Japan Q&A -

[HG 400]

I know literally everything about Japan, from the ancient ways of the Samurai (known as bushido) to the breathtakingly beautiful forms of Japanese art (known as manga or anime). I am basically the forums' forefront expert on Japan, or Glorious Nihon as I prefer to call it. There is no question too obscure or difficult for me as long as it pertains to Japanese culture as I have spent the last few years studying all things Japanese and training with my authentic Japanese sword (known as a katana), and one day hope to move there and find a nice Japanese girlfriend (known as a geisha).

Ask me anything.

 

[EI 903]

Just how much autism is contained in one pack of Pocky?

 

[HG 400]

Just how much autism is contained in one pack of Pocky?

Pocky (known in the tongue of the Rising Sun as Bishoni) is a delicious and healthy Japanese candy made up of dried jerky meat and presumably spices and sugarings. It has not been known to cause or contribute to autism and your post verges dangerously close to mockery. I will not hesitate to kill you irl with my katana if this persists.

 

[CatParty]

According to their animes they want to be white. Why?

 

[HG 400]

According to their animes they want to be white. Why?

This is untrue. It's simply an artistic convention for anime artists (known as Otaku) to depict their characters with some features that are mistakenly identified as being typical of Caucasians by the ethnocentric white Americans who misinterpret and slander anime. The "whiteness" of anime characters is in fact a reference to the Japanese afterlife (known as Shinto), confirming that while anime is initially created as fiction it is also 100% real and non-fictional, just existing on a plane of existence removed from our own.

 

[DeliriousMantra]

The Japanese people seem to have a hardcore underground scene where every fetish imaginable can be satisfied and (young couples I guess) resort to love hotels and the like to be together. Now I don't know how hush-hush all of that is, but I've always thought that how some Japanese people indulge themselves in these fetishes in the dark of the night and hide their affection, must be deeply rooted in their culture, respect for one another and all that jazz. What are your thoughts on this?

 

[A Random]

Do the Japanese really not have beds?

 

[KingGeedorah]

How valid is this reference source

I think I spy a digital pagan in this video as well...

 

[Watcher]

Why is CAG a Weeaboo?

 

[Big Nasty]

Do they really have telephone book-sized porno mags?

 

[HypeBeast]

How can I get a Japanese gf?

 

[Mourning Dove]

Is it true that Japanese see white people (and even non-Japanese Asians) as inferior to themselves?

 

[Picklechu]

Pocky (known in the tongue of the Rising Sun as Bishoni) is a delicious and healthy Japanese candy made up of dried jerky meat and presumably spices and sugarings. It has not been known to cause or contribute to autism and your post verges dangerously close to mockery. I will not hesitate to kill you irl with my katana if this persists.

I dunno, I've seen people who eat pocky, and they're pretty damn autistic.

 

[c-no]

Is the katana really the ultimate sword?

 

[HG 400]

The Japanese people seem to have a hardcore underground scene where every fetish imaginable can be satisfied and (young couples I guess) resort to love hotels and the like to be together. Now I don't know how hush-hush all of that is, but I've always thought that how some Japanese people indulge themselves in these fetishes in the dark of the night and hide their affection, must be deeply rooted in their culture, respect for one another and all that jazz. What are your thoughts on this?

Well, there are basically two types of fetish in Nihon. One is young love (known as lolicon or shotacon), but you've probably heard of it by the slanderous and unfair names that ignorant westerners refer to it by. The other is tentacle rape (known as hentai). When you check into a Nihonese Love Hotel with your geisha you get a themed room of your choice. As Nihon is an extremely respectful and austere culture the likes of which oafish westerners couldn't begin to understand, it is seen as highly inappropriate to comment on the Hotel-visitations of others.

Do the Japanese really not have beds?

They have woven mats (known as tatami) which are superior in every way to our ridiculous western beds.

How valid is this reference source

I think I spy a digital pagan in this video as well...

2/10 barely accurate.

Why is CAG a Weeaboo?

Because he has excellent taste and recognises the inferiority of our ignorant and status-obsessed western culture.

Do they really have telephone book-sized porno mags?

Japanese telephone books are much larger than japanese pornographic magazines (known as manga). I don't know what size western telephone books are because I make it a point not to try and ignore all western influence in my life.

How can I get a Japanese gf?

If you have white skin and an appreciation for manga and eroge, Japanese girls will flock to you when you arrive in Glorious Tokyo and basically beg to be the Number #1 geisha in your harem while a string of quirky accidents and misunderstandings make sure you can never quite decide on only one.

Is it true that Japanese see white people (and even non-Japanese Asians) as inferior to themselves?

White people and non-Japanese Asians are inferior to Japanese people.

I dunno, I've seen people who eat pocky, and they're pretty damn autistic.

0/10 gr8 b8 m8. There is nothing autistic about eating pocky.

Is the katana really the ultimate sword?

The katana is the most ultimate sword ever created. It's folded over ten billion times by master smiths (known as katanajutsu) until it becomes harder than diamonds. The blade is exactly half a molecule thick at the edge. A katana is capable of cutting through solid concrete and steel anvils with great ease. If the Japanese weren't such a peaceful and benevolent race, they would have conquered the entire earth circa 800BC.

 

[Coldgrip]

Is it true that Pokemon was Japan's first attempt to use weaponized autism against America?

 

[c-no]

Is the armor of a samurai much sturdier and/or mobile than the armor of a European knight?

 

[HG 400]

Is it true that Pokemon was Japan's first attempt to use weaponized autism against America?

Pocket monsters (known as pokemon) are an incredibly fun and respectable interest and there is literally nothing autistic about appreciating them. They are yet another instance of High Art created in Nihon and to suggest that autistics or children are interested in them is highly offensive. If it wasn't for racist ethnocentric attitudes like yours, pokemon playing cards would be displayed in the Louvre, where they rightfully belong.

Is the armor of a samurai much sturdier and/or mobile than the armor of a European knight?

Both. Samurai armor is a masterfully wrought laminate second only to Gundum armor in it's tensile strength and versatility. The only thing that can sunder samurai armor is the katana, which is why Japanese katanajutsu spend so long folding their katanas, to make them harder than diamonds and able to defeat other samurai in single combat. European armour is basically scrap metal glued to clothes and can't hold up against any kind of superior Japanese weapon. Even the lightest of strikes from a Japanese dagger (known as a naganata) or a glancing shot from a masterwork Nihonese bow (known as a yuri) would sunder a European Knight's armor so hard that he would literally explode inside it as if one hundred hand grenades went off in his rectum.

 

[Mourning Dove]

Is baseball really your favorite sport?

 

[Sussuro]

手彫りを貰いたい。やくざに入らなければなりませんか。