[Jan,Feb-2019] Kingdom Hearts 3 - Motivated by the friendship of Money

[Wurstbrot]

As the main-thread gets flooded with KH3, including a ton of pure gold commentary, a separate thread seems like a good idea to preserve Phil Burnell's struggle with a children's game and never ending hate for any form of videogame.
The movement of those posts by an overseer to this place is highly welcomed. Due to technical limitations, better not do that.

I will try to collect the most important happenings in the main post, or at least stuff that stick to me for some reason. Keep in mind that I know nothing about this game so far, so if the dots don't connect there has to be a mistake on my part. Collected through Twitter and your posts.

• This game seems to contain a 20 minutes recap. He pays no attention and prefers to make bad jokes. This results in him questioning stuff that was just explained a second ago. Of course he also fails to connect simple dots ("Wuuut? Why did they fuck with his memories, dood! Doesn't explain shit!" Because they are evil?).
• Fails to understand the recap ("We defeated the bad guy in KH1. How is this shit still continuing??? I don't get it!").
• Immediately starts to complain and clown/muppet-acting related to the music, even so he's just 20 seconds in the intro. Great start!
  
• He does not record the opening for YouTube because of copyright claims (which seems quite valid, as detractors got problems for uploading this part).
• Bitches about Olympus, the start of the game, because it's a stupid terrible world to start of with even so he knows nothing so far but bitching makes him look strong, masculine and like a game critic.
• Empress Swagginz starts to be the biggest detractor from this point on forward, as he continuously shits on the game, probably inspired by Phil. Others join him on this rampage.
• Has problems not falling asleep.
• Shits on the characters (Disney does nothing with them, nobody remembers their shit anymore).
• A great summary of the joylessness he presents to us, by Option Paralysis
• Shits on the battle system, it's a button masher, too many transformations, it's dumbed down
• Phil blames detractors for a planned attack on his stream, shitheads who say negative stuff about KH3, followed by a round of bans. In reality it's just paranoia, people just followed his and Swagginz footsteps which were imprinted from the very start of the stream.
  
• He still hasn't stopped water bottle crushes
• "flattestsoup" starts to guide him with an online-guide.
• Spoiler: Dimensional Rift Bald Spot

  
• Spoiler: Post Game BEGGING

  
• After Phil and Swag had a "talk" (money may be involved or not), Phil bans/timeouts everyone who mentions the mentioned betrayal.
• Tip goals are back ('member, the daily $200 goal which sometimes resets between streams on the same day)
• Finds this game too easy, despite he chose "standart" as the difficulty and - for whatever reason - acted like a whole monkey cage several times cuz of it
• This game is boring and overhyped, still acts like it was super fun on Twitter
• To avoid content ID hits, he tried to mute a song and sing over it (oh no). But instead he mutes himself (thank god).
• Keeps on threatening his audience that he will cancel this playthrough if contributions stay low. This low "interactivity" is not his fault, but everyone elses.
• Days later, shameless begging continues and acts like he is entitled to your money: After recording for Youtube, keeps on being salty that this is the slowest day he ever had. "Not even 1000 bits, not even $10 tip".
• Literally just wants this game to end, because he iterally does not care for the final cutscenes (which won't stop). If it's not obvious, he probably only cared for the KH3-money which won't flow in. Of course the "real reason" is: He "has no time today".
• Falling asleep continues, at 3pm, but this time he really gets "unconscious" for a brief moment. Before that he acted like a clown on purpose to stay awake.
• Meanwhile patreon numbers drop to an all time low. One reason is the elimination of the $1 perk, but probably also due to his toxic performance the last days.
• Unfortunately the game gave him a save point and he quit the stream as fast as if clocking out is a superpower.
• His review: Only mentions negatives (apparently "because it's faster" ) and "The game is not worth playing: 7/10"

 

[Pargon]

Wagequit in t-minus three days. Calling it now.

 

[The tired cat]

I'm gonna give it two days max before Pigsy calls it quits and starts the blame game again.

 

[BoingBoingBoi]

i don't think he'll ragequit, but he will probably change his attitude towards it and start treating it like he does other jrpg games rather than as a major new release. he'll give it the later time slot and call it a "chill, fun, relaxing, jrpg stream" because he has to play games that get more money during his primetime slot.

