Artcow Jay Geis / The Golden Knight / The Platinum Paladin / Dick Pierce - The Glorious Return of a Legendary Artcow and Spergilicious Psychopath

DONGS.EXE

kiwifarms.net
Plus, August was the time I debuted my original comic book at Baltimore Comic Con.

Not to ignore his weird twist of nuke lol'ing, but when he says he debuted his comic at that Comic Con...did he actually get a booth, or just stand outside the doors and try to shill that shit to anybody that walked by?
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
Plus, August was the time I debuted my original comic book at Baltimore Comic Con.

Not to ignore his weird twist of nuke lol'ing, but when he says he debuted his comic at that Comic Con...did he actually get a booth, or just stand outside the doors and try to shill that shit to anybody that walked by?
Probably got a booth - pictures exist of his skinny ass sitting behind a table with a whole stack of his autistic magnum opus for sale.
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
His family is pretty well off, paying money for him to shill his shitty comic isn't much of a stretch given that they actually had copies printed to begin with.
And yet they STILL won't buy him the knight suit of solid gold he so desperately wants.

Not like his skin-and-bones frame would be able to even handle that shit.
 

Count groudon

Saltier than Njord's left testicle
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
And yet they STILL won't buy him the knight suit of solid gold he so desperately wants.

Not like his skin-and-bones frame would be able to even handle that shit.
Correction: he wants solid gold-plated POWER armor so that he won't have to worry about the weight snapping his toothpick body in half, and also making him strong enough to be able to carry a mini gun.
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
Correction: he wants solid gold-plated POWER armor so that he won't have to worry about the weight snapping his toothpick body in half, and also making him strong enough to be able to carry a mini gun.
lol I take it that means Jay doesn't realize most fictional power armor - like the MJLONIR armor that Master Chief from HALO wears and I bet is the primary inspiration for wanting gold power armor given Jay would give that series perpetual blowjobs if he could - actually requires the user to receive body modification and implants such that the power armor actually plugs into their nervous systems, thus allowing the suit to move with the body by the power of thought as opposed to typical armor?

And that's before even getting into the fact literally everybody ever who wears power armor are also really fucking jacked. Master Chief? Dude's over six feet tall, literally trained since birth to be a soldier, and runs around in a suit that weighs half a ton in any environment. Doomguy? The original was just some hardcore motherfucker who injected a bunch of super soldier serum wearing special security force armor (AFAIK), while the new Doomguy a.k.a. 'the Doom Slayer' has armor made by a fucking demon and can rip demons apart with his bare hands - and that's just the 2016 rendition, the upcoming Eternal update makes him even MORE hardcore and yet his forearms are still exposed because he just does not give any fucks about it. WH40K Space Marines? They're post-human monsters surgically engineered to be living weapons that have as much of the suit inside their bodies as they do outside them, on top of being eight feet tall, able to bench press several tons, eat flesh, spit acid, technically breathe in space - about the only thing they can't do is have sex because their genitals basically fall off or something due to all the changes to their bodies.

For a guy so physically weak that he couldn't be the back room stock guy at Target, the idea he would EVER achieve a physical level on par with even real life soldiers is laughable.
 

Senior Lexmechanic

Shitposting displeases the Omnissiah
kiwifarms.net
lol I take it that means Jay doesn't realize most fictional power armor - like the MJLONIR armor that Master Chief from HALO wears and I bet is the primary inspiration for wanting gold power armor given Jay would give that series perpetual blowjobs if he could - actually requires the user to receive body modification and implants such that the power armor actually plugs into their nervous systems, thus allowing the suit to move with the body by the power of thought as opposed to typical armor?

