Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Goth who thinks he can control weather, disgusting food mashups, Lazy eye, totally not balding

Queen Of The Harpies

I drink and talk profanely
kiwifarms.net
Female anatomy according to Cobes:
Mouth-with-Teeth-Diagram--Digestion-Science-KS2.png

You're welcome.
(I'll get the time stamp of this later toobz)

I get the feel that Cobes shouldn't be the poster boy for Tactical Soap.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here's Kobes' streams from yesterday:
Start:
Shout outs to people who sent him money. He now has $26. #youdon'thavetodonatebutdonationsaregreatlyappreciated. Talks about the tinned pipe tobacco he was sent in a care package. Talks about the 2 wands he has ready. Someone bought one of his cool t-shirts. Main source of income is tactical soap and donations.
3:43:
Shows off his wand. Might make more wands before he lists it on etsy.
5:54:
Shows off the other wand he has ready.
8:00:
Ordered 5 bars of tactical soap.
9:00:
Someone sent him $25 in the PayPal so now he has booze money. Reads out the message.
10:35:
KingSoapraJFS . Bar Scenario.
13:42:
Bitesize sent him $34 and Kobes goes on a rant about how Bitesize is spreading lies about his friends and making money off his content.
15:10:
Has to run an errand and will buy alcohol after. Ordered 5 bars of tactical soap. Shills tactical soap.
22:20:
Grabs his slivers of soap and rubs soap on his arms. Rubs cologne on his arms. Uses beard oil.
26:25:
Styles up his goatee like Jafar.
28:07:
Back to talking about the pipe tobacco he was sent. Apartments used to be smoker friendly but now he has to smoke outside.
Shout out to the chat jannys for slaying trolls in chat.
30:57:
Going to make root beer floats later after he's finished running errands.

