Joe Bob Briggs / The Last Drive In marathons -

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
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I thought maybe we had a thread but turns out we didn't have one (for shame). Joe Bob Briggs (real name: John Bloom) is the guru of the drive in movie and has been covering them since the 80's. He's hosted two shows before called Drive in Theater on the Movie Channel and Monstervision for TNT. He's completely unlike every other horror host because he's actually knowledgeable about the films being shown and has plenty of misogynist/redneck jokes for your leisure.


This is a good overview of Monstervision and Joe Bob. Joe Bob is hosting his 2nd marathon on Thanksgiving on Shudder where it's highly likely that they'll be showing the original uncut masterpiece The Texas Chain Saw Massacre.

 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
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Most of the films had their Demons 3, 4, 5, 95 titles added in Japan. Same thing happened to a bunch of Italian zombie films that had nothing to do with Zombie (or Zombi 2) like Zombie Holocaust and Nights of Terror AKA Burial Ground.
 
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Commander X

kiwifarms.net
I've been a fan ever since reading his newspaper reviews where he would review everything from big releases to a lot of direct-to-video fare - his 1992 review of "Project A-ko" stuck with me for his (in character joking) description of anime as "these Japaheeno guns-and-hooters cartoon movies" (note, the review was positive.)
 

Megaroad

rip dave white
kiwifarms.net
Loved the interview with James. I saw of the Jason movies through Briggs show and was more entertained by his reviews than the movies itself. Had even recorded some of his stuff onto VHS some 20 years ago, not that those tapes survived.
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I've been a fan ever since reading his newspaper reviews where he would review everything from big releases to a lot of direct-to-video fare - his 1992 review of "Project A-ko" stuck with me for his (in character joking) description of anime as "these Japaheeno guns-and-hooters cartoon movies" (note, the review was positive.)
I loved a review he did of Fulci's House by the Cemetery and he kept referring to Fulci as "Big Lucy."
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
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One of the best interviews on Monstervision... Even though Hairspray and American Graffiti don't fit the program at all. They obviously should have shown Serial Mom but towards the end of Monstervision TNT didn't give a fuck and ran the antithesis to horror films.
 

HarvurdChikee

kiwifarms.net

One of the best interviews on Monstervision... Even though Hairspray and American Graffiti don't fit the program at all. They obviously should have shown Serial Mom but towards the end of Monstervision TNT didn't give a fuck and ran the antithesis to horror films.
if joe bob briggs did a show about serial mom, i think the moisture from my vagina would drown a thousand bangladesh children instantly.
 
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BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
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@Randall Fragg @Splendid Meat Sticks Could we add this to movie night?

Trivia: Project Metal Beast has been teased on Red Letter Media's BoTW on multiple Plinketto episodes. Perhaps one day soon the guys will watch this train wreck of a werewolf flick that has an interesting idea but is badly executed?

Joe Bob trying to endure Howling 7 (which is a flick that's slipped under the radar for so bad it's good buffs) is incredibly entertaining.

 

Commander Keen

in GOODBYE GALAXY!!!
kiwifarms.net
I've been a fan ever since reading his newspaper reviews where he would review everything from big releases to a lot of direct-to-video fare - his 1992 review of "Project A-ko" stuck with me for his (in character joking) description of anime as "these Japaheeno guns-and-hooters cartoon movies" (note, the review was positive.)
People forget he started off as pretty much your average film critic/reviewer for the newspaper and just struck gold with this persona. Got him in trouble more than once, though.
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Overall great marathon with Joe Bob closing it out with by default the best Thanksgiving horror film that is Blood Rage. Not that it's on par with something like Silent Night Deadly Night, Black Christmas or My Bloody Valentine but it's definitely not as bad as other horror films set on Thanksgiving or trying to position themselves as THE Thanksgiving horror film like Thankskilling.

 
Last edited:

Elwood P. Dowd

I am the lizard king. I can do ... anything.
kiwifarms.net
You could not get away with his newspaper column from the early 1980s nowadays. No fucking way. And to think it was syndicated in a lot of newspapers.

Bloodsucking Freaks - [note: Geocities is still a thing?]


By Joe Bob Briggs - Drive-In Movie Critic of Grapevine, Texas 2/18/83

I've been wondering about one of the mysteries of modern civilization, and I'd
like to share it with you this week because, what the hey, we could use a little
intellectual material on this page and, besides, it's bugging the royal bejabbers
out of me.

What I'm talking about is the ultimate riddle: Why do the people on "Family Feud"
always play instead of pass?

I know this bothers you as much as it does me. Because, let's face it, we've all
been there. Richard Dawson comes out and does a bad joke. Then two wimps (or
wimpettes) walk up to that table in the middle and say, "Hi, Richard, I'm from
Saginaw, Michigan, and I don't know a shin from Shinola, but I bounce on my toes
like this because I've been a nerd ever since the third grad, and this is my
moon-faced family, and they have a collective IQ of 37."

