and keys and working your way forward. The first one we gather sends us to an area with other stars filled with memories of other people from other games and works of fiction: Specifically Stephen King's "It," The Magic Labyrinth of I.M. Meen (you fucking wish I was joking), Luigi's Mansion, and Cooking Mama. I really would prefer to be playing any one of these. Especially I.M. Meen, that shit is actually a decent edutainment title and falls into the video game equivalent of The Room, where it's literally so-bad-it's-amazing. A rare thing.

Where was I? Shit, right, the pointless flashback stars. We then get an explanation that Star Discs save memories, exactly as the dialogue told us a fucking second ago. That was productive.

VfEqK2y.png


More proof of it being a fucking RPGMaker Title. You know what's a good one that sheds archetype? Mermaid Swamp. I could be playing that game right now. That is a fucking amazing little game done simply.

Fuck it, back to gameplay, or lack thereof.

Back in the hallway, you may have noticed that you got a gray key. These unlock the gray doors. Due to this game being designed by an absolute fucking cretin, it's entirely possible to wind up forevermore unable to progress because you foolishly opened a door and don't have any of the keys needed to progress. Top-notch design, Punch Drunk Games. Maybe for a chaser you could have fucking broken scripting or do something that makes the game borderline unplayable.

Taking me up on that challenge, the game proceeds to have a robot in the hallway (an enemy) who refuses to fucking get out of the way. The game tells me that you should run from fights that you can't win and that the enemy will chase you so you can exploit their movement. Noticing that despite this claim, the robot is moving randomly, and thinking that this is probably an encounter I'm supposed to fight, I go for it.

zpYy5Yy.png


You get in a fight with a monster you are completely unable to hurt. Despite the Mysterious Voice's advice, there is no way to run away from it and you have no way of doing anything to even scratch it as it slowly whittles away your hit points.

3N8S8rt.png


Fucking amazing.

So I start again, boot the game up, play through the intro, go through the flashback, get the basic goodies in the starting rooms, and go back to try to move forward; the robot is literally the only way forward and he will not move and can't be fucking harmed.

The game is essentially impossible at this point, and I would consign it to the same fate as That Really Hot Chick's completely unplayable level design, but I'm nothing if not persistent. Fortunately due to the game's programmer being a fucking idiot, the enemies will not fight you unless you talk to them or touch them (bump into them with the direction arrows; simply standing next to you is not sufficient).

keRYSQs.png


Ever ready for more is the Kiwi Farms' resident shitty game reviewer, and by repeatedly reloading my game saves, this shit is able to progress. It takes no less than four attempts to get the mothefucker out of the hallway, but eventually he leaves and I'm finally able to move on.

I fight some of the bats in the area; these fuckers hit hard but you can at least harm them in turn. Nonetheless each one is basically a guaranteed healing potion used and running into a robot is an automatic game over because you can't run from combat and can't hurt them.

I encounter more star discs. The first one establishes that there was some kind of issue with Euphoria losing her memory due to a star disc malfunction, and another of Euphoria learning to read.

Finally I get another star disc and I'm led into a land of confusion and horror, as this one features Euphoria trying to take a nap only to have a frantically masturbating man jerking off to her.

vnyILae.png


You fucking wish I was kidding. Euphoria yells at him, he runs off, and the scene end.

x5TZXpr.png


As I try to leave the fucking area I found what I'm now calling the Fap Disc and hitting a switch, I wound up in this fucking situation and was completely unable to progress again. Let this set the mood for what is to come.

kut7Jco.png


Finally after six fucking reloads, I manage to escape from that shit.