Start:
Making root beer floats. Thanks to the fans who sent him money. He has $11 left. Back to making the float.
9:13:
Going to do a Terrence Pop video response to a 4 years old video.
10:40:
Starts the video. Stops the video to make a diabetus joke. Back to the video.
14:35:
Rant about being called creepy by girls when he was in high-school. Phone is blowing up. Double standards! Says the girls secretly liked him but were too afraid to admit their true feelings.
20:00:
Rant about having to work harder on the dating scene because he is broke and unattractive. Finishes off his dessert drink.
23:13:
Moar ingredients for drink combo. No mango Pepsi so he got a mango energy drink. Back to being called creepy by women. Makes a cobras mist. #killallmen Double standards! Men are tougher than women, it's genetics. Stay at home dads Double standards! Trannys in mma.
27:56:
Back to the video.
28:42:
Ugly chicks are easier to approach, his advice is to act like all women are ugly so he can approach really attractive women.
31:24:
Back to the video for 1 second. Gender relations. Completely contradicts his argument when he explains his own experiences. Back tot he video for 1 second. Double standards, everyone has standards. Body shaaaaaming. Talks about his drink combo. He's very hyper now.
36:08:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Nothing wrong with single mothers. Men are tougher than women, women are smarter than men. Women are bitches. Scenario of argument with girlfriend. Cheryl and Chad thundercock Scenarios.
41:48:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Rejection scenarios. Back to the video.
43:34:
Ranting about women not communicating directly. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Complaining about women. Double standards! Men only care if women are of age and clean. Scenario of kobes getting dominated by of age goth chick. Kobes doesn't need any more caffeine for the day. Can crush for the fans.
49:29:
Moar beer. Piss break. Ranting about trolls from the bathroom.
50:55:
Returns. Back to the video. Fake laughing.
53:02:
Both women and men want control of the relationship but that can't happen. It's about give and take. Scenario of doing favours for his girlfriend in exchange for getting his dick sucked.
55:46:
Back to the video for 1 second. Men have know control of when they're gonna bust a nut. Kobes apologises that it's harder for women to get off than men. Talks about chaturbate.
58:25:
Back to the video. Women don't want to see men's dicks. Ron White jokes.
Female form is worshipped in our society. Redneck jokes. Cleetus and Martha scenarios. Women nag.
1:04:50:
Men get treated like disposable banks. Sexism against men by asking men to fix stuff. Scenario of wife who can't cook. Both genders should learn how to cook. Gives relationship advice. Scenario of husband and wife fucking after cleaning the house together.
1:10:41:
Back to the video for 1 second. Parrots what's said in the video. Back to the video for 1 second. Scenario of ugly chick harassing married man.
1:13:19:
Back to the video for 1 seconds. Girlfriend of age Double d tiddies. Scenario of saggy titted bitch sending unwanted titty pics. This is how women feel when they get unwanted dick pics.
1:15:56:
Back to the video. Women are allowed too be more direct with their flirting without being called creepy. Back to the video for 1 second. Scenario of newly single Cheryl molesting a married man in a bar. Double standards! Rant about not being able to physically assault women. Double standards! Johnny Depp Amber Reid. Back to the video fir 1 second. Women don't want full equality because they don't want to be rated or beaten.
1:23:44:
Moar beer. Piss break. Fuck sexism fuck racism. Gender relations rant while pissing.
1:25:24:
Returns. Men can't give birth. Double standards! Quoting his lyrics from love and vanity. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Women don't find attractive men creepy. Shout out to women in ufc. Mother nature is sexist. Scenario of getting called a pussy for getting ass kicked by a girl in a game of soft ball. Women are emotionally tougher than men. Looks are important.
1:31:01:
Unexpected sneeze. Looks are important. 1:32:23:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Kobes is happy with of age tits that are big enough to play with. Money doesn't buy class. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Don't pick your ass zits in public. Kobes wishes someone had talked to him about his awkward behaviour when he was in high-school. Back to the video.
1:35:41:
Women want to be pursued but don't be creepy. Backt to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes could have a therapy raven, dog, cat if he wanted, all he needs is the paperwork. Back to the video.
1:38:01:
Women only want to be pursued by wealthy attractive men, except the women who don't.
1:39:08:
Dating ugly chicks is easier. Picturing celebs in bikinis. Back to the video for 1 second. Women do it too!
1:41:11:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Papa roach blood brothers. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Dating scene rant. Both sides!
1:44:14:
NEVER SETTLE
1:44:54:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Society pressures men to have sex. Man noises. Society pressures women to want to get married. Gives relationship advice.
1:49:10:
Sex scenario. Every Ozzy needs his Sharon. Gives relationship advice.
1:53:10:
Looks up a song to demonstrate what women want. Dedicating Bonnie Taylor, holding our for a hero to all the of age ladies. Gender relations. No copyright infringement intended. Moar beer. Kobes loves this song but he keeps stopping it every 2 seconds to comment on the lyrics. Singing dancing, Flexing, Gender relations rant. Dating scene rant, KingSoapraJFS.
2:05:04:
Mid song piss break, continues Dating scene rant.
2:06:23:
Returns. Continues Dating scene rant. Back to the song. Gender relations rant. Relationship advice. Warm walnuts.
2:11:41:
Back to the song for 1 second. Gender inclusive language rant. Clit-toris. Warm walnuts.
2:15:25:
Unexpected sneeze. Back to the song for 2 seconds. Explains the lyrics. Dating advice. Moar beer. Ladies dress like sluts but not too much. Slut shaming. Back to the song. I need a sluuuut. Titties. Objectification. Of age dick.
2:23:05:
Back to the song. Explains the lyrics. Titties. Porn ads. Dating advice.
2:27:19:
Back to the song. Unrealistic expectations. WAP.
2:29:50:
Back to the song for the last second.
2:31:29:
Vocal covers. I don't know the song but he's giving it socks.
2:34:13:
Train noises. Moar beer. Fuck the exorcist. Stand up routine.
2:36:16:
Back to the song. Stops to flex his singing. Back to the song.
2:39:20:
Why beer make pee. Cradle of filth t-shirt to piss off the Christians. Piss break.
2:41:40:
Vocal covers. He's got moves to this one.
Stops it when he realises he's been streaming for over 2 hours. Wants to sing Ozzy but doesn't want to get copyright strikes.
2:46:04:
Patting himself on the back for fixing Gender relations. Cradle of filth shirt. Kobes respects women. Talks about his tattoos.
2:50:21:
Looks up lyrics to imagine
2:51:28:
Kobes likes the Beatles because of Ozzy. Not trying to capitalise off the fame. Looks like he's gonna be sick. 80% British. Vocal cover, imagine.
2:59:32:
Vocal cover, John legend all of me. Moar beer. Flexing about his Vocal covers. So drunk.
3:03:15:
Finally starts singing.
3:10:01:
Another song for the of age chicks. 3 doors down?

