Lolcow KingCobraJFS / Josh Saunders - Goth who thinks he can control weather, disgusting food mashups, Lazy eye, totally not balding

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Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Once again Kobes managed to make a 17 minute video 3 hours long.

Start:
Eating the remaining chicken sandwich. Going to do a video response to a commercial he saw.
1:54:
The chicken sandwich tastes good even after a couple of days in his fridge. Eats burger like an apple. Still salty that he couldn't add cheese and bacon onto it.
5:45:
He forgot to do his Patreon videos yesterday. Checks his PayPal. He has $18 TMDWU. Going to buy alcohol. Bk sandwich is better than mcdonalds.
9:00:
Cleans up. Soda from Bk . Nearly spilled it. Might try impossible whopper, forgets he tried it before.
10:37:
Found a hot of chick on chaturbate who plays guitar.
11:26:
Talking about lady boxers add.
13:55:
Talks about men jerking off and sniffing women's underwear.
14:45:
Men are encouraged to show off their bulges but women get slut shamed for camel toe.
16:38:
Kobes is offended by the sexist undertones in the ad. If the genders were reversed women would be highly offended.
18:17:
Kobes doesn't care about getting laid anymore he's more focused on making money. Getting laid is a waste of time.
Start:
Puts his phone on airplane mode. Got Bud Light platinum with the money he got in his PayPal earlier. Shout outs to Patreons. Will be making a video for his higher tier later.
1:49:
Shills Patreon. Drink combination Bud Light Platinum and Monster. For 21 and up. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE. Kobes appreciates the support.
3:44:
Shout out to Darfliny for buying him Monster.
5:00:
Kobes is pissed the weed bill didn't pass in Wyoming. If Kobes wins the lottery he will bribe the governor to pass the weed bill. Doesn't have a problem with Joe Biden except the creepy hair sniffing. Weed could've helped his son's brain cancer.
8:19:
Back to ranting about pot.
10:40:
Courtney is the only one on the $20 tier so he'll send a personalised workout video later. Back to ranting about weed.
12:53:
He's calling this drink combination a teal cobra. Back to ranting about legalised weed.
15:33:
Shout outs to his Patreons again.
16:15:
People freaked out when Biden got elected. Kobes only voted for Trump because Bernie Sanders got screwed again. Both sides are corrupt.
18:12:
Kobes is tired of the mass shootings YouTube. Kobes is content with only shooting people in GTA5. Fuck mass shootings.
19:52:
Singing about being goth.
21:15:
Kobes' temper has gotten a bit better. He can de-escalate quicker.
22:42:
Kobes is tired of the rioting. It's exhausting YouTube.
24:29:
Farts when he bends over to get his guitar. Guitar shredding.
27:00:
Shout out to his Patreons again. Rant about how he can't get a regular job because of trolls. Rant about how he can't get a girlfriend because of trolls.
28:50:
Stirs his drink with his wand to optimize the taste at a molecular level.
29:44:
Doesn't care that he's going bald.
31:00:
He got sunburnt
31:52:
Monster and Bud Light #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
32:25:
Turns phone off airplane mode to check the weather. Reads a fan text. Shills his PayPal, Patreon, Tee Spring and tactical soap.
34:12:
Not begging it's a business exchange. Shout out to Patreons. Checks his PayPal.
36:10:
Talks about getting sunburnt. Flexes his biceps.
37:36:
Shout out to Darfliny for buying him Jack links. Eats the whole bag. Jerky is good for you. Get fucked vegans.
44:04:
Moar Bud Light. Only having 1 more beer after this one and then he's saving the rest for later. Not an alcoholic.
47:28:
Society is the problem because society is judgmental. Talks about Doritos.
48:36:
Shon and Saunders
Start:
Shout outs to people who donated to his PayPal. Lists off his Taco Bell order. Going to make a drink combo with his drinks and maybe add some Bud Light Platinum.
3:23:
Kobes lives taco Bell #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement yukbang
6:25:
Not looking for a girlfriend right now because he's focusing on his YouTube career. Back to Yukbang. Taco Bell #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
8:26:
He's made a mess under his chair and will have to vacuum once he's finished TWU. Back to Yukbang. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
12:00:
Vacuum time.
14:31:
Drink combination.
18:40:
Bud Light platinum Taco Bell #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement
20:16:
SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE

