KiwiFarms Open Recipe Book -

Do you cook much?

  • Never

    Votes: 6 1.2%
  • Rarely

    Votes: 43 8.5%
  • Sometimes

    Votes: 140 27.8%
  • Often

    Votes: 271 53.8%
  • ...Do hotpockets count?

    Votes: 44 8.7%

  • Total voters


ASBO Enthusiast
True & Honest Fan
Memes aside, Gordon Ramsay is really good at explaining a dish with incredible brevity. I'll give this a shot.

My favorite is his steak video.

Two and a half minutes and has all you really need to know not to fuck up steak any more.

My favorite tip from this that I now never skip is starting by searing the side of the steak enough to render a bit of the fat, so that you can then fry it in its own fat.
I think he explains things really well and makes it accessible for people of all levels. I've picked up lots of tips from watching his basics videos, stuff that you wouldn't pick up from reading a recipe.
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Do want a grilled cheese sandwhich? Do you also want a pizza? Why not have both?

Grilled Pizza Sandwich
  • Toast and butter bread.
  • Use 2 slices of provolone cheese.
  • Put pizza sauce in between the cheese.
  • Fry until cheese is melted.
It's nothing revolutionary, but I enjoying making them once in a while!
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True & Honest Fan
Retired Staff
Do want a grilled cheese sandwhich? Do you also want a pizza? Why not have both?

Grilled Pizza Sandwich
  • Toast and butter bread.
  • Use 2 slices of provolone cheese.
  • Put pizza sauce in between the cheese.
  • Fry until cheese is melted.
It's nothing revolutionary, but I enjoying making them once in a while!
Something I do with grilled cheese I haven't seen anyone else do is toast the inside, too. I start by toasting both slices of bread while the stovetop is heating up, until they're nicely browned. Then I put the cheese on the now-hot inside, add more butter, put it back in the skillet, and flip it once. Once the stovetop is heated up, the final step just takes a couple minutes.

Also the cheese starts melting instantly on contact with the toast so it is gooey and melted by the time it's toasted on the outside.


Hip jung Fräulein
True & Honest Fan
My mom is going through my grandmother's old recipe book and sending me some of her favorites from when she was growing up. This recipe is apparently for a WWII Era cake that was the go-to cake for everything. It's super dense, but apparently also super good.

(Grand)Mom's Wacky Cake

  • 3 cups flour
  • 5 heaