KiwiFarms Open Recipe Book -

Do you cook much?

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hotcheetospuffs

Bora Bora Eat Some More-a
kiwifarms.net
Here's my super easy Chicken Liver Paté

2 tubs chicken livers
2 grated granny smith apples
1/2 stick salted butter
1/4 cup brandy (cheap-ass E & J works just fine)
A clove or two of minced garlic, or two shakes of garlic powder
Fresh-a-pepper to taste
Splash of cream if you have it but can be omitted.

Drain and take off all the white things on the chicken livers. Sautee the livers in butter until cooked to pale pink in the center. Add the apples, garlic, brandy, pepper, and cream and simmer until the liquid reduces to almost nothing. Let it cool a bit and blend until smooth in a food processor or blender and refrigerate until cool and firm.

This is a bit too soft to work as a terrine style paté. It's best just served in a bowl or made into a mound on a plate with crackers.
 
Last edited:

mindlessobserver

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Cherry brandy chicken

This technically falls under the category of stir fry but you will never know it

Two whole boneless skinless chicken breast
"Some" cherries, halved and pitted. I usually just eyeball it m a quarter cup?
Two carrots cut into thin rounds
A garlic clove
"Some" brandy. Let's call it a couple of tablespoons?
A tablespoon of butter
One teaspoon of brown sugar

In a large frying pan combine the carrots, garlic clove minced and butter. Once the butter has melted and the carrots have had a chance to cook add the cherries

Give the cherries a chance to heat up then add the brandy and a sprinkle of brown sugar. You want enough to coat everything and have the bottom of the pan covered. Keep it on low heat and let everything reduce.

Put the chicken on a cutting board and after trimming any extraneous fat off pound those fuckers flat. You can use a dedicated mallet but I just whack em with my potato masher. Once flattened cut into strips. Add them to the pan. Start stirring until decently well cooked. Cover and let simmer to finish off.

Add salt and pepper + any other seasoning to taste. As you cook.

Serve with potato or cauliflower.
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
If anybody is at a boeuf bourguignon level of cooking ability, this will have a lot of familiar flavours/techniques, and may be of interest to people seeking to find less tomato-influenced ragus. Thanks to this thread in general for forcing me to write down methods.

Ragù alla genovese/La genovese (Neapolitan beef and onion stew)

Requires: Dutch oven/casserole pot or large pan of at least 4 litre capacity
Cooking time: 12 hours (I'll address how to lower this time but it's very worth it, with practice you can confidently leave this cooking overnight)

1.5 kg yellow onions, finely sliced
1-1.5 kg stewing cut of beef - chuck or brisket if you're fancy, round or topside if you're not
1 med carrot, finely diced
2 stalks celery, finely diced
50-80 g pancetta or guanciale, lardons or fine slices
200 ml dry white wine
Beef or chicken stock, either a few cubes, or a small tub (c. 300 g) of gelatinous stock
Something to provide umami (1 tbsp Worcester sauce, or 1/2 tbsp Asian fish sauce)
Herbs of your choosing (works fine with 1-2 tsp thyme, but you can make a bouquet of rosemary, parsley, sage, or thyme if you like, even basil works in combination with others)
2 bay leaves
Olive oil (no need for any fancy evos)
Salt, pepper
Pasta (rigatoni, ziti, or paccheri - or just any tube you can find, preferably bronze die cut)

Optional, but makes nicer with little effort - instead of the fish sauce, for the umami component:

1-2 tbsp sherry vinegar (red wine vinegar is okay, maybe use less)
1-2 tbsp tomato puree
2-4 tinned anchovy fillets, mashed
2 sun dried tomatoes, diced

Halve your onions and cut them into fine slices. This might take up to 30 mins if you're a rctard like me. The finer you cut the onion strips, the faster they will cook. Finely dice the carrots and celery. Once finished, place your Dutch oven/casserole pot in the oven (if using) and pre-heat to 100 c (212 f).

Add a little olive oil to a large pan (either very wide, or very deep) and gently fry your onions, salting as you do. Close the lid to a crack and gently sweat them for up to half an hour until they reduce in volume somewhat, adding a little water if needed. They should not look particularly appetising (quite noodle-like) at this point, but that is fine.

While the onions cook, cut your pancetta into thin strips or lardons and gently cook on minimal heat in a frying pan (with a little olive oil if the pancetta isn't very fatty) until the fat has rendered. As you do this, prepare your beef by cutting it into large fist-sized pieces (8 maximum for 1.5 kg), dab the beef with a kitchen towel to dry, then season with a rub of large amounts of ground black pepper and kosher salt. Once the pancetta has rendered, remove it, leaving the fat in the pan, and add a little olive oil and brown your meat in batches on medium-low, ensuring you gently caramelise the exterior, not burn. If you want to be traditional you can add some butter at this stage too. Brown each side of the beef until there's no obvious redness (you don't need to do all sides as it will reduce the tenderness of the uncooked centre, just 2-3 sides is fine. Don't crowd the pan, do 2-3 pieces at a time, maximum, with space in between each piece) and place aside.

