Dramacow Jon Ritzheimer - Militia LOLcow

[Dain Bramage]

This is my first attempt to propose the introduction of a new LOLcow, so please forgive if I may be making any errors in presentation.

I would like to propose that militia skinhead Jon Ritzheimer be officialy recognized in the Kiwi community as a LOLcow for his antics, which most recently include the occupation of a Federal building in Oregon right now. His videos are full of lulz about how he feels he's oppressed by the Gub'mint, Muslims, and "the trolls".

His attempt at organizing an anti-muslim rally (and attempt to cash in on it with a GoFundMe campaign) resulted in FAIL.

His most recent post is this whiny diatribe about how much he misses his wife & kids because he chose to go out and take over a Federal office building in some podunk Oregon town. Pure Drama-Llama-ism and faux martydom coupled with "Patriotism" that results in so much Fail. A real-life Jace, in my opinion.

IMO, I think the wife & kids had a much happier Christmas without their idiot Dad around the trailer house, jibbering his usual skinheaded bullshit.

 

[DrChristianTroy]

White people, amirite?

 

[Krieger]

"He said it isn't about race or religion, while wearing a FUCK ISLAM T-shirt. His explanation is totes legit, guyz!"

 

[Yellow Yam Scam]

modern day mishima imo

 

[picklehaube]

I broke my nose facepalming once I saw that "hard knock life" tattoo'ed under his collar bones.

 

[VLAD]

I hope he gets raped and murdered by the federal government.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

I don't care what you say, but anybody with a large American flag on their chest and large stars tattooed on his shoulders is not somebody who should be the voice of a movement.

 

[Chan the Wizard]

What's his welfare status?

 

[John Daker]

I hope he gets raped and murdered by the federal government.

The federal government is raping and murdering all of us everyday, man.

 

[Clark W. Griswold]

Yee. Haw.

 

[ChuckSlaughter]

I'm hearing now that they're already having issues with food down at the Confederate Tourist Center of America. In my imagination I figured these survivalist nuts probably had MREs and high calorie staples. The fact they didn't seems to indicate that they believed with little doubt that something else was going to happen. Either they'd be joined by some other group that would hopefully bring supplies or things would quickly escalate in some other way.

I think I saw a headline that someone was allowed to leave and get snacks.

If I was the govt I would have not let anyone return to the building after leaving and started construction on a fence with plenty of cameras and septic moat for the parks many portajohns. I would have then proceeded to issue humorous press releases about the situation until it "resolved itself".

I'd release every second of footage from the cameras so that conspiracy nuts could later pour over videos of these guys barfing and shitting norovirus all over each other before chucking all their guns into a bonfire and reaffirming their american citizenship for the cameras and assuming the position. Then being taken into custody by whatever national park rangers I could find that most resemble barney fife.

After it was all done I'd fill the moat in with septic enzymes and sawdust and then cover it with gravel to make a scenic hiking path around the center with a plaque to commemorate their idiocy.

Then I'd avoid any glamorous charges and instead lock them away forever on endless counts of trespassing after park hours, vandalism, vagrancy, pissing in public, malicious mischief, resisting arrest, petty theft, campfire without a permit, and other kiddy shit.

PS: Everyone who gave me mean ratings is getting added to an FBI watch list

 

[Clark W. Griswold]

If I
I'd
I'd
I'd

"If I'd Did It."

 

[Randall Fragg]

It's like the lovechild of Jace and Tyce.
This is gold.

 

[Clark W. Griswold]

This entire saga is playing out like a Beavis and Butthead episode plot. I'm just waiting for the part where him and somebody else sit and clown on a Peter Gabriel video.

"Beavis and Butthead in: Millitaint"

 

[chimpburgers]

Deliciously crazy. Now that's my kind of cow.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

I read about the rednecks who occupied a natural preserve administrative building in Oregon because they were pissed off about arson being illegal. The fact that their leader comes across as a slightly more functional version of Jace adds some sweet lolcow flavor to this retarded drama.

 

[The 25th Cyberman]

How does the militia movement in general not have a thread yet?

 

[Hyperion]

Pretty much IRL Jace, if Jace was actually a Marine.

 

[DrJonesHat]

That tat on his chest? That got him kicked out of the military because it violated regs.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

modern day mishima imo

While old Yukio was arguably cray cray (and way beyond the edgiest edge of the right wing lunatic fringe), he was also a pretty competent novelist. I can't see this yokel writing a novel. If he tried, it would probably be called "Hank Hiccupped" and tell the story of how some brave rednecks keep teh gubinmint from stealing their pigs.