I proceed onwards, only to fight some more bats and run low on medicine vials. Finally I see a small arching hallway that has some medicine at the end. I go and grab it, return, and....

zIWY92I.png


ಠ_ಠ

I̷̦̬͎̱͇̯͋ͩ̒̈́ ̛͕͕̼̝̃ WI͚ͮ̎ͦͨ̓̓L̑̕L͒̽͛ͧ͏̱͔̳̭̩ ̙̞͔̺͋̋ͪ̇͐M͚̦͍̜̳ͣU͔̥̹̐̊̐̀R̄̅̍ͫ̄̽̓D̤̓͊̚E͆́ͭ̈́̔̎͐Rͮ̓̍̉͊ ̹̫̲̗̱̙̿͞Yͦ͢O͓͈̦̗̭̞̯ͣ̈́͊U̷ͯ̏̈̈̀R͕̒ ̢̯̯̦͇͓͚ͦE̶͎̤͍͛̾ͥ̈́̀N͇͙̣̩̱̙͓͋̇͢T̵͕̈́̐ͪI̜͓͖̮͙̱̠̍͛̂̋̾R̖͇̼͙̦̯͍̄͐Ë͉̹́̐ͯͨͬ̀ͨ ̝̠̗̗̜͉ͬͤ̊̆͐̒ͮF̤͓̼̻͚̿ͬ͆̏͟Ã̯͂̓ͣ̚M̦̍I̝̲̦̦̱͙̜ͪ͛ͨ̈́͋̚̚L͕͗ͧ̇̇̔͐Y̤̫̼̗̿́ͮͩ̇͠ͅ

Ahem. Two reloads later, and I've escaped this idiocy, but I'm seriously getting my buzz harshed by all these fucking robots. This has got to be some of the worst game design I've seen in years. Another flashback, this time with Euphoria solving a puzzle for her mom, followed by another one with her shooting an arrow by running it at the target and poking it because again, the programmer lacks any ability to program. Did you notice that every single area in the game has no furniture or demarcation of location of any kind? Hot shit there.

ETq2ScI.png


Finally, I find this fucking thing, which heals fully and can be used infinitely. I proceed to use this and kill every single bat I can find. Soonafter, I hit level 3, and can now defeat the Robots. And my friends, there is a fucking reckoning. I go through the level and conduct genocide on the fucking things (they're virtually worthless XP/Treasure wise, I'll add), and finally sate my bloodlust after about 20 minutes of this faggotry.

g24ekYg.png

This thing is a literal maze. It's fucking boring and stupid and the gameplay is fucking worthless. No combat options, no tactics other than "punch the thing until it falls down," and no fucking variety whatsoever. You go around, hit buttons, collect random shit, punch people, die if you punch ones before you can punch them hard enough, use healing point, rinse, repeat.

73NtsYu.png


Finally we run into this fucking thing, a boss I would venture. I am now level 4 and I am prepared to show my woman-fists to this asshole. I murdered every single bat and robot in this cesspool, so I'm at best reasonably sure that I am overpowered for the upcoming fight.

NtyxXkE.png


Sweet Jesus, am I wrong. This dude hits like a truck and though he's none too durable it's a damned good thing I killed every mothefucker on the way here because I sincerely doubt she'd be strong enough otherwise. That's some fucking great game design there. Holy shit.

Finally I kill his ass, using most of my medicine stockpile, and head through the door into a forest. Thinking there may be hostiles ahead, I try to immediately go back so I can use the healing point.

n7jwBiG.png


...The game unceremoniously dumps me in a wall and I am trapped in hell, unable to ever escape.

I reload my save. I pray I'm nearing the end of this shitheap because I may have to find out more about Punch Drunk games and take someone hostage otherwise.
lmao
 

Cynical

The world sucks? Good.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Oh sweet GodJesus Bearchrist, children, this is a terrible RPGMaker Game. No, I correct that. This is one of the worst I've seen given public launch. See, terrible RPGMaker Games are a dime a million. A friend of mine and I used to have running contests on who could find the least-functional and worst ones and we'd MST3K them something fierce. This ended when we repeatedly found a barrage of games that were bad enough that we lost the ability to make them funny. The bit was retired and I thought that was the end of it.

Oh how naive I was. How foolish.

A52ZDQ7.png


Welcome to Regicide, children, or as the title screen calls it, ReGiCiDe. I will choose to call it that for the duration of this review because if I have to suffer through this idiocy so does everyone else. Regicide is the perfect example of why I actively avoid shitty RPGMaker games. There's a lot of great RPGMaker games out there, some are even flat-out brilliant, but others, like this one, are bottom-feeders, predominantly made with stock assets and generally looking and playing like shit.

