Careercow Kenneth Copeland / Feat: Benny Hinn / Pat Robertson / Paula White - Televangelist, Hyper-Grifter, Luxery Jet Aficianado, Prosperity Gospel, Pray the Hurricanes Away, Bernie Madoff of Christianity

[HiramTheGrift]

Brother Kenneth COPEland​

Hello again, my holy brothers and sisters of the Holy Farms LLC. I just got back from my after-church lunch with grandma, and she asked me to share one of her favorite charlatans Warriors in Christ with an esteemed congregation such as yourselves. How could I say no to such a request? This thread will mostly cover Kenneth Copeland, but it is important to understand how he relates to the broader "Televangelists" and adjacent evangelical groups. So take note of the guests in his videos and names mentioned. This is a little bit of a "follow the money" thing. Time to dust off your church shoes and open your hearts (and wallets) because we're covering a man who has probably scammed influenced people you know. The rabbit hole runs deep - let's begin!

Part 1: The Head Cow is Always Grazing

Kenneth Copeland, age 84, is a world renowned televangelist. This man has made a killing spreading the word of God to the four corners of the globe via television, radio, and internet broadcasting. I know what you're thinking, "Wow, a televangelist. I hate those guys but they're boring and just make a big paycheck." And you would be correct the same way the captian of the Titanic was correct about seeing an iceberg in the distance. What makes ol' Kenneth the frontman for televangelists are a few things:

1. Kenneth Copeland has an absurdly successful ministry with a networth estimated between $300-$700+ million. This makes him the wealthiest pastor in the world. Where does that money come from? Mostly from two places. The first one is mentioned below, the second one we will get to in Part 4: Wolf in Sheep's Clothing

2. Kenneth preaches a little-known doctrine called the "Prosperity Gospel." What is it? Basically, God wants you to prosper and be healthy, happy, and successful. But you need to have faith and rely totally 100% no backsies on Him so He can reward you. How do you do this? By getting scammed tithing at least 10% of your money to ministries like the one run by Copeland. So if you tithe $100, god will give you $1,000 back. If you give God $1,000 you get $10,000 and so on.

Prosperity Gospel Millionaire Kenneth Copeland Screams At Followers To Keep Tithing​

(Youtube Link)
3. He's been doing this for longer than most of you babies have been alive. That means he's built his craft, perfected his art, and can really capture a television audience...as long as he's not being interviewed unexpectedly. (See: Full Interview: Preacher Kenneth Copeland Defends Lavish Lifestyle)

4. To paraphrase Thomas Jefferson, Copeland is a strange little gobliny figure with neither the backbone or character of a man nor the convictions and passion of a preacher.

Part 2: The Jet (and other controversies)

Halt, Citizen
Do you have any COVID-19 on you? I don't have any tests so I'm going to send COPEland to execute any remaining Kungflu in your body

Judgment Is Executed on COVID-19: by Kenneth Copeland​

(Youtube Link)

All clear? Let's continue.

We are beginning this chapter with a video of Copeland and one of his associates, Jesse Duplantis, justifying their need for luxury jets while supposedly being modest men of God. In this short video, I want you to pay attention to what they say as well as how they say it. You are watching two men who con thousands of dollars daily justify this multi-million dollar expense. Here you will begin to see their worldview as well as their manipulative tactics. If you are looking for a study guide, please check in the hymnal beneath the video.

Kenneth Copeland And Jesse Duplantis Defending Their Private Luxury Jets​

(Youtube Link)

Spoiler: Old Hymnal

This is not an exact timeline, I'm writing out their logic to better highlight their scams.

0:10 Duplantis: "Before I read the Holy Bible, let's discuss an irrelevant story that sounds relevant"
He immediately refers to his jet as "A plane that God so graciously gave us." Very matter-of-factly. He doesn't want you, the audience, to feel like he's spending your money.

God then speaks to Jesse on his plane in a way God can't talk to people on public planes
"At least 75%-80%, more like 90% of what we're doing" would stop if he didn't have a private jet. He speaks about his mentor, Oral Roberts, referring to his plane as an anointed place.


3:00 Copeland straight up says you can't focus on God on those planes because they're long tubes full of demons. Copeland does believe in demons, but I'll leave that for you to interpret.