Take your frying pan which should now be full of cooking fond, pork fat, oil and other nice flavours, raise the heat to med-high, and deglaze with half of your white wine (100 ml), lower the heat to medium and let the alcohol evaporate for 30-60 seconds as needed, then raise the heat to med-high again as you add the stock and umami ingredients and bring them to a gentle simmer. If you're using stock cubes, add a few cups of water to combine everything, if using gelatinous stock, maybe one cup or more if you feel it's needed to create a loose, pourable sauce. Scrape up whatever is on the base of the pan and mix through with a wooden spoon or spatula. If you're seasoning beyond what is already in the vegetables and meat, add salt and pepper to taste.

Once the onions are finished, place aside, add some olive oil to the pan and gently cook your celery and carrot for several minutes with a small amount of salt. Once finished, you are ready to combine everything into your cooking pot of choice. If you're using a cast iron pot, and you're luckier than me and have a gas-fired stovetop, you can cook it there (as is traditional), though I find the oven gives more consistency of temperature for slow-cooking. If using a regular pan on the stovetop that should be fine too, although my temperatures are given for oven cooking - ensure the pan is never bubbling much and it should be fine. Place the beef in a flat layer on the bottom of the pan you're using, then cover with the onions, carrots, celery and pancetta, then pour the stock sauce over the top. Transfer it to the stovetop or oven with a lid cracked open. Leave it cooking for as long as possible, at the lowest heat that is reasonable, checking every hour or two to stir and redistribute the contents around the beef a little (unless the pan is too full, then wait some hours until a little evaporation occurs. If you can be bothered, fish the bouquet and/or bay leaves out half-way through, as they've done their job, and add the second 100 ml of the wine half way, or two thirds of the way through. This seems weird and contrary to many similar recipes, but it is traditional (many recipes suggest adding some after an hour, and the rest nearer the end, but I prefer using some for deglazing). If the onions are staying mid-brown and need to darken further, remove the lid completely. As with any stew, add water if it's getting dry.

Once you're satisfied it's finished, you can serve some immediately, but its flavours develop further if left to cool, then placed in a fridge overnight (as does chilli and other stews). To serve, shred the beef, and serve it with some sauce over a bed of rigatoni, ziti, or paccheri pasta (all are traditional, zitoni especially, but outside of Italy it can be hard to find), with parsley garnish and/or grated hard cheese of your preference. You can also garnish with some evoo if you don't want it to look as dry when served.

I find that most slow-cooked stew recipes suggest far too high temperatures (150 c [300 f] or more), and if you're committed to hitting 10 hours, 100 c or even 90 (200 f) is reasonable, and you can always turn the heat up a little towards the end. If your oven fluctuates too much, perhaps bump up the base heat by 10 or 20 degrees or so. If you want to speed up the cook you can do in a couple of ways - just raise the temperature to those more often recommended numbers, and depending on the cut you might be able to squeeze the beef's cook time down to 4 hours, although it won't be perfect, and for tougher cuts like round/topside it's not recommended. Brisket would be ideal for this, as unlike chuck, it doesn't need lots of time to contribute fat to the sauce. You can also remove the beef once finished (you should be able to push a chopstick through without much resistance if it's done) and then turn the temperature up higher to reduce the onion sauce, but really you do benefit from a long cook-time in order to fully break down the onions into a rich, dark, gelatinous gravy. If you are reducing the onions separately, you can add the sherry vinegar during that stage instead of at the start. The umami ingredient fuckery is to try to balance the intense sweetness of the onions when fully cooked. Some recipes try to cheat this by including the same weight of onions as beef, but if you're going to make a famously onion-heavy dish, it is best to go full rctard imo, and cram as many as will fit in your pan. Don't be scared to press down on what is in the pan to fit even more in at the start. You can also use a mixture of pancetta and Salame Napoli (spiced salami), although despite the very slight heat helping to balance the dish even further, this may be an over-reverential step when you could just add a little more heat from any other source (a single small deseeded chilli pepper, a tiny pinch of chilli powder, splash of chilli oil, etc). If you find you have too much sauce by the end, it makes a wonderful addition to pasta all by itself, or as a topping to baked potatoes, a gravy for roast dinner, or anything you can think of. Like all stews, it freezes well. You can cut the carrots larger if you want the visual effect, or like boeuf bourguignon can cook the stew with whole carrots which are then discarded and replaced with fresher ones cut into the desired final shape towards the end of the cooking process, to give them more texture.

These are stolen from Google because I have ogre-like presentation skills, but if you succeed you should be able to produce tasty looking things like these:
 

Attachments

Last edited:

Sparklepants

Concerningly greasy
kiwifarms.net
If anybody is at a boeuf bourguignon level of cooking ability, this will have a lot of familiar flavours/techniques, and may be of interest to people seeking to find less tomato-influenced ragus. Thanks to this thread in general for forcing me to write down methods.