 

[Comma]

I think he'll finish it, but if the playthrough continues to be "slow", as usual he'll point at multiple factors "outside of his control" as reasons for that; Tervin, trolls, people avoiding spoilers, people not stepping up during the streams and/or on Youtube etc. etc., you know the deal. Not his fault for adding exactly ZERO value to the gameplay. Nothing he could do.

He'll most likely put it on the backburner (late streams) when things don't improve cash-wise, switching back to Minecracft/Black Ops.

 

[LostMy1stAccount]

• 

"Kingdom Hearts III is going to be a LONG game and if I’m going to play it in full,..."
IF he is going to play it full
I see a wagequit incoming in the next 3-4 days.

 

[Prince Lotor]

That's the bald spot I was talking about, the one he's extremely self-conscious about who's existence he completely denies. The 2nd one on the top of his head that runs all the way from the crown to the crest area. Oof, it's like twice as big as the last time I saw it. It used to look like a jagged line about a fingers width, now it's a full-on straight-edged canyon two fingers wide. It's almost doubled in size just since the summer. I'm more interested in how long he will keep pretending he's not balding at all and his hair is, "Oh, Yeah! Full & Thick baybeee!!!!"

 

[BallBuster]

That's the bald spot I was talking about, the one he's extremely self-conscious about who's existence he completely denies. The 2nd one on the top of his head that runs all the way from the crown to the crest area. Oof, it's like twice as big as the last time I saw it. It used to look like a jagged line about a fingers width, now it's a full-on straight-edged canyon two fingers wide. It's almost doubled in size just since the summer. I'm more interested in how long he will keep pretending he's not balding at all and his hair is, "Oh, Yeah! Full & Thick baybeee!!!!"

It is really funny that if he didn’t rock back and forth like some faggot with a nervous tick, you never even see it.

 

[DoubleSideKy]

"Kingdom Hearts III is going to be a LONG game and if I’m going to play it in full,..."
IF he is going to play it full
I see a wagequit incoming in the next 3-4 days.

I see him view/wagequit it within the next week. 7-9 days at most.

 

[SkippyLongbottom]

Yeah this shit is definitely going on the backburner. Knowing how long it takes Phil to complete games like this, it will take him about two months tops. I think he is already fitting in Black Cops and Brown Bricks into his schedule too. Shit, he's already bringing back REmake2 after saying his viewers were burnt out(meaning they stopped coughing up money).

Once again, he God of War'd this game expecting high payoff because it's a new release. Except this time he took a shit on the game right out of the gate. Never learns.

 

[Pargon]

Why is he such a joyless prick about so much? I know KH isn't everyone's cup of tea and he doesn't need to be orgasmic over every new release (fuck, pun not intended, gross) but man, he starts talking shit right away, like it's more a matter of "oh boy, here we go again" rather than any modicum of excitement at playing a new game. This faggot has forgotten the joy of jumping feet-first into a new experience, and that's assuming he ever knew it at some point in the past. When I was a kid pulling the plastic off the box of a new NES game was a visceral experience - it genuinely got my heart pounding, imagining what that game was going to be like and where it was going to take me. Even now that I'm goddamn Methuselah and with YouTube videos plastered everywhere of every new game I still get a little charge of anticipation when I boot something new for the first time, and I don't think that's an uncommon thing.

I don't think there's anything about Phil that I pity him for more than that. He just...doesn't know the happiness of any aspect of the activity he spends most of his waking life on. Pathetic.

 

[Kermit the Frog]

He's not going to drop KH3 since he hyped it up so much and he's put himself into a corner. If he's enjoying himself like he claims, why drop it? After all, he plays games to have fun. What Phil will do is bitch and moan endlessly when he plays it and there's not enough interaction for his liking. Numerous times, he'll stop playing, sigh loudly into the mic and then go on his usual JRPG rant about low views, low interaction and how he's playing this long ass game because his fans want him to, so they need to step up. Waste of his time dood.

 

[Pargon]

He's not going to drop KH3 since he hyped it up so much and he's put himself into a corner. If he's enjoying himself like he claims, why drop it? After all, he plays games to have fun. What Phil will do is bitch and moan endlessly when he plays it and there's not enough interaction for his liking. Numerous times, he'll stop playing, sigh loudly into the mic and then go on his usual JRPG rant about low views, low interaction and how he's playing this long ass game because his fans want him to, so they need to step up. Waste of his time dood.

