Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Keith the Horse Fucker]

What a surprise. Fuck all work experience and a job hopper to boot.

Her employment prospects are nil. Phil attracts codependency like flies to shit.

If I was the manager at a retailer or grocery store, or restaurant, I would totally hire Kat over Phil. Her resume is hirable for entry-level jobs. I would not count on Phil lasting a week if I hired him.

 

[Kosher Dill]

I just want to know if her resume was in Comic Sans.

 

[grump]

Yeah it looks like she was at Kohl's and Game Stop at the same time. Makes sense if she was part timing both, back then catching a shift in retail was not as easy as it is now. Likely still under the pignosis that she needed to bring in the bacon too.

I remember Phil bitching about Kat needing new clothes for her new "position" last year so I'm guessing the wardrobe requirements for MAC are different than Fred Meijer.

Why is this bitch riding with retail? It doesn't seem to be working well for her. I'm sure there's some entry level office shit available out there.

What a surprise. Fuck all work experience and a job hopper to boot.

Her employment prospects are nil. Phil attracts codependency like flies to shit.

I think its more likely khet has the ambition of a box of toothpicks. Maybe the makeup shop fit her interests a bit more than stacking soup cans but overall She wouldn't work and stay home all day playing vanilla skyrim on her 12 inch monitor if she didn't want for extra disposable income. Plenty of gals...and guys like that...And hey if that floats your boat. More power to you.

 

[albert the programmer]

I just want to know if her resume was in Comic Sans.

Either that or Arial font.

Size 12 as a bonus.

 

[Uberpenguin]

If I was the manager at a retailer or grocery store, or restaurant, I would totally hire Kat over Phil. Her resume is hirable for entry-level jobs. I would not count on Phil lasting a week if I hired him.

Honestly, I think I'd be fairly likely to hire Phil. I think he'd be an ok employee.

The thing with Philburt is that he whines and he probably wouldn't get along great with the other employees, but he'd show up every day, and so long as he had a clear set of instructions to follow he'd do so.

Yeah, once in a while he has punctuality issues, but Phil has been showing up to streams consistently for years at this point; hell, he'll stream even at times when he probably shouldn't. With employees getting people to actually show up is half the battle.

He wouldn't be cut out for a position that required adaptability, and he'd definitely be clocking out on the dot every day, but he'd be a fantastic office drone I think. His entire psychology rests on his desire to do the exact same thing over and over again without ever thinking or questioning.

Kat, on the other hand, is a nut. She'd be fine for a part time employee to fill in, but you could never expect more out of her than you'd expect out of a teenager. She's way too flighty. Plus people talk about Phil's health, but Kat is probably in deathfat range at this point, and I don't want fat people out on my floor scaring away customers and besmirching my hypothetical business' good name.

 

[Kosher Dill]

He wouldn't be cut out for a position that required adaptability, and he'd definitely be clocking out on the dot every day, but he'd be a fantastic office drone I think. His entire psychology rests on his desire to do the exact same thing over and over again without ever thinking or questioning.

Do you have an office job for him that involves getting pants-shittingly drunk and playing WWE Champions? His entire psychology rests on his desire to do that, specifically.

 

[Cistern Rumbler]

If Phil had to leave the house to go to work everyday again, I bet he'd balloon in weight. He's way too lazy and fast food is way too convenient.

Also he's been fired from all of his jobs iirc.

 

[UncleTusky]

If Phil had to leave the house to go to work everyday again, I bet he'd balloon in weight. He's way too lazy and fast food is way too convenient.

Also he's been fired from all of his jobs iirc.

He held two where he left voluntarily, both before he finished university: In high school he worked at a food court making salads then in university he worked at Circuit City. Everything since then has ended with termination.

Now for the funny stuff:

Phil's alleged first job post-university was at Wells-Fargo. He has claimed that he either got fired for making a bogus HR complaint because his manager was dating a girl he liked (I can believe this) or because he realized the bank was approving mortgages for people who could not afford them, he found this unethical, and so he resigned in protest (please stop laughing).