Ragù alla genovese/La genovese (Neapolitan beef and onion stew)

Requires: Dutch oven/casserole pot or large pan of at least 4 litre capacity
Cooking time: 12 hours (I'll address how to lower this time but it's very worth it, with practice you can confidently leave this cooking overnight)

1.5 kg yellow onions, finely sliced
1-1.5 kg stewing cut of beef - chuck or brisket if you're fancy, round or topside if you're not
1 med carrot, finely diced
2 stalks celery, finely diced
50-80 g pancetta or guanciale, lardons or fine slices
200 ml dry white wine
Beef or chicken stock, either a few cubes, or a small tub (c. 300 g) of gelatinous stock
Something to provide umami (1 tbsp Worcester sauce, or 1/2 tbsp Asian fish sauce)
Herbs of your choosing (works fine with 1-2 tsp thyme, but you can make a bouquet of rosemary, parsley, sage, or thyme if you like, even basil works in combination with others)
2 bay leaves
Olive oil (no need for any fancy evos)
Salt, pepper
Pasta (rigatoni, ziti, or paccheri - or just any tube you can find, preferably bronze die cut)

Optional, but makes nicer with little effort - instead of the fish sauce, for the umami component:

1-2 tbsp sherry vinegar (red wine vinegar is okay, maybe use less)
1-2 tbsp tomato puree
2-4 tinned anchovy fillets, mashed
2 sun dried tomatoes, diced

Halve your onions and cut them into fine slices. This might take up to 30 mins if you're a rctard like me. The finer you cut the onion strips, the faster they will cook. Finely dice the carrots and celery. Once finished, place your Dutch oven/casserole pot in the oven (if using) and pre-heat to 100 c (212 f).

Add a little olive oil to a large pan (either very wide, or very deep) and gently fry your onions, salting as you do. Close the lid to a crack and gently sweat them for up to half an hour until they reduce in volume somewhat, adding a little water if needed. They should not look particularly appetising (quite noodle-like) at this point, but that is fine.

While the onions cook, cut your pancetta into thin strips or lardons and gently cook on minimal heat in a frying pan (with a little olive oil if the pancetta isn't very fatty) until the fat has rendered. As you do this, prepare your beef by cutting it into large fist-sized pieces (8 maximum for 1.5 kg), dab the beef with a kitchen towel to dry, then season with a rub of large amounts of ground black pepper and kosher salt. Once the pancetta has rendered, remove it, leaving the fat in the pan, and add a little olive oil and brown your meat in batches on medium-low, ensuring you gently caramelise the exterior, not burn. If you want to be traditional you can add some butter at this stage too. Brown each side of the beef until there's no obvious redness (you don't need to do all sides as it will reduce the tenderness of the uncooked centre, just 2-3 sides is fine. Don't crowd the pan, do 2-3 pieces at a time, maximum, with space in between each piece) and place aside.

Take your frying pan which should now be full of cooking fond, pork fat, oil and other nice flavours, raise the heat to med-high, and deglaze with half of your white wine (100 ml), lower the heat to medium and let the alcohol evaporate for 30-60 seconds as needed, then raise the heat to med-high again as you add the stock and umami ingredients and bring them to a gentle simmer. If you're using stock cubes, add a few cups of water to combine everything, if using gelatinous stock, maybe one cup or more if you feel it's needed to create a loose, pourable sauce. Scrape up whatever is on the base of the pan and mix through with a wooden spoon or spatula. If you're seasoning beyond what is already in the vegetables and meat, add salt and pepper to taste.

Once the onions are finished, place aside, add some olive oil to the pan and gently cook your celery and carrot for several minutes with a small amount of salt. Once finished, you are ready to combine everything into your cooking pot of choice. If you're using a cast iron pot, and you're luckier than me and have a gas-fired stovetop, you can cook it there (as is traditional), though I find the oven gives more consistency of temperature for slow-cooking. If using a regular pan on the stovetop that should be fine too, although my temperatures are given for oven cooking - ensure the pan is never bubbling much and it should be fine. Place the beef in a flat layer on the bottom of the pan you're using, then cover with the onions, carrots, celery and pancetta, then pour the stock sauce over the top. Transfer it to the stovetop or oven with a lid cracked open. Leave it cooking for as long as possible, at the lowest heat that is reasonable, checking every hour or two to stir and redistribute the contents around the beef a little (unless the pan is too full, then wait some hours until a little evaporation occurs. If you can be bothered, fish the bouquet and/or bay leaves out half-way through, as they've done their job, and add the second 100 ml of the wine half way, or two thirds of the way through. This seems weird and contrary to many similar recipes, but it is traditional (many recipes suggest adding some after an hour, and the rest nearer the end, but I prefer using some for deglazing). As with any stew, add water if it's getting dry.

Once you're satisfied it's finished, you can serve some immediately, but its flavours develop further if left to cool, then placed in a fridge overnight (as does chilli and other stews). To serve, shred the beef, and serve it with some sauce over a bed of rigatoni, ziti, or paccheri pasta (all are traditional, zitoni especially, but outside of Italy it can be hard to find), with parsley garnish and/or grated hard cheese of your preference. You can also garnish with some evoo if you don't want it to look as dry when served.

