Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net Plays Coming Out On Top - Bros Are Hoes

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Since there is a LP for the pigeon dating sim, I thought it would be fun to do one for Coming Out On Top, the American gay dating sim. What makes this one different is that the dateable guys are masculine looking, there's plenty of crazy situations (like accidentally taking animal tranquilizers before going to a fancy party), the characters are likable and it doesn't take itself too seriously.

Like the others LPs, I'll be letting you make the decisions on what routes we will be taking and any racy pics will be creatively censored. Though I will occasionally have some color commentary in blue.

Spoiler: On with the game

Don't worry, Mark, it's not like you're going to get tentacle-raped where you'll have the creature's ass-babies and then explode in a way that would make U.S. Angel Corps stamp its feet in jealousy. Maybe...


First decision, folks, what should we name him. Also, to save time, his pet fish also needs a name so I'll be asking one for him as well. And thanks again for playing along.[/col

 

[autisticdragonkin]

First decision, folks, what should we name him. Also, to save time, his pet fish also needs a name so I'll be asking one for him as well. And thanks again for playing along.[/col

Name him Adam and his Fish Steve

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Name him Adam and his Fish Steve

He also needs a last name.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

He also needs a last name.

He is Adam Sandler

 

[Splendid]

@bearycool

Give us advice on what IRL gays do.

 

[bearycool]

@bearycool

Give us advice on what IRL gays do.

We are normal human beings that take it up the ass.

Therefore, pick options that are extremely gay and would not be condoned in a normal, civilized society.

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Adam Sandler it is.

Narrator: It's been quite a ride, but you feel like you've been missing out. In a way, you feel like you've been taking your way through the last three and a half years of your life. You don't want to go through the motions anymore; you want to stop pretending. Now if your palms would just stop sweating.

Narrator: Ok, Adam, you can stop sweating now. You're not a kid anymore and your last semester of college starts tomorrow. You gave yourself a deadline and you're sticking to it, dammit. Everything is going to be fine. Remember, whatever happens, try not to throw up, at least not on the carpet. (It's shag and a horror to clean.) You call your roommates, Penny and Ian, to the living room.

Penny: So what's the big news, Adam?



Adam: Well, er...Uh, you guys just aren't my roommates, but my best friends. And we've shared everything together: hopes, dreams, playlists.

Penny: Toothbrushes.

Ian: It was an accident. I swear.

Penny: You say that almost every morning, Ian!

Adam: Guys?

Penny: Sorry. Go on, Adam, you obviously have something very important to say.

Ian: What's up? You look very nervous, dude.

Adam: Given that you're my most trusted, friends...

 

[BILLY MAYS]

make him say "I'm gay. High five!"

 

[RM 810]

Yeah, high five!

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

The second one it is.

Spoiler: "I'm gay. High five!"

Penny: Um. Is this some kind of solidarity thing? Like when someone says, 'We're all one race; the human race?'."

Ian: Ok, then I'm gay, too. High five!

Adam: Guys, I'm serious.



Adam: Uh, guys? I've just let you in on the biggest announcement of my life. How about a little reassurance?

Penny: Wow. Woow. Now I know why you've been ignoring all those girls bursting down your bedroom door.

Ian: Oh God, Penny. Just because Adam won't date your weirdo cousin.

Penny: My cousin is not a weirdo!

Ian: She carries around her own spork and won't eat without it. That's seven leagues of weird territory.

Penny: That's not weirdo territory. It's quirky and cute. Anyway, I do have another cousin you might be interested in, Adam. Named Philbert. Of the male persuasion.

Ian: Geez, quit pawning off your freaky family tree on him.

Penny: I'm just excited about this. Adam, I'm really happy you told us. Good for you. (We'll talk about my cousin later.)

Adam: Do you have anything to say to me, Ian?

Ian: Sandler, I for one am disappointed. Because I really, really hoped you'd be doing the dishes. But about being gay - seriously, good for you, man. I feel privileged you shared this with us. It took a lot of guts. So what does it feel like to be finally out.

Adam: It feels good. No, actually it feels great. It's like my life can finally get started. It's hard to explain, but I feel like my life has been someone else's.

Penny: Awww. We're so happy for you, Adam. *Penny and Ian wrap you in a hug.* Adam, we commemorate your big day. Hang on a sec. *holds up Iphone and takes a picture* I'm taking a photo for my 'Tanning Spray' app. It's my latest project. It takes a photo and gives you a spray tan. Wanna see? *couldn't hit the screenshot button fast enough* I swear, once I get the bugs out, I'm going to sell millions of these units. You gotta help me beta test this.

Ian: Penny I didn't think it was possible, but you might've surpassed your last app in idiocracy. What happened to your last project, 'Campus Mapper', wasn't it? Wasn't it supposed to help people find their classes, but for some reason people kept walking into traffic.

Penny: It had a couple of pesky bugs. Nothing major.

Adam: I remember you testing it out when we first met.

Penny: If you hadn't yelled, 'watch out', I would've stepped right into that open drain.

Ian: *quietly* And landed on the bodies of your beta testers.

Penny: Shut your piehole, Ian. 'Campus Mapper' is still in alpha and I am going to be a million once 'tanning spray' is released. And who will you be? the guy who cleans the monkey cage at the zoo.

Ian: Look here, being a zoologist is more than just cleaning monkey cages. It also means I get to...get to...no, that's about it. GODDAMMIT!

Penny: Ok, here's the plan, Adam. Time to celebrate. Let's head to Charlie's.

Adam: Er, Charlie's.

