Jude Valentin / Judy Valentin / MermaidRoyal / MermaidQueenJude / MerQueenJude - Twitch Streaming Clout Chaser, Sometimes a woman, Obese

[merwitchpigRude]

I'm also now convinced dad lives with her still.

Alt theory:
When she was moving back into her parents' apartment to "live alone", her dad's pet bird was still there. Judy said "temporarily", until her dad got settled in his new place.

Alt theory is that dad is squatting with some relatives in another packed section 8 apartment. He visits judy often to see his dear bird which he couldn't take to his new crowded place after all, see his lazy daughter, and do her errands like get mail bc sTaIrS is fat phobic.

 

[TurdFondler]

The biggest giveaway to her dad living with her is the Hiking Boot lace her ladylike "loose" robe is tied in.

That stacked knot with the laces like they are speak to me of a beaner who's tied work boots his whole life. Puzzle pieces welcome.

I'm not surprised 2e is seeing a revival. 3.5e was essentially the high water mark for how complex a game can be to still pick up people at the edges of the spectrum. 2e was distilled autism and it was more succinct and better, once you understood it.

 

[Sticky Fingers]

On Friday night, Jude played a DnD heist at TeamLiquid's pridefest stream. I watched through most of the thing so here's a write up of Jude's latest as a "ttrpg performer."

Spoiler: a 5'5 femme-presenting person walks to a boat...

Now again, I don't know the ttrpg scene so these players are mostly unknown to me (CriticalBard is the only one I recognize from Jude's twitter), but oh boy is their game on a whole different level than Jude's. Everyone else at the table is either a professional writer/game designer/actor and has played DnD for years, so Jude's lack of experience is painfully obvious. How does she keep getting these opportunities? Every time she opens her mouth is embarrassing.

https://www.twitch.tv/teamliquid/v/1067758814?sr=a&t=9758s

-the game starts at around 2h30 in the stream. On a round of introductions, Jude mentions the few campaigns she's done and at the end of her very short list, she remembers that oh she's a variety streamer as well. All other players have some legit credits under their belts; she's done basically nothing.

-Her character Dorrian is a 5'5, femme-presenting person with Sailor Moon style buns on her head, wears tight pants, a hooded cloak and a blouse underneath. That's it. That's the whole description and introduction we get to her character. Compared to the others, her intro is barebones and vague as hell, and she barely even makes it through that.

-she has trouble making her character relevant to the story and when she tries, she seems so OOC that the other players notice. When the group is haggling with the commissioner of the heist, she asks stupid questions about how to "steal safely" or some shit? The other characters remind her that they are freelance mercenaries, so wtf does stealing or safety have to do with it? They get paid for shit like this, literally the whole gig is doing whatever it takes for a payment.

-on top of other characters/players keeping her stupidity in check, the DM also steps on her for trying to pull a fast one. The group is trying to get on a boat for the heist and Jude pulls a move to steal tickets for them, but she forgets that the other players have agency as well; she can't just sneak off to wallclimb, steal tickets and return while the others just stand around waiting?? The DM calls her out on it and the group actually manages to persuade their way inside before her character is back. Her show off move was entirely pointless.

-her character gets used as an unwitting decoy by the thief of the group because she's so gullible that she does whatever the others ask her to. This happens quite a few times where she's treated basically as an NPC because she lacks any insight and does whatever is asked of her.

-she's so avoidant of conflict that it makes her character act very OOC for a rogue. You can see that the DM is not impressed with her when her character just hides in the corners and pulls their hood on their face to avoid doing anything. (This is quite funny when just earlier on her own stream she was sperging about DBD and how some people play survivor and just hide in the lockers all them time to avoid being killed. It's the same thing, Jude. Just play the goddamn game.)

-she's often confused by the game mechanics and her stats, and even admits she doesn't know the rules much. It's very obvious in this group how much of a rookie she still is. Case and point below (the green girl is doing a healing spell and the Carlos dude jumps in on it):

https://streamable.com/e/4z8xos

Yes Jude. Please learn the fucking rules of the game before jumping on professional level tables.

All in all, I actually enjoyed the game a lot! Gabe is an amazing DM and the group was a lot of fun, well. Aside from Jude. You could've cut her character out and nothing would've changed. Her character had zero personality and nothing memorable about her at all, she was carried through this game wholesale.