This second chillin stream was one of the best in a while once you skip past the Terrence Pop part. I can't believe he dragged holding out for a hero for 36 minutes.
 

DrNow

Not the real Younan Nowzaradan. Fan account.
kiwifarms.net
Just finished watching the bitesize Wendy's saga. In all fairness, he handled it with a level of maturity and restraint not common among lolcows. No screaming meltdown, he didn't stalk his former manager or anything. I sympathised with JFS over the neckbeard who got him fired.
 

ohforfoxache

yep i'm toxic
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Just finished watching the bitesize Wendy's saga. In all fairness, he handled it with a level of maturity and restraint not common among lolcows. No screaming meltdown, he didn't stalk his former manager or anything. I sympathised with JFS over the neckbeard who got him fired.
I wonder what his reaction would be like if that situation happened now. It's shocking to see Cobes at the beginning of the Wendy's saga, using Couch Chris' dad's computer to record a video. His speech wasn't stunted and he sounded cogent (if not immature). The deterioration from ~nine years ago to now is shocking. My money is still on some kind of brain damage from poor diet, alcohol use, and spray painting shit in a poorly vented area.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
My money is still on some kind of brain damage from poor diet, alcohol use, and spray painting shit in a poorly vented area.
This plus social isolation I think can account for his speech deterioration. Working at Wendy's he was interacting with people a whole lot more and also less time to get drunk all day watching YouTube videos.
 

ConsoleWarVet

Auditioning for Sock Commercials
kiwifarms.net
Anyone in here keep up with Cannabis Corpse? I don't know much about them but noticed on the latest bitesize video he mentioned Phil donated to him so I'm guessing it's still on. I can't find any info on an intended release date, or anything on an album in the works though.
 

DarkSydeHyde

kiwifarms.net
I started to watch El Goblino just recently. After watching his current videos and compilations, Wendy's Saga runs like series about somebody completely different.
Having a somewhat good job for an autist, being kept in motion by adderall, a girlfriend that's not repulsive, his own place.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Did anyone manage to get a copy of Kobes' video response earlier? He nuked it. I have the other streams from today and yesterday
 

KillThemCrackasBabies

kiwifarms.net
I started to watch El Goblino just recently. After watching his current videos and compilations, Wendy's Saga runs like series about somebody completely different.
Having a somewhat good job for an autist, being kept in motion by adderall, a girlfriend that's not repulsive, his own place.
Better yeah, but according to those same videos, he was constantly late (even if he "didn't mean to!"), started off full time until he kept getting hours cut back more and more, cheated on Steph (who would later go on Reddit and admit he ignored her completely until he wanted sex; the "I treat Stephanie right" video with the Hot Pocket was set up intentionally to make him look like a barely attentive partner), routinely pissed through his meager paychecks and spent too much from the wrong accounts, etc etc.