And that's before even getting into the fact literally everybody ever who wears power armor are also really fucking jacked. Master Chief? Dude's over six feet tall, literally trained since birth to be a soldier, and runs around in a suit that weighs half a ton in any environment. Doomguy? The original was just some hardcore motherfucker who injected a bunch of super soldier serum wearing special security force armor (AFAIK), while the new Doomguy a.k.a. 'the Doom Slayer' has armor made by a fucking demon and can rip demons apart with his bare hands - and that's just the 2016 rendition, the upcoming Eternal update makes him even MORE hardcore and yet his forearms are still exposed because he just does not give any fucks about it. WH40K Space Marines? They're post-human monsters surgically engineered to be living weapons that have as much of the suit inside their bodies as they do outside them, on top of being eight feet tall, able to bench press several tons, eat flesh, spit acid, technically breathe in space - about the only thing they can't do is have sex because their genitals basically fall off or something due to all the changes to their bodies.

For a guy so physically weak that he couldn't be the back room stock guy at Target, the idea he would EVER achieve a physical level on par with even real life soldiers is laughable.
Space Marines can have sex; they're just sterile. However, most Chapters utilize psycho-indoctrination protocols that suppress most "human" desires (such as egoism and romantic/sexual love) and replace them with unwavering loyalty to their Chapter and to the Imperium (this is why Astartes are so big on feats, coincidentally; the desire for good food in large quantities is one of the few human urges they retain, and their posthuman bodies have towering metabolic requirements). The exceptions are known to be really, really rowdy, such as the Space Wolves, who drink super-mead that would kill anyone without Astartes modifications and are known to bed "six maids in one night".
 

MerriedxReldnahc

The Autistic Rites of Dracula
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Jay wants people to draw his comic for him.
https://www.deviantart.com/the-golden-knight/journal/Art-Collab-Bonanza-759991866
I want people to draw for me! Yes, work with me, people! The Rebellion is spread too thin, and the Empire needs to save resources for its next superweapon. So, both factions need to outsource their propaganda.


[beat] And you know where this is going, I hope.


The Lost Forerunner


BASICALLY! I want people to draw the pages (and all panels therein), based off the script (which will be provided for you right here, and probably also in my gallery). Chapters 1 and 2 I reserve for myself, because introductions and plots...but other chapters like 3 through 6 are more "episodic" meaning you don't need to have read the previous entries for the story to make sense. No real rules per se (and the "completion" doesn't even need to be done in sequential order, just as long as the story gets done); this isn't a contest. But the more people I can get on-board, the better (even if I'm counting on 0). One side note: there is some cursing, as well as one or two moments of blood, so...while not my MOST INTENSE work, it's still not PG, either.


SO, let's start with


Chapter 3:



On the Rails

Cover Page (done by )

Page 1

Panel 1: Jamie Forerunner finally finishes up putting on her Space Western outfit (the same as seen on the main series cover)

Panel 2: Jamie comes out, saying, "I need to thank you SOMEHOW!" The green alien says, "No need, no need. If you find others like this, to them, be kind."

Panel 3: Medium-close-up, Jamie looks unsure. "Not even rent?"

Panel 4: Close-up: the green Yoda-looking alien gives a coy half-smile up at Jamie.

Page 2

Panel 1: Long shot, facing Jamie's back as she walks into a saloon, saying to herself out loud, "Why did I agree to THIS?!"

Panel 2: Jamie sits down and orders another beverage...this time, like from Chapter 2, taking a stab at the dark. Yeah, Jamie isn't the brightest, and isn't quick to learn from her mistakes.

Panel 3: Jamie throws her head back with the glass literally "bottoms up".

Panel 4: After setting it down, Jamie mutters, "I have a bad feeling about this..."

Panel 5: Action panel: Jamie spontaneously throws up!

Panel 6: Jamie comes back up, queasy and shaky, muttering, "There it goes..." Her face says this by itself has taken a toll on her.

Page 3

Panel 1: Stormtroopers come in

Panel 2: One drunkard starts heckling the Stormtroopers

Panel 3: Stormtrooper leader, marked by a tan/brownish shoulder pad, says, “Sir, you should lay off the booze.”

Panel 4: “Fuck YOU!” The drunkard winds up to try and go for the swing…

Panel 5: But instead only falls onto the floor with a thud. One of the Stormtroopers just puts an open palm up to the face of the iconic helmet.

