Orbiter Kat Speculation - With guest appearances by her sister, Jenna

[Dennis Rodman]

Its clear to me and Phil has talked about this, that Kat wants to NOT do retail and get into something else, like admin.

Its the classic Monty Python sketch. Accountant doesnt want to be an accountant anymore. So he takes a test for what other career he might be good at and the results are...accountant. The sketch continues to talk about wanting to be a lion tamer, not knowing what lions are etc. But thats not important.

She has certain skills, retail. Shes not amazing at it, but she certainly doesnt have the skills to do something else, like admin, otherwise she would have picked up an admin job along the way. She dreams of NOT doing retail, but by every metric she is designed for it. No responsibility, no skill, no iq required, nothing on the line just clock out and go home. She was born a retail worker and she will die a retail worker.

That is one of the most depressing things I’ve read on here.

 

[bebopsingh]

Looks like Khet needs to find herself a new man who's loaded and is a chad asap.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

Looks like Khet needs to find herself a new man who's loaded and is a chad asap.

The problem would be that she'd have to find someone even more desperate and dumber than Phil here.

You are right that she's not exactly going to settle for less though, clearly her job track record has been shaky and luckily for her Phil seems to be putting up with that fact, after all he's got the house (or horse) wife of his dreams right?

 

[GunnlaugurSassoon]

Honestly, I think I'd be fairly likely to hire Phil. I think he'd be an ok employee.

The thing with Philburt is that he whines and he probably wouldn't get along great with the other employees, but he'd show up every day, and so long as he had a clear set of instructions to follow he'd do so.

I don't think there's a single job where DSP's baseline ability to mostly just show up is good enough, unless you want a human scarecrow.

DSP will frequently show up 30 minutes to an hour late, and for an 8 hour workday requires a minimum of an hour of breaks (not including lunch). He does as little as possible, and even manages to underdeliver on the as little as possible he does. He resents "owing" work (playthroughs/multiplayer/anything that actual fans want) and reacts passive aggressively to having it do it. DSP literally is so bad at working he got fired from an entry level customer service job in the department his father was one of the executives in charge of.

Plus imagine the snorts, throat clears and lip smacks echoing throughout the office and boring into your brain.

 

[The Penultimate Warrior]

The problem would be that she'd have to find someone even more desperate and dumber than Phil here.

You are right that she's not exactly going to settle for less though, clearly her job track record has been shaky and luckily for her Phil seems to be putting up with that fact, after all he's got the house (or horse) wife of his dreams right?

Where's the guy who railed her sister? I'm sure he'd volunteer.

 

[strandedcastaway]

Honestly, I think I'd be fairly likely to hire Phil. I think he'd be an ok employee.

The thing with Philburt is that he whines and he probably wouldn't get along great with the other employees, but he'd show up every day, and so long as he had a clear set of instructions to follow he'd do so.

Dude's had a shit attitude while making $130,000 a year for sitting on his ass and gaming. What makes you think he'd play well with others making 1/3 of that in an office job while having to actually work, and not being able to block people he disagrees with?

On the other hand, I admire your optimism.

 

[actually]

Dude's had a shit attitude while making $130,000 a year for sitting on his ass and gaming. What makes you think he'd play well with others making 1/3 of that in an office job while having to actually work, and not being able to block people he disagrees with?

On the other hand, I admire your optimism.

That he's a total bitch when dealing with people face-to-face instead of in his technological hugbox? He would grumble about it, but he wouldn't have the sack to actually do anything about it but drink heavily at night.

 

[Schmeckel]

I don't think there's a single job where DSP's baseline ability to mostly just show up is good enough, unless you want a human scarecrow.

The walmart I go to from time to time has these old people checking receipts as a sort of loss-prevention. I'm sure he could sway back and forth and pretend to read a receipt and go *snort* "Have a good'n." to people buying bell peppers and flip-flops.

Who am I kidding? He'd get fired the first day. Even just being a walmart greeter is too much for him, even though it seems the minimum requirement is "have a pulse."

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Dude's had a shit attitude while making $130,000 a year for sitting on his ass and gaming. What makes you think he'd play well with others making 1/3 of that in an office job while having to actually work, and not being able to block people he disagrees with?

On the other hand, I admire your optimism.

Because he's a bitch boy in real life, and wouldn't dare call a co-worker or boss a "moron" or an idiot in real life.