I find that most slow-cooked stew recipes suggest far too high temperatures (150 c [300 f] or more), and if you're committed to hitting 10 hours, 100 c or even 90 (200 f) is reasonable, and you can always turn the heat up a little towards the end. If you want to speed up the cook you can do in a couple of ways - just raise the temperature to those more often recommended numbers, and depending on the cut you might be able to squeeze the beef's cook time down to 4 hours, although it won't be perfect, and for tougher cuts like round/topside it's not recommended. Brisket would be ideal for this, as unlike chuck, it doesn't need lots of time to contribute fat to the sauce. You can also remove the beef once finished (you should be able to push a chopstick through without much resistance if it's done) and then turn the temperature up higher to reduce the onion sauce, but really you do benefit from a long cook-time in order to fully break down the onions into a rich, dark, gelatinous gravy. If you are reducing the onions separately, you can add the sherry vinegar during that stage instead of at the start. The umami ingredient fuckery is to try to balance the intense sweetness of the onions when fully cooked. Some recipes try to cheat this by including the same weight of onions as beef, but if you're going to make a famously onion-heavy dish, it is best to go full rctard imo, and cram as many as will fit in your pan. Don't be scared to press down on what is in the pan to fit even more in at the start. You can also use a mixture of pancetta and Salame Napoli (spiced salami), although despite the very slight heat helping to balance the dish even further, this may be an over-reverential step when you could just add a little more heat from any other source (a single small deseeded chilli pepper, a tiny pinch of chilli powder, splash of chilli oil, etc). If you find you have too much sauce by the end, it makes a wonderful addition to pasta all by itself, or as a topping to baked potatoes, a gravy for roast dinner, or anything you can think of. Like all stews, it freezes well. You can cut the carrots larger if you want the visual effect, or like boeuf bourguignon can cook the stew with whole carrots which are then discarded and replaced with fresher ones cut into the desired final shape towards the end of the cooking process, to give them more texture.

These are stolen from Google because I have ogre-like presentation skills, but if you succeed you should be able to produce tasty looking things like these:
If you have to slice onions really thin often, get a mandoline and a cutproof glove. It makes it super easy to get paper thin, julienne and waffle cuts. Then you can make pretty much anything with a lot less prep time.
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
If you have to slice onions really thin often, get a mandoline and a cutproof glove. It makes it super easy to get paper thin, julienne and waffle cuts. Then you can make pretty much anything with a lot less prep time.
Thank you :) To be honest mandolines have always terrified me but the cut-proof glove you mention sounds very intriguing - how is it like to use them, are they easy to clean/does it feel like wearing something intended for winter sports, or is there some dexterity to them? (I guess you hardly need dexterity for swiping, but it's useful to know.)

Do the blades need sharpening/replacing or is this not even worth thinking about for replaceable plastic items like these?
 

Sparklepants

Concerningly greasy
kiwifarms.net
Thank you :) To be honest mandolines have always terrified me but the cut-proof glove you mention sounds very intriguing - how is it like to use them, are they easy to clean/does it feel like wearing something intended for winter sports, or is there some dexterity to them? (I guess you hardly need dexterity for swiping, but it's useful to know.)

Do the blades need sharpening/replacing or is this not even worth thinking about for replaceable plastic items like these?
They’re like those thin winter gloves but made of Teflon mesh, they can be washed normally. There’s a little restriction to your hand movements but it doesn’t really make much of a difference. I think they’re better than the finger guards that come with a mandoline.

Blades, it depends. You can get a good mandoline that has replaceable or removable blades you can sharpen, or get a cheap one that’s meant to be tossed. I’d suggest a cheap one to see if you like it, and if you find yourself needing to replace the blade replace the mandoline with a nicer quality one that’s meant to be maintained. Just don’t put it in the dishwasher. Always hand wash blades.
 

dotONION

oohn
kiwifarms.net
Still new enough as a lurker to die laughing at the word filter for m.ilk in all of these recipes. Anyways, here's some sperging about making red sauce:

Most sauce recipes use one or two ingredients that are unnecessary. The first is added sugar, and the second is canned tomatoes. You don't need sugar in your sauce, that shit is for white normies. Use pork neck bones or shredded carrots. There's plenty of room to argue about canned San Marzano tomatoes vs fresh, and if you can somehow get fresh plum tomatoes, your sauce will be much better for it. But because plum tomatoes aren't commonly found in grocery stores, I feel that any fresh tomato is better than any canned because taste. The only "issue" is that if you use fresh tomatoes, you better be prepared to peel the tomatoes or use an immersion blender or whatever, unless you like sauce so rustic it will call you a wop.

Red Sauce
Ingredients:
-A shitload of tomatoes (I've used everything from heirloom to cherry. They all work, just get a bunch)
-One large onion (preference yellow, red is a zesty second choice)
-Garlic
-Pork neck bones OR carrots
-1 or 2 cans of tomato paste, depending on how thick you like it. Actually just get 2.
-Wine (red is my preference, some people use white, I've made this sauce with vermouth, fuck it)
-Olive oil
-Oregano
-Basil
-Parsley I guess if you are a pervert
-Pecorino romano or parmesan or asiago, etc, grated and/or shredded
-Salt and pepper

Prep:
-Open your wine and drink some. Do this periodically throughout the cooking process.
-Prepare your tomatoes, I don't know what kind you got. If you want to peel, blanch them. If you got big ones, chop them in big chunks, if you got cherry, cut them in half. You can put them in whole, I guess, but that's gonna take way longer. Expose some more cooking surface area on your tomatoes, is the point.
-Slice, dice, chop, or mince your garlic or use the jarred stuff.
-Slice, dice, chop or mince your onion.
-Shred your carrots, if need be.
-Dice some of your herbs, if you got fresh.

