Kiwi Farms

EDIT 1/13/2017: Updated OP with info from @Achaemenes.

So, @Jonzun brought this fellow up in the Metal Elitist thread some moons ago, but it never quite got the attention it deserved save for a few positive ratings. Allow ol' Papa Broseph to introduce KingCobraJFS, the Jäger swilling, guitar shredding, unemployed, weed smokin' n' tokin', metalhead lolcow:



KingCobraJFS (Powerword Josh Saunders) is a YouTuber that has aspierations of getting his musical career off the ground and making it big in the music industry. Assumed to be born in Valley City, North Dakota b, he now lives in Casper, Wyoming spends his time shredding on the guitar, vlogging, slamming Jager, smoking from his pipe, and working as simple frycook at his local Wendy's.



But no, seriously, he isn't like Chris Chan playing Guitar Hero acoustically. This guy can actually play.


So here's a some facts about Josh the Cobra lord:

• Subscribers mean a lot to him due to his channel being pretty small (About 3,660 or so subscribers at the time of writing) and has a few videos celebrating subscriber milestones despite being only a few hundred subscriber difference, whereas most YouTubers tend to make these whenever they hit 500k, 1 mil, etc.
• He has befriended a local stoner bum named Scotty, who constantly leeches cigarettes, cash, and food off King Cobra and stays at his house despite the pleas and warnings of Cobra's landlord. Despite most of King Cobra's fans, viewers, and trolls alike hating the everloving fuck out of Scotty, Cobra refuses to accept the fact that Scotty is a worthless freeloader, even making a video defending Scotty. (See below)
  
• He's an avid Mountain Dew connoisseur. He likes Mountain Dew Voltage in his Voltage review, so he's alright in my book.
• He tends to have "nice guy" tendencies, but has dated a girl named Ami from February 2015 until around around or before September 2015. She broke up with him after he became jealous of her "guy friends". She is in jail as of September 2015 with a bond set at $1000. Josh expressed a great deal of pleasure and satisfaction over hearing she was arrested.
  
• He has a thing for sex dolls. Just let the video below explain it.
  
• He works for his local Wendy's. Yes, another lolcow working for Wendy's. From what I have gathered he's still employed, but they cut him down to one shift a week after he failed to show up and made mistakes while at work. His choice of a weed-pentagram tattoo may have led to this as well.
• Given that Wendy's hasn't fired him yet, he may be on some kind of disability benefits and therefore can't be fired without some kind of shitstorm being stirred up. LOLNOPE he got fired after his boss discovered his YouTube channel and saw KingCobra talking shit about everyone.
• He has his own Subreddit (See links below)
• He is a smoker, known to smoke cigarettes, cigars, pipe tobacco, and marijuana alike.
• He suffers from tricateria which is why he is balding. I also have no idea what the fuck tricateria is or if it actually exists.
• He may or may not have a crush on a girl named Bailey that he supposedly went to high school with who is, in his words, "pretty much a female version of [him]" (She is a goth who likes snakes, has Aspergers, listens to Cradle of Filth (His favorite band), and smokes a tobacco pipe). Despite many calling him out on his shit and insisting that Bailey is made up, he constantly claims she is real and will make a video with her when/if they hit it off.
• He voted for Gary Johnson in the 2016 election because, well....take a wild guess.
  
• He nearly burned down his home trying to deep fry french fries.
• He received a $1000 sex doll from a fan only to have it stolen from him less than 24 hours later by a thief that broke into his apartment. Police later found the King's previous sex doll in the back of a meth addict's car, stripped apart for scrap metal. But holy fuck, this never really happened! Josh had a ferocious fuck session and ended up wrecking the delicate fake vagina of the sex doll, and in a fit of rage he destroyed the sex doll. He proceeded to blame the supposedly shitty quality of the sex doll and shitty shipping rather than his rough usage of it.

Links n' Shit

His YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM8fUqXSiVVED84-HllUXbg
His Subreddit: https://www.reddit.com/r/kingcobrajfs/
A Facebook page of his, but not his main: https://www.facebook.com/KingCobraJFS/
His Twitter page: https://twitter.com/gothickingcobr4
A site with a ton of his music: http://web.tunecore.com/music/king_cobra
Bitesizecobravids: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC35BNoSqtV52s6g6Xglj4cA
Archive of facebook live streams: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC8Dwf2O7yLVshUKQn2fhagA


Some Videos n' Shit