The reason I say "alleged" is that in both versions of the Wells-Fargo story, Phil claims he went straight to the helicopter factory in 2005. This is contradicted by documents from the Connecticut Department of Labor (link) which ruled that he was terminated from Best Buy for cause in early 2006. Phil is not the kind of person who'd work a second job for extra money, which in my opinion makes lying about Wells-Fargo the most likely explanation. For even more lulz Phil and Best Buy agreed that the termination was over misusing $3.00 in employee perks to purchase a few PS2s which makes me think they could not stand him and just wanted an excuse to fire him. Of course it wouldn't be Phil without ego and shameless grifting, so he went onto the Shoryuken forums to fish for sympathy and asspats because he was planning to lend the PS2s to an upcoming tourney. This ended hilariously and poorly when the other SRK posters pretty much told him "what did you THINK was going to happen, of course you should have been fired for fraud". He took this poorly and called them a bunch of exceptional ingrates.

This brings us to Helicopter Support Inc. (HSI). Phil likes to say he worked for Sikorsky but they were just the parent company and took a very hands-off approach to HSI (which they bought from another company in the 1990s). In his own telling he was hired in by his father and transferred several times, then he was laid off in late 2010. Personally I think it was a layoff instead of termination for cause because he did not file another complaint with the Department of Labor, but that's just speculation and we will never know what really happened. All we can say with certainty is that he quickly decided to do Youtube full time in place of another real job.

Edit to avoid double post:

The thing with Philburt is that he whines and he probably wouldn't get along great with the other employees, but he'd show up every day, and so long as he had a clear set of instructions to follow he'd do so.

Yeah, once in a while he has punctuality issues, but Phil has been showing up to streams consistently for years at this point; hell, he'll stream even at times when he probably shouldn't. With employees getting people to actually show up is half the battle.

He wouldn't be cut out for a position that required adaptability, and he'd definitely be clocking out on the dot every day, but he'd be a fantastic office drone I think. His entire psychology rests on his desire to do the exact same thing over and over again without ever thinking or questioning.

I disagree because, as shown above, he's been fired or laid off from all his jobs other than basic retail. Even if he didn't do something way over the line, his attitude + ineptitude would make him very likely to be let go in any sort of budget/staffing cuts. This would line up with him being laid off from HSI - the whole company was implementing a 1% reduction in staff in late 2010 (source) so his boss probably listed him under whatever term they used for employees they could afford to lose. I also question whether he can take direction anymore after 11 and a half years of attacking everyone who doesn't give him what he wants, when he wants it. I'm sure he was insufferable when he worked at HSI but he didn't share anything that embarrassing about them even after he got laid off. In 2022, I could totally see him sharing proprietary information or calling his boss a faggot on stream.

Edit x2: For clarity.

 

[grump]

All his office jobs yes, but he held at least two retail jobs where he left voluntarily: In high school he worked at a food court making salads then in university he worked at Circuit City.

Now for the funny stuff:

Phil's alleged first job post-university was at Wells-Fargo. He has claimed that he either got fired for making a bogus HR complaint because his manager was dating a girl he liked (I can believe this) or because he realized the bank was approving mortgages for people who could not afford them, he found this unethical, and so he resigned in protest (please stop laughing).

The reason I say "alleged" is that in both versions of the Wells-Fargo story, Phil claims he went straight to the helicopter factory in 2005. This is contradicted by documents from the Connecticut Department of Labor (link) which ruled that he was terminated from Best Buy for cause in early 2006. Phil is not the kind of person who'd work a second job for extra money, which in my opinion makes lying about Wells-Fargo the most likely explanation. For even more lulz Phil and Best Buy agreed that the termination was over misusing $3.00 in employee perks to purchase a few PS2s which makes me think they could not stand him and just wanted an excuse to fire him. Of course it wouldn't be Phil without ego and shameless grifting, so he went onto the Shoryuken forums to fish for sympathy and asspats because he was planning to lend the PS2s to an upcoming tourney. This ended hilariously and poorly when the other SRK posters pretty much told him "what did you THINK was going to happen, of course you should have been fired for fraud". He took this poorly and called them a bunch of exceptional ingrates.