Cooking:
-Get your biggest LIDDED pot, and put it on the stove. Turn on the heat to somewhere in the medium-low to medium range. Warm the pot BEFORE putting in the olive oil.
-When the pot is warm, add two shots of olive oil, in memory of Sandra Lee, RIP.
-If using neckbones, wait for the oil to shimmer and throw them in. Get them browned as best you can on all sides. If not using neckbones, just go to the onion.
-Add the onion with a dash of salt and pepper.
-When the onion is beginning to turn transparent, add your garlic and saute for 2 or 3 minutes.
-Add your carrots, if required. Sometimes the carrots will quickly absorb all the moisture in the pot and dry shit out. This means you bought pre-shredded carrots. Add more oil and learn to not be lazy.
-Let those things cook for a minute or three. Then,
-Add the tomatoes, and a dash of salt and pepper.
-When that whole mess is finally back to cooking (it may take a while, depending on how juicy your tomatoes are), let it rock for a minute or two. You should have been stirring it now and then this whole time, feel like I shouldn't have to say that.
-Add a splash of wine, and righteously stir. If using neckbones, use a wodden spoon to scrape the bottom of the pot, if you can.
-Add a reasonable amount of your chosen herbs, and a then healthy amount of wine. Don't COVER the tomatoes with wine, but maybe...halfway up? Two thirds?
- Put the lid on and cook for a while, until the whole thing is bubbling strongly. Stir, and reduce the heat to the low end.
-Keep cooking and checking periodically. You will notice when the tomatoes begin to break down. Cook until you can easily crush a tomato with your wooden spoon. It could take an hour or more, nbd.
-BEST PART ALERT: If you used neck bones, pull those out and consume them. Just fuckin suck 'em, and lick 'em, and fuckin rim them and eat them and all that shit with your bare hands. Exercise your cook's rights. Nobody else gets to touch those, only you.
-Right now, your sauce is watery. Add a can of tomato paste, add a blast of your chosen cheese, another handful of herbs, stir, and keep cooking. But this time leave the pot with the lid cracked, or just no lid if you want things to move a little more quickly.
-Cook the sauce down until it's as thick as you like. It probably needs salt and pepper, so add it.
-Those are the main points. Now is your time to prepare the rest of your meal. Pasta, any cut of beef, make some bread, bake up some fish, grill some chicken, or just stand at the stove and dip bread slices into your sauce, it doesn't matter. You can also doctor the sauce up as you'd like. More herbs, more cheese, more tomato paste, it's all good.
-When the rest of your meal is done, the sauce will be ready. Serve as required. OR.

-The secret of the best red sauce is that it wasn't cooked the same day it was served. What you really wanna do is let your cooked sauce cool, then refrigerate it, and heat it up the next day, adding a little bit of water if it thickened too much. That shit will meld and be ten times better on day two.
 

ricecake

Immunocompromised Cougar
kiwifarms.net
Thank you :) To be honest mandolines have always terrified me but the cut-proof glove you mention sounds very intriguing - how is it like to use them, are they easy to clean/does it feel like wearing something intended for winter sports, or is there some dexterity to them? (I guess you hardly need dexterity for swiping, but it's useful to know.)

Do the blades need sharpening/replacing or is this not even worth thinking about for replaceable plastic items like these?
I wash my cutting glove with my dishes. Just throw it right in the soapy water to soak then rinse in hot water, maybe swish around in some vinegar if I was slicing onions. Ring it out and hang it to air dry in the kitchen.

If I threw mine in with dish towels it would be out of commission for the week since I drop off for wash and fold once a week. I can use it nightly if I wash it with dishes.
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Potato soup

Veg mass: celery, onion, a little less than double of potato, chopped (can be fine, but also doesn't need to be)
Butter or olive oil
Either one of, or 50/50 chicken/veg stock or cubes
1 bay leaf, parsley and thyme, or herbs of your choice
Black pepper, generous amount
Salt if needed (if using a stock cube, probably not)

Optional: 1 small clove garlic, few drops asian fish sauce

Gently cook veg in butter/oil (you can do 50/50 if you like) for 5-8 mins, add water/stock, simmer covered for up to 40 mins (20 is fine), blend.

You can turn this into a celery soup by using leek instead of potato (use larger quantity of celery than the other ingredients), or broccoli soup by replacing potato (discard the stems, and very finely dice the green heads because they don't blend very well). The latter goes well with blue cheese too (crumble it in at the end, possibly after blending to save making a mess), I will embrace petty nationalism and suggest Stilton for its slightly more robust tangy/peppery flavour over some softer/more creamy blues, but any is fine. You can add a little m!lk to any of these, but it's not necessary, especially with potato or celery, or if using cheese. I think a little pecorino romano might also work well with potato soup but have not tried - further reduce amount of salt used if adding cheese.
 
