Let's Sperg kiwifarms.net plays Hatoful Boyfriend - Let's date birds! Six routes complete.

[RM 810]

Ok, I've never done anything like this before so tell me if I fuck up.

Hatoful Boyfriend is a game about dating pigeons. It's one of those visual novel dating sim games, although not one of the ones with sex in it, so apologies to all the birdfuckers.

It's very story focused, the main gameplay is choosing what to do next, and whenever that comes up I'll leave the choice to you guys.

The first question is what to name the main character, for now I've stuck with the games original name - Hiyoko Tosaka, but I've not played far yet, and we've not reached a proper choice yet, so if you want to change it then go for it.

Spoiler: Character List

Ryouta is the childhood best friend archetype. He looks after his sick mother alone and isn't too healthy himself.

Kazuaki is our teacher. For some reason he's still an option. He sleeps a lot.

Sakuya is the stereotypical rich boy. An actual noblebird from France.

Yuuya is Sakuya's half brother. He's very flirty.

Nageki is the emo kid. He's usually hanging around the library.

Okosan likes sports, pudding, and being more birdy than the rest of the birds.

Shuu is the school doctor, and also a romance option for some reason. He's pretty creepy and his theme music being Dance of the Sugarplum Faeries doesn't help with this.

Spoiler: Part One

Like I said, I'm sticking with Hiyoko for now.

We also have this option, I've gone with human portraits, they only show up when you first meet a character though.


and the game begins proper

It's already been a year since I ended my ordinary life and walked through these gates.
I should probably say...This school is known for one thing in particular.
This school is Japan's--no, the world's, greatest gathering-place for gifted birds.
Birds who want to study the arts, the sciences, even sports all come to St. Pigeonation's.
The teaching staff and students are both made up of a diverse blend of birds of different backgrounds and species.
I'm often asked why I chose to come here, despite not being a bird.
It's a long story...

???: "Not every day I see you rushing along like this!"

Ryouta: "Usually you'd have been ready for an hour by now, Hiyoko!"
"Overslept?"

Ryouta: "Living as a hunter-gatherer sounds tough...I'd be happy to make you breakfast you know."

Hiyoko: "I might take you up on that offer when starvation looms. Thanks Ryouta!"

Just then the sound effects start playing the westminster chimes.

Hiyoko: "Oh! The bell already? Come on, we need to hurry to class!"

Ryouta: "Jeepers! No good being late on the first day!"

Today is the start of a new semester. I wonder what lies in store...
It was all that I could do to adjust to the atmosphere last year. Better make up for all that lost fun!

And so we begin.

Routes available; Completed in red

• Shuu Iwamine
• Ryouta Kawara
• Okosan
• Kazuaki Nanaki
• Nageki Fujishiro
• Sakuya Le Bel Shirogane
• Yuuya Sakazaki
• Secret Character
  
• Bad End

 

[Yaks]

Rename the character Bitch McTits.

 

[RM 810]

Rename the character Bitch McTits.

And, done.

Part two coming soon.

 

[AnOminous]

Wait, dating actual, literal goddamn pigeons?

Who made this game, Bert from Sesame Street?

 

[RM 810]

Wait, dating actual, literal goddamn pigeons?

Who made this game, Bert from Sesame Street?

Yep. Actual stock photo pigeons. Apart for one who is the creators pet.

It was made by a Japanese manga artist/author called Hato Mao, originally she made the cover for the game as a joke and put it online, when people were actually interested she turned it into a proper game.
The word hato means pigeon or dove in Japanese, and the name is a pun on the word heartful, which is one of those not-quite English words the Japanese use and is common in dating sims.

Spoiler: Part Two

Old faces, new faces... a strange thrill fills my heart as I look around at the assembled birds.
I hope we all get along. Here's to the formation of many happy memories!
Oh! The teacher's here!

Kazuaki: "Err, I'm Nanaki Kazuaki. I seem to be your teacher this year."
"I specialise in math and" "physics" "and also some" other things..."

You have to click to advance the chunks of dialogue here, but they don't go onto new slides, so I've compromised with the way I've written it.

Kazuaki: "......zzz."

Bitch (that's our name now): "...he sleeps with his eyes open!?"

I'd heard the rumours, but I hadn't expected him to fall asleep just like that...
Apparently he's well-known as a mathematician. Just goes to show, great minds come in all forms!