If anything these new videos make me realize how actually hopeless he really was all along. His brain wasn't completely fried from paint fumes and he wasn't wearing vomit stained clothing for days on end, but I think a lot of this "He was self-sufficient!" thing runs in the same vein as the "If he just cut his hair and cleaned and got hit a few times by Clint, he'd be back to normal!" train of thought.. In a lot of ways he was the exact same useless mong he is now. Less physically disgusting, but every bit as useless.
 

KillThemCrackasBabies

kiwifarms.net
Cobes is live, extra salty, and claiming to be taking a break from YouTube
What did he do that Homedad yelled at him over?

He seems to be harping mostly on "big content creators" being given preferential treatment, I assume he realizes there are YouTubers that became genuine millionaires off the platform and spent the day bitter and confused about why he hasn't despite being on the website for many years, a point he reiterates half a dozen times throughout the course of the video. He goes back and forth between that and "bullying" but he seems unusually pissed off about not being treated like a big deal on the site, which isn't something I've seem him upset about prior.
 
Last edited:

Lesbian Sleepover

Party Announcement
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
What did he do that Homedad yelled at him over?

He seems to be harping mostly on "big content creators" being given preferential treatment, I assume he realizes there are YouTubers that became genuine millionaires off the platform and spent the day bitter and confused about why he hasn't despite being on the website for many years, a point he reiterates half a dozen times throughout the course of the video. He goes back and forth between that and "bullying" but he seems unusually pissed off about not being treated like a big deal on the site, which isn't something I've seem him upset about prior.
He is very angry because once again he is trying to Nuke bite-sized vids and other channels from orbit that take what he thinks is revenue from him.. well I don't agree with beating the heck out of somebody on a regular basis, the content they create for the most part is true to form in a condensed format. Josh cannot get monitorized back again LOL and he can't handle the truth coming in from the dtts... Somebody recently called out that he's making $0 from sitting on YouTube all day. Home dad probably beat him up about the throwing up in his hand video and the really super cringe streaming Marathon that bite-sized made a nice 15-minute video out of. Basically Mr Sanders has sobered up for 5 minutes and realized that he's not getting paid for doing this. On the flip side if he stops doing videos no one's going to care about his music at all or know when to buy wands.
 

DarkSydeHyde

kiwifarms.net
Better yeah, but according to those same videos, he was constantly late (even if he "didn't mean to!"), started off full time until he kept getting hours cut back more and more, cheated on Steph (who would later go on Reddit and admit he ignored her completely until he wanted sex; the "I treat Stephanie right" video with the Hot Pocket was set up intentionally to make him look like a barely attentive partner), routinely pissed through his meager paychecks and spent too much from the wrong accounts, etc etc.