There's a special place in hell for the especially bad ones, though. The ones that don't work, are nigh-on unplayable, or feature completely broken game design. Any one of these is a no-seller, but this shitstorm manages to possess all three. What you are looking at is one of those games, a landmark in shittiness that will take some time to beat, and which will take me a great deal of powerful alcohol to get over.

ZtWlmHl.png


The game opens with a text crawl, explaining the plot and how our protagonist, named Euphoria, cannot remember anything, not even who she is, though the narration just told us who the fuck she is, completely undermining the initial point.

This is followed by a mysterious voice telling our protagonist that she has to escape from here and telling her who she is, following by stating the mysterious voice loves her. We are exactly 24 seconds into this game and the story has contradicted its own intro twice. How the fuck?

p2CFLWJ.png


This game may look like it was made using an early case of RPGMaker. It is not. It is made with one of the most cutting-edge versions of the program (VX, specifically), and despite this, runs at about five frames per second on my computer. Many of the assets seem to be scratchbuilt - others stock. What I will say is that the map runs like absolute shit and the game design is even worse as you will soon see.

DV1RzdH.png


The narrating mysterious voice tells you what items do, and tells you to collect them. Your goal in each area seems to be finding all the star discs and keys and working your way forward. The first one we gather sends us to an area with other stars filled with memories of other people from other games and works of fiction: Specifically Stephen King's "It," The Magic Labyrinth of I.M. Meen (you fucking wish I was joking), Luigi's Mansion, and Cooking Mama. I really would prefer to be playing any one of these. Especially I.M. Meen, that shit is actually a decent edutainment title and falls into the video game equivalent of The Room, where it's literally so-bad-it's-amazing. A rare thing.

Where was I? Shit, right, the pointless flashback stars. We then get an explanation that Star Discs save memories, exactly as the dialogue told us a fucking second ago. That was productive.

VfEqK2y.png


More proof of it being a fucking RPGMaker Title. You know what's a good one that sheds archetype? Mermaid Swamp. I could be playing that game right now. That is a fucking amazing little game done simply.

Fuck it, back to gameplay, or lack thereof.

Back in the hallway, you may have noticed that you got a gray key. These unlock the gray doors. Due to this game being designed by an absolute fucking cretin, it's entirely possible to wind up forevermore unable to progress because you foolishly opened a door and don't have any of the keys needed to progress. Top-notch design, Punch Drunk Games. Maybe for a chaser you could have fucking broken scripting or do something that makes the game borderline unplayable.

Taking me up on that challenge, the game proceeds to have a robot in the hallway (an enemy) who refuses to fucking get out of the way. The game tells me that you should run from fights that you can't win and that the enemy will chase you so you can exploit their movement. Noticing that despite this claim, the robot is moving randomly, and thinking that this is probably an encounter I'm supposed to fight, I go for it.

zpYy5Yy.png


You get in a fight with a monster you are completely unable to hurt. Despite the Mysterious Voice's advice, there is no way to run away from it and you have no way of doing anything to even scratch it as it slowly whittles away your hit points.

3N8S8rt.png


Fucking amazing.

So I start again, boot the game up, play through the intro, go through the flashback, get the basic goodies in the starting rooms, and go back to try to move forward; the robot is literally the only way forward and he will not move and can't be fucking harmed.

The game is essentially impossible at this point, and I would consign it to the same fate as That Really Hot Chick's completely unplayable level design, but I'm nothing if not persistent. Fortunately due to the game's programmer being a fucking idiot, the enemies will not fight you unless you talk to them or touch them (bump into them with the direction arrows; simply standing next to you is not sufficient).

keRYSQs.png


Ever ready for more is the Kiwi Farms' resident shitty game reviewer, and by repeatedly reloading my game saves, this shit is able to progress. It takes no less than four attempts to get the mothefucker out of the hallway, but eventually he leaves and I'm finally able to move on.

I fight some of the bats in the area; these fuckers hit hard but you can at least harm them in turn. Nonetheless each one is basically a guaranteed healing potion used and running into a robot is an automatic game over because you can't run from combat and can't hurt them.

I encounter more star discs. The first one establishes that there was some kind of issue with Euphoria losing her memory due to a star disc malfunction, and another of Euphoria learning to read.