Kazuaki: "Which reminds me, we have a transfer student."

I'm not sure how that reminds him, but ok.

Kazuaki: "Please, introduce yourself Shirogane."

Sakuya: "I have no wish to speak with commoners. Do not think I'm here because I wish to be."

Bitch: "But we can't just let him break the rules like that sir! The system will collapse and we'll all turn into kulaks and dissenters!"

Kazuaki: "...well, when you put it like that... could you at least say your name Shirogane?"

Sakuya: Shirogane Le Bel Sakuya."

He's pretty stuck up. But then transferring is never easy. I hope we can be friends!

I think this little birdie is telling me there's going to be trouble down the line.

 

[RM 810]

Spoiler: Part Three

...that reminds me, I've had these books out from the library all summer! I'll return them now.

Huh?
Is someone looking at me? Probably just my imagination.

Mourning doves aren't very common in Japan, but apparently America they're everywhere in America.

Bitch: "Umm... did you want something from me?"

Nageki (no, I don't know how we know his name): "...!"

Bitch: (He looked away...)

Nageki: "Not really..."

I'm pretty sure it was him who I felt looking at me...There's no one else here.

Bitch: "Are you sure?"

Nageki: "Yes. I don't want anything with you."
"...it's the things you're carrying that I'm interested in."

He glances at the desk as if to say "hurry up and return them already!"

Bitch: "Oh... sorry. Ehehe, they were a little too dense and I never finished them."
"Were you waiting for them all summer?"

He silently returns his gaze to his book.
Maybe he's in a bad mood?

Bitch: "I'm McTits Bitch. A sophomore. What about you?"

Japanese naming conventions strike again.

Nageki: "....."

Bitch: "Y-you're...?"

Nageki: "....."
" Nageki"
"Fujishiro" "Nageki." "Freshman."

Maybe it's just his voice, but he seems kind of sad.

He's reading his book again.

Bitch: "Okay. Sorry to bother you."
"I keep meeting depressing people today."

Yeah, she apparently said that out loud.

 

[RM 810]

Spoiler: Part Four

Yuuya: "Come on Sakuya-- what kind of thing is that to say to your own brother? After all these years!"

Sakuya: "My brother? You must be joking. You've never once been a brother to me."
" Please don't try to talk to me again. I've no time for half-breeds. I'll be going now."

Yuuya: "Hey, wait just a--"

I hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but I think I just overheard something juicy!
The ever-popular trend-setter and ladies man Sakazaki Yuuya is Sakuya's brother?
I wonder what the story behind that is...

Yuuya: "Hey."

Bitch: "!"

Yuuya: "You heard the whole thing, right? Are you a friend of Sakuya's?"

Bitch: "I-I-I-I-I'm sorry!" "I didn't mean to listen in on you!"
!?
The screen shakes on this line.

Yuuya: "Haha, no sweat."
"I try to stay sexy and suave in front of all you little ladies, but that there wasn't too cool."

I've never talked to him before, but he's famous, or infamous, throughout the school. Everybirdie knows of him.

Bitch: "H-how did you?....!?"

Yuuya: "I know everybirdie here, besides, you're the only human." "A single poppy in a field of rye."
"Did you say you were a friend of Sakuya's?"

Bitch: "Not exactly... We had a rather ballistic introduction this morning."
"We're in the same class. That's all."
"I'd have never thought that stuck up aristocrat wannabe was your brother."

Yuuya: "Aristocrat wannabe..."
"He is an aristocrat actually. The genuine article, in the flesh."

Bitch: "He is!?"

Yuuya: "He's a bit of a pain, so good luck mon amie. Adeui!"

I've never heard anything like that about Yuuya though. Probably a twisty business!
And fade to time skip.

 

[Cunty Boo Boo]

Thank you for this. I now know what I'm doing this Friday night. Getting wasted on cheap wine and playing this.

 

[LegoTugboat]

Please tell me we're going to go down all the different routes. This game's pretty amazing with how it mindfucks you.

 

[RM 810]

Thank you for this. I now know what I'm doing this Friday night. Getting wasted on cheap wine and playing this.

No problem, it's a great game.

Please tell me we're going to go down all the different routes. This game's pretty amazing with how it mindfucks you.

