Kiwi Farms runs a Government - Or "How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb"

[Pikimon]

Okay so let's create a hypothetical scenario in which we control a USA-esque nation (300 million people, super fucking big, rich as fuck, mildly autistic) how would it work out and shit. Suggest who would run what and how it would turn out (or how we nuke eachother into civil war). Here are a few roles that are already taken but suggest more or whatever

Spoiler: List of oligarchs/elected officials/future blood splatters on the wall

Null is President/King/Immortal Emperor

Dynastia is head of Welfare/CIA & FBI

IWC is in charge of the military and nukes

Catparty is Propaganda Minister

Melchett is in charge of Drug Enforcement and Sewer Lines

OwO is First Lady/Pet

Tempest is Secretary of State

Pikimon will be Agricultural Minister

Jesus is finance minister

Audit is Science Minister

ANALR is in charge of the f-22 and submarine forces (and edible sand safety inspector)

Melchett is in charge of drug enforcement and our sewer system

Nutella is in charge of foreign relations and our jihadi spec ops or something

Lackadaisy is in charge of Bridge Tolls

Also don't sperg about the actual titles or whatever its a fucking hypothetical scenario.

 

[HG 400]

Dynastia is head of Welfare/CIA & FBI

No fuck off just give me welfare.

 

[BF 388]

Calling dibs on the finance/treasury portfolio.

 

[HG 400]

No fuck off just give me welfare.

And petrol.

 

[Audit_The_Autist]

I volunteer as Minister of Science. I don't mind working a position where I'll be overworked, underpaid, and inevitably blamed for all of our country's short comings in the long term. I'm already looking forward to the departmental budget cuts.

 

[BF 388]

No fuck off just give me welfare.

That means you're in charge of native affairs as well.

 

[HG 400]

That means you're in charge of native affairs as well.

I meant a welfare cheque not a welfare department fuck off I'm not contributing to your shit autism goverment.

 

[Pikimon]

And petrol.

We'll give your job to ANALR and he gets 50% of your welfare

 

[JSGOTI]

@AN/ALR56 would be in charge of the submarine force.

 

[HG 400]

We'll give your job to ANALR and he gets 50% of your welfare

Good luck finding an immigration minister on Kiwi Farms who'll let ANALR in.

 

[Pikimon]

Good luck finding an immigration minister on Kiwi Farms who'll let ANALR in.

Shit.

 

[Ntwadumela]

I'd be in charge of foreign relations and the top spec-ops jihadist/mercenary

 

[ICametoLurk]

@AN/ALR56 would be in charge of the submarine force.

And the F-22's. He loves them so much.

 

[Lackadaisy]

Is there an Office of Bridge Tolls? Let's just say that I'd be perfectly suited to living in dark, damp conditions and exacting a tax on passerby, so long as there's a decent bagel place nearby.

 

[Pikimon]

How tall would our Wall with Neogaf be?

 

[Lackadaisy]

How tall would our Wall with Neogaf be?

I dunno. Manlet skeletons are pretty short after all...

 

[Audit_The_Autist]

How tall would our Wall with Neogaf be?

There will be no wall. Neogaf will be the local doomsayer and walk around the capital city and warn us of the impending lolcow apocalypse.

 

[Tempest]

what can I be?

secretary of state?

 

[Pikimon]

what can I be?

secretary of state?

ya sure

 

[Audit_The_Autist]

secretary of state?

Let us look at your qualifications. You're a terrifying woman, probably a tranny, and you have no sense of humor. Find yourself a husband that cheats on you and you'll be a shoe in.

Edit: You'll probably end up trying to replace Null as president and end up getting IWC elected.