Finally I get another star disc and I'm led into a land of confusion and horror, as this one features Euphoria trying to take a nap only to have a frantically masturbating man jerking off to her.

vnyILae.png


You fucking wish I was kidding. Euphoria yells at him, he runs off, and the scene end.

x5TZXpr.png


As I try to leave the fucking area I found what I'm now calling the Fap Disc and hitting a switch, I wound up in this fucking situation and was completely unable to progress again. Let this set the mood for what is to come.

kut7Jco.png


Finally after six fucking reloads, I manage to escape from that shit.

I proceed onwards, only to fight some more bats and run low on medicine vials. Finally I see a small arching hallway that has some medicine at the end. I go and grab it, return, and....

zIWY92I.png


ಠ_ಠ

I̷̦̬͎̱͇̯͋ͩ̒̈́ ̛͕͕̼̝̃ WI͚ͮ̎ͦͨ̓̓L̑̕L͒̽͛ͧ͏̱͔̳̭̩ ̙̞͔̺͋̋ͪ̇͐M͚̦͍̜̳ͣU͔̥̹̐̊̐̀R̄̅̍ͫ̄̽̓D̤̓͊̚E͆́ͭ̈́̔̎͐Rͮ̓̍̉͊ ̹̫̲̗̱̙̿͞Yͦ͢O͓͈̦̗̭̞̯ͣ̈́͊U̷ͯ̏̈̈̀R͕̒ ̢̯̯̦͇͓͚ͦE̶͎̤͍͛̾ͥ̈́̀N͇͙̣̩̱̙͓͋̇͢T̵͕̈́̐ͪI̜͓͖̮͙̱̠̍͛̂̋̾R̖͇̼͙̦̯͍̄͐Ë͉̹́̐ͯͨͬ̀ͨ ̝̠̗̗̜͉ͬͤ̊̆͐̒ͮF̤͓̼̻͚̿ͬ͆̏͟Ã̯͂̓ͣ̚M̦̍I̝̲̦̦̱͙̜ͪ͛ͨ̈́͋̚̚L͕͗ͧ̇̇̔͐Y̤̫̼̗̿́ͮͩ̇͠ͅ

Ahem. Two reloads later, and I've escaped this idiocy, but I'm seriously getting my buzz harshed by all these fucking robots. This has got to be some of the worst game design I've seen in years. Another flashback, this time with Euphoria solving a puzzle for her mom, followed by another one with her shooting an arrow by running it at the target and poking it because again, the programmer lacks any ability to program. Did you notice that every single area in the game has no furniture or demarcation of location of any kind? Hot shit there.

ETq2ScI.png


Finally, I find this fucking thing, which heals fully and can be used infinitely. I proceed to use this and kill every single bat I can find. Soonafter, I hit level 3, and can now defeat the Robots. And my friends, there is a fucking reckoning. I go through the level and conduct genocide on the fucking things (they're virtually worthless XP/Treasure wise, I'll add), and finally sate my bloodlust after about 20 minutes of this faggotry.

g24ekYg.png

This thing is a literal maze. It's fucking boring and stupid and the gameplay is fucking worthless. No combat options, no tactics other than "punch the thing until it falls down," and no fucking variety whatsoever. You go around, hit buttons, collect random shit, punch people, die if you punch ones before you can punch them hard enough, use healing point, rinse, repeat.

73NtsYu.png


Finally we run into this fucking thing, a boss I would venture. I am now level 4 and I am prepared to show my woman-fists to this asshole. I murdered every single bat and robot in this cesspool, so I'm at best reasonably sure that I am overpowered for the upcoming fight.

NtyxXkE.png


Sweet Jesus, am I wrong. This dude hits like a truck and though he's none too durable it's a damned good thing I killed every mothefucker on the way here because I sincerely doubt she'd be strong enough otherwise. That's some fucking great game design there. Holy shit.

Finally I kill his ass, using most of my medicine stockpile, and head through the door into a forest. Thinking there may be hostiles ahead, I try to immediately go back so I can use the healing point.

n7jwBiG.png


...The game unceremoniously dumps me in a wall and I am trapped in hell, unable to ever escape.

I reload my save. I pray I'm nearing the end of this shitheap because I may have to find out more about Punch Drunk games and take someone hostage otherwise.