3:30 Copeland says he could fly his single engine plane if he had a desire for a plane, but he needs this private jet to save lives.

They end the video saying they need the jets to sleep while traveling, while just previously saying they work have meetings and talk to God on them.

Of course that video didn't age well and you are not the only perceptive viewers to have questions raised. Here is a reporter catching Copeland off guard about his private jet, and it's just awesome.

The first 80 seconds are required watching

Full Interview: Preacher Kenneth Copeland Defends Lavish Lifestyle​

(Youtube Link)

Besides watching him fall over himself by saying things like, "It's none of your business how much I paid for that jet," following it up with, "I bought it at an unbelievably cheap price." Whenever he's at a loss for words he buys time by either:
1. Interrupting the interview for a quick prayer break
2. Complimenting the news agency, "Man my wife loves you people."
3. Complimenting the woman asking the questions, "Your eyes are absolutely beautiful."
Classic grifter.

As with all Evangelicals of recent history, they saddled their wagons to the Trump train. They sat at the gambling table and went all-in on the second round. What do I mean?

The Trump Prophecies​

(Youtube Link) (Published Oct.21.2020)

Spoiler: Notes

5:00 They talk about the Blood Moons
5:40 "Sometimes prophecies are off" lol
6:40 Trump was born on the night of a blood moon, guy admits he has know idea what it means
and other """math"""
8:40 "People have come to this planet for unusual reasons"

Here is one of Copeland's broadcasts, and one of a few that concern Trump. Of course, Kenneth Copeland Ministries is a 501(c)3 tax exempt organizations that does not endorse a political candidate. That won't stop God's Holy Progr Scammer from speaking on Jesus' behalf. Anyone curious on how Evangelical Christians and politics blend together look no further.


Womp Womp
Trump lost the election
But you prophesied Trump would win
What do?

Part 3: "Laughter is a Deterrent for Pain"

Pro-Trump evangelical Kenneth Copeland laughs manically over media calling Biden's win​

(Youtube Link)

By this point you've probably wondered how anyone can take a dollar store Buscemi as such a holy man. That's the thing, Copeland wasn't always so (extremely) wacky. These people usually like his good-feels nature and simplistic way of explain religion. Many of these consumers are elderly, desperate, or looking for some kind of purpose. But we can laugh at those people later.

Kenneth Copeland Speaks in Tongues. (Title mine)​

(Youtube Link)

Charismatic Evangelical Christians have a practice of "speaking in tongues." It's when you're speaking in another (possibly dead) language because the Holy Spirit is moving through you. At this power level you can receive a prophecy in tongues, interpret someone elses tongues-speaking, lay hands on someone and perform miracles, or get checked into a fucking insane asylum.

Kenneth Copeland Goes Crazy On Victory News​

(Youtube Link)

This is a compilation of Kenneth at Victory News during an interview. It really highlights his creepy nature and obvious bullshit personality.


Part 4: Wolves in Sheep's Clothing

This is the part of the sermon where we give honorable mentions to his other Televangelist buddies. Some people think superlatives are lame and juvenile. Those people would be right but we're not very high class around these parts.

Why discuss these people? Because these televangelists are their own economic ecosystem. They funnel money back-and-forth, send it to Super-PACs who use the money for political gain and send the money somewhere else. Where does it go? Daystar, CBN, Liberty U., all of these organizations, many cows in their own right, are scamming the cash and keeping it. Don't get me wrong, religion's fine. Give to your church, buy a Sunday football package, idc. If your grandpa thinks he's showing God his devotion by forking money over to the green goblin's new private luxery glider tell him this ain't it, chief.

And now...the superlatives

Spoiler: Class Clown: Benny Hinn

Our favorite Israeli televangelist. (Also rumored to have had an affair with Paula White) Benny Hinn is known for his "miracle crusades" that were definitely not faked and had no outside interaction whatsoever. He had a non-profit so secretive, not only was he investigated by the US senate, but was also denounced by several evangelical watchdog groups for using his ministry for personal gain.

