Kiwi Poetry Club - share your poems

[Monika H.]

Monika here!
I think it's just natural for me to start such a thread.
Share your poetry and all the poems you got in the drawer.
I'll start with mine

First came the channers
and they called me a normie because I wasn't a channer
Then came /pol
and they called me a commie because I wasn't a nazi
Then came ResetERA,
and they called me a nazi because I wasn't a commie
Then came the troons
and called me transphobic because I never trooned out
Then came the feminists
and called me a male oppressor because I wasn't a cuck
Then came the incels
and called me a cuck because I got married

When my friends and family came
there was nobody left yelled
to call me a faggot

 

[Fromtheblackdepths]

There once was a man named Greer.
The kiwis decided to call him queer
He got so ass-mad that he hatched a diabolical plan.
Now everyone laughs at his beard.

 

[ScamL Likely]

A canine with fangs
Drooling into a puddle
Necksleeves softly sway

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

Banal and absurd.
Typing quickly, I called him
A niggerfaggot.

 

[Battlecruiser3000ad]

Sorry if this poem is cheesy
writing it wasn't easy
even though I made it quick
made an effort, suck my dick

 

[Rafal Gan Ganowicz]

The daughter of Drs McCann
was snatched by a man in a van
She said to the baddy
"Hi my name is Maddie,
was fisting a part of your plan?"

 

[Stoneheart]

can i rhyme pirat ship on private strip?
that is whack?
i dont think so fag!

 

[Mr. Skeltal]

There once was a man named Chris,
Who wanted a true and honest kiss.
He sought them in all the wrong places;
A lovequest truly for the ages!

Sadly he ended up brokenhearted,
Returning to where he started.
In his childish castle he would reside
Until the fire pushed him outside.

Into this brave new world he had emerged
And on many toys he splurged.
But it couldn't fill the void left behind;
The lovequest was still on his mind.

His time alone had warped his mind
And had twisted his heart in kind.
He no longer wished to find a princess of his own.
Instead he longed to be one, down to the bone.

With a fresh resolve, his zeal renewed,
His masculinity he eschewed.
The dimensions had merged together,
And this was surely better.

With his duck safely stashed
And perineum slashed,
Chris became Christine.
Zap to the extreme.

 

[Local Fed]

Racial slurs are not okay
To think or hear or even say
But what is truly heinous
To know that niggers tongue my anus

 

[Salt Water Taffy]

I have to write a "current events" poem for a class. I know what the Professor wants to hear, but "current events" is vague enough that there's room for... mischief.

Spoiler: A Poem Based on Current Events

Minecraft Steve is in Smash.
MINECRAFT STEVE IS IN SMASH.
Guys, Minecraft Steve is in Smash.
Minecraft Steve is in Smash and everyone is happy.
And everyone else is just going to have to fucking deal with the fact that MINECRAFT STEVE IS IN SMASH.
Minecraft Steve has the enviable opportunity to beat up Mario and Link and Piranha Plant until they fly off the stage and die.
Also, Cube Kirby is now canon.

Did you seriously think I was going to write a poem about serious current events?
Look me in the eyes and say that you seriously thought I was going to write about anything other than Minecraft Steve in Smash.
When my children ask me someday what 2020 was like I'm going to say MOTHERFUCKING MINECRAFT STEVE GOT INTO SMASH.
This is what you get by being vague in your instructions about what "current events" entails, Professor.
I know you wanted BLM stuff and Biden stuff but you said "current events."
Bitch, this is a current event.

You know what caused Twitter to go down?
It wasn't Covid.
It wasn't BLM.
It wasn't anyone involved in the election.
IT WAS MOTHERFUCKING MINECRAFT STEVE GETTING INTO SMASH.

Minecraft Steve can grab you and throw you into a house full of Creepers and dynamite and then blow it up and then just stand there eating a steak like a badass.
You know what? Just to make you mad, I'm going to vote Minecraft Steve for President.
I was just going to vote Harambe again like I did in 2016 but yeah, Minecraft Steve is better.
Deal with that, bitch.

Did I mention Cube Kirby yet?

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I had a brief kick where I loved to write, usually completly absurdist content. I discovered that haiku was a pretty easy poetry form and went with it. Here's some of my finest works of poetry

Spoiler: seasonaly themed works

winter frost has come
glazing the grass and the leaves

it is cold as fuck

the icy wind blows
scattering last seasons leaves
and my term paper

shit mothefucka
i'm a popsicle in here
turn the damn heat on​

Spoiler: general haiku

Pretty Pretty Boy
His hair is totally like
gold and bananas

There was a man named
Harry who oh wait that's wrong
that's a limerick

The spring rainfall brings
unmitigated horrors
springing into bloom

fjajf'fka'';-9
vm'jlsjlldinosaursjk..'>';>
fnF>:gf"DG>go-r0
(That one was postmodern)

Weeping manchildren
sit in their DIRTY CRAPPED BREIFS
seeking their heartsweet

stop stop stop stop stop
stop stop your fucking tapping
you motherfucker

hi i liek bunnies
cause they are very funnies
buy them with moneys

If there was a song
of the internet it would
just sound like pooping

My haiku is bad
I don't care shut your cakehole
HATERS GONNA HAT

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

I loved that pizza
It was good as the last one
It's snowing on mount fuji