Page 4

Panel 1: Jamie feels a dramatic PING! Imagine a basic level of precognition thanks to The Force. It’s a subtle effect…

Panel 2: SO subtle, in fact, that Jamie isn’t sure whether the signal was from impending danger or the drink she just got done vomiting onto the floor.

Panel 3: The Stormtroopers start walking towards Jamie as she slips the tender a list while she says, “I want all this to go.”

Panel 4: The Stormtroopers catch up to Jamie, and the whole gang surround her. Their leader asks, “Aren’t you a little young?” Jamie responds with a confused, “No? I’m twenty-something years old.” What’s funny is that means nothing when all the different planets each have their own years (despite there being a “Galactic Standard”). But at face value, Jamie just seems like she’s not the brightest bulb in the pile. Whether it’s a mark on her mental caliber or a sign that she really doesn’t know how the galaxy works is open to interpretation. Or it could be a lingering effect of alcohol making her act “goofier” than usual; again, it’s all open to interpretation. The reason behind the line isn’t important; the line itself is what needs to be kept.

Panel 5: The Stormtrooper leader makes a gesture with the hand like a “come here” signal while asking, “Let me see your ID.”

Panel 6: Jamie’s in BIG trouble! She’s going to get carded, but as she rifles through her pockets, she realizes she has NO ID in the entire galaxy! And now she’s caught buying goodness knows what substances without being able to prove she’s at whatever constitutes “legal age”. What a mess she finds herself in…

Page 5

Panel 1: Jamie flails around for a beat, mostly because the panic finally set in.

Panel 2: She tells them, “I’m sorry, I don’t even know how your ID system WORKS!”

Panel 3: The Stormtroopers forcefully grab Jamie by her wrists, shunting them behind her back, while the leader says, “Hey, we’ve got ourselves an ILLEGAL! We need to DEPORT you back to whence you came!” (Not saying the Stormtroopers are the bad guys; they’re ‘just doing their job’ as the police officers of the Star Wars Galaxy.)

Panel 4: Close-up on Jamie’s terrorized face. She pleads to explain, “But I don’t even know where I came FROM!” Considering she’s practically from another dimension, Jamie is completely lost and not sure what would happen when these enforcers discover the undefined (from their point of view) nature of her background.

Panel 5: A couple of background patrons of different alien races jump on top of the tables, blasters aimed from the hip, as one of them (who looks like a real jackass/donkey in the face) yells, “FREE THE IMMIGRANTS!”

Page 6

Panel 1: Blaster shots (and a few bullets) go zinging all across the room from all directions!

Panel 2: Jamie dives for cover, yelling a loud and dramatic, "WAA-AAAHH!!"

Panel 3: Jamie is curled up behind the bar for cover, surrounded by booze bottles on all sides of the close background. The sounds of rapid firing guns and blasters rattle the whole scene, with sound text (lots of “BANG”s and “PEW”s with some glass shattering “TSS”s too) all over the panel.

Panel 4: Jamie looks around, muttering, “I need to get out of here!”

Panel 5: The shot covers the whole saloon from the front door’s point of view, with Jamie off in the distance, hidden by the bar, saying, “But how am I going to get through THAT?!” There’s an absolute frenzy in the scene, with aliens running and leaping, shooting to the side, with one of the Stormtroopers down on the ground and half a dozen different ‘background extras’ fallen as well. Queue one Wilhelm Scream, too. Also the background characters look a lot like the Cantina patrons from Star Wars Episode 4, so expect at least one guy to be wearing a cheesy werewolf mask. This is a perfect chance for some visual parody, too; add a couple “special snowflakes” to the mix of aliens, with their extravagantly dyed hair and skin that’s more inked from tattoos than normal plain skin, or enough piercings to have one legally recognized as a “cyborg”.

Page 7

Panel 1: Jamie grabs as many bottles as she can carry without fear of breaking them. They make a clanking noise as the glass jingles together.