This brings us to Helicopter Support Inc. (HSI). Phil likes to say he worked for Sikorsky but they were just the parent company and took a very hands-off approach to HSI (which they bought from another company in the 1990s). In his own telling he was hired in by his father and transferred several times, then he was laid off in late 2010. Personally I think it was a layoff instead of termination for cause because he did not file another complaint with the Department of Labor, but that's just speculation and we will never know what really happened. All we can say with certainty is that he quickly decided to do Youtube full time in place of another real job.

Edit to avoid double post:


I disagree because, as shown above, he's been fired or laid off from all his jobs other than basic retail. Even if he didn't do something way over the line, his attitude + ineptitude would make him very likely to be let go in any sort of budget/staffing cuts. This would line up with him being laid off from HSI - the whole company was implementing a 1% reduction in staff in late 2010 (source) so his boss probably listed him under whatever term they used for employees they could afford to lose. I also question whether he can take direction anymore after 11 and a half years of attacking everyone who doesn't give him what he wants, when he wants it. I'm sure he was insufferable when he worked at HSI but he didn't share anything that embarrassing about them even after he got laid off. In 2022, I could totally see him sharing proprietary information or calling his boss a faggot on stream.

phil has ended up disliked and mutually disliking almost every single team he's been a part of long enough. He might have realized it by now if he hadn't found his paypigs which are the only group that can tolerate him and only because they cycle out like june bugs.

13 years as a 'demigod' cloistered in his own pocket universe of sycophants has made him even more insufferable. The shock of being placed back in an ordinary hierarchy might knock him out.

 

[Cistern Rumbler]

All his office jobs yes, but he held at least two retail jobs where he left voluntarily: In high school he worked at a food court making salads then in university he worked at Circuit City.

Did he voluntarily leave that job where he got in trouble for using his employee discount to buy 2 consoles for his homebrew tournies?

 

[PieceofShet]

Did he voluntarily leave that job where he got in trouble for using his employee discount to buy 2 consoles for his homebrew tournies?

He was fired for that, according to the lore.

 

[Cistern Rumbler]

So then these two parts are contradictory and I'm not losing my mind?

All his office jobs yes, but he held at least two retail jobs where he left voluntarily: In high school he worked at a food court making salads then in university he worked at Circuit City.

Phil and Best Buy agreed that the termination was over misusing $3.00 in employee perks to purchase a few PS2s which makes me think they could not stand him and just wanted an excuse to fire him.

 

[UncleTusky]

Did he voluntarily leave that job where he got in trouble for using his employee discount to buy 2 consoles for his homebrew tournies?

He was fired for that, according to the lore.

So then these two parts are contradictory and I'm not losing my mind?

Sorry I should have been clearer: When I said "retail jobs" I meant the ones he held before graduating from university, I was not including the job he took with Best Buy since he made it sound like his position with "Best Buy for Business" was more than just a BS retail position. This means that getting fired from Best Buy in 2006 and getting fired for buying consoles to use in his homebrew tourneys were the same thing; my post up above has been fixed to reflect this.

For reference here are some of the key parts of the Department of Labor's 25 August 2006 ruling:

The referee ruled that the employer discharged the claimant for reasons other than wilful misconduct in the course of his employment. In support of this appeal from the referee's decision, the employer reiterates its contention that the claimant purchased game consoles at a discount in order to earn a profit holding video game tournaments. The employer maintains that the claimant knew that he was violating company policy by using the employee discount to purchase equipment for use in a personal business. The employer also maintains that the claimant can organize future tournaments such that he will ultimately use the items he purchased for a profitable business.