I'm planning on doing the full game, including the final ending and hidden character and everything. Although it may take a while.

Spoiler: Part Five

Bitch: "Yaaay!"
"Huh?"
"Sir, where's Ryouta?"

Kazuaki: "He said he was going to the infirmary. Maybe you should go and see if he's still there?"

Now that I think about it Ryouta always did have a weak stomach.
I should go to the infirmary just to make sure he's ok.

.....
Nobirdie's here?
There's no one sleeping behind the curtains, and the doctor isn't here either.
My hunter-gatherer instincts feel no presence. There's nobirdie here.

Bitch: "Ryouta?"

No reply. The infirmary is empty.

Bitch: "Weird. Did he go home already?"

I feel a little nervous poking around the empty room...
Now that i think about it I haven't been in here much before. Unlike Ryouta I'm perfectly healthy.

Bitch: "Woah, they've got all kinds of drugs in here!"
"Ethylpar, tri-fe, lucio benzene... what do these even do?"

???: "Care to find out?"

Unlike the regular music, which is generic visual novel stuff this guys theme is the dance of the sugarplum fires from the nutcracker. It always plays when he's on screen and I've no idea why. Just to be creepy I guess.

Shuu: "I'll feed you all sorts of things if you want. Hmmm?"

Bitch: "No, thank you!"

Yep, it's @Shuu Iwamine

He's rather creepy in person and has a bad reputation among the student body.
Everybirdie knows that even just talking to him can bring you down with aspergillus, psittacosis, or even worse things.

And I never even heard him come in the door. ...ninja doctor!?

Shuu: "You don't look like you have a good reason to be in here. Did you need something?"

Bitch: "Umm, I heard Ryouta..." "Kawara from 2-3 was supposed to be here."

Shuu: "Him? He's already gone."

Bitch: "...oh."

Why didn't he come find me before going home?

Bitch: "S-sorry to bother you." "I'll be going now!"

Ryouta's already gone home... what do I do now?
Oh!
I never got around to joining a club last year.
Maybe I'll go take a look at some of my options.
I think there are clubs for baseball, soccer, track, kendo, migration, birdwatching...

birdwatching?? Isn't that just stalking in this world?

Wasn't there another one...? Anyway, I'll start with the track team.
I ran in middle school, and it's always funny watching the birds hop around.
You speciest shitlord Bitch McTits.

And so, we head to the track team.

 

[Shuu Iwamine]

No problem, it's a great game.



I'm planning on doing the full game, including the final ending and hidden character and everything. Although it may take a while.

Spoiler: Part Five

Bitch: "Yaaay!"
"Huh?"
"Sir, where's Ryouta?"
Kazuaki: "He said he was going to the infirmary. Maybe you should go and see if he's still there?"

Now that I think about it Ryouta always did have a weak stomach.
I should go to the infirmary just to make sure he's ok.

.....
Nobirdie's here?
There's no one sleeping behind the curtains, and the doctor isn't here either.
My hunter-gatherer instincts feel no presence. There's nobirdie here.
Bitch: "Ryouta?"
No reply. The infirmary is empty.
Bitch: "Weird. Did he go home already?"
I feel a little nervous poking around the empty room...
Now that i think about it I haven't been in here much before. Unlike Ryouta I'm perfectly healthy.
Bitch: "Woah, they've got all kinds of drugs in here!"
"Ethylpar, tri-fe, lucio benzene... what do these even do?"
???: "Care to find out?"

Unlike the regular music, which is generic visual novel stuff this guys theme is the dance of the sugarplum fires from the nutcracker. It always plays when he's on screen and I've no idea why. Just to be creepy I guess.

Shuu: "I'll feed you all sorts of things if you want. Hmmm?"
Bitch: "No, thank you!"

Yep, it's @Shuu Iwamine
He's rather creepy in person and has a bad reputation among the student body.
Everybirdie knows that even just talking to him can bring you down with aspergillus, psittacosis, or even worse things.

And I never even heard him come in the door. ...ninja doctor!?
Shuu: "You don't look like you have a good reason to be in here. Did you need something?"
Bitch: "Umm, I heard Ryouta..." "Kawara from 2-3 was supposed to be here."
Shuu: "Him? He's already gone."
Bitch: "...oh."
Why didn't he come find me before going home?
Bitch: "S-sorry to bother you." "I'll be going now!"

