So recently James Corbett shit this thing out onto Hipster Steam.
And it's entirely done in Bitsy.
I actually really like the idea behind Bitsy, it's a fun little user engine that reminds me of ZZT in a few ways, except ZZT could make tons of different games if you were willing to fart around with it often or hard enough, whereas Bitsy is entirely restricted to tiny little walking and talking games. If you want to actually make something of substance with it, it's possible to, but it takes time and effort, and above all else, good writing and ideas to make up for the lack of graphics and gameplay.
Correctly used, Bitsy is an engine that makes narrative games more interesting for working within the limitations of the engine itself, and is simple enough that even a child can use it.
Incorrectly used, it's a way for e-hipsters to make shitty microgames without any effort.
Considering that Corbett's previous efforts are NIGHTMARE PISS, a "game" with fourteen seconds worth of content that seems to exist to see how Bitsy works, Sonic Eats a Chili Dog, a Twine Game with three seconds of actual content, and I Want To Fuck And Die In Space, another shitty Bitsy Game that touches on the same themes this one I'm about to review does, which category do you fucking think this shit falls into, dear reader?
Welcome to James Corbett's The Loneliest Astronaut, a game I was able to complete in a whole 2 minutes and can speedrun in 12 seconds. Considering this was made in Bitsy entirely with a premade engine and premade assets, I have, as of this paragraph, put in more effort writing this review than James did in making this fucking game.
You can wander around and talk to various items here: The map computer, the window, the nagivation console, the chair, and that little switch thing that's there for dialogue purposes but is not actually needed to advance the game, because James apparently doesn't know how to do that, despite there being scripting and variables in Bitsy for this exact purpose.
The dialogue is pretty bog-standard, with the protagonist going on about how they don't need anyone and how humans are mean and bad and how much better off they are in space by themselves. This continues until you go into the back of the craft.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE, DAD, YOU HEAR ME?!
When you go back to the front the ship has turned red tinged and looking at anything seems to trigger a spastic episode.
I was going to jokingly do this thing in this review where I played Crawling in my Crawl throughout, but on balance, this review desperately requires more edge than even Crawling in my Crawl can safely provide:
Much better.
So after cursing at every object on the bridge, you head back to your room again.
At this point it comes out that our protagonist once thought about bringing others on this voyage into space. When we return to the cabin, shit changes again.
In Blue Mode, all the responses are scared and depressed. The protagonist reveals some level of vulnerability and that they don't want to be alone out here anymore, but that no one seems to be responding. Either this is a brilliant analogy for James' Twitter addiction, or (more likely), this is one more examples of shitty developers putting a slice of their personal problems into the game and trying to seem deeper than they actually are. I'd posit further on that but I'm already putting in more effort than James is.
At this point I noticed that James fucked up the mapping on the rear compartment and removed the windows that were previously there in white mode in the red and blue mode screenshots. That's some quality craftsmanship. There's also a star pulsing in the background but you can't interact with it. The protagonist continues their depressive fit.
While it's not well done, there's a sort of clever idea being transmitted here, albeit badly: that in getting away from everyone, the protagonist has been left with only himself, and that is not pleasant company. The problem is that this doesn't really come across well and the limitations of this engine and concept are pretty much as limited as the graphics.
When you get back to the bridge, the airlock is open and an umbilicus has been extended.
I have so many questions, not the least of which is "Why are you alive in space?"
Sadly, there are few answers and the only way you can go is down the umbilicus.
You go down the cord, and the protagonist ponders if being alone is truly for the best, before going to red mode and then blue mode again.
Then the fucking game ends.
....And that's it. It's over.
I'm addressing the following segment to James personally:
James, you're a hard developer to like, but you're honestly harder to hate, and for your sake, I'm laying a moratorium down on games that were shit out like this: I'm not doing any more of your games until you deign to put some effort in.
Back when I reviewed Emergence, a current JPATG Ten Worst Titleholder (#6 no less), I brought up several problems your game had: Lack of interactivity, minimal effort, complete linearity, overuse of tell, rather than show, and no player agency whatsoever. What set you apart from other developers I routinely grind into the dirt until they cry, and, indeed, something that continues to set you apart from those is that you actually have writing chops and could actually do something with your concepts.
You've just actively chosen not to, and it's that which pisses me off. You could make great games. You have the same heart, the same core that people who actually know what they're doing have. You just need to give them more time, more effort, more interactivity.
I said, at the time I reviewed Emergence, that if you ever came back to it and updated and upgraded it, I would re-review it, and give it its props if it did well. You never did, and because of that, right there in the JPATG Ten Worst list it remains. I don't want it there. You have the capability to remove it from there. You just haven't.
Because it's easier to whine about victimhood than it is to self-actualize.
I bring this up because The Loneliest Astronaut has the exact same core issues Emergence does, only more concentrated and with actual graphics this time. It's not worth my time and effort if you're not going to try in the first place.