Benny Hinn Historic Crusades: Atlanta (2010)​

(Youtube Link)

HOLY SPIRIT REVIVAL Signs & Wonders in Louisiana​

(Youtube Link) At 4:20 the woman falling makes the weirdest noise

Televangelist Busted​

(Youtube Link)

Spoiler: Biggest Change: Pat Robertson

Pat Robertson's been synonymous with Evangelical grift since before the Reagan years. He unsuccessfully ran for president, founded some no-name school, and is managing CBN - the largest Christian broadcasting station. Don't ask about how it's doing financially though. They're bleeding money yet somehow they get random donations to the tune of 6 figures coming in at the right time - praise God.

Let's not talk about the diamond mines, or that he thinks gays cause hurricanes (based?), or his infallible economic wisdom. Let's talk about his flawless track record with prophecies.

Pat Robertson's Prophecy on 2020 U.S. Presidential Election Results & The Aftermath​

(Youtube Link) He states with incontrovertible certainty Trump will be president after the 2020 election in less than a minute

Pat Robertson: Divorce Wife With Alzheimer's​

(Youtube link)

Pat Robertson: You can get AIDS from towels​

(Youtube link) Sorry for CNN video, just skip Anderson

Spoiler: Best Public Speaker: Paula White

Paula White is a lady televangelist and advisor to then-President Donald J. Trump. (Also rumored to have had an affair with Benny Hinn) She's come under scrutiny at times for her fierce preaching of the prosperity gospel and some things she says that sound heretical. She's not heretical, she just doesn't understand the theology she preaches. She's been investigated by congress several times and has refused to cooperate, which apparently means you're innocent and there's nothing to see here folks. Watch her attempt to preach something coherent:

Paula White speaking in Tongues​

(Youtube link) At 2:00 - too bad Bobby's grandma did die

Trump's spiritual adviser fires back at critics​

(Youtube link)

Your Battle is Setting Up Your Breakthrough - Pastor Paula White-Cain​

(Youtube Link)

Part 5: The Apocrypha AKA Intervangelism

Boomers today aren't the only people falling prey to televangelist tricks. As society has shifted from television broadcast to internet platforms, we've seen this extraordinarily successful grift make the transition to our own back yard. This has been a slow transition so you couldn't be blamed for missing it. But COVID-19 has catalyzed this switch and online audience engagement is at its highest point. What separates insane people enslaved by televangelists versus being enslaved by intervangelists? These people post videos and comments online.

Let's discuss one televangelist who lost it all, only to attempt a phoenix-like rebirth on the world wide webzone.

Some of you may have heard of Robert Tilton. He was a famous televangelist in the 80's-90's until he was also investigated by congress for fraud. If his name sounds familiar, it might be because a pre-internet meme of him circulated around in the form of a VHS tape. See below

The Original Farting Preacher: Robert Tilton [Pastor Gas]​

(Youtube link)

When you become a viral meme in the 90's, you know you've peaked...but what if you didn't? He and many like him are shifting to new Christian content aggregates like Godtube and StreamingFaith. Godtube has 100% funny and original content, much like Youtube but without autistic comment threads.

You might not be able to comment, but you can upload your own videos for public viewing.

Looking for something more familiar?
Here is a low effort video "praying" for anyone who can hear it. So watch and be blessed. It also has over 2.5 million views. Check out the comments:

Prayer For Family Protection | Prayers To Protect My Family From Evil​

(Youtube link)

Copeland has many fans. For example, Lori McLeod (from Saskatoon) has several videos discussing Copeland's books.

Load Up Devotional Kenneth, Gloria Copeland.​

(Youtube link)

Kenneth Copeland devotional Load up book reading for January 28th 2021 Wednesday night ​

(Youtube link)

November 9th 2020 Kenneth Copeland Devotional readings​

(Youtube link)


Part 6: The Day of Judgment

In concluding our service, let us reflect on what we've seen. Kenneth Copeland is a lead grifter in the televangelist movement. They earn millions every year on tax-free donations to afford their extravagant lifestyles. Their biggest targets are the elderly, unstable, and desperate. There's an argument for online church or allowing ministers to speak on cable, but these people utilize bullshit Christian doctrines like the Prosperity Gospel to rob people blind. These people range from random preachers out of Louisiana to advisors to the president. Their movement is so intellectually bankrupt that despite writing countless books and hundreds of hours of recordings, these people never fail to stumble through every interview and impromptu service thrown at them. There is nothing more cowish than flying around and blowing on people to make them pass out all because sky daddy told you to. The money that could be going to your school district or repaving that pothole are instead going to some goon who thinks "demons in long tubes" are going to stop him from talking to God.
The grift goes even deeper, however. This money rarely leaves the Evangelical ecosystem, they contract eachothers services constantly. Since there is so much secrecy surrounding how the money is moved it's difficult to know to what extent it is being used. It's an open secret this boomer money to going to Super-PACs to get congress off their backs.