In the case before us, the claimant received an employee discount of $2.70 on three video game consoles used in a tournament that he volunteered to organize.

Edit: Part of the basis for awarding Phil gibs was that he would not turn a net profit on the tourney even with the $10 cover charge:

In the case before us, the claimant received an employee discount of $2.70 on three video game consoles used in a tournament that he volunteered to organize. Although the tournament participants each contributed $10 to defray the costs of the event, the referee found the claimant credible in testifying that he did not make a profit, did not intend to organize any similar tournaments, and has retained the consoles for his personal use. There is nothing in the record that would cause us to overturn the referee's credibility determination. The claimant made no attempt to hide the transaction, which only resulted in a very minimal discount for the claimant. We thus concur in the referee's conclusion that the claimant did not knowingly violate the employer's discount policy.

Nobody will be surprised to hear he was lying; Shoryuken is down right now but he admitted on there he set the cover charge that high to discourage late arrivals/no shows, not because it had any relationship to the cost.

 

[Sup3r]

Honestly, I think I'd be fairly likely to hire Phil. I think he'd be an ok employee.

The thing with Philburt is that he whines and he probably wouldn't get along great with the other employees, but he'd show up every day, and so long as he had a clear set of instructions to follow he'd do so.

He's constantly doing whatever he can to get out of doing things that he said he'd do. He expects to be paid just for showing up and he hasn't bothered to show the slightest care about his "work". He will do the bare minimum at most and will complain as much as possible to convince you that even that is too much.

Yeah, once in a while he has punctuality issues, but Phil has been showing up to streams consistently for years at this point; hell, he'll stream even at times when he probably shouldn't. With employees getting people to actually show up is half the battle.

And yet he's damn near always late to his own streams, when he sleeps a few feet away from where he works and he's even admited that he doesn't clean himself before he goes on stream. You'd be lucky to get him looking and smelling presentable for a shift, let alone on time, especially if he has to travel any distance to work.

He wouldn't be cut out for a position that required adaptability, and he'd definitely be clocking out on the dot every day, but he'd be a fantastic office drone I think. His entire psychology rests on his desire to do the exact same thing over and over again without ever thinking or questioning.

His desire is to just consoom. Eat food, play gacha, drink gin and spend money larping as an adult. The moment he's expected to do something that doesn't immediately benefit him there and then, he gets beligerent. How many times has he been asked to do things that would improve his streams and didn't for months, even years. Hell he's been asked for his green screen and still he refuses. It would be a fight to get him to even think about doing his job properly, he's going to do whatever he can to avoid doing it for as long as possible.

Phil will never be cut out for another normal job ever again at this point. He finds playing video games, something people do for fun, as too much work for him. Add his paranoia which is strong enough that even going out into his gated community to check for a parcel triggers it and his hatred for people to the point that even his own fans become the targets for his tantrums and he'd be impossible to work with. Not even an office job, seeing as he has no savvy with computers to the point that he doesn't ever upgrade his shit, leaves electronics on for days and months for no reason and doesn't have the abilty to even attempt to find a solution to a problem.

And his physical health would be frightening it's own. Between his ghoulishly pale skin, near zero muscle mass, obesity, obvious alcoholism, self proclaimed back problems, bad eyesight he knows he should be wearing glasses for but doesn't and the gout, he's a ticking time bomb for a medical emergency. It wouldn't be a matter of if he has one, it's a matter of when. And he doesn't help himself, he thinks that "grocery shopping" once a week and ocasional shuffles around the house are enough exercise.

 

[Corpun]

He's constantly doing whatever he can to get out of doing things that he said he'd do. He expects to be paid just for showing up and he hasn't bothered to show the slightest care about his "work". He will do the bare minimum at most and will complain as much as possible to convince you that even that is too much.