Start:
Doing a Sydney Watson video response. Can't remember if he turned chat back on.
1:27:
Starts the video
2:42:
Kobes is all for tolerance but there's a fine line between being progressive and being perverted. Back to the video.
4:00:
Neighbours gave him a yellow lighter. Being a kid in the 90s was so much easier because trans kids wasn't a thing. Bud light platinum and people are too easily offended rant. Back to the video.
7:09:
Kobes is impressed with the crap Sydney Watson is shilling. Back to the video.
8:26:
Talking about homosexuals and their pride parades. People doing seemingly gay shit on an aids float. Not appropriate for children rant.
12:48:
Kobes wouldn't have a problem with kids going to pride if the costumes weren't so prerogative.
14:26:
Pride is not like going to an art gallery and looking at a nude statue. Would it kill people to have some modesty?
15:52:
When Kobes was a kid the only nudity he was exposed to was the porn he looked up on his grandparents computer. He got caught trying to find Britney Speares nudes.
17:33:
Describes pride comic. There's a difference between being progressive and being perverted. Fuck chimos rant.
23:05:
Compares letting kids go to pride and drag shows to letting kids watch South Park.
25:50:
Moar beer. Fuck chimos. Its different if kids are looking up porn online themselves to it being shoved in their faces. Persecuting people for being straight rant.
30:10:
Society could expose children to lgbtq stuff in a child friendly way but they do the opposite.
31:25:
Talks about Ozzy. Back to the video. Kobes is so triggered.
33:25:
People sick I need a beer. Kobes won't have any beer for later now. Buy his T-shirts. Back to the video.
35:00:
Does his intro again. Fuck chimos fuck rapists. Childhood innocence needs to be preserved for as long as possible. Uses spongebob and squidward as examples.
Weird college sexuality scenario.
38:07:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Taco Bell farts. Teach children tolerance appropriately.
40:23:
Scenario of daughter raised by single mom. Shills tactical soap.
42:10:
Stop making kids grow up way too fast. Plays 1 seconds of video. TRIGGERED. Rant about pride being inappropriate for children. It's not okay for straight men to expose themselves to children so it shouldn't be okay for gay men to do it. Elton John.
45:06:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kids shouldn't be exposed to adult situations. Children shouldn't drink alcohol. Pride not for kids rant. Not the same as kids dressing up as dinosaurs because pride costumes expose body parts.
52:29:
Elton John is a beautiful singer and Kobes doesn't judge him for his sexuality. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Children don't need to be exposed to sexual shit rant.
56:28:
Fuck rape in all forms. Poor Sydney Watson being exposed to this crap. Back to the video. Parrots what's said in the video.
Back to the video.
59:05:
Kobes knows gay people and doesn't judge as long as everything is of age. Kids shouldn't be exposed to sexual stuff. Pride includes sexual stuff. Back to the video.
1:01:52:
Wtf does kink have to do with homosexuality? Kobes gets judged for being a heterosexual goth.
1:03:45:
Taco Bell. Kobes can eat Taco Bell without getting the shits. Elton John. Pride not appropriate for kids.
1:05:32:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Pride not kid friendly rant.
1:07:05:
Kobes has a headache from ranting. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Pride not appropriate for kids rant. Back to the video.
1:10:43:
Forced tolerance rant.
1:14:03:
Back to the video. Parrots what's said I the video.
1:19:00:
Tone down sexuality in pride if you want children to attend. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Puberty sucks i need a beer. Pornography is harmful to children rant. Back to the video for 2 seconds. 11 minutes into a 17 minute video. Beer piss.
1:23:47:
Moar beer. Bud light platinum #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement ranting about assless chaps again. Talks about a YouTuber who has a pet raven. Kobes would like a pet raven but couldn't afford to look after it. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes blames his sex drive on him looking up porn when he was a kid.
1:28:40:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Reads what's written on the screen. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes was happy as a kid seeing fake Britney Speares nudes.
1:31:10:
Kobes has been rejected by every girl he ever liked speech. Regrets cheating on Stephanie. Kobes had bikini posters in his room as a kid. Hawaiian tropic poster.
1:34:10:
Talks about getting a free poster at an event Clint was doing photography for.
1:35:20:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Nothing is going on in Spain Sydney.
1:36:26:
Talking about mean girls. Lindley Lohan is 4 years older than Kobes. He's done the math.
1:38:43:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Semi sexual Of age consensual who cares rant. Homophobes are secret gays.
1:44:24:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes explains what porn is. Chaturbate. But tasteful nudes are not porn.
1:47:00:
Bully paedophiles.
1:47:47:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Lists stuff in porn. X videos. Kobes is not into incest porn. Archer reference.
1:51:47:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Kobes parents explained to Kobes that what he sees in porn is not reflective of real sex. Britney Speares of age bewbs. 12 mins and 45 seconds of a 17 minute video. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Talks about looking up porn sites as a kid again.
1:56:06:
Kobes is nit comfortable with titty fucking because he likes to give warning when he's gonna bust a nut. Men these days have no class. Cum consent TWU. Back to pride parades not appropriate for children. If you disagree you are a paedophile.
1:59:26:
4 minutes left in the video. Beer piss.
2:00:57:
Returns. Kobes is all for gay rights but there is a difference between being progressive and being perverted. Moar beer. Thinks he accidentally turned off the chat. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video. Kobes is with the ladies on this one.
2:04:53:
Back to the video. Today's standards are different to when Kobes was growing up. Teen dances. Teenage pregnancy.
2:13:42:
Not everyone can be as lucky as king cobra JFS. Back to the video for 2 seconds. X videos lesbian squirt orgies.
2:16:14:
Back to the video.
2:17:54:
Has to have his cobra cane to deal with blue clues pride song. Cobra cane doubles up ad a Back scratcher. Kobes is looking forward to having to use his cobra cane for walking.
2:19:59:
Shoving progressive things in kids faces.
2:21:55:
Kobes thinks the ad he got is really inappropriate. Back to the video for 2 seconds. Talks about his cobra cane. Needs to smoke after finishing this video. There's a difference between being perverted and progressive. Jafar status cane. Back to the video for 2 seconds. There's a difference between being progressive and perverted. Back to the video.
2:26:52:
If its not appropriate for kids it shouldn't be pushed on kids. That's not unreasonable. Don't get it twisted. Back to talking about his cane. Some people might get offended he doesn't need it for medical reasons. 2:30:20:
1 minute left in the video. This is just his opinion. Moar beer. This is the kind of crap that gives people like Caitlyn Jenner a bad name. Back to talking about his cane again.
2:32:48:
Back to the video for 1 second. Parrots what's said in the video.
2:34:04:
Back to the video. Parrots what's said in the video. Hypo sexualised society.
2:36:17:
Back to the video for 2 seconds. Parrots what's said in the video.
2:38:07:
Talking about not being able to get his dad a mustang for fathers day so he's going to get him a red lobster gift card. He's basically just agreeing with everything Sydney Watson is saying.
2:46:33:
Talks about his cane again. Thinks his stream was only 2 hours long. Needs a moment to decompress. Wait until you're I college to have sexual intercourse. It's past Kobes' bedtime. Phone is blowing up. He's not going to answer. Back to talking about his cane. This video was very uncomfortable for him because he hates Chimos.
 