Panel 2: Jamie tries to lay low, running from flipped table to flipped table for as much cover as possible. She specifically skirts around the thick of the action going on in the center of the room (the “dance floor” if you will).

Panel 3: A blaster bolt of searing energy lands dead-on to Jamie’s right calf! It feels like someone rammed a branding iron clean onto her bare skin! So it BURNS AND HURTS LIKE HELL!

Panel 4: Close-up (or even EXTREME close-up) of Jamie’s face as she screams, “OWWW!!!” There is NO other detail in the background (maybe a black-and-white lightning-shaped zig-zag or somesuch), because this panel has to TOTALLY EMPHASIZE Jamie and her pain.

Panel 5: Jamie rolls onto the ground, tightly gripping her leg where it hurts, rapidly yelling, “OW OW OW OW OW!”

Page 8

Panel 1: Jamie is crawling towards the camera (the camera is ground-level, as if the camera itself is set onto the floor), securing her loot beneath her belly. With a pained look on her face, two Stormtroopers are standing up in the far background, with the leader pointing towards her and commanding, “GET THE ILLEGAL!”

Panel 2: That “jackass” character from earlier whips out an improvised grenade and blows the place to kingdom come! It must’ve been some kind of terrorist, to take its own life in order to also kill a couple of Stormtroopers and (more importantly) give Jamie the opening she needed to crawl the rest of the way outside.

Panel 3: Jamie has SOMEHOW escaped, without getting caught no less. As she sits in the filthy alley just outside the Saloon, she slowly rocks back and forth, her screams of pain subdued to moans as she cradles her seriously stung calf.

Panel 4: Jamie WINCES!

Panel 5: As Jamie lifts her vest, it’s revealed that her glass cargo not only shattered when she fell on the floor earlier, but that the glass shards had sliced up her abdomen, as well as the sides of her chest. There are clear signs of bleeding on multiple parts of her soft body. The poor girl’s tender belly is experiencing pangs of slashing and stabbing pains.

Panel 6: Each time she plucks out a blood-soaked glass fragment, she yelps out a sharp “Ow!”

Page 9

Panel 1: With all the damaging pieces out of her body, Jamie’s moaning turns more into an entranced mantra (like an “OHM”).

Panel 2: But like magic, her limited Force power activates (her special gift in particular), allowing her to “cure minor wounds” in the course of one or two panels.

Panel 3: With one last moan (which, queerly enough, sounds like the same moan that happens when a woman has just settled down from an orgasm), Jamie also takes a sigh of relief once the pain FINALLY stops and leaves her alone! Her body is restored, without even any scarring to show for it…although the blaster injury is still mildly present, she is otherwise good as new.

Panel 4: A Trandoshan comes up to Jamie in the alley, saying with a hiss, “You need a fix?”

Panel 5: Jamie hands the Trandoshan her list.

Panel 6: The Trandoshan reads over the list.

Panel 7: “Yesss, I can help you. But YOU will need to help ME.” Jamie asks, “How can I help?”

Page 10

Panel 1: Splash page, Jamie barely looks like a speck next to the massive train (it's one of those hover sorts of trains, kind of like the one from the N64 game Rogue Squadron) Jamie says, “Oh, the things I do…”

Page 11

Panel 1: Because the train is hovering a whole 5 stories off the ground, Jamie needs to surf on an Airspeeder (like the Snowspeeders) in order to leap aboard. The Trandoshan is piloting the Airspeeder that Jamie is surfing aboard, as SHE has to be the one to do the daring leap across.

Panel 2: BLAM! A dramatic whiz sound effect as a shot almost grazes Jamie; thankfully, the train's cargo box gives her enough cover to not get hit.

Panel 3: Jamie points and yells, "WHAT THE CURSE ARE *THOSE* THINGS?!"

Panel 4: Over-the-shoulder camera angle from Jamie's point of view; that reveals they are "Sullustans". And the four of them chatter with a goofy accent, arguably parodying Mexican banditos.