Go get yourself something nice and potent to drink man, you deserve it.

Also, you can verify which version of RPG Maker it's using by right clicking the game.exe program or whatever it's named if it has a custom name and posting the details.

RGSS2 means it's using VX, RGSS3 means it's using VX Ace.

RGSS means RPG Maker XP.
 
Last edited:

Ruin

Mercenary Slut
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 18, 2014
Wait so are there actually weapons/armor you can equip or do you just have to punch shit?
 
R

RK 672

Guest
kiwifarms.net
Lucia Locklin Hill-Rains / NBD (mtf)
Occupation: CEO of PunchDrunkGames
822 N Bowen Rd Arlington, TX 76012 United States
crosspost from main thread.
luluxzee@gmail.com
Original name: Lane S Hill
Date of Birth: May 12, 1987

Linked-In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/luciahillrains (http://archive.md/CaaCD)
Founder/ Lead Engineer
Punchdrunk Games
November 2012 – October 2015 (3 years) Arlington, TX

Phone number: 817-253-2746
Email: LuciaHillRains@Outlook.Com

In case, you don't want to download anything, you can play in browser. This might actually be a newer version than what was played: http://playregicide.com/
GitHub:
https://github.com/luciahillrains/regicide (http://archive.md/DYbuU)
https://github.com/luciahillrains/rlb (http://archive.md/ekQ5y)
https://github.com/luciahillrains (http://archive.md/OHwGc)
 

Cynical

The world sucks? Good.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
crosspost from main thread.
luluxzee@gmail.com
Original name: Lane S Hill
Date of Birth: May 12, 1987

Linked-In: https://www.linkedin.com/in/luciahillrains (http://archive.md/CaaCD)
Founder/ Lead Engineer
Punchdrunk Games
November 2012 – October 2015 (3 years) Arlington, TX

Phone number: 817-253-2746
Email: LuciaHillRains@Outlook.Com

In case, you don't want to download anything, you can play in browser. This might actually be a newer version than what was played: http://playregicide.com/
GitHub:
https://github.com/luciahillrains/regicide (http://archive.md/DYbuU)
https://github.com/luciahillrains/rlb (http://archive.md/ekQ5y)
https://github.com/luciahillrains (http://archive.md/OHwGc)

The browser version is a likely port to RPG Maker MV, which can be played in a browser, since it's codebase is HTML/JS, not a customized variation of Ruby.
 
R

RK 672

Guest
kiwifarms.net
Regicide: Tale of the Forgotten Thief/Adventures in Regicide

Lane tried to kickstart these Regicide games not once but three times: unsuccessful the first time, and cancelled the second and third times.
12/2014 (http://archive.md/7UDKF) $85/$12,000
7/2016 (http://archive.md/ZgCAL) $27/$500
8/2016 (http://archive.md/u9U4h) $10/$3,000
Kickstarter bio: (http://archive.md/UNftD)

They gave an interview about the game: https://femhype.com/2015/03/30/are-you-bad-enough-interviewing-the-regicide-team/ (http://archive.md/xGrXE)

http://www.indiedb.com/games/adventures-in-regicide (http://archive.md/1EFGv) Just some screenshots of the game.

They also tried an indiegogo campaign. It was considerably more successful ($646/$1200) than the Kickstarter (though they would later return to Kickstarter unsuccessfully).
(http://archive.md/5XNwU)

Itch.io (includes demos):
https://punchdrunkgames.itch.io/regicide-tale-of-the-forgotten-thief (http://archive.md/Csx88)
https://punchdrunkgames.itch.io/adventurers-of-regicide (http://archive.md/PhdlO)

http://gamejolt.com/games/regicide-tale-of-the-forgotten-thief/72523 (http://archive.md/AOqZJ) Another link to the demo.

