Artcow Jonathan Mann - #SongaDay / #BetaAsFuck - Washed-Up Internet Celebrity, Peter Coffin Collaborator

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*Asterisk*

Five-Percenter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
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Cwz7fmUR.jpeg

If you want to have a less Ast-Manny OP, please see @InLivingTuna's post.

Those of you who are regular Thunderf00t viewers have probably become quite familiar with the "#fullmcintosh" gingle.


And unless you were familiar with Peter Coffin's musical projects, you might've assumed the same thing I did and thought this clip was created specifically to mock Anita Sarkeesian's boyfriend/wallet. Surely even the #gamerghazi crowd wouldn't be stupid enough to release something which could so easily be turned around to mock them back.

But it turns out this was quite the optimistic assumption.


Now I don't know about you, but even after seeing this video, I thought this was a joke. The broken-like-a-hobbled-horse meter. The rhymes so bereft of dignity that Panic! At the Disco would steal their lunch money. The weak as nursing-home horse raddish voice.The faggy purple shirt. The jizz-catcher glasses. I thought there was no way anybody could release a video this embarrassing sincerely. And even if they did, surely they'd've been mocked so brutally and unmercifully they'd leave the Internet for good within a week.

But this was quite the generous assumption on my part, and I should've figured it out from the subtitle. "Song #2160? But that can't be right. This hipster faggot can't be older than his mid-30s. He's have to have written a song a day or every other day for years to reach that number. But if his post-2000 songs are this bad, that means even after all that 10,000-hour bullshit he's never gonna write anything better than this. And if he's stuck it out for this long, he's never gonna stop uploading songs. There's no way all of that could be true."

But in the words of Madeline Khan, "It's twue! Oh, it's twue!"

Ladies, gentlemen, and trannies of all dick possession status, I give you Jonathan Mann. He posts a new song every day. They're all as awful as his Peter Coffin crossover. And he wears the same faggy purple shirt every time he makes a public appearance.

Given the sheer volume of content this spooge-slurper produces, the OP will be updated as it comes. In the meantime, go nuts. The only rule I ask is that you post his videos in spoiler tags to keep thread load times to a reasonable level.
 

*Asterisk*

Five-Percenter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
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It's hard to say if these are his worst lyrics yet, but this song definitely has the stupidest title yet.


I really am astonished how anyone can spend this much time on an activity and still suck so hard at it.

Then again, when your advice on how to write songs is to tell people not to care, your ceiling's likely beneath a mineshaft.
 

SlothInAMilkCrate

Get out of my scan range!
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Oct 21, 2015
It's hard to say if these are his worst lyrics yet, but this song definitely has the stupidest title yet.


I really am astonished how anyone can spend this much time on an activity and still suck so hard at it.

Then again, when your advice on how to write songs is to tell people not to care, your ceiling's likely beneath a mineshaft.
We know he's a faggot, but what makes him a cow?
 

Sanae Kochiya

afk Shrine Maiden
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Mar 25, 2015
It's hard to say if these are his worst lyrics yet, but this song definitely has the stupidest title yet.


I really am astonished how anyone can spend this much time on an activity and still suck so hard at it.

Then again, when your advice on how to write songs is to tell people not to care, your ceiling's likely beneath a mineshaft.
Your necropost is bad and you should feel bad.
 

*Asterisk*

Five-Percenter
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 21, 2015
We know he's a faggot, but what makes him a cow?
He produces a constant stream of embarrassing content. He's utterly inept at every aspect of his profession despite spending over a decade of his time on it. He has a rich backlog of embarrassing material to mine for content. And his response to criticism is ritual self humiliation.
 

Sanae Kochiya

afk Shrine Maiden
True & Honest Fan
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So how is this different from any other guy that makes cringeworthy content that somehow gets a lot of views?

Are we gonna start a thread on PewDiePie next?
 

NegaCWC

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Joined
Mar 31, 2013
I'm not sure if he's a cow but there is some potential here, if the mods feel like this thread shouldn't be on the lolcow forum please remove it to the music board instead of locking it. Anyway, did you know about the retarded GameJew persona he once had?


Check the video below, I haven't watched it in full but from skimming it I'd say the worst part is 2:34:

 

Reality

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Nov 15, 2015
I'm embarrassed to say the music is actually pretty catchy. Just close your eyes and pretend it's satire. Guy's also surprisingly built for a betafag.

But how could we have a thread about Captain Song A Day without this?

And of course the palette cleanser.

I'm not sure if he's a cow but there is some potential here, if the mods feel like this thread shouldn't be on the lolcow forum please remove it to the music board instead of locking it. Anyway, did you know about the retarded GameJew persona he once had?


Check the video below, I haven't watched it in full but from skimming it I'd say the worst part is 2:34:


And of course it was hosted on ScrewAttack, the manchild garbage dump of the gamernets.
 
Last edited:

FatNero

Cole Blooded
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Dec 29, 2013
Lots of content, total self wankery and ego driven. Count how many times he says "I" or "My"... but not a cow. Just a self obsessed dude, youtube culture distilled.
 

InLivingTuna

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kiwifarms.net
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Nov 18, 2014
Might as well start this thread with the obvious:

Now that that little ditty is back and fresh in your memory, a bit about the man behind it. Jonathan Mann was an early adopter of YouTube, with several viral videos under his belt. His song about the iPhone 4 antenna was so huge that Steve Jobs himself played it onstage. However, the person I'm describing is the man he used to be. Look at his channel now and you'll see a sharp contrast in both view counts and content. Observe:
mann.png


What went so wrong, you ask? Well there were likely other factors, but it all seems to come down to the same thing that brought us so many lolcows in the past: GamerGate
upload_2017-4-15_9-34-33.png


Jonathan kind of lost his mind after GG. His earlier tweets mostly talked about things he was working on, the furthest left he ever got was the occasional tweet about veganism. Now compare that with the way he was acting in 2014:
upload_2017-4-15_9-44-13.png

upload_2017-4-15_9-45-21.png

(the comments on this one don't seem to get that its supposed to be ironic, lol)

His behavior affected his videos a lot, to the point where most of them ended up looking like that Kill All SJWs one. There's not really much one can say about these, here's the dumber ones I could find. He's got a slightly outdated playlist if you want more.

He uploads these pro-social justice videos super regularly on his YouTube channel now and they rarely ever crack 500 views, so if you want a good laugh from Jonathan you definitely don't have to wait long. His Twitter is mostly retweets of mainstream politics although he's got the occasional cow crossover:
upload_2017-4-15_9-56-11.png


Other relevant links:
his personal website (hire him!)
Facebook (lol @ the 2.1 star rating)
Instagram (he looks surprisingly creepy in photos)
his Wikipedia article (that he has for some reason)
Patreon (where he apparently only makes 22 dollars per song)
 

Lensherr

kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 15, 2016
Best comment on the video:
You seriously believe that's your child?

I'm embarrassed to say the music is actually pretty catchy. Just close your eyes and pretend it's satire. Guy's also surprisingly built for a betafag.

But how could we have a thread about Captain Song A Day without this?

And of course the palette cleanser.
I actually agree that he and his fellow SJWs are not Jack Thompson. I've said this before and I hate to sound like a broken record, but Jack Thonpson at least didn't pretend to like video games and fought with honor, instead of adopting the pretense of being a "video game culture critic" from which he delivered his screeds.
 

Maradontia

kiwifarms.net
Joined
Apr 25, 2016
I remember this guy from the Mario Opera. The whole thing is on Youtube. He said he stopped doing it because he didn't want to get sued by Nintendo.

 

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