If anything these new videos make me realize how actually hopeless he really was all along. His brain wasn't completely fried from paint fumes and he wasn't wearing vomit stained clothing for days on end, but I think a lot of this "He was self-sufficient!" thing runs in the same vein as the "If he just cut his hair and cleaned and got hit a few times by Clint, he'd be back to normal!" train of thought.. In a lot of ways he was the exact same useless mong he is now. Less physically disgusting, but every bit as useless.
If Cobra's father wasn't a scumbag, he should put his son into tard wrangler farm. Cobes was unable to live on his own. The first paycheck went to what? Fags, alcohol, and monster energy drinks. Since day fucking one.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here's Kobes' streams from yesterday and the previous day:
Short video. Hungover. Fixes his hair. Going to have a not your father’s root beer to cure his hangover. Not making a float. Normally doesn’t get hangovers. Didn’t mean to offend anyone with his Terrence Pop video response the previous day. Laughs at his ringtone
Start:
Not your father’s root beer. Not making a float. Going to do some stand-up comedy. Thermometer jokes. Internet is bad in Casper right now. Pony locksmith joke.
3:54:
Fart joke. Bee joke.
4:57:
Drunk jokes.
6:26:
Beer jokes.
8:47:
Hangover jokes. Ugly women jokes.
11:36:
Racism jokes. Leave Sharon alone! Kamala Harris, Obama.
13:27:
Hangover jokes.
14:38:
Uber jokes. Phone rings. Reads a troll text. Dry spell rant.
17:07:
Troll jokes. Phone rings again. Not answering. Reads a text.
18:52:
Overpriced beer joke. Wine snobs jokes.
20:45:
Girly drinks, Chad Thundercock joke scenario. Moar not your father’s root beer #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement. Your mama jokes.
25:25:
Snowflake jokes.
26:52:
Diarrhoea joke. Zombie joke, garlic jokes, shitting joke.
28:48:
Voice impressions.
32:00:
Food jokes.
45:00:
People sent him money. Deleted a Taco Bell food review because he didn’t like the way it turned out.
49:00:
Asperger’s jokes.
51:20:
Moar Not your father’s root beer. Brain fart joke.
52:57:
Society Jokes. Unexpected sneeze. Fart joke again.
54:05:
People in Casper don’t like Kobe’s for using the words tally whacker in front of a child. Misbehaving children rant.
1:00:00:
Shout out to the troops for memorial day. American pride. In America Kobes can walk down the street carrying a wand because freedom.
1:05:05:
Looks up where Not your father’s root beer is made. Having a beer for the troops. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
Start:
Rocking his ride on freedom shirt for memorial day. Shills his Tee Spring. $12.22 in his account, instant transfer TMDWU. Talks about his freedom t-shirt, thank you troops. Not e-begging it’s a business exchange. Troll slayed.
3:00:
Star spangled banner TWU. Messed up, tries again, re-do. Tries again and gets it. Guitar shredding. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. BC Rich #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
7:39:
Clean glass. Beer float time for the troops. TWU Only has one not your father’s root beer left. Ben and Jerrys #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
10:40:
Opens the root beer for the troops. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
12:06:
Shills Tee Spring TMDWU. Might edit the USA t-shirt design to say proud American on the back. Not your father’s root beer #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement Shout out to the troops.
14:42:
Editing USA t-shirt to say proud American on the back. Can’t edit the shirt. Shills the USA t-shirt again.
18:09:
If Kobes gets famous enough he will make his own brand of dog collar. Walmart jokes, rednecks, meth.
26:30:
Weed/ prescription drugs jokes. Shrooms. Legalize weed rant.
36:41:
Finishes off the root beer float. Mango Manic Energy drink #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement TWU. Shills his Tee Spring.
39:45:
Bans someone in chat for talking about Jesus. Hail Satan.
41:11:
You’re not even the real Bernie Sanders.
Start:
Accidently closed out of the stream while it was still recording and it kept recording. Can’t delete the video, can’t stop the stream. It’s ridiculous YouTube. (His video response from yesterday). Hit close all tabs while streaming and now he’s frustrated he can’t fix it. He’s going to re-do the video response once it stops recording.
6:09:
Talking about dealing with his temper.
8:57:
Starts the video again to re-do the video response. It’s an Isaac Butterfield video. He’s so mad. Back to ranting about the previous stream. Rant about the woman in the video he’s doing a response to. So angry.
11:40:
Don’t feel sorry for Kobes, there are people in much worse situations. Calling this stream chillin because he’s just chilling out doing a video response.
12:57:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Fuck rapists. Back to the video.
14:05:
Going to smoke one of the cigars he received in a care package after the stream. Doesn’t mind smoking outside. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Vegan teacher rant.
16:01:
Back to the video for 1 second. Vegan teacher, troll rant. It’s exhausting YouTube. Back to the video.
He’s so angry he can’t even finish a sentence when he pauses the video.
19:15:
Rant about people getting offended about everything. Vegan rant.
20:32:
Back to the video for 1 second. Slave rant.
21:10:
Back to the video for 1 second. Stupid people. (Back to the video for 1 second. Vegan rant) X5
24:59:
Parrots what’s said in the video.
26:05:
Back to the video.
27:05:
Pauses the video to collect tobacco scraps for later. Back to the video.
28:02:
Asperger’s rant. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what’s said in the video.
29:36:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what’s said in the video. Back to the video.
32:25:
Not a protest she is harassing people. There are animal testing labs and she’s harassing people at a kid’s birthday party. Get off your high horse. Back to the video for 2 seconds. People looking for things to be offended by. Back to the video.
34:50:
Kobes knows horses.
35:52:
Back to the video. Vegan rant. Back to the video.
39:09:
Going to make sure he ends the stream properly. Needs to piss. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. Vegan rant. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
Start:
Ordered a Little Ceasers pizza earlier and ate 2 pieces earlier TMDWU but we’re not here to talk about that. Wants to take a break from YouTube because of the bullying. Says he might not come back and just focus on making wands and music. Might occasionally do fan mail unboxing videos.
3:20:
Rant about how he puts in so much effort to make sure his apartment is clean and he’s not filming with boogers on his face.
4:45:
Kobes loves his fans. Being a celebrity is sweet. Mad about demonitorization. Can’t quit YouTube completely because he will let down his fans.
7:05:
Phone rings. Puts phone on airplane mode. Muh autism, trolls.
8:36:
Kobes appreciates his fans buying his merch and sending him money and also the fans that don’t give him money.
11:11:
No beer. Accidentally blocks Punkrock. Taking a break from YouTube. Happy memorial day.
12:49:
Kobes is working on brushing his teeth more to be honest, he is tired of his breath stinking. Trolls. Should be allowed to advertise tobacco on YouTube. Taking a break from YouTube. Getting mad at chat. Keep subscribing and supporting his content though.
Short video. Drinking and using his phone. Not quitting YouTube just taking a break.