Dick Pooman

Muchacho Sauce
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I am still baffled how someone can say they are a professional youTuber and not understand Patreon-unless I am le retard. Wouldn't a patreon stream be invite only and not up on his public page?
His Patreon says that it's only a shout-out with no mention of a private stream. Most of the YouTubers I watch with a Patreon that have a shout-out tier will shout these people out at the end of almost every video they do with a few exceptions where it's only for special occasions. It's not like it's hard to shout out the five or six people who are subscribed every time he live streams.
 

LunaLuLu

kiwifarms.net
anyone notice how Cobes tends to eat his fast food one component at a time? he'll eat the burger, then the fries, then drink the drink. i always found that kind of strange since most people usually munch on them all at the same time you know...idk just a thought i had...
Ive been watching him a long time, trust me, he does EVERYTHING like that. He takes 2 hours to make a pot of spaghetti because he does every component one at a time incredibly slowly. He takes an hour to "responce" a 15 minute video because he cuts it off after every sentence, sometimes even before they finish a thought to go "OH MY GOD" or "EXAAAACTLYYY TOOBS". He struggles to do simple tasks with more than one step. He cant think more than one step at a time because of his 'Tism.
 

Lesbian Sleepover

Party Announcement
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
His current 22 or so minutes latest stream video is hilarious. He's talking about how his business is cool cuz he's the boss and he makes his money and he doesn't work for the man like all of us losers who have to sit behind a desk and have our boss up our butt and for a minute late lol.

Something else in the chat or discord has him wide-eyed

Also , in before 5,000 weënz hit him with an SSI reminder
 

Thomas Highway

My job is to keep you men alive, now let's move on
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Dark Lord is drastically going downhill. Took a bit of a break because the decline is so apparent.