Hug your grandparents, tell them you love them, and tell them to take that off the goddamn television

Spoiler: Contact your local long-tubed demon here

Website (Archive)
Phone: +1-817-852-6000
Address:
14355 Morris Dido Rd
Newark, TX 76071

 

[Neil]

Boomer Televangelism is such a cancer. It's such blatant un-Christian greed that manages to keep reeling in money from old people who are physically unable to go to actual churches. All their flashiness and asking of "seed-gifts" does is alienate people because it drives home the lul christians cuhrayzee image they see in media.

The right-wing slant they add to their "sermons" too is just the epitome of what America's twisted version/idea of Christianity is.

Peter Popoff was pretty funny, Benny Hinn sort of was (until you see just how many old people he swindled and gave false hope to). All of them are walking human scum whose money is only gonna go towards buying themselves a first class, front-row seat to the pits of hell for what they're doing to their audience.

Good OP.

 

[Arm Pit Cream]

Kenneth Copeland is a huge lolcow, not only does he seem like one of the most insane televangelists out there, but he's creepy and crusty as fuck. I'm convinced an actual demon has possessed him and is just grifting from Christians.

 

[Revo]

I really wish to see newusers making good threads on crazy people like @HiramTheGrift, bc most of them aren't making properly threads on insane people rn.

 

[Steely Dan]

Growing up in the middle of the Bible Belt, televangelists are very close to my heart in both their insanity and sociopath-like willingness to scam money out of desperate and impoverished people.

This channel makes amazing remixes of Copeland:

 

[General Disarray]

Jesse Duplantis used to play guitar with some band back in the 70's. He loves his shiny chrome Harleys and makes no bones about it. I like his storytelling, he's engaging like a grampa from down on the bayou, and I'll keep him on if I'm scanning channels on Sunday morning with coffee. It's a fuckton more entertaining than most crap on the devil box. If someone wants to give anyone else money, including idiots who simp for our best grifting cows like Lou Gagliardi, Rabbie Davis and the lovelies over on the Tranch, who am I to tell them what to do?

I agree that MOST of them are blinded by their own desires for wealth, but many of their orgs do at least go into impoverished countries that none of us would set foot in to give aid and assistance. And oftentimes, their message is good and not always focused on the financial aspect of the scenario. After all, God does want us to be happy and to prosper so we may also be a blessing to those around us, and that's why we buy each other rounds of beer!

That Hinn guy is one of those "healers" if I'm not mistaken, and those motherfuckers can rot in hell. I always think of a wheelchair-bound Michael Keaton in that one episode of Frasier when I see anything related to "faith healing." I haven't been to a church in forever, but that's where my tithes would go for the upkeep of the sanctuary and to benefit my immediate community.

 

[Wooo]

I was wondering why Kenneth's face looked so familiar to me.

 

[NerdShamer]

It's such blatant un-Christian greed that manages to keep reeling in money from old people who are physically unable to go to actual churches

Historically speaking, tithing is nothing new. Just give a few shekels to the Catholic church so they can paint their murals and you get a guaranteed crown in Heaven.

It's kind of ironic, really.

 

[haunted vagina]

Pointing out the hypocrisy and retardism in fundamentalist Christianity is seemingly completely played out at this point, but holy shit how is it that Kenneth Copeland looks EXACTLY like how most people would describe Satan? Of all people's audiences you'd think that his would care!

 

[Jann_Hörn]

Solid OP but put the dox in a private spoiler

Like this minus the dots:
[Private.] ... [./Private]

 

[Mage]

Great OP.

I will be looking at Copeland's thread with great interest.