Kind Regards,
Some Asshat on the Kiwi Farms
And it's entirely done in Bitsy.
I actually really like the idea behind Bitsy, it's a fun little user engine that reminds me of ZZT in a few ways, except ZZT could make tons of different games if you were willing to fart around with it often or hard enough, whereas Bitsy is entirely restricted to tiny little walking and talking games. If you want to actually make something of substance with it, it's possible to, but it takes time and effort, and above all else, good writing and ideas to make up for the lack of graphics and gameplay.
Correctly used, Bitsy is an engine that makes narrative games more interesting for working within the limitations of the engine itself, and is simple enough that even a child can use it.
Incorrectly used, it's a way for e-hipsters to make shitty microgames without any effort.
Considering that Corbett's previous efforts are NIGHTMARE PISS, a "game" with fourteen seconds worth of content that seems to exist to see how Bitsy works, Sonic Eats a Chili Dog, a Twine Game with three seconds of actual content, and I Want To Fuck And Die In Space, another shitty Bitsy Game that touches on the same themes this one I'm about to review does, which category do you fucking think this shit falls into, dear reader?
Welcome to James Corbett's The Loneliest Astronaut, a game I was able to complete in a whole 2 minutes and can speedrun in 12 seconds. Considering this was made in Bitsy entirely with a premade engine and premade assets, I have, as of this paragraph, put in more effort writing this review than James did in making this fucking game.
You can wander around and talk to various items here: The map computer, the window, the nagivation console, the chair, and that little switch thing that's there for dialogue purposes but is not actually needed to advance the game, because James apparently doesn't know how to do that, despite there being scripting and variables in Bitsy for this exact purpose.
The dialogue is pretty bog-standard, with the protagonist going on about how they don't need anyone and how humans are mean and bad and how much better off they are in space by themselves. This continues until you go into the back of the craft.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE, DAD, YOU HEAR ME?!
When you go back to the front the ship has turned red tinged and looking at anything seems to trigger a spastic episode.
I was going to jokingly do this thing in this review where I played Crawling in my Crawl throughout, but on balance, this review desperately requires more edge than even Crawling in my Crawl can safely provide:
Much better.
So after cursing at every object on the bridge, you head back to your room again.
At this point it comes out that our protagonist once thought about bringing others on this voyage into space. When we return to the cabin, shit changes again.
In Blue Mode, all the responses are scared and depressed. The protagonist reveals some level of vulnerability and that they don't want to be alone out here anymore, but that no one seems to be responding. Either this is a brilliant analogy for James' Twitter addiction, or (more likely), this is one more examples of shitty developers putting a slice of their personal problems into the game and trying to seem deeper than they actually are. I'd posit further on that but I'm already putting in more effort than James is.
At this point I noticed that James fucked up the mapping on the rear compartment and removed the windows that were previously there in white mode in the red and blue mode screenshots. That's some quality craftsmanship. There's also a star pulsing in the background but you can't interact with it. The protagonist continues their depressive fit.
While it's not well done, there's a sort of clever idea being transmitted here, albeit badly: that in getting away from everyone, the protagonist has been left with only himself, and that is not pleasant company. The problem is that this doesn't really come across well and the limitations of this engine and concept are pretty much as limited as the graphics.
When you get back to the bridge, the airlock is open and an umbilicus has been extended.
I have so many questions, not the least of which is "Why are you alive in space?"
Sadly, there are few answers and the only way you can go is down the umbilicus.
You go down the cord, and the protagonist ponders if being alone is truly for the best, before going to red mode and then blue mode again.
Then the fucking game ends.
....And that's it. It's over.
I'm addressing the following segment to James personally:
James, you're a hard developer to like, but you're honestly harder to hate, and for your sake, I'm laying a moratorium down on games that were shit out like this: I'm not doing any more of your games until you deign to put some effort in.
Back when I reviewed Emergence, a current JPATG Ten Worst Titleholder (#6 no less), I brought up several problems your game had: Lack of interactivity, minimal effort, complete linearity, overuse of tell, rather than show, and no player agency whatsoever. What set you apart from other developers I routinely grind into the dirt until they cry, and, indeed, something that continues to set you apart from those is that you actually have writing chops and could actually do something with your concepts.
You've just actively chosen not to, and it's that which pisses me off. You could make great games. You have the same heart, the same core that people who actually know what they're doing have. You just need to give them more time, more effort, more interactivity.
I said, at the time I reviewed Emergence, that if you ever came back to it and updated and upgraded it, I would re-review it, and give it its props if it did well. You never did, and because of that, right there in the JPATG Ten Worst list it remains. I don't want it there. You have the capability to remove it from there. You just haven't.
Because it's easier to whine about victimhood than it is to self-actualize.
I bring this up because The Loneliest Astronaut has the exact same core issues Emergence does, only more concentrated and with actual graphics this time. It's not worth my time and effort if you're not going to try in the first place.
Kind Regards,
Some Asshat on the Kiwi Farms