And yet he's damn near always late to his own streams, when he sleeps a few feet away from where he works and he's even admited that he doesn't clean himself before he goes on stream. You'd be lucky to get him looking and smelling presentable for a shift, let alone on time, especially if he has to travel any distance to work.

His desire is to just consoom. Eat food, play gacha, drink gin and spend money larping as an adult. The moment he's expected to do something that doesn't immediately benefit him there and then, he gets beligerent. How many times has he been asked to do things that would improve his streams and didn't for months, even years. Hell he's been asked for his green screen and still he refuses. It would be a fight to get him to even think about doing his job properly, he's going to do whatever he can to avoid doing it for as long as possible.

Phil will never be cut out for another normal job ever again at this point. He finds playing video games, something people do for fun, as too much work for him. Add his paranoia which is strong enough that even going out into his gated community to check for a parcel triggers it and his hatred for people to the point that even his own fans become the targets for his tantrums and he'd be impossible to work with. Not even an office job, seeing as he has no savvy with computers to the point that he doesn't ever upgrade his shit, leaves electronics on for days and months for no reason and doesn't have the abilty to even attempt to find a solution to a problem.

And his physical health would be frightening it's own. Between his ghoulishly pale skin, near zero muscle mass, obesity, obvious alcoholism, self proclaimed back problems, bad eyesight he knows he should be wearing glasses for but doesn't and the gout, he's a ticking time bomb for a medical emergency. It wouldn't be a matter of if he has one, it's a matter of when. And he doesn't help himself, he thinks that "grocery shopping" once a week and ocasional shuffles around the house are enough exercise.

Agreed but it would be funny if he finally caves in and works at Fred Meyer as a clerk or something suffering silently through weeks saying 'IT'S THE GUY!' everytime they see him.

Hard to block people in real life.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Phil's paranoia is the main thing preventing him from ever holding a job again. He's so far gone that he comes across as strange in simple text messages. The only possible jobs he could have require him not working or communicating with anyone, but then he'll be a lazy slug doing the absolute minimum he thinks he could get away with. Phil is a lot closer to Chris Chan than a normal person, after many years of being a shut-in lolcow whose only communication with humans is with trolls and dents online.

 

[Mr Clark]

Its clear to me and Phil has talked about this, that Kat wants to NOT do retail and get into something else, like admin.

Its the classic Monty Python sketch. Accountant doesnt want to be an accountant anymore. So he takes a test for what other career he might be good at and the results are...accountant. The sketch continues to talk about wanting to be a lion tamer, not knowing what lions are etc. But thats not important.

She has certain skills, retail. Shes not amazing at it, but she certainly doesnt have the skills to do something else, like admin, otherwise she would have picked up an admin job along the way. She dreams of NOT doing retail, but by every metric she is designed for it. No responsibility, no skill, no iq required, nothing on the line just clock out and go home. She was born a retail worker and she will die a retail worker.

 

[Gotta Groom Em All]

Agreed but it would be funny if he finally caves in and works at Fred Meyer as a clerk or something suffering silently through weeks saying 'IT'S THE GUY!' everytime they see him.

Hard to block people in real life.

Weeks? Hell no. He would be dealing with IRL interactions for years and likely on and off for the remainder of his life. Even into his golden years people will still be laughing and pointing out to innocent bystanders "it's the guy who masturbated on stream!" and asking him how his gout is.

Hell, once the word gets out (which it will immediately) there will be a handful of autists who make pilgrimages across the country to the Fred Meyer at Benson Plaza just to see the Philberg live and in person.

 

[Corpun]

"it's the guy who masturbated on stream!"

I wonder how long he'd be able to keep jobs once flyers with the face are posted everywhere near his workplace. He can laugh it off on his little hugbox but in person, I doubt it. It probably bugs him everyday that he is known for that, not muh 13 year legacy.

 

[DerichLovesSSI]

Remember when Phil took Black Friday off to totally drop Kat off at work and not at all do some pulls instead of streaming?

It’s like a 15 minute drive across town dood, debunked!