Lenin Lime's May Video Recap was terrible. All the weird CBD Bud induced twitching.

Edit: Nothing ever gets better. Smell like a rockstar with a very loud window AC unit.

 
Last edited:

KillThemCrackasBabies

kiwifarms.net
Does this idiot even know what happens at pride?? He's talking about it like it's fucking meatspin, most pride events are like, 90% straights wearing rainbow clothing and like, a handful of queers holding up flags. Much sex.very offend. Wow.

This mofuxker has such a serious case of cumbrain that he thinks gays act exactly like they do in porn.
Cobes binges a ton of MGTOW and alt-lite shit lately. He's just parroting shit he's seen other people say.
 

Ellesse_warrior

Plz dox thumb
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here's Kobes' streams from the last 2 days:
Start:
Doing a McDonalds breakfast food hack. Lists off his order.
1:10:
They were out of tomatoes and gave him extra bacon TWU
2:30:
Making his ultimate Mc Donald’s breakfast sandwich
3:54:
Behold this monster sandwich. SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
4:40:
Yukbang. Unexpected sneeze. Back to Yukbang.
13:00:
Talking about not eating fast food all the time because he doesn’t want to get fat. Doordash #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement.
14:36:
Cleans up. Gets water.
Short video. Kobes hates the society we live in. Mumbling about of age pussy. Says he met an of age fan girl at a bar once. When Kobes smokes pot it tells him he hates chimos and rapists. Going to layer some vocals. Of age is implied but it’s become a habit for him now to say it. Kobes would give paedophiles the death penalty if he was in charge. Taking a break from fast food because he doesn’t feel well after his fast food breakfast. He will one day meet an of age fan girl at a bar again.
Start:
Recording music for his new album. Vocal layers recording stream.
3:45:
When people tell you that you need to get laid all you can do is ignore it and wait patiently. Kobes says his dry spell has been good for him.
5:17:
Layering vocals. Says he is going to have to have a shit soon and will end the stream. Doesn’t care that he’s going bald, he likes his long hair. Back to recording vocal layers.
12:00:
When the haters want to fuck with you just keep going YouTube. Continues layering vocals.
22:35:
Garage band not working. Happy Pride month as long as it’s consensual and no one is hurting any kids. Ends the stream because garage band isn’t working for him.
Start:
Feeling better than he did earlier because he’s taken a break from alcohol and fast food. Took a nap. Has money on his Tee Spring. Instant transfer. Has 5 songs ready for his new album, has 3 more to go. Plays his Hail Satan and Smoke Weed song.
2:47:
He’s going to break his habit of saying of age because it’s implied and people are assholes for making fun of him for it. Talks about what he’s learned from his dry spell.
5:00:
His Tactical Soap should arrive on Wednesday. Shills Tactical Soap. Kobes is down 100% with hanging out with of age fan girls at bars even if he doesn’t get laid.
7:40:
Back to talking abut what he’s learned from his dry spell.
8:25:
Blocks someone from chat for saying nobody cares. Says you’re allowed to disagree and have an opinion. Kobes haters are his biggest supporters. Reading chat. Talks about Ozzy.
11:35:
Kobes doesn’t care if Stephanie copies his YouTube channel. He thinks she still thinks about him and he’s being a mature adult. Blocks someone from chat for talking about Stephanie. Back to talking about Ozzy.
14:13:
Plays more of Hail Satan and Smoke Weed.
17:53:
Plays another song from his album and meditates. Makes a chi ball.
19:32:
Explains this song is to stimulate your penal (pineal) gland and de-stress. Back to playing the song and meditating. Makes chi ball.
22:55:
Jokes on you troll I got my lazy eye fixed. Reads chat.
24:57:
Taking a break from fast food. 3 more songs to write for his album.
26:04:
Back to talking about what he’s learned from his dry spell.
26:53:
Feeling enlightened after listening to just a few minutes of his Awaken your senses song.
28:25:
Poot
29:57:
Checks his PayPal and shout out to a person who sent him money. TWU. Doesn’t feel like drinking alcohol tonight. Blocks someone from chat. Responding to chat. He’ll live stream from Frosty’s if he can figure out how to do it from his phone.
34:09:
Kobes is not worried about his dry spell and is waiting patiently. Gets another PayPal donation and shout outs the person. Minimum $1 for a shout out. Business exchange coming in nicely toobs.
36:05:
