Kinds of Lolcows - What’s Your Favorite Type?

[TheClorax]

We all know, or at least are familiar with, the different variations of the Lolcow species. Dramacow, Careercow, Horrorcow, etc. But what kinds of Lolcows make the best Lolcows? What Lolcow subspecies is the worst? Share your thoughts!

 

[RG 448]

Horrorcows are objectively the best.

 

[Salt Water Taffy]

You could say they each have their strengths and weaknesses. Dramacows are really interesting but a lot of time they fizzle out pretty quickly, a pretty flash in the pan but not one you can sink your teeth into. Careercows are kinda the opposite, they're in it for the long haul usually. Skitzcows and Horrorcows are sometimes funny but sometimes they're just sad. Cosplay and artcows are usually good staples of lolcowhood, they tend to be a little more consistent. Personally I'd say we're "lucky" to have them all.

 

[Desire Lines]

I like Skitzocows because they usually provide extremely entertaining content without even touching them aka John Bulla (RIP). It's like there is another universe inside their head, warping their perception of everything around them into some kind of monstrocity. It's interesting to think about: just what the fuck goes on in those people's heads?

 

[BountifulFeast]

Horrorcows are always fascinating, but at the same time they bum me out.

 

[TheClorax]

Artcows are my personal favorite, the shit they regularly produce almost always provides me some good lulz, and they themselves, are very lulzy with how they get overly defensive about it.

 

[ConcernedAnon]

Call me old fashioned, but I like speds being speds. It's all good as long as it's bizarre or funny though.

 

[Bad Times]

Careercows, because most of the time the cow is defined by two aspects: 1) Is entertaining in that they make shit decisions 2) Is generally struggiling to keep afloat (some exceptions apply). Sometimes it's the work that ruins them as well.

I do love it when a cow struggles. Not enough to disappear but enough to panic.

 

[Jewelsmakerguy]

A lolcow's a lolcow. Doesn't matter if they're making shitty fetish art, cashing in on something stupid or being horrifying transgenders (or a combination of any sort).

 

[OneDaySon]

Schizocows and Horrorcows, because mostly with those two they're more like a rabbit hole you REALLY shouldn't go down but you do. Its like every bit of new information you get on them ends up being crazier and crazier while with other cows its kind of up and down with peaks and valleys. With Horrorcows in particular its a lot more of a "It can't get any worse can it?" then it does.

 

[MW 002]

Not sure if it counts, but I always find myself amused by the A-Logs who will threaten to dox a cow just to try to assert some control over them- especially if the lolcow in question is just a sped who draws weird shit on DeviantArt. Seen a shit loads of those back in my DA-days, and they're always amusing because they think publicly posting their trolling plans on other people's pages is a good fucking idea. Then they act surprised when the DA admins get off their lazy asses and ban them- only to get banned again for ban evasion.

They're usually not producing enough material to warrant their own thread, but it's amusing on an individual basis.

 

[AnOminous]

I miss when lolcows were funny instead of being horrifying.

 

[Lysol]

I would have voted careercow because they're in it for the long haul and seem to have big egos, but I voted artcow simply because of ugojesse.

 

[Unattended Baby]

Horrorcows. First off, the name just sounds awesome. Second, I'm a sick fuck connoisseur. I love observing the dregs of humanity from the safety of my armchair.

 

[NG 070]

I miss when lolcows were funny instead of being horrifying.

Yeah... gotta agree with AO on this one. It seems like as of late, there's way too many cows who have gone far beyond the lolcow event horizon and into legitimate unfunny/uncomfortable territory for my liking. It's one thing when you've got people like Momokun, Thumbcramps, Russel Greer, or even someone like Amy Slaton. Those guys are hilarious, because they get bitch slapped several times and they only double down on their cowish behavior.

But far too many cows lately seem to turn out to be pedophiles, zoofuckers, and/or both among other things. Or you have people like ForeverKailyn (I swear, she's going to meet a guy who'll end up molesting Gracie and she won't give a shit, just you wait and see) , or flat out child abusers like DaddyOFive and the Schofields. Or creeps like Cecily Kellogg. Ugh.

But hey, lolcows will be lolcows, I guess.

 

[WeeGee]

I prefer the ones that tard rage really good, also the ones that sock puppet and heavily deny it.

 

[NeverHappened]

Vaguely Productive Cows are the best. The closest is artcow, but nothing interesting comes out of a cow like, say, Dobson.

 

[Burgers in the ass]

Skitzcows are the best, they are fucking weird as shit, but its not like a horrorcow where they have done truly disgusting and scummy things, funny too.

 

[NOT Sword Fighter Super]

I say careercows. You can usually trace to the exact tipping point where they go from successful to being a failure. Just look at Maddox. He's going to provide us with shit to laugh at for years to come.

 

[escapegoat]

I like my cows best with bad amateur science attached.