Penny: It's the only gay bar in this area. Besides, there's something I want to check out there. Ian, why don't you join us?

Ian: No, I got to head over to Zoe's.

Penny: Again? I can never tell if you two are together or not. How many times have you broken up now?

Ian: Yeah, well we're going to have THE talk. Here's hoping she dumps me before I have to help her move into her new place.

Penny: You know, Ian, you can always be an adult and break it off first.

Ian: What? No. Then people would think that I was only dumping her to avoid helping her move in.

Penny: What was I thinking, me and my wacky suggestions.

Ian: Anyway, sorry to bail man. But we are so hanging out this weekend. Tonight, you go have fun with little miss Zuckerberg over here.

Penny: Good BYE, Ian. *he leaves* So are you ready for a little outing? I'll be the designated driver. Just a relaxing little evening at a new bar. No pressure, just fun.

Narrator: Frankly, you do want to celebrate, but it seems so sudden. Are you ready for your first gay bar?

Penny: Come on, Adam. It's not like we got homework yet and what else are you going to do? Kick it with your goldfish?



Penny: I'm sure Steve will be fine for one night. Shall we go?

 

[Pikimon]

Let's go to the gay club!

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Let's see what kind of trouble Adam can get into.

Spoiler: We're Going to a Gay Bar.

Penny: Aw yeah! This is going to be awesome.

Adam: (now in a car) So are you stunned by this admission?

Penny: Yes and no.

Adam: You've had your suspicions about me?

Penny: You talk in your sleep.

Adam: What exactly have you heard? WHAT AREN'T YOU TELLING ME?

Penny: You seem to have a thing for shapely butts, but its now that I realize that it wasn't the female derriere that you were-

Adam: You know what, we're going to stop talking about this now.

Penny: So I've got a question. Virgin: yes or no?

Adam: You know, I have dated a couple of girls.

Penny: C'mon, you know what I mean. The D. The wang. The main vein. The beef bayonet. The steamin' semen highway. The schmeckel. The-

Adam: I might have done a thing or two!

Penny: Wait, oh my God, let me guess! It was that guy from your water polo team, right? Locker room, post game. You hit the locker room with your teammate. He's soaping himself, but struggling because his arm is in a sling.

Adam: A sling? Hell, no wonder we had such a bad season.

Penny: So he says, 'You whattup, Sandler, I can't reach this spot, bro'.

Adam: You've been reading those weird stories written by teenage girls again, haven't you?

Penny: And you say, 'Which spot, bro?'

Adam: How romantic...

Penny: And he goes, 'The spot right here, man, 'neth my balls.'

Adam: Oh God, just stop right there.

Narrator: After making a few errant turns on a few one way streets, Penny parks the car and a block away from Charlie's. Taking a deep breath, you enter the dimly lit bar.

Penny: Oh my gosh, I love the ambiance! So Adam, what are you drinking? Let me get you something.

 

[RM 810]

Let's keep it simple and go for the beer.

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Narrator: Penny steps up to the bar. You look around, trying not to rubberneck your way to dorkhood.

Adam: (thinking) Be cool, Adam, be cool. This place isn't much different than the other bars around campus. Sure the crowd is older. Sure there might be a few more men here and there. But they're just here to, uh, chill, right?

Narrator: This is nerve wracking. In the past, you've always been able to hid behind the convenient, if uncomfortable guise of heterosexuality. If you wanted to check someone out, you did it discreetly. This however is an entirely new frontier. You sense the weight of several eyes grazing over at you. You swear you're being checked out, but you're too terrified to look up and confirm it. Then you hear someone say 'hey!' in your direction. You glance up and see a guy staring straight back at you. He waves.

 

[Rin]

Wave back. Let's see what kind of men we can score in this game.

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Spoiler: LEt's look.

Narrator: He's not really your type, but you wave at him anyway. 'Paul!' Ultimately, you realize just then he was waving at a guy who just walked through the door. You pretend you were just covering your mouth to yawn. Has Penny orders those drinks yet or what?

Penny: Alright, one celebratory drink, coming up! The bartender will have it for you in a sec. I'll be going to the restroom, I'll be right back.

Adam: (thinking) Maybe this is my chance to make a run for it.

Penny: And don't you even think of ditching me, Adam!

Adam: What are you even talking about? This place is already like a second home.

Penny: Hmmmm.

Narrator: You sit down and wait for your order. The bartender hands you a drink that you sip down nervously.

Adam: (thinking) Ah, something to stare at so I don't have to look up.

Narrator: You stare into your bar glass so you don't have to make eye contact at anybody. You start to unwind and feel like you can breathe again, you feel a tap on your shoulder.

Adam: Ha, you piss faster than anyone I know.



Man: After years of rigorous training, someone's finally noticed. I'd almost given up.

Adam: Wha-oh my God! I'm terrible sorry. I thought you were someone else.

Man: It's my fault for sneaking up on you. How about we start over? I'm Alex. Can I guy you another drink?

 

[RM 810]

Sure, let's flirt.
And who's Dirk? Aren't we Adam?

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Sure, let's flirt.
And who's Dirk? Aren't we Adam?

My mistake, in another game I called him Dirk Hardpeck. I'll go back and change it.

 

[RM 810]

My mistake, in another game I called him Dirk Hardpeck. I'll go back and change it.

ngl Dirk Hardpeck is a way better name than Adam Sandler

 

[Yaoi Huntress Earth]

Narrator: As you drink your beer, you notice he's drinking something that resembles scotch.

Alex: So do you come here often?