 

[Cistern Rumbler]

That little bitch would be the type to run to HR or up the ladder over every little issue.

Didn't he once snitch on co-workers for dating?

 

[UncleTusky]

That little bitch would be the type to run to HR or up the ladder over every little issue.

Didn't he once snitch on co-workers for dating?

That's what he has claimed, yes. If I remember the lore correctly he liked a girl he worked with at Wells Fargo, she started dating a manager, he reported them to HR for breaking a rule against workplace dating, it turns out there was no such rule. He has told multiple variants of this story and some of them involve him getting fired for making a bad-faith report so, huge grain of salt. That goes double when it's not clear he ever worked at Wells Fargo, his other claim to have moved there directly from the helicopter plant just makes no sense when we know he worked at Best Buy as late as 2006.

Edit to avoid double post:

To bring things back to this thread's main subject Phil now claims that Kat is working nights. Of course, like all DSP lies, he disproved it himself with his constant claims of Kat cooking dinners (lol) and him keeping the door closed every stream. (archive). If she really can't get hired in this economy she must be even more dysfunctional than we thought.

 

[GunnlaugurSassoon]

Anyone else think the reason DSP goes grocery shopping alone and no longer gets to have his wife-mother surrogate recreate his childhood grocery shopping trips with his mother is because Kat's too ashamed to go back to Fred Meyer now that she's no longer working there? Way to go Kat your incompetence fucked up DSP's horrifying oedipal transferences

 

[Kosher Dill]

Anyone else think the reason DSP goes grocery shopping alone and no longer gets to have his wife-mother surrogate recreate his childhood grocery shopping trips with his mother is because Kat's too ashamed to go back to Fred Meyer now that she's no longer working there?

The issue is that the aisles are about the width of two shopping carts, and Kat is now wider than a shopping cart. So if someone using a shopping cart wants to pass by her, one or the other of them has to actually back out of the aisle and go another way. Imagine this happening 3, 4, 5 times per trip.

 

[Schmeckel]

The issue is that the aisles are about the width of two shopping carts, and Kat is now wider than a shopping cart. So if someone using a shopping cart wants to pass by her, one or the other of them has to actually back out of the aisle and go another way. Imagine this happening 3, 4, 5 times per trip.

When the zombie apocalypse first happened, some stores had arrows pointing folks in the right direction to go down each aisle. If they still adhered to this sort of policy, she could feasibly go lumbering down the aisles to gather the right items to fill the trough with.

 

[ReentryPhantom]

Anyone else think the reason DSP goes grocery shopping alone and no longer gets to have his wife-mother surrogate recreate his childhood grocery shopping trips with his mother is because Kat's too ashamed to go back to Fred Meyer now that she's no longer working there? Way to go Kat your incompetence fucked up DSP's horrifying oedipal transferences

You know this is probably it. Perhaps she was let go on negative terms. But it isn't like there aren't other places to shop for groceries in his area.

 

[BPD Gunt Rider]

Kat worked in jewelry or some other department, she could go shopping and nobody would recognize her besides maybe a stray detractor.

 

[Sup3r]

You know this is probably it. Perhaps she was let go on negative terms. But it isn't like there aren't other places to shop for groceries in his area.

Where's he supposed to go? The local Wal-Mart? You want him to go near those violent drug fueled Tevins?

 

[SupSilver]

The braziest of mamos has some recent Instagram posts where she is in a car. I'm under no illusions she is probably hooking and receiving a ride to wherever she is going to sell her ass but one of the posts has video.

There are some men in the background and I can't tell if they are slurring their words or speaking arabic or hindi et cetera, Anyone got a best guess to what they're gabbing about?

 

[Kosher Dill]

I can't tell if they are slurring their words or speaking arabic or hindi et cetera, Anyone got a best guess to what they're gabbing about?

"By Allah, I like defiling the kaffirs as much as anyone, but you chose the wrong sister."
"Bin-Faqin relates that the Prophet (pbuh) said: 'A woman for children, a horse for pleasure.' "

 

[Dennis Rodman]

The braziest of mamos has some recent Instagram posts where she is in a car. I'm under no illusions she is probably hooking and receiving a ride to wherever she is going to sell her ass but one of the posts has video.

There are some men in the background and I can't tell if they are slurring their words or speaking arabic or hindi et cetera, Anyone got a best guess to what they're gabbing about?

What’s her most recent IG account?