Ryouta's already gone home... what do I do now?
Oh!
I never got around to joining a club last year.
Maybe I'll go take a look at some of my options.
I think there are clubs for baseball, soccer, track, kendo, migration, birdwatching...

birdwatching?? Isn't that just stalking in this world?

Wasn't there another one...? Anyway, I'll start with the track team.
I ran in middle school, and it's always funny watching the birds hop around.
You species shitlord Bitch McTits.

And so, we head to the track team.

Spoiler

My path is to die for.~

 

[RM 810]

Spoiler: Part Six

A white dove is having a tantrum outside.

San: "Cooo!" (Okosan rejects it! It is a lie! A vicious falsification!)

He's dancing around on a squished pudding.

Bitch: "Hey... that's not very nice to the pudding."

Okosan is best bird and also the creators actual pet.

He doesn't really look it, but supposedly he's a fantail pigeon. ...I think?
Either way, he's hyper.

Bitch: "Betrayal?"

San: "Cooooo!" (Okosan instructed that pudding be provided for new members!)
"Coo!" (But this is no pudding!) (Ousted, scorned, betrayed! Dragged out into the street and shot by those he trusted most!)

It's squished and filthy, but the thing under his feet looks like normal store-bought pudding...

Bitch: "What's wrong with it?"

San: "Coo, coo!" (Spare the jests, young lady!)

Okosan used WING ATTACK! It's super effective!

...:autism:

San: "Cooo!" (They'll rue the day they crossed Okosan! He'll have they flayed, hanged, shot at dawn! He will!)
"Coo!" (Okosan must now train to achieve true pudding! Farewell!)

...and he's gone.
He's a good runner, but what does pudding have to do with the track team?

Kazuaki: "As you all know, the school doesn't require you to join any club."
"If you want to you can, but if you don't then you're free to go home after school."

Bitch: "Nepotism, ho! Don't we get to vote!?"

Bitch: "You have to take care of your mother on your own, and all..."
"Hmm, I wonder what I should do."

Join the...

We finally made it to our first choice, what after school club should we pick?

I'll leave the vote open over night, I hope you enjoyed this first look at Hatoful Boyfriend.

 

[Yaks]

-SLAMS FISTS ON THE TABLE-

Student council. Bitch needs to represent the hyoomans because she is an oppressed, single-and-looking minority.

 

[Cunty Boo Boo]

Library Staff! Reading is power!

 

[ZehnBoat]

no ducks 0/10

 

[RM 810]

no ducks 0/10

No kiwis either. It's a disgrace really.


Ok, counting the agree rating student council wins out. So here we go, time to get into politics.

Spoiler: Part Seven

...or not. I totally forgot about this bit, sorry.

This is incredibly short, so I'm not going to bother voting properly, first answer gets to choose.

 

[Cunty Boo Boo]

Gym or Music!

 

[RM 810]

Gym or Music!

We can only do one at a time, but we have several elective options, so gym now and the next one will be music.

Spoiler: Part 8

Bitch levelled up! Vitality increased by five!

We skipped the vote, and I think it's only Sakuya and me.
Anyway, he called a meeting, so to the council-room I go!

The screen shakes again in shock on this line.

Bitch: "Hi Sakuya. So, you had this done?"

Sakuya: "Hmmph! This room used to be filthy. Better suited to rabbits than to us."

What a prig.

Sakuya: "Have you decided what position you will take?"

Bitch: "I get to choose?"

Sakuya: "Who is there to choose for you? Dumb Japanese..."

You racist shitlord Sakuya

Bitch: "Aren't you Japanese too Sakuya?"

Sakuya: "Do not mock me! I am French."

A French noblebird. That sounds delicious.

You worry me sometimes Bitch.

I guess I have to pick a post now.

Voting time again.

 

[Cunty Boo Boo]

Vice Pres, of course.

 

[RM 810]

Spoiler: Part Nine

Sakuya: "Hahaha!" "You've got nerve. I like that."

I think I just got bonded with. Gosh, he looks pretty happy right now.
And so I become vice-president of the student council.

Cave sweet cave

Oh! Tomorrow is the class hike!
Should I prepare anything? We won't be going far, so I don't have too...
Well, health first! I think I'll have some udon and go to sleep.

Who should we talk to on the class hike?