Page 12

Panel 1: Jamie’s still on the Airspeeder, readying her stance…

Panel 2: Action panel; Jamie LEAPS for the train!

Panel 3: She grabs hold, but her body slams against the side, forcing out a loud and adorably feminine “OOF” sound! The metal train slaps her belly and crushes her small breasts, creating a strong but acute pain in her whole front.

Panel 4: The camera looms completely over Jamie’s head, looking STRAIGHT DOWN on top of her head, emphasizing the precarious hanging and being 5 stories aboveground could very easily kill her if she were to slip. Judging by the gasped look on Jamie’s face, the gravity of the stakes is not lost on her.

Page 13

Panel 1: With a series of strained grunts and struggling, Jamie climbs onto the top of the train.

Panel 2: Jamie huffs repeatedly, trying to say, “Look, I know you were here first, but I think there’s enough for everyone.”

Panel 3: The Sullustans chatter in their foreign language, but Jamie yells “ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKERS! DO YOU SPEAK IT?!” Her failure at self-awareness is amusing to the aliens – and ideally the audience as well. In Star Wars, it’s referred to as “Galactic Basic”, but because she’s from another dimension, SHE doesn’t know that.

Panel 4: The Sullustans are too busy rolling on the floor laughing (or whatever constitutes “floor” on the roof/outside of the train), and with a grumble, Jamie just walks by them, ignorantly taking advantage of their stunned goofiness while they mock her ignorance.

Panel 5: Jamie slides through the open window into the engine at the front of the train. She’s greeted by a loud, commanding word: “HALT!”

Panel 6: The person is pointing a rifle clearly at Jamie’s chest. She’s stopped in her tracks at this confrontation.

Page 14

Panel 1: Jamie shifts into a pose fitting for a Western duel (like the whole "pistols drawn at high noon" sort of duel), and she's got a serious look on her face.

Panel 2: Insert-shot, her hand reaches for her holster...only to find NOTHING THERE! Whoops!

Panel 3: Close-up on Jamie's face; she looks either panicked or sheepish.

Panel 4: Conductor brandishes weapon, saying, "Any last words, FORE RUNNER?"

Panel 5: Jamie stares blankly. She's got a facial expression fitting for a Neanderthal.

Panel 6: *POOT!* Jamie lets out with a dramatic fart. Yes, if she were to die, Jamie’s “last words” would be a fart.

Page 15

Panel 1: Final Battle Commences! The guy shoots, but while it misses from Jamie’s leap backwards, she’s clearly on the run as she’s incapable of fighting back at range due to her unarmed status.

Panel 2: Jamie is stepping backwards, her hands up in front of her chest as if signaling surrender. "Uhh, I didn't mean any trouble. I was just - "

Panel 3: Jamie, without even thinking, just “Force Pulls” the weapon out of the Conductor’s hands. Given her reflex and impulse, she’s just as surprised as her enemy is, but for different reasons.

Panel 4: The Conductor runs away screaming like he/she/it saw a ghost. Jamie, with a big question mark, is left to wonder, “Why do people always react that way?” Welp, at least she’s now able to safely and freely secure her loot: the stuff she spent ALL Chapter 3 trying to acquisition.

Page 16

Panel 1: Jamie comes back into the home of the Yoda-looking guy, showing signs of wear and scuffs from her adventures and misadventures. With bags in tow, she says, “I’ve got the stuff you wanted.” The clanking of glass jars and bottles could be heard coming from her bags.

Panel 2: The Yoda-looking guy rummages through the couple of bags Jamie brought in, while saying, “Good food, good!”