Steam Greenlight: http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=418194920 (deleted)

Unsuccessful with funding, Punchdrunk Games turned to Patreon where they would be paid for each major build. Current total: $0
https://www.patreon.com/punchdrunkgames (http://archive.md/j7QOD)

You can send bug reports to: lucia@punchdrunkgamesllc.com
 

Cthulu

Satan's little helper
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 23, 2015
Regicide: Tale of the Forgotten Thief/Adventures in Regicide

Lane tried to kickstart these Regicide games not once but three times: unsuccessful the first time, and cancelled the second and third times.
12/2014 (http://archive.md/7UDKF) $85/$12,000
7/2016 (http://archive.md/ZgCAL) $27/$500
8/2016 (http://archive.md/u9U4h) $10/$3,000
Kickstarter bio: (http://archive.md/UNftD)

They gave an interview about the game: https://femhype.com/2015/03/30/are-you-bad-enough-interviewing-the-regicide-team/ (http://archive.md/xGrXE)

http://www.indiedb.com/games/adventures-in-regicide (http://archive.md/1EFGv) Just some screenshots of the game.

They also tried an indiegogo campaign. It was considerably more successful ($646/$1200) than the Kickstarter (though they would later return to Kickstarter unsuccessfully).
(http://archive.md/5XNwU)

Itch.io (includes demos):
https://punchdrunkgames.itch.io/regicide-tale-of-the-forgotten-thief (http://archive.md/Csx88)
https://punchdrunkgames.itch.io/adventurers-of-regicide (http://archive.md/PhdlO)

http://gamejolt.com/games/regicide-tale-of-the-forgotten-thief/72523 (http://archive.md/AOqZJ) Another link to the demo.

Steam Greenlight: http://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=418194920 (deleted)

Unsuccessful with funding, Punchdrunk Games turned to Patreon where they would be paid for each major build. Current total: $0
https://www.patreon.com/punchdrunkgames (http://archive.md/j7QOD)

You can send bug reports to: lucia@punchdrunkgamesllc.com
I just capped and doxed them and archived shit. This is real kiwi digging..lol :achievement:
 

Jaimas

H O N K
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 27, 2014
Back on track, let's end this nightmare.

UQ6GVoi.png


Our heroine proceeds onward and runs into random soldiers which by now she deals with by punching them with her meat-fists. They spend most of their time blocking and are barely worth fighting,.

yoDGuR0.png


We reach the town of Anice soonafter. There is absolutely nothing of note here save for a shop, inn, and a single path out of town. None of the townspeople tell you even remotely useful information or are in way, shape, or form helpful, except one, which gives us terrifying implications that I will soon get to.

Wait so are there actually weapons/armor you can equip or do you just have to punch shit?

Z2QjsaO.png


You can buy basic equipment in town and it provides token status improvements. Good shit.

Finally, we have the aforementioned guy in the pub.

WeEJAvO.png


....I hope you all can appreciate the implications, because I sure as shit can and if this goes where it thinks I am, I'm gonna be pissed.

Moving along.

W5wmf0j.png


You enter a new area with a framerate twice as bad as the previous zone. I have no idea how the fuck a game made for an engine this old is capable of making my rig chug like it's been force-fed a bacon smoothie, but here we fucking are. You find another disk and this one gives you a spell. This spell will feature prominently in the fights to come as the enemies take more damage from it than from a barrage of your attacks.

You quickly get a second disk that gives you a better version of the same spell and is essentially capable of one-shotting any normal enemy you encounter. With the exception of MP management the bulk of combat is now pointless busy-work. The game seems to realize this and puts the encounters on more broad paths that you can dart around since you get only a smattering of XP and gold from them and most are just annoying.

WukolmZ.png


After nearly 18 minutes of walking due to how slow this area moves, our heroine finally escapes the bad framerate zone.

Soonafter I find another disk in the swamp, this one of Euphoria at a dance where she dances with another girl and some other character we've never been introduced to gets insanely jelly.

vSCqNa1.png


Up ahead, I go around a corner and find a long tunnel occupied with approximately 4 dozen encounters.

I finally get to the end after nearly 20 minutes.

SYYANcK.png


At this point my irrational hate of this game's design has reached the point where I'm going to let Youtube respond for me:


Moving along, we look around and, surrounded by enemies with identical sprites, encounter the next boss.

e7y1Gqa.png


It dies in 2 hits.

I search around and soon find another star disk.

B4ugkGT.png


In this flashback, Euphoria encounters a guard who hurts her and she kills him. This seems to be leading someplace unfortunate. This is followed by another Star Disk that teaches the Ice Spell. Cool?