 

ohforfoxache

yep i'm toxic
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
The Wendy's saga videos got me thinking, I apologize if I missed this earlier in the thread.

What was the plan for how Josh was going to pay for his new apartment going forward? His total income sources were:
  1. Getting a job
  2. SSI/SSDI
  3. Moniterization
  4. DTTS
  5. Wand making
1, 3, and 4 are out due to Cobes being an absolute sperg. So what was Homedad Clint thinking? Tardbux and wand money can cover rent and living expenses? Oh, and jizz carpet too I guess. TWU.
 

RollingRock

kiwifarms.net
The Wendy's saga videos got me thinking, I apologize if I missed this earlier in the thread.

What was the plan for how Josh was going to pay for his new apartment going forward? His total income sources were:
  1. Getting a job
  2. SSI/SSDI
  3. Moniterization
  4. DTTS
  5. Wand making
1, 3, and 4 are out due to Cobes being an absolute sperg. So what was Homedad Clint thinking? Tardbux and wand money can cover rent and living expenses? Oh, and jizz carpet too I guess. TWU.
I believe tardbux pays his rent and Clint buys him groceries. Whatever tardbux is left after rent goes to booze smokes and junkfood along with what he gets from ebegging and selling garbage.
 

KillThemCrackasBabies

kiwifarms.net
The Wendy's saga videos got me thinking, I apologize if I missed this earlier in the thread.

What was the plan for how Josh was going to pay for his new apartment going forward? His total income sources were:
  1. Getting a job
  2. SSI/SSDI
  3. Moniterization
  4. DTTS
  5. Wand making
1, 3, and 4 are out due to Cobes being an absolute sperg. So what was Homedad Clint thinking? Tardbux and wand money can cover rent and living expenses? Oh, and jizz carpet too I guess. TWU.
His "necessities" are all already covered (barring unmonitored soap splurges) most of his internet money is simply for Door Dash and beer. He's brought up before whenever he gets into trouble that results in him owing something or not being able to sell something, "It's gonna be no more fun for a few weeks YewTewb...". Homedad controls all of his finances outside of the PayPal so leaving the internet wouldn't have necessarily been an issue if he wasn't so alcohol dependent.
 

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