Panel 3: The Yoda-looking guy stands on a stool so he/she/it can reach over a stove (the stool compensating for his tiny stature), with a giant pot/cauldron/cooking container device, and as the character has readied numerous other household ingredients, also starts adding the booze and other items from Jamie’s trip. Jamie’s in the background, venting, “You put me through all this trouble just for your COOKING?!” Actually yeah, because she needed to gather “spices”, and in the Star Wars lore, “spice” is illegal (not that she’s aware of that; to her, “spice” is just seasoning, not drugs)…even though the Yoda-looking character knows how to cook/filter/distil the harmful effects out of them and turn them into innocent flavorings. But the Imperial law does not agree with that wisdom, which is why Jamie had to go through so much trouble for what ended up being a glorified grocery trip.

Panel 4: Jamie shoves a spoon of grub into her face, with a very curious look on her face (as in, she’s curious about what she’s in for).

Panel 5: Her face changes to immense surprise.

Panel 6: Jamie has the cutest smile on her face (kind of like an ^.^ expression) as she says, “Worth it!” [End]

Back Cover (the "Thank You Page") (done by )
Oh shit fellas, I smell a collaborative Kiwi art project.
 

DONGS.EXE

kiwifarms.net
well it might attract talented troll artists from here to make one and make fun of Jay but that's just me
Man, read his intro asking for illustrators, figured I'd just scroll down to the next post after 2 sentences of actual "script", because fuck reading that.....but what do my eyes glance over on the way down?

Panel 6: *POOT!* Jamie lets out with a dramatic fart. Yes, if she were to die, Jamie’s “last words” would be a fart.

Yup, high quality comic here ladies and gents. Surely to attract the best of deviantart artists!
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
well it might attract talented troll artists from here to make one and make fun of Jay but that's just me
Back when we had the the subforum, we had two comics made - one about how Jay fucked everything up while trying to be a hero, and then another about how some cat he thoughtlessly murders in the first issue of Legendary Warrior becomes a cyborg cat and becomes a great hero in his own right.
 

Save the Loli

kiwifarms.net
Man, read his intro asking for illustrators, figured I'd just scroll down to the next post after 2 sentences of actual "script", because fuck reading that.....but what do my eyes glance over on the way down?

Panel 6: *POOT!* Jamie lets out with a dramatic fart. Yes, if she were to die, Jamie’s “last words” would be a fart.

Yup, high quality comic here ladies and gents. Surely to attract the best of deviantart artists!
Seems on par with Disney Star Wars nowadays.

https://starwars.wikia.com/wiki/Gas
 

Cure Quanta

Became Pritticurr
kiwifarms.net
...is this what being Rip Van Winkle is like? The opposite?

I was just expecting to poke around tonight; I didn't know old Goldie was back in town.

He even has the same crazy armor goal! It's surreal!
 

Optimus Prime

Resident KF Transformers Expert
kiwifarms.net
"Yes, I'm desperate"

lol not mentioned: the fact he had a long distance one which was abusive as fuck and he threw away within three pages of discussion on this internet site because he thought he'd landed somebody even more attractive without ever seeing this person.

All Jay wants is a fuckmommy who will do everything for him, have sex whenever he wants (and honestly given he's a malnourished whimp I bet he has no stamina either), and basically be an indentured wife slave. He wants a maid sex toy, one he doesn't have to actually care about the personal needs and desires of. Which is why he will never find love because that isn't what he wants in a relationship.
 

Jason_Vermouth

kiwifarms.net
Sorry for being inactive, but I had to do a whole lot to get accepted back into both of his Discord servers. Now that I really had enough of what is going with what he was doing. For one this first one (which I removed for reasons) he sends over a photo of the mucus and blood that came out of rectum.
upload_2018-9-25_19-56-58.png

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upload_2018-9-25_20-0-40.png
upload_2018-9-25_20-2-20.png
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upload_2018-9-25_20-2-56.png
Basically with what was sent above, he goes onto a pedophile spree of uploading/sending whatever illegal shit found on Pixiv. Then he goes on Discord finally stating this, which makes him look a bit like a perv for uploading the material to begin with.
upload_2018-9-25_20-7-14.png

I'll mention one last thing though is that he made an OkCupid account just to find some women of his own taste.


upload_2018-9-25_20-9-20.png

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