Soonafter I find another Star Disk.

LadoG0L.png


....I fuck hate being right. You know what this implies, I know what this implies, I'm just going to shut the fuck up and soldier through this, with only this to keep you company before we proceed onwards. We had a masturbator sexually harass her earlier so why not rape connotations? All men are scum, right?


You might think that since we got a new spell, this may see some actual use. If you thought that, you thought like an idiot, because the next area is filled with ice-elemental enemies that take basically no damage from the ice spell. Worse, every single enemy here is filled with stun attacks so many of them can essentially stunlock you forever if the RNG sides against you.

h1GW0GF.png


Worse, it's filled with narrow corridors and that means more forced shitty fights. Good stuff.

Finally, after more useless memory discs in which one upgrades the ice spell which still remains fucking useless because of where we are, I encounter another boss who has the same sprites as the other enemies. This one's different.

PTDaose.png


This motherfucker will fucking kill you. He repeatedly casts an ice spell that does tons of damage, or a paltry-damage normal attack that you can essentially ignore. If you go below half-health, heal. Unfortunately, he's also completely impervious to magic and has a fuckton of HP so I hope to god you saved before you fought him, healed up, and brought a ton of medicine, or you're more fucked than a prostitute her first night on the job.

Finally after three attempts (because he keeps spamming ridiculous-damage ice magic you see), he fucking dies, I save, and I move onwards.

lbbVDxc.png


Finally, the game ends, and I retire to get my aggression out in a more visceral fashion.

This one was bad, Kiwis. This one was really bad. Between the god-awful level design, horrific implications of the game itself, the fact that the game was well-on unplayable were it not for me discovering an exploit, the fact that the developer actually had the intent to charge money for this shit, I intend to forget that this fucking game exists forever.

And lastly,to @Cthulhu, I leave a very important message:

What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you abomination? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the League of Hunters, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Healing Church, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in the spamming of molotov cocktails and I’m the top arcane build in the entire Hunter's Dream. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in your nightmare-realm, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the spheres and your shitposting is being traced right now so you better prepare for the bone ash, maggot. The bone ashed cannon that wipes out the pathetic shambling existence you call your life. You’re fucking dead, eldritch abomination.

In all seriousness thank you for this one. I certainly hope you all had more fun with it than I did, because holy shit.
 
Last edited:

Ruin

Mercenary Slut
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 18, 2014
Wait is this intended to be a hentai game or some sort of preachy feminism/rape revenge simulator?

I'm so confused.
 

Cthulu

Satan's little helper
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Feb 23, 2015
What the fuck did you just fucking say to me, you abomination? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the League of Hunters, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on the Healing Church, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in the spamming of molotov cocktails and I’m the top arcane build in the entire Hunter's Dream. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before in your nightmare-realm, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the spheres and your shitposting is being traced right now so you better prepare for the bone ash, maggot. The bone ashed cannon that wipes out the pathetic shambling existence you call your life. You’re fucking dead, eldritch abomination.
ilu too fam
 

Cynical

The world sucks? Good.
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 21, 2014
Figure out which version of RPG Maker this was for?

If it was XP, it's capped to 30 FPS. VX and VX Ace can hit 60 by default.

If you have a copy of the RPG Maker used to make the game, google the RGSSAD - RGSS2A - RGSS3A Decrypter and use it to extract the game files and see the game in the editor.

If someone wants me to do it, let me know.

I'm pretty sure the reason it's so fucking slow is because the event code is shittily optimized and it runs like dog shit because the engine hasn't been optimized worth a damn. It likely has some piss poor balance issues due to lack of adequate playtesting too.
 

Jaimas

H O N K
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jun 27, 2014
Nvm just read the Femhype interview posted in the OP. This is absolutely meant to be an "all men are scum" kind of thing.

That was fucking apparent from exactly a minute in. Subtlety is not these troons' high point.
 

Ruin

Mercenary Slut
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 18, 2014
That was fucking apparent from exactly a minute in. Subtlety is not these troons' high point.

I guess it's harder for an observer than the player. I was focused on trying to figure out why there were robots and holodisks alongside fantasy monsters and wizards.
 

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