 

[NotSendingTheirBest]

Historically speaking, tithing is nothing new. Just give a few shekels to the Catholic church so they can paint their murals and you get a guaranteed crown in Heaven.

It's kind of ironic, really.

Tithing to support a community and giving money to hungry, satanic "preachers" are two different things.

Money doesn't buy you entrance to heaven, in fact, the very notion is abominable and will lead you to an entirely different direction.

 

[Lunete]

What gets me is that people still fall for this shit. We've known these dudes were a bunch of lying, grifting, scumbags since the 70s at least. Yet stupid people still buy into it.

 

[Frank D'arbo]

Growing up in a Christian household, I always hated the way televangelists presented themselves as if the THEY were the actual second coming of Christ

 

[LolRaccoon]

"Send me money, send me green, heaven you will meet
Make a contribution and you'll get a better seat!" - Metallica, "Leper Messiah"

"Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?" - Matthew 7:15-16

As a Christian myself, it really kills me to see people like this have so much sway. Apart from genuinely convincing people that Jesus is going to give them a plane or something if they donate their money, this is also how a lot of people view Christians as a whole in America.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

"People" like Copeland are an offense to God and Man both. The rope would be too kind for predators of this stripe.
Excellent OP, @HiramTheGrift .

 

[WeWuzFinns]

Why give these fuckers money when even Jesus didn't ask for money? I guess they are using that Jesus told his followers to get rid of their excess wealth and give it to the poor. Don't know anything about mr. Cope, but I wonder if their grift is that they pretend to be some kind of mediator between the rich and the poor.

 

[Stilgar of Troon]

Why give these fuckers money when even Jesus didn't ask for money? I guess they are using that Jesus told his followers to get rid of their excess wealth and give it to the poor. Don't know anything about mr. Cope, but I wonder if their grift is that they pretend to be some kind of mediator between the rich and the poor.

Ostensibly, a church would be the ideal means to distribute collected donations to where they are needed most. Which is fine and all, but why are so many of these people insanely wealthy on a personal level? Why do they have such reticence about being completely transparent about where every single dollar goes? Why are they owners of private jets, fleets of vehicles, etc.? There isn't an answer that sits comfortably with the putative Christian values that they're aligning themselves with. Because they're predatory grifters.

 

[hundredpercent]

Why give these fuckers money when even Jesus didn't ask for money? I guess they are using that Jesus told his followers to get rid of their excess wealth and give it to the poor. Don't know anything about mr. Cope, but I wonder if their grift is that they pretend to be some kind of mediator between the rich and the poor.

I'm not going to defend these parasites, but the Bible does teach that pastors are worthy of a salary.

1 Corinthians 9:

This is my defense to those who would examine me. Do we not have the right to our food and drink? Do we not have the right to be accompanied by a believing wife, as do the other apostles and the brothers of the Lord and Cephas? Or is it only Barnabas and I who have no right to refrain from working for a living? Who at any time pays the expenses for doing military service? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat any of its fruit? Or who tends a flock and does not get any of its milk?

Do I say this on human authority? Does not the law also say the same? For it is written in the law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain.” Is it for oxen that God is concerned? Or does he not speak entirely for our sake? It was indeed written for our sake, for whoever plows should plow in hope and whoever threshes should thresh in hope of a share in the crop. If we have sown spiritual good among you, is it too much if we reap your material benefits? If others share this rightful claim on you, do not we still more?

Nevertheless, we have not made use of this right, but we endure anything rather than put an obstacle in the way of the gospel of Christ. Do you not know that those who are employed in the temple service get their food from the temple, and those who serve at the altar share in what is sacrificed on the altar? In the same way, the Lord commanded that those who proclaim the gospel should get their living by the gospel.

But I have made no use of any of these rights, nor am I writing this so that they may be applied in my case. Indeed, I would rather die than that—no one will deprive me of my ground for boasting! I proclaim the gospel, this gives me no ground for boasting, for an obligation is laid on me, and woe to me if I do not proclaim the gospel! For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward; but if not of my own will, I am entrusted with a commission. What then is my reward? Just this: that in my proclamation I may make the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my rights in the gospel.

 

[Sam Losco]

I could powerlevel on this topic pretty hard.

Good thread.