Going to smoke outside and will only smoke inside again if he gets his dream house.
36:55:
Rant about trolls preventing him from getting a regular job.
38:00:
Shills his PayPal again before going out for a smoke.
42:25:
Returns.
43:06:
Herring fillet in pineapple sauce review for the fans. Says it’s not bad, sweet and smoky.
45:00:
Saves the rest for later.
45:42:
If you want to get more confidence with women focus on the ones that tell you they would fuck you if they were single.
46:42:
Defending his gender relations. Kobes is sick of you need to get laid culture in society. Sex is a want not a need.
48:22:
Guitar shredding.
50:23:
SUBSCRIBE FOR MORE.
Start:
Got some donations during his last livestream and he appreciates that. Fuck Drake Bell. Kobes grew up watching Drake and Josh and Kobes is disgusted after hearing the allegations. Says he should get help or get castrated.
2:09:
Takes his hair out of his braid. He doesn’t know if he believes the allegations but the article exists. Kobes is disappointed.
4:08:
Underage fans only get a photo and an autograph – that’s it. This is sad YouTube. You think you know a motherfucker Dood.
5:25:
Fuck paedophiles. This is bullshit. Kobes hopes it’s not true. Mumbles to his rape demon.
6:40:
Fuck Chomos. Bans someone from his chat. Says he’s loose with free speech on his channel. Being a chomo is against his religion. Kobes hates paedophiles more than he hates his trolls. Fuck Drake Bell if the accusations are true.
Start:
Sitting in the woods smoking his pipe with strawberry tobacco. Fuck the trolls.
1:30:
Explains how to smoke a pipe.
3:00:
Don’t let the trolls get to you. Kobes is better than his trolls because he would rather spend all day making videos than harassing people. Kobes feels sorry for his trolls because their lives must be miserable to be honest.
4:50:
The pipe tobacco is good. Aromatic.
5:24:
Kobes is an awesome YouTuber. Fuck the trolls.
6:24:
Randomly praising Ozzy. Will be getting his Tactical soap order on Wednesday. Kobes appreciates is fans sending him cigarettes and pipe tobacco in the mail. Aromatic pipe tobacco.
8:42:
Kobes’ trolls would be much happier in life if they stopped harassing him. Kobes is living his best life and the trolls are just jealous. Kobes doesn’t even read the troll texts anymore he just blocks and deletes them. Ends with long live Ozzy enjoy your pipe tobacco.
Start:
Watching a bathing suit haul video. Smashing the like button for of age sexiness.
3:00:
Kobes doesn’t understand high heels. Working on a wand for Etsy.
3:40:
Kobes got a text asking him how to start a YouTube channel without copying anyone. He says to do your hobbies. Mango Pepsi #notasponsorjustfreeadvertisement. Not drinking alcohol. Not an alcoholic.
5:31:
Goes through his Gmail. No shout out for Gmail. Going to hang out with friends later. Reading his PayPal messages.
7:35:
He’s waiting on TeeSpring to transfer his money. Kobes appreciates people buying his merch.
8:55:
Trolls are jealous Kobes works for himself.
9:47:
Shout out to an of age fan girl and shout out to his UK fans.
10:26:
Wands listed on Etsy, get them fast because they sell out quick. Stop Asian hate. Fuck racism. Reading chat.
12:17:
If you want a shirtless flex put some money in his PayPal. It’s a business exchange. Not e-begging it’s a business exchange. Kobes is a businessman working for himself unlike his trolls. Trolls are just jealous.
14:26:
Shills his PO box.
14:50:
Says every time people tell him to get a job they should ask themselves how does his cock taste in their mouths. Trolls talking shit they can lick his ass. Shills PayPal. Owns the trolls by locking troll texts. Trolls are jealous he’s making money doing what he loves.
17:29:
Muh Asperger’s
18:27:
Shout out to Ben for buying a shirt. Trolls are losers. Blocks and deletes troll texts.
19:48:
Back to giving advice on how to start your own YouTube channel. Reading troll texts. Says Stephanie is cute but he’s seen hotter to be honest. Ends with his YouTube advice again.
Short video. Just got his 5 bars of Tactical Soap in the mail TMDW. Shills Tactical soap TMDWU.
Short video. Drinking at the Hideaway. Subscribe for more bitching content.
 

eaglesfan665

kiwifarms.net
He seems to really enjoy animals, if you don't count that time he crushed a baby bird in a parking lot "to keep a dog from eating it".
At least via that story we got yet another glimpse of his beautiful mind, where he rationalizes that since the little birdie would probably die naturally the most humane thing to do would be to violently crush it with his bike
 

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