Last edited:

Smarmy

Hip jung Fräulein
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Slow Cooker Kielbasa Kapusta (kielbasa and sauerkraut)

INGREDIENTS
-3 rings kielbasa, chopped into 2-inch chunks
-32 oz sauerkraut (canned, bagged, home-fermented idgaf)
-2.5 cups chopped sweet yellow onion
-.5 cup light brown sugar, packed
-1.75 cups water
-1 tsp salt
-.5 tsp black pepper
-2 tbsp butter
-2 tbsp bacon fat
-paprika, to taste (optional)
-chopped bacon (optional)

DIRECTIONS

-Rinse the sauerkraut thoroughly, then dump into crock pot
-Melt the butter and bacon fat in a medium-large pan
-Add chopped onions and fry until translucent
-While onions are frying, add the rest of the ingredients to the crock pot
-Dump the onions into the crock pot and give everything a little stir until it's incorporated
-Cook on high for 5 hours, or on low for 7-8 hours. Stir occasionally and add water as needed

OPTIONAL

-Paprika can be added while frying onions, or added straight to the crock pot. Or both. Whichever you fancy
-Chopped bacon can be added really whenever you feel like it. At the beginning to make them pretty soft, about an hour before it's ready to keep them firmer but still warm, or as an extra little topping when served.

I cooked mine on high for 5 hours, and the kielbasa turned out very tender. It makes your home smell like farts at first, but once you cook it, it's fine.
 

instythot

kiwifarms.net
I was craving something different than usual for my traditional nice Sunday breakfast this morning, so I took a simple dish, mixed in a few non-standard ingredients and it turned out way better than expected.

Matcha crepes

1 cup 2% or whole milk (homo for the leaves)
1/2 cup all purpose flour
A tablespoon of sugar
1 egg
Pinch of salt
Approximately a tablespoon of melted butter
Shot of a spirit. I prefer schapps for crepes, many say dark rum
2 heaping teaspoons of matcha powder

Blend well. Cook crepes on the stove at medium high in a large pan, 1 crepe at a time, lightly buttering before each crepe. About 1/3 cup of batter makes for a nicely sized crepe.

When the crepe is bubbly and browned at the edges, loosen it from the pan with a spatula and invert the pan over a paper towel to remove. Do not flip crepes, they are not pancakes

Now, you have a stack of crepes with a deep green color and a nice green tea flavor. Good flavor matches for filling are adzuki, a sweet red bean paste and/or a firm custard (creme brulee consistency or firmer) that you prepared the night before. Go light on the red beans or you'll mostly taste them

The whole thing should take about a half hour to 40 minutes if the custard was already pepared
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
A couple of versions of roasted potatoes:

Halve some general-purpose (or fancy) medium-sized potatoes, peel them if you like (if you leave the skins on, some will separate when cooked, going black and requiring removing, but it takes five seconds).

Boil a pan of salted water, add the potatoes, then simmer on a med-low heat for 10-20 mins until a sharp knife goes through them without resistance.

Preheat a good amount of rapeseed/canola oil in the oven on a tray (the higher the tray walls, the slower the potatoes will cook, but potentially the more evenly they will cook - a deep roasting dish is useful).

Once the potatoes are done, drain the pan, and put them back on the heat with the pan lid closed for 10-20 seconds to remove the last traces of moisture, then salt & pepper them, and close the lid again, shaking the pan gently to tenderise them (I don't know a better word to describe this). Ensure they don't begin to fall apart.

Using a spoon, place them in the preheated tray, shake them around a little bit, then turn them each over to ensure oil coverage. Add more salt & pepper if you like.

Cook at 170-200 c (340-390 f) for 40-60 mins, turning them every 15-20 minutes until they look nice., The only visual guide you need is if they turn too dark, stop cooking them.

Use the same method as version 1, but use duck or goose fat instead of oil. This adds a considerable amount of flavour, helps them go more crispy, and you can reuse the fat remaining in the tray if you pour it into a jar.

You might want to introduce some rosemary and thyme sprigs as well if you're already making specific purchases like the fat. Add them half-way through if you prefer, then discard at the end. If they leave a few charred leaves it doesn't hurt the flavour.

Use the same method as version 1 or 2, but instead of shaking the cooked potatoes in the pan (which would make them too fragile to work any further), stir them through a bowl with this mixture, spooning any remnants over the top when in the roasting tray:

Rapeseed/canola oil, garlic, rosemary, anchovy fillets, lemon zest, kosher salt, peppercorns, fennel seeds (optional). Either chop/mash on a board, or in a pestle and mortar (don't add the oil until decanted into the mixing bowl). Ingredient balance really doesn't matter and comes down to preference, and don't feel that you have to produce so much that you give the potatoes a crust, just having some coverage and the rest infusing the cooking oil will show results. The anchovy adds umami/stock flavour, and they won't taste of fish, I assure you.

Use the same method as version 1 or 2, but instead of shaking the cooked potatoes in the pan, place the potatoes in a wide and shallow preheated tray with oil/fat inside, and gently squash them using a small pan lid, the back of a spatula, etc, until a couple of cms thick - don't over-flatten. Carefully flip half-way through cooking using a plastic or silicone spatula. You might want to lower the cooking time for this one. You might also want to use whole rather than halved potatoes if you want big 'patties'.
 
