Joseph Cumia is the most brilliantly stupid man I have ever come across on the internet. His stupidity is this complex combination of unearned arrogance, bizarre obsessions and thinly disguised desperation. If you try to predict his take on something, you find it's either a version 10 times dumber then what you predicted or idiocy so out of left field professional comedy writers would be impressed if you told them this was a fictional character. Remember supermarket shooter Randy Stair? Here was Joe's take on it:
Joe's brother is former radio broadcaster Anthony Cumia of the now-defunct Opie & Anthony Show, who also has a thread here on Kiwi Farms. When Joseph's little brother started making money doing radio, this leech attached itself claiming that they had made a childhood pact that if one was successful they would financially support the other. On a monthly basis, Anthony would give his brother what most referred to as an 'allowance' but Joe was quick to correct it to 'residuals'. You see, Joe believes he's half-responsible for all of his brother's success because he once handed a tape of a parody song to Anthony's future radio partner decades ago.
Outside of mooching off his baby brother, Joe makes money performing other people's music in tribute bands. You can hear the music of U2 or Journey performed by his bands, 2U or Almost Journey. Joe is quite proud of performing the work of others as opposed to making original music.
Although it could be argued that he's had "mixed results" with his tribute bands.
Joe also larps as an unofficial member of outlaw motorcycle club SAMCRO from the television show, Sons of Anarchy.
Joseph was such an instant fan that he started buying merchandise before he ever even watched the show.
Don't mention Sons of Anarchy actor Ron Perlman to him though. Joe idolized Perlman as a tough biker until the terrible day he learned that not only was Ron just an actor but his politics did not line up with Joe's one bit. Since then, Joe has been a bit fixated on Ron Perlman.
As little respect as Joe has for Ron Perlman at this point he has much less for traffic laws. You can tell by the way he films himself breaking them on camera and writes about his disdain for the laws and other drivers.
When spending his brother's money, Joe expects a high standard of customer service. If he doesn't get that, he makes sure to let everyone know through his social media.
Joseph spends a fair amount of time defending his heterosexuality at the request of no one except himself.
That time would be wasted though when Joe accidentally tweeted out proof of his membership at Big Apple Ranch, a New York gay bar. Joe will ignore any reference to this happening.
Joe also once accidentally revealed that he'd bashed his brother (yes, the same one who gives him monthly checks) through an anonymous reddit account.
Joseph did answer for this one, however. Joe claimed that he'd been doing some double agent work on reddit.
Joe is also constantly defending himself from accusations of racism. Joseph claims that he's a realist, not a racist.
As you've likely got a sense of in all the content above, Joe has been trolled for many years now. He's attempted to strike back at it in a number of different ways.
He’s tried placing a bounty in exchange for someone’s personal information
He's tried threatening to beat people up.
He's tried threatening to shoot people.
He’s tried blocking people.
He’s tried ignoring people.
He’s tried getting admins on reddit to suspend accounts and remove postings that upset him with some success. He recently was able get this critique of his poor spelling and grammar removed.
He even tried posting a video of himself motor boating pictures of women in bikinis and addressed the video to his 'haters'.
But there are 2 incidents involving Joe trying to combat trolling that stand above the rest.
When Joe’s brother Anthony had a book signing set up at a Barnes & Noble protesters showed up. They had been alerted by trolls about Anthony’s political ties, racism, domestic abuse charges, etc… During a lifestream of the protest, Joe decided to confront the protesters and attempt to debate them. This failed spectacularly as Joseph stuttered, fumbled and eventually resorted to shouting. Also, the protesters specifically stood off to the sides of entrances so as not to block them while Joe is often clumsily standing in the way of them requiring potential customers to walk around him.
Joe would also provide his trolls with a great out of context soundbite during this debate.
Then there was the time that Joseph Cumia appeared on The People’s Court. His tribute band gigs had been getting cancelled due to trolls forwarding his racist tweets to bar owners causing many to cancel. One of them Joe believed he had a case against so he took it to daytime television. However, his attempts to explain the actions of the trolls made him come off crazed, paranoid and desperate. Also, it likely didn’t help that in a discussion regarding his racist tweets he brought up accusations of pedophilia made against him with no real context multiple times. Joe claimed he didn’t make the racist tweets (he did) and despite the television judge’s skepticism of Joe’s denials, she begrudgingly ruled in his favor due to cancellation being in violation of a contract.
Joseph Cumia on The People's Court 1 of 2
Joseph Cumia on The People's Court 2 of 2
Despite winning his case on The People’s Court, Joe was not pleased with the aired segment so he decided a reasonable response would be to post the judge’s nude pictures on his Facebook.
At the time of this writing much of Joe’s social media has been locked down. He's done this before and like every time before this it won't last. His narcissism is far too strong for that to keep.
Joe's YouTube (archive)
Joe's Twitter (archive) Currently protected Previous archive 17 September 2018
Joe's Facebook (archive)
Joe's Website (archive) Old archive 28 August 2015 - Currently protected from archives
Also, check out this documentary detailing many of Joe's antics.
ADDENDUM: The MIA Spud
In my original post I failed to bring up Joe's military service and I believe that needs to be corrected here.
Here's Joe's stats from the man himself:
What Joe doesn't mention there is that apparently his way into the military was part of a plea deal where he would serve as a cook until being dishonorably discharged for theft. However, the source of this information is unclear. Since several listeners of The Opie & Anthony Show came forward with this info I would have to guess it was mentioned on the show at some point in it's 20 year history. But as of this writing I've yet to see direct evidence of this. I tend to believe it though as Joe seems to dodge questions about why he joined the service and why he left. You would think that would come up at some point considering how much Joe loves bringing up that he's a veteran.
He lists U.S. ARMY as his education.
He also loves dressing in veteran attire. Perfect for a passenger on an airplane or a plantiff on TV court.
People have tried to label Joe with "stolen valor" but I think the proper label is "gimme valor". His military service doesn't appear to be completely made-up so much as Joseph is very outwardly prideful of it while being purposely vague on specific details. Talking about your beloved potato peeler, Charlene, doesn't inspire salutes so why not just let other people fill in the blanks. Hopefully with acts of heroism you technically didn't lie about.
Ironically, I am really going to have to claim ignorance on this one. It's been pointed out to me that the guy here actually does have both limbs and the angle just makes it look like the one is missing. What I thought was some kind of shadow or discoloration is apparently armpit hair which is what Joe was mocking. Still kind of a shitty thing to do to some random guy just minding his own business but to Joe's credit not nearly as shitty.
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