OK, then the game starts, and Richard tries to focus on the big board, and he
says, "Name something that a dog does in the street." And one of the wimps slaps
that buzzer and says, "Hitch-hikes."

Richard looks up at the big board and he screams "Hitch-hikes!"

And the bell rings and "Hitch-hikes" shows up there as No.4.

Then the other wimp says, "Rubs his leg up against mailboxes."

Richard looks up at the big board and screams, "Rubs mailboxes!"

And the bell rings and "Rubs objects" shows up as No. 5.

OK, so wimp No. 4, the Nerd Family from Saginaw, Michigan, now has a choice. They
can play. If they play they have to get six more right answers to win, including
the last one on the list, which got two votes from the studio audience. Or they
can pass. If they pass, then the other turkeys have to get six answers, and if
the others miss three times, even if they get five of them right, then the Nerd
Family only has to get one answer to win the game. Besides that, they get to
discus it before they answer.

There's only about $10,000 at stake, so what do they do? They play. Every time
they play. And what happens when they play? They get all but one or two answers,
and then they miss three times, and then the other family gets one answer and
wins all the money.

Have any of you turkeys ever seen, even one time, somebody say, "Dawson, I've
watched this game on TV and I want those other jerks to go first?" Has this ever
happened in the entire history of "Family Feud?"

Nosuree, Joe Bob. And why hasn't it happened? I can only think of one reason.

Game's rigged. The only families they put on that show are dropouts from the
Industrial Trades Institute. We're talking Rock City U.S.A.

That's why I'm not joining the "Family Feud" team that Lute Fenwick is getting
together over in Cleburne. I stopped by Le Bodine last week, talked to Thedadean
Griffin the shampoo lady, and she told me that Vida Stegall was back with Lute
abecause he told her she could be on the team. Theadadean said he wanted me to
join up, too, but I told Thedadean that the only way I'd be in a "family" with
Lute Fenwick would be if he married my ... Well, actually I can't tell you what I
told Thedadean. But anyway, I don't care for small-screen video bullstuff anyway.
Drive-ins are my life.

I got so bored going through my mail from Temple that I decided to go out to the
VFW Lodge Hall and play some horseshoes, but on the way out there I passed by the
Gemini and couldn't resist this golden oldie called "Bloodsucking Freaks" I know,
I know, it's a revival. It's "the Incredible Torture Show" being brought out
again. We all saw it in '76 at the Highway 67 when it was called, "The House of
the Screaming Virgins," but no sweat, because true art lasts forever.

I got all nostalgic seeing it again. We're talking women in cages, we're talking
torture, we're talking bodily mutilations, we're talking large breast quantities,
large breast qualities and large breasts, we're talking midget rape, we're talking
bondage, we're talking mad doctors, we're talking no-stop death. This is the kind
of picture that really makes you miss the '70s.

It starts out with this stage-show at the Theatre of the Macabre, where Master
Sardu amuses his audience by having a midget named Ralphus take this woman's
blouse off, strap her to a chair, and tighten an iron tourniquet around her head
until blood drips down her face. Then he sticks this nekkid girl's hand in a vise
and hacks it off. Then the midge rips her eye out and eats it. Pretty routine
stuff. But after the show's over, the wimp critic from the New York Times refuses
to review the show. Sardu is a little p.o.ed.

So Sardu, the mc.c played by the late great Seamus O'Brien, who has a voice like
Vincent Price, tells Ralphus the Midget to kidnap the Times critic, which he does
by shooting him with a blow dart at an art gallery opening after this bimbo pops
open a raincoast and flashers her groceries. While he's waiting for Ralphus to
bag the critic and bring him home, Sardu asks these two leather bunnies to paste
him across the backside with a bullwhip. Every once in a while he sends Ralphus
down into a dungeon to feed some raw meat to these moaning nekkid porkchops in a
cage. He's just keeping them there until he can send his next shipment to the
Middle East. The Arabs pay big bucks for Off-Off-Broadway actress meat.

OK, back to the main action. Sardu tells Ralphus to electrocute this bimbo by
pouring 500 volts through her breasts. This is so the Times critic will be
impressed. It doesn't work, so Sardu decided to have another show, but first he
tells Ralphus to go blow-dart this blond ballerina named Natasha so he can have
some choreography. He wants to brainwash her so she can kick the critic's brains
out in his next show. Ralphus hides out in her locker in Lincoln Center, knocks
out her lights, drags her back to the theater, puts chains around her neck, hangs
her up by her wrists, and starts playing the cymbals until she agrees to dance on
opening night. They almost over do it, though, and they have call the doctor so
she won't die. When he gets finished, Sardu says, "How much do I owe you?" and
the doctor says, "How 'bout letting me take it out in trade?"