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CivilianOfTheFandomWars

We Have A Winner!
kiwifarms.net
Are you poor as fuck and want dessert? Then I have just the thing.
Civilian’s Go Fuck Yourself Dutch Baby
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup milk
3 eggs
1 tbsp sugar
Sprinkle of cinnamon is optional
Half stick of butter

Step 1: Mix everything but the butter until smooth.
Step 2: Melt butter in an oven-safe pan until foamy. Cast iron is preferred.
Step 3: Pour batter into foamy butter pan.
Step 4: Place pan into a 425 Fahrenheit oven for 20 minutes. Then reduce heat to 350 for 5 more minutes.
Step 5: Cover with whatever the hell you want. Fruit, jams, powdered sugar, you name it.
Step 6: Eat it all by yourself because you live alone and are sad.

I like to add some cinnamon to the batter, I think it adds a nice flavor to an otherwise basic pancake thing. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s my go to for a dessert that I don’t have to go to the store for.
 
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instythot

kiwifarms.net
Are you poor as fuck and want dessert?Then I have just the thing.
Civilian’s Go Fuck Yourself Dutch Baby
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup tard cum
3 eggs
1 tbsp sugar
Sprinkle of cinnamon is optional
Half stick of butter

Step 1: Mix everything but the butter until smooth.
Step 2: Melt butter in an oven-safe pan until foamy. Cast iron is preferred.
Step 3: Pour batter into foamy butter pan.
Step 4: Place pan into a 425 Fahrenheit oven for 20 minutes. Then reduce heat to 350 for 5 more minutes.
Step 5: Cover with whatever the hell you want. Fruit, jams, powdered sugar, you name it.
Step 6: Eat it all by yourself because you live alone and are sad.

I like to add some cinnamon to the batter, I think it adds a nice flavor to an otherwise basic pancake thing. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s my go to for a dessert that I don’t have to go to the store for.
A nice topping for this would be a thinly sliced apple cooked in some butter, brown sugar, cinnamon, a generous pinch of salt, a shot of liquor and maybe some cloves. By the time the pancake is ready to come out of the oven, your apple topping should be nice and soft
 

instythot

kiwifarms.net
Are you poor as fuck and want dessert? Then I have just the thing.
Civilian’s Go Fuck Yourself Dutch Baby
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup tard cum
3 eggs
1 tbsp sugar
Sprinkle of cinnamon is optional
Half stick of butter

Step 1: Mix everything but the butter until smooth.
Step 2: Melt butter in an oven-safe pan until foamy. Cast iron is preferred.
Step 3: Pour batter into foamy butter pan.
Step 4: Place pan into a 425 Fahrenheit oven for 20 minutes. Then reduce heat to 350 for 5 more minutes.
Step 5: Cover with whatever the hell you want. Fruit, jams, powdered sugar, you name it.
Step 6: Eat it all by yourself because you live alone and are sad.

I like to add some cinnamon to the batter, I think it adds a nice flavor to an otherwise basic pancake thing. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s my go to for a dessert that I don’t have to go to the store for.
I tried this out with the apple topping idea yesterday. Recommended and easy!
 

Man vs persistent rat

A good egg is a nice person
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Fast but full-flavoured chili using one pan and leftover/frozen stuff you'll probably have laying around:

Prep/cook time 1 hr total

Dried chili peppers (c. 1/15th deseeded weight of the meat, ideally an complimentary mix of types)
Cumin seeds (1-2 tsp)
Onion (med)
Oregano (1 tsp)
Chorizo (optional)
Garlic (2 cloves)
300g pack sausages (fancy ones with some added flavour inside them would be a bonus - onion, leek, herb, etc)
Leftover wine/whisky/beer/coffee in a pinch
Chicken stock (or a watered down stock cube/stock pot)
Sherry vinegar (or any other cooking vinegar)
Asian fish sauce/Worcester sauce (optional - a few splashes)
Cinnamon/allspice (optional - tiny amount)
Kosher salt

Deseed and open chili peppers. Toast them in a wide frying pan/saute pan, remove and dice with a beater knife, rinse them, then soak in hot water for 30 mins. Toast cumin seeds and place aside.

Finely chop and cook onions in rapeseed/canola oil for 5-10 mins, add oregano, add the garlic and cook gently for 1 min. If you're using chorizo add halfway through. Once finished, empty the pan into a bowl, then fry the sausages on med-high until exteriors and pan somewhat coloured (don't cook them through). You can carefully flip them over for even-coverage but shaking them around the pan every 30 seconds for several mins is more satisfying. Remove sausages and chop into quarters, deglaze the empty pan with alcohol/stock and reduce a little on high heat.

Drain chilli peppers, add them, the cumin seeds, and some water into a blender and puree a little, then add to the pan. You can also use an immersion blender in the pan, but it's harder since the pan is wide-shallow, so you'll need to add a fair bit of water (which you can aggressively reduce before leaving the meal to cook). If you don't have a blender, just dice them extra small before soaking. Depending how bitter the broth from the soaked peppers is, you might want to add some, all, or none of it. Add chopped sausages, salt, and cinnamon (if using). Simmer gently for 30 mins, adding a drained tin of beans 15 mins from the end. At this point it's done, but the sausages can withstand hours on a low temp if you prefer, and like any chilli its flavour will improve with refrigerated overnight.

