Kill a Kiwi - Think of it like CLUE, but without the mystery

[JambledUpWords]

Okay, tell me how you’d kill a Kiwi of your choice. Here’s some ideas:

• Time
• Place
• Weapon
• Method
• Coverup

Feel free to tag people!

How to kill @Exigent Circumcisions

• Time: noontime during a hot July
• Place: at an abandoned shed in Wisconsin
• Weapon: endless food
• Method: force feed until death
• Coverup: make him into delicious bacon and ham

 

[The Pink Panther]

How to kill @Dyn

1. Don't, because he'll kill you first, especially if you disrespect women.

 

[JambledUpWords]

How to kill @CatParty

• Time: 3 AM during February
• Place: forest in Alaska
• Weapon: well-written literature
• Method: crushed to death by 1,000 hardcover books
• Coverup: wild animals will eat Catparty
  

 

[Zelos Wilder]

How to kill @NNewt84

Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

How to kill OP

Time: now
Location: over the internet
Weapon: words
Method: call OP a faggot
Cover: not required, as this is not a crime

 

[NNewt84]

How to kill @NNewt84

Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread

Ha, joke's on you, since houses don't have basements in Australia.

How to kill @Ryotaro Dojima

Time: 3:30 AM
Location: Port Adelaide
Weapon: Any music that isn't Pink Floyd
Method: Force her/him to listen to it for 48 hours straight
Coverup: Make it look like they died of COVID-19 by dining in at the pancake place (at least until the autopsy happens, by which point I'll already have skipped town anyway)

 

[NIGGER ASS PEE POOPY RAPE]

@The Last Stand

• Time: christmas eve
• Place: bathtub
• Weapon: my pee and poo
• Method: drowning
• Coverup: police wouldn't investigate the murder because he/she is black

 

[Clown Baby]

@Drain Todger

Time: last week
Location: his thread
Weapon: text on a screen
Method: have a person he deems an expert tell him he's a walking joke who needs to calm down
Cover: none needed, and he probably would have died of obesity shortly after anyway

 

[Autumnal Equinox]

How to kill @NNewt84

Time: span over a week
Location: A basement
Weapon: Modern Nostalgia critic
Method: let him starve to death to modern critic
Cover: blame someone from the Critic thread

Just don't give him access to his sister's feet and he'll off himself after a day or so.

How to kill @Buttercreamer Pete

Timespan: about a week before he offs himself out of boredom
Location: The Farms
Weapon: Null
Method: Disable ratings for him
Cover: Blame it as a site issue

 

[Exorbital Columnations]

@The Last Stand

• Coverup: police wouldn't investigate the murder because he/she is black

He's a high yellow, at best.

@JambledUpWords

• After a succulent meal
• Cuck shed
• A BBW
• Queening
• Sawzall/shallow grave/quicklime

 

[thismanlies]

@Bryan Dunn

• Whenever they hold the gay pride parades
• At a gay pride parade
• AIDS infested dicks
• Get him drunk around a bunch of bug chasers
• Pin all blame on said bug chasers

 

[The Pink Panther]

@The Last Stand

• Time: christmas eve
• Place: bathtub
• Weapon: my pee and poo
• Method: drowning
• Coverup: police wouldn't investigate the murder because he/she is black

You really lived up to your name.

The only flaw is that the only way the police wouldn't investigate the murder is if it was black on black.

 

[Wraith]

How to kill @CatParty

Time - New Year's Eve
Place - His home in front of his computer
Weapon - The internet
Method - Dozens of his garbage news articles he likes to read and post here with subliminal messages telling him that Alyssa Milano is his space alien reptilian mom and he needs to go on a killing spree and suicide by cop because he will soon lay eggs that bring forth a race of Patton Oswalts with Alyssa-fetal alcohol syndrome boobs.
Coverup - Go to /pol/ and tell the goyim they have schizophrenia and that white people and first and second amendment rights need to be eliminated for the good of the world while rubbing my hands together.

 

[Absolute Brainlet]

How to kill @JosephStalin
Time - between now and at least 5 years in the future
Place - anywhere on planet Earth
Weapon - the flow of time and the process of aging, optionally an act of God
Method - simply outlive him
Cover - none required
LOL grandpa

 

[Pargon]

How to kill @Pargon (oh god please let it end):

Time - Jesus fuck as soon as possible
Place - I'm here right now motherfuckers
Weapon - here's a rock, make it quick
Method - shit, feed it to me if you want to
Cover - look, here's a letter saying I asked you to do it

 

[A Fucking Leafeon]

How to kill @tuscangarder
Weapon-Pinochet
Method- Throwing them out of a helicopter
Cover-None

 

[Trapitalism]

How to kill @The Last Stand

Time - whenever I feel like it
Weapon - Cops
Method - Tell cops about his sherm stash
Cover - None necessary