Holy shit, Kiwis.
I was not prepared for what I would face when I volunteered to play (and review) Warren Lynch's magnum opus, Waste Wars.
Your average Kiwi has never seen anything like today's JPATG entry. Indeed, your average gaming enthusiast has not even begun to conceptualize the level of sheer, unadulterated retardation you are about to bear witness to in this thread. What you are about to see is when someone with less competence than Brianna Wu, less effort in art than David Gallant, and less elegance than Mark Boyd attempts to make a fucking turn-based strategy game.
This nightmarish image greets you when you start the game up. I've yet to figure out the relevance.
This is the title screen. With what appears to be a ripoff of a Warhammer 40,000 Imperial cruiser slowly floating about bouncing off the walls, I looked at this for several seconds, knowing only pain and madness lurked beyond.
The gamestarts with demanding we choose a play icon. No matter what you actually choose, the game is 2 players, but I'll get to that. I went with Don because Don looked sort of neat. Our opponent is Joshuus because that is literally the worst name other than "Chaz."
You then have to choose armies. Each one is unique and you don't even fucking care because you just saw item #7 and NOPE'd out of here like I fucking should have. But let's assume you decided to give it a shot. Each army has its own fucking army list and you have to choose units based on resources.
Joshuus' Ponyite Scum is here and dear god when does the hurting stop. This cyan nightmare is supposed to be a fucking battlefield. You choose your forces, choose your table quarters, and the game starts using dice-based PRNG mechanics.
Being the blue team on a map like this is fun shit, let me tell you.
The game explains fucking nothing, but it's only when I start fucking with the game's mechanics that I realize: This game blatantly rips off Warhammer 40,000 mechanically, to the letter. Like it's fucking impressive. Every mechanic is meticulously reproduced, from squad coherency to how assaults work and fucking none of them are done well because the game is coded by a fucking mongoloid, but I'll get to that.
In all ways, this is fucking baffling to me: Not only has he ripped off the unit stats wholesale (to the point you can fucking re-create these fucking units in baseline 40K if you wanted), but he's reproduced every mechanic here. This isn't "oh, he made something like Warhammer 40K," this is "Oh holy shit, he completely ripped his setting's main system off from the 40K Tabletop game and some of his art assets besides for his shitty indie game."
Yet despite ripping off so much, he also completely fucks up what makes these fun and interesting.
This means the single-player game is basically you playing chess against yourself.
One difference between conventional 40K and this technicolor vomit abomination (and note the name of the fucking pony units, holy shit) is that you do face random monsters which usually look like red technicolor blobs on the big cyan technicolor blob.
Eventually the battle is drawn and it fucking takes forever, but Blue wins.
.....The game crashes.
Apparently it didn't crash hard enough to stop, however. The game carries on a little further then crashes again, much harder this time, forcing a restart.
During the second go-round, Don's forces face another team of ponyfags.
On the second turn, a random monster encounter mass-panics them all and due to a bad series of rolls, Don wins by default. Then the game crashed.
Conclusion: This is one of the worst JPATG titles so far, and that's a fuck of an accomplishment for a game that features actual gameplay. Every fucking thing in this game is a ripoff of a fucking tabletop game with none of what made the original good. Everything in it is an overly-complicated mess that gives no fucking explanation on how anything in it works. It's completely lopsided gameplay wise and is basically only multiplayer. Everything in it is juvenile, badly-done, and poorly-implemented, except for a relatively faithful replication of 40K core rules, and I'm not giving you credit because you ripped something off, you idiotic troon.
I was not prepared for what I would face when I volunteered to play (and review) Warren Lynch's magnum opus, Waste Wars.
Your average Kiwi has never seen anything like today's JPATG entry. Indeed, your average gaming enthusiast has not even begun to conceptualize the level of sheer, unadulterated retardation you are about to bear witness to in this thread. What you are about to see is when someone with less competence than Brianna Wu, less effort in art than David Gallant, and less elegance than Mark Boyd attempts to make a fucking turn-based strategy game.
This nightmarish image greets you when you start the game up. I've yet to figure out the relevance.
This is the title screen. With what appears to be a ripoff of a Warhammer 40,000 Imperial cruiser slowly floating about bouncing off the walls, I looked at this for several seconds, knowing only pain and madness lurked beyond.
The gamestarts with demanding we choose a play icon. No matter what you actually choose, the game is 2 players, but I'll get to that. I went with Don because Don looked sort of neat. Our opponent is Joshuus because that is literally the worst name other than "Chaz."
You then have to choose armies. Each one is unique and you don't even fucking care because you just saw item #7 and NOPE'd out of here like I fucking should have. But let's assume you decided to give it a shot. Each army has its own fucking army list and you have to choose units based on resources.
Joshuus' Ponyite Scum is here and dear god when does the hurting stop. This cyan nightmare is supposed to be a fucking battlefield. You choose your forces, choose your table quarters, and the game starts using dice-based PRNG mechanics.
Being the blue team on a map like this is fun shit, let me tell you.
The game explains fucking nothing, but it's only when I start fucking with the game's mechanics that I realize: This game blatantly rips off Warhammer 40,000 mechanically, to the letter. Like it's fucking impressive. Every mechanic is meticulously reproduced, from squad coherency to how assaults work and fucking none of them are done well because the game is coded by a fucking mongoloid, but I'll get to that.
In all ways, this is fucking baffling to me: Not only has he ripped off the unit stats wholesale (to the point you can fucking re-create these fucking units in baseline 40K if you wanted), but he's reproduced every mechanic here. This isn't "oh, he made something like Warhammer 40K," this is "Oh holy shit, he completely ripped his setting's main system off from the 40K Tabletop game and some of his art assets besides for his shitty indie game."
Yet despite ripping off so much, he also completely fucks up what makes these fun and interesting.
This means the single-player game is basically you playing chess against yourself.
One difference between conventional 40K and this technicolor vomit abomination (and note the name of the fucking pony units, holy shit) is that you do face random monsters which usually look like red technicolor blobs on the big cyan technicolor blob.
Eventually the battle is drawn and it fucking takes forever, but Blue wins.
.....The game crashes.
Apparently it didn't crash hard enough to stop, however. The game carries on a little further then crashes again, much harder this time, forcing a restart.
During the second go-round, Don's forces face another team of ponyfags.
On the second turn, a random monster encounter mass-panics them all and due to a bad series of rolls, Don wins by default. Then the game crashed.
Conclusion: This is one of the worst JPATG titles so far, and that's a fuck of an accomplishment for a game that features actual gameplay. Every fucking thing in this game is a ripoff of a fucking tabletop game with none of what made the original good. Everything in it is an overly-complicated mess that gives no fucking explanation on how anything in it works. It's completely lopsided gameplay wise and is basically only multiplayer. Everything in it is juvenile, badly-done, and poorly-implemented, except for a relatively faithful replication of 40K core rules, and I'm not giving you credit because you ripped something off, you idiotic troon.