Basically use the method of making a chilli the 'proper' way, but you don't need to slow-cook it because you're not using regular cuts of meat. It's surprisingly nice. You can also cook it in very small/manageable quantities vs gigantic slow-cooks, which encourage you to make a ton.
 
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  • Informative
Reactions: instythot

Pizza Time

You serious?
kiwifarms.net
Penne with Italian Sausage and Peppers
Yields 4 servings, about 630 calories each

1576686243751.png

Ingredients
  • 16 oz Hunt's tomato sauce with basil, garlic, & oregano
  • 0.5 cups Parmesan cheese (or more, to taste)
  • 1 tbsp fresh parlsey
  • Olive oil for stir frying vegetables
  • 1-2 cloves minced garlic (as to your liking)
  • 16oz Ground Italian sausage (I prefer sweet because I'm a pussy, but any type of Italian sausage should work)
  • 1 red bell pepper (alternatively 1/2 red bell pepper and 1/2 green bell pepper, if you like the bitterness of green as well)
  • 1 yellow onion
  • 4 cups dry Penne (or pasta of choice, I recommend penne though)
Process
  1. Start boiling your water while you prep the meat and vegetables.
  2. Slice onion and bell pepper into bite-sized strips
  3. Prep your sausage, separating it into bite sized chunks or forming meatballs. It's easier to make chunks before putting it in the pan in my experience since ground sausage doesn't separate as easily in the pan as ground beef does.
  4. Stir fry the onion and peppers in a little bit of olive oil on medium high heat
  5. When the onions get transparent, start cooking your pasta in your pot of water. Add sausage to the frying pan and cook.
  6. When the sausage is about halfway done, add minced garlic and cook until fragrant
  7. When sausage is fully cooked, add tomato sauce and lower the heat to low, bringing the sauce to a simmer and stirring to coat the sausage and peppers
  8. When the pasta is done, drain and turn off the heat to the pan before adding pasta. Optionally add some pasta water if the sauce needs to be thinned out.
  9. Mix in parmesan cheese and parsley
  10. Serve, optionally garnishing with more cheese or parlsey
This is my first time writing a recipe, I hope it's understandable.
 

PaniniMan

Christmas Edition
kiwifarms.net
Penne with Italian Sausage and Peppers
Yields 4 servings, about 630 calories each


Ingredients
  • 16 oz Hunt's tomato sauce with basil, garlic, & oregano
  • 0.5 cups Parmesan cheese (or more, to taste)
  • 1 tbsp fresh parlsey
  • Olive oil for stir frying vegetables
  • 1-2 cloves minced garlic (as to your liking)
  • 16oz Ground Italian sausage (I prefer sweet because I'm a pussy, but any type of Italian sausage should work)
  • 1 red bell pepper (alternatively 1/2 red bell pepper and 1/2 green bell pepper, if you like the bitterness of green as well)
  • 1 yellow onion
  • 4 cups dry Penne (or pasta of choice, I recommend penne though)
Process
  1. Start boiling your water while you prep the meat and vegetables.
  2. Slice onion and bell pepper into bite-sized strips
  3. Prep your sausage, separating it into bite sized chunks or forming meatballs. It's easier to make chunks before putting it in the pan in my experience since ground sausage doesn't separate as easily in the pan as ground beef does.
  4. Stir fry the onion and peppers in a little bit of olive oil on medium high heat
  5. When the onions get transparent, start cooking your pasta in your pot of water. Add sausage to the frying pan and cook.
  6. When the sausage is about halfway done, add minced garlic and cook until fragrant
  7. When sausage is fully cooked, add tomato sauce and lower the heat to low, bringing the sauce to a simmer and stirring to coat the sausage and peppers
  8. When the pasta is done, drain and turn off the heat to the pan before adding pasta. Optionally add some pasta water if the sauce needs to be thinned out.
  9. Mix in parmesan cheese and parsley
  10. Serve, optionally garnishing with more cheese or parlsey
This is my first time writing a recipe, I hope it's understandable.
While I don't doubt that this might taste good, I have to say, it looks like actual dog puke.

Are you poor as fuck and want dessert? Then I have just the thing.
Civilian’s Go Fuck Yourself Dutch Baby
1/2 cup flour
1/2 cup tard cum
3 eggs
1 tbsp sugar
Sprinkle of cinnamon is optional
Half stick of butter

Step 1: Mix everything but the butter until smooth.
Step 2: Melt butter in an oven-safe pan until foamy. Cast iron is preferred.
Step 3: Pour batter into foamy butter pan.
Step 4: Place pan into a 425 Fahrenheit oven for 20 minutes. Then reduce heat to 350 for 5 more minutes.
Step 5: Cover with whatever the hell you want. Fruit, jams, powdered sugar, you name it.
Step 6: Eat it all by yourself because you live alone and are sad.

I like to add some cinnamon to the batter, I think it adds a nice flavor to an otherwise basic pancake thing. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it’s my go to for a dessert that I don’t have to go to the store for.
"1/2 cup tard cum" Lmao