"Another operation?" says Sardu.

Doc goes tot work. First he straps a bimbo in a chair and bulls out all her teeth
"so you won't bite." Then he decides to do "a little elective neurosurgery" --
powerdrill through the head while he's humming "Marriage of Figaro." Once he gets
in there pretty deep, he wiggles it around, sticks in a straw and...well, you get
the title now. Sardu gets grossed out, though, so he tells Ralphus to feed the
doctor to the nekkid women in the dungeon. Pretty amazing scene, espeically when
they rip out his heart and rub it over their flesh. Sardu and Ralphus stay
upstairs playing darts on a slave girl's backside.

There are just too many highlights to go into. The rest of the flick includes: A
blonde who gets stretched on the rack, a guillotine demonstration where a girls
has to hold the rope in her mouth and if she opens it the blade falls. Ralphus
making love to a head. Sardu and Ralphus using human fingers as backgammon chips,
another ballerina that gets her feet cut off by Ralphus, and a copy who goes down
to Off-Off Broadway to investigate the ballerina's disappearance but gets fed to
the starving nekkid women, and a pretty good fried-eyeball scene.

There's also some sick stuff that I can't mention in the newspaper.

We're talking Top Ten list. We're talking Best Re-release of 1983. We're talking
Best Director nomination for Joel Reed. We're also talking all-time exposure
champion: 76 breasts.

Heads roll (four times). Hands roll. Fingers roll. Feet roll. Excellent midget
sadism and dubbed moaning.
Three and a half stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.
'Course he ultimately did get in some trouble...but it was far from the end of his career. Imagine saying ANY of this stuff nowadays, never mind in total.

REDNECK` NEWSPAPER COLUMN HAS DALLAS HOT UNDER COLLAR
Storer Rowley, Chicago TribuneCHICAGO TRIBUNE


Joe Bob Briggs, the redneck newspaper columnist people loved to hate, for years referred to women as ''bimbos,'' Mexican Americans as ''Meskins'' and blacks as ''stupid Negroes.''

But when Joe Bob, a fictitious Archie Bunker-type character, used his weekly column in the Dallas Times Herald to lampoon starving children in Africa and the hit song ''We Are the World,'' which was recorded to raise money for famine relief, it triggered such an uproar in the minority community that the newspaper knuckled under.

''Joe Bob Goes to the Drive-In,'' a satirical column that critiqued films in direct proportion to their content of ''blood, breasts and beasts,'' was ordered to hit the road by the paper`s editor. It also was canceled by the Los Angeles Times Syndicate, which had distributed Joe Bob to 57 other newspapers.

But the obituary was premature. Universal Press Syndicate immediately picked up the column and 55 of those 57 newspapers, primarily in the South and West, will continue to receive it.

Bloom, who wrote the Joe Bob feature for three years along with other Times Herald columns under his own name.

''It was very literally a place where nothing was sacred--literally nothing,'' he explained after his resignation from the paper and the editor`s decision to kill a new sports column he had been writing titled ''Jock Talk with Joe Bob.''

''One woman once wrote in and said, `Of all people, how could you make fun of handicapped people?` And Joe Bob wrote back, `We`re all handicapped, honey, ever` last one of us,` '' said Bloom, who denies he is Joe Bob and describes himself instead as a friend and spokesman of the fictitious columnist.

Though Bloom frequently champions liberal causes when writing under his own name, Joe Bob is a bigoted reactionary who denounces communists, wimps and just about any ethnic group.

''I think Joe Bob in some ways is apt to be popular in the West and South simply because rednecks are more common figures here,'' said Molly Ivins, perhaps the Times Herald`s most influential columnist.

''I think the whole thing was mishandled from beginning to end,'' she said. ''The first mistake was printing that column. It should never have been printed.''

But, she added, about half the phone calls the paper received in reaction to the column were from racists. ''If fully half of Joe Bob`s readers did not get that it was a parody, then John Bloom had created a monster.''

Days later, the newspaper ran a highly unusual front-page apology, calling the column on famine ''a misdirected attempt at satire'' and adding that ''a great deal of insensitivity was reflected'' in the piece.

But the apology wasn`t enough. Later that day, almost 300 angry blacks packed a meeting room at the newspaper`s offices. Amid their shouts, editor Will Jarrett told the group the column was ''dead.'' He also promised to make a dozen minority hirings this year.

Ivins said she thought it ''was a mistake to kill the column in the immediate face of that kind of pressure. While the column was disgraceful, the Dallas Times Herald had promoted that column and had encouraged him (Bloom) to write that kind of column. And I don`t think they had any right to back down.''

What touched off the whole brouhaha was a column April 12 in which Joe Bob said he had written a song ''for the benefit of minority groups in Africa and the United Negro College Fund in the United States, cause I think we should be sending as many Negroes to college as we can, specially the stupid Negroes.''

