Jimmy Nyquist - Family Lolcow

[Lolcowologist]

Jimmy Nyquist is my great uncle. He was (and is) a Lolcow before the term existed. At age 70 he has never held a job in his life, preferring instead to leech off relatives (during his 25 year marriage he was a "stay at home dad" despite doing no fathering. He is currently estranged from his adult children,) Moreover, he has no sense of tact, taste, or social graces whatsoever. He's inactive on the Internet, which is a pity, but I have a veritable archive of classic anecdotes I will be sharing soon.

 

[ICametoLurk]

Do it faggot.

 

[Lolcowologist]

In 1998 he was living with his brother (my grandfather), their only source of income the latter's social security. When my grandfather croaked he stuffed the poor bastard's refrigerator, television and satellite dish into the back of his truck and hauled them back to his mother's house. He later threw a tantrum when we confronted him about his theft.

 

[Cthulu]

Yeah this thread was a wonderful idea. Lmao.

 

[Lolcowologist]

Why thank you. Here's another one: Recently, he went to his brother in law's house and demanded that he give him five dollars for "a bottle of milk" ostensibly for his breakfast cereal. When the man (who is nearing 90) refused he began to threaten him physically. His adult son (in his mid-60's) overheard this and trudged down the stairs to defend his father. The climax was Jimmy and his nephew, both geriatrics, throwing down on the frontporch.

 

[Gazed too deep]

Why do so many of your elderly relatives live together? Out of curiosity. Also, please more stories and god, if you can provide them, pictures.

 

[Lolcowologist]

They don't. Jimmy lives alone and the father/son from the previous story live together. Per your request: Jimmy is known to attend the funerals of complete strangers to eat the lunch spreads provided afterward. He showed up to his own sister's funeral vastly underdressed (in a sport coat and jeans) and during the sermon whispered into my cousin's ear "Have you seen what's on the luncheon?"

 

[Gazed too deep]

Well, I feel better about my terrible relatives hearing all this. Haha, holy fuck. His own sister? Really?

 

[Lolcowologist]

Yes, and I'm working on finding a photo.

 

[Lolcowologist]

The man himself!

 

[Betonova]

Yeah I've seen him, I ate at his sandwich restaurant a few days ago, Jimmy-Johns has some good stuff. Especially the melted cheddar and bacon sub.

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

So....when you were making this thread, no part of you said this was a bad idea? There wasn't some warning signal that went off in your head telling you that this was a terrible, terrible idea?

 

[Cthulu]

So....when you were making this thread, no part of you said this was a bad idea? There wasn't some warning signal that went off in your head telling you that this was a terrible, terrible idea?

No. He sees no harm as he replied to me. Let's dox him.

 

[DZ 305]

First Islamic Content, now this. Is it still summerfag season?

 

[Ido]

Informative, @Lolcowologist may I ask where you obtained your lolcredentials at? Surely a man of your profession would be able to sniff out the best of the best! Now, where can we find more information on this guy, he seems pretty interesting.

 

[ICametoLurk]

First Islamic Content, now this. Is it still summerfag season?

It actually just now started being Summer in Brazil.

 

[Handsome Pete]

@Dynastia I know you're banned at the moment, but this thread seems to be the sort of thing you'd be into. So I'll just leave this here for when you get back.

 

[Lolcowologist]

My "credentials" consist of reading about lolcows for laughs. I set up this profile just to see how y'all would respond to my personal examples.

 

[Cthulu]

My "credentials" consist of reading about lolcows for laughs. I set up this profile just to see how y'all would respond to my personal examples.

So your just pretending to be retarded?

 

[Lolcowologist]

It's a facetious moniker, yes.