I'd agree with you were it not for the fact that he's skipped games entirely as part of his much-touted marathons for the same fundamental reason: wouldn't make him munny, dood.

I mean, taking out all of the reasons why people don't want to, it makes sense: people don't want to watch him play it. It's a smart decision. What makes it foolish is the fact that he poisoned the well before he even had a chance to drink from it.

 

[Commander Keen]

Why is he such a joyless prick about so much? I know KH isn't everyone's cup of tea and he doesn't need to be orgasmic over every new release (fuck, pun not intended, gross) but man, he starts talking shit right away, like it's more a matter of "oh boy, here we go again" rather than any modicum of excitement at playing a new game. This faggot has forgotten the joy of jumping feet-first into a new experience, and that's assuming he ever knew it at some point in the past. When I was a kid pulling the plastic off the box of a new NES game was a visceral experience - it genuinely got my heart pounding, imagining what that game was going to be like and where it was going to take me. Even now that I'm goddamn Methuselah and with YouTube videos plastered everywhere of every new game I still get a little charge of anticipation when I boot something new for the first time, and I don't think that's an uncommon thing.

I don't think there's anything about Phil that I pity him for more than that. He just...doesn't know the happiness of any aspect of the activity he spends most of his waking life on. Pathetic.

DSP only likes fighting games and turn based jRPGs. I don’t like whatever genre the new XCOM games are, so I get hyped for whatever is coming out like Phoenix Point or whatever but then I get pissed off because it’s not like UFO Defense or Terror from the Deep. I think DSP is like that for every game released because he doesn’t like anything except fightan and jap role playan so when a new game comes out in those genres he compares them to the games he did like and was successful playing so he gets disappointed and cranky when they don’t live up to his expectations.

Everything else he’s just miserable playing because he doesn’t like playing that type of game.

 

[Surly Muppet]

He's not going to drop KH3 since he hyped it up so much and he's put himself into a corner. If he's enjoying himself like he claims, why drop it? After all, he plays games to have fun. What Phil will do is bitch and moan endlessly when he plays it and there's not enough interaction for his liking. Numerous times, he'll stop playing, sigh loudly into the mic and then go on his usual JRPG rant about low views, low interaction and how he's playing this long ass game because his fans want him to, so they need to step up. Waste of his time dood.

In theory you're right, but this is Phil the Reality-mancer. I think he genuinely enjoyed Dragon Quest, so he slugged out the low views, calling it 'chill'. But I think he's lying about enjoying this one, so all he sees is the lack of money. So, to get himself out of the corner, he'll just pretend he was never in it. He'll claim he was excited, but always apprehensive because of the hype surrounding the game (he, of course, being immune to such things), and he feels that the game is a disappointment and isn't holding his attention. He's genuinely "just not... uh... ENJOYING it."

As an added bonus, we'll probably get one of his conspiracy theories that the game has serious issues, and other streamers suck the game's dick because they want the views, all of whom are kiddies. He and Swaggy will then ban anyone that points out none of this makes sense, and Phil will drop the game.

Then in 2 years, it'll be "Kingdom Hearts 3: The Redemption Run! I didn't understand the game the first time, I didn't give it enough of a fair chance. But this time, with more interactivity, and less negativity from that secret detractor mod that I had to ban, Swiggin or whatever his name was... okay... I'll really give the game its due! It's what YOU VOTED FOR!" And then he'll look to the ceiling and t-pose, and the cycle will begin anew.

 

[Comma]

 

[ReentryPhantom]

View attachment 653245
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There they are. There are the detractors that conspired to destroy Phil's KH3 stream so people didn't contribute to it.

 

[TheKatIsNowGone]

The big thing I've noticed from the streams is he's yawning and squinting almost constantly. He was yawning right after he woke up this morning. Not sure if the game bores him, he seems to enjoy it, maybe old man Phil just needs a retirement.

 

[RIPRhongoBongo]

Here I thought his Resident Evil 2 streams were bad. Fucking hell, this is going to be even more miserable to sit through

 

[Commander Keen]

The big thing I've noticed from the streams is he's yawning and squinting almost constantly. He was yawning right after he woke up this morning. Not sure if the game bores him, he seems to enjoy it, maybe old man Phil just needs a retirement.

Dude stays up all night sippin on the strong drink. You get sleepy during the day if you do that too often.