His lyrics began: ''We are the weird, We are the starvin, We are the scum of the filthy Earth, So let`s start scarfin. . . . There`s a goat-head bakin, We`re callin it their food, If the Meskins can eat it, They can eat it too.'' Among black leaders angered by the column was Dallas attorney Eric Moye, who called it ''probably the most offensive column that I have seen written under that nom de plume. . . . People decided, not just the minority community, that he just went too far.''

Moye said a newspaper has its own responsibilities ''not to pander'' to bigotry, ignorance and the ''worst impulses of people.''

Moreover, Moye said, since the column was syndicated, for a city that is

''image-conscious to the point of being paranoid about it, to permit somebody like this to be associated with Dallas on a nationwide scale is abominable.''

Editor Jarrett said the famine column ''clearly went over the line'' from the usual bad taste to unacceptable ethnic insult. He admitted that the feature should have been killed ''a long time ago'' because it had strayed from its original concept of a self-effacing redneck movie critic.

Many of Joe Bob`s fans wrote in to protest his demise. Howard Feldman of Dallas said he was ''flabbergasted'' the editors would ''kowtow to a group of angry citizens.'' Said Fred Lusk of Duncanville, Tex.: ''Anyone who took the column seriously was worthy of its attention.''

Bloom termed the decision to kill the column not a 1st Amendment issue,

''just a coward issue.'' Paraphrasing Mark Twain, Bloom said, ''I know what Joe Bob would say. As usual, he would say that if anybody could find any redeeming social value in anything he writes, please write in so he can get rid of it.''

Joe Bob`s motto is that ''life is too important to be taken seriously,''

Bloom mused. The first column written for his new syndicate was characteristically irreverent, comparing Joe Bob`s death to the assassination of John F. Kennedy and various conspiracy theories.

''First the National Organization of Bimbos tries to wipe Joe Bob off the face of the Earth for saying I`m opposed to slapping women around like dead mackerels unless it`s necessary to the plot,'' Joe Bob complained.
 
Reactions: BrunoMattei

Commander X

kiwifarms.net
The recent marathon really upped the game from the previous one. Briggs was really allowed to go on some incredible tangents, without any time constraints. One of the highlights was Briggs' amiable interview of Michael Berryman, the character actor as seen in "The Hills Have Eyes" and other films.
 
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BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The recent marathon really upped the game from the previous one. Briggs was really allowed to go on some incredible tangents, without any time constraints. One of the highlights was Briggs' amiable interview of Michael Berryman, the character actor as seen in "The Hills Have Eyes" and other films.
Joe Bob talked about Chainsaw since his early days writing. He is very knowledgeable about it and for whatever reason never got a chance to host it on TV until now.

Here's the 20K word article he wrote about the history of the film:

https://www.texasmonthly.com/articles/they-came-they-sawed/
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
https://www.ign.com/videos/2018/12/12/the-last-drive-in-a-very-joe-bob-christmas-official-trailer

Next one is scheduled for December 21st and is very likely to be the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise. AKA the series with the "Garbage day" meme.

The first movie is an all time classic of the Slasher sub-genre.

The second movie is a clip show but once you get to the original footage (all 35 or so minutes of it) it's pretty fun.

The third movie is a weirdly-toned Slasher directed by god of the indie film scene Monte Hellman.

The fourth is basically Rosemary's Baby with a Christmas setting and Brian Yuzna/Screaming Mad George weirdness. This is the first film that drops the killer Santa motif.

The fifth is another oddity from the minds of Yuza and Screaming Mad George replete with Mickey Rooney drunkenly hamming it up.
 

BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Sadly, the latest marathon is not showing the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise but instead the Phantasm series which is... A mixed bag. The first film is great and has aged well. The second film is a more tongue in cheek picture in the vein of Evil Dead 2. Parts 3 and 4 suck dick. The only thing of interest in part 4 is all of the deleted scenes from part 1 that are seen for the first time.
 
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Francis E. Dec Esc.

kiwifarms.net
Sadly, the latest marathon is not showing the Silent Night Deadly Night franchise but instead the Phantasm series which is... A mixed bag. The first film is great and has aged well. The second film is a more tongue in cheek picture in the vein of Evil Dead 2. Parts 3 and 4 suck dick. The only thing of interest in part 4 is all of the deleted scenes from part 1 that are seen for the first time.
Part 5 felt like a shitty SciFi Channel original movie with Reggie along for the ride. And now Angus Scrimm is dead so no more Tall Man.
 
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BrunoMattei

Vincent Dawn
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I couldn't watch it last night but the marathon got uploaded to Shudder. And, to my surprise, they didn't show part 2 which is the only other good film in the franchise.
 
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