I wonder if Jude is starting to realize how much of a hindrance her lack of reading is in this new ttrpg career she's chosen to follow. You can do all the writing exercises you want, but it won't make up for the lack of vocabulary, worldbuilding and storytelling skills you can only acquire by reading a lot. Has she ever even mentioned reading something? Any fictional book at all? DnD especially has its own conventions and massive worldbuilding, so for a non-fantasy reader I would imagine it would be harder to get into. This game on TeamLiquid was so heavy with references to the DnD canon that I highly doubt she understood a fraction of the hints. (And frankly, I doubt she understood all the storytelling either, she looked confused so many times when the others were speaking.)

 

[Angry New Ager]

I wonder if Jude is starting to realize how much of a hindrance her lack of reading is in this new ttrpg career she's chosen to follow.

Oh, I doubt it. She'll come up with all sorts of other things to blame for why she's shit at it, but realizing that the fact she doesn't read is a problem—much less doing anything about it? Not gonna happen.

You can do all the writing exercises you want, but it won't make up for the lack of vocabulary, worldbuilding and storytelling skills you can only acquire by reading a lot. Has she ever even mentioned reading something? Any fictional book at all?

Jude doesn't read. There have been times when a book-based popular media franchise has come up, and it's obvious she knows it only from the movies. I seem to recall her getting irritated by people in her chat discussing Harry Potter because they were referencing things from the books that didn't make it into the movies.

And if she did read, she'd have at least a few books around, but I have yet to see so much as a single book in all of her countless selfies and pics of shit she owns. And she's constantly posting crap she wants to buy, but never anything she wants to read.

Even Chantal, of all people, reads the occasional lightweight chick-lit novel (or at least she used to before she entered her current drug-and-dick-fueled downward spiral). I don't think Jude's read a single book that wasn't assigned to her, not within the last decade. And, as you've pointed out, it really shows in her stunted vocabulary and lack of imagination (or at least lack of awareness of existing fictional tropes, especially in fantasy).

DnD especially has its own conventions and massive worldbuilding, so for a non-fantasy reader I would imagine it would be harder to get into. This game on TeamLiquid was so heavy with references to the DnD canon that I highly doubt she understood a fraction of the hints. (And frankly, I doubt she understood all the storytelling either, she looked confused so many times when the others were speaking.)

I don't read much fantasy, and nothing of the sword-and-sorcery variety, so I expect I'd have a really hard time getting into D&D. But I've got a liifetime of reading other genres of fiction under my belt, so I at least understand what makes a good character and how stories work. Just from Jude's surface-level description of her character, and the dumb shit she kept trying to do in-game, it's obvious she doesn't even have that.

And she has a degree in acting! Yet she doesn't understand that there's a lot more to a character than just their appearance.

 

[TurdFondler]

A neurotic, socially awkward and conflict avoiding rogue could actually be a fun and funny character to play. They became a rogue to avoid ever interacting with anyone, now they're a master of stealth.

You'd have to actually like playing games and give a shit about other player's experiences for it to work, though. Much too subtle a character for Jude.

Jude should honestly play half orc barbarian. No talking, no RP only smashing skulls.

 

[JuniperFalls]

Jude should honestly play half orc barbarian. No talking, no RP only smashing skulls.

She'd be pretty good at playing Pac-Man, too: someone with a spherical body and jaundice-yellow complexion who does nothing but eat all day. The blue ghosts, who run like hell whenever they see Pac-Man coming, can be played by Henry Cavill and the other men Jude thirsts after.

The only problem is, Pac-Man actively moves around the playing field, while Jude prefers a more sedentary existence.

 

[THOTHunterAlice]

She'd be pretty good at playing Pac-Man, too: someone with a spherical body and jaundice-yellow complexion who does nothing but eat all day. The blue ghosts, who run like hell whenever they see Pac-Man coming, can be played by Henry Cavill and the other men Jude thirsts after.

The only problem is, Pac-Man actively moves around the playing field, while Jude prefers a more sedentary existence.

She can always use a jet propelled mobility scooter that can withstand up to 1,000,000 tons.

 

[merwitchpigRude]

Pick your fave

 

[Casket Base]

I like these because it looks like her face is about to slough off to reveal a new one. I'm a sucker for that Junji Ito vibe.

 

[M.T. Graves]

It’s gotta be depressing to hold your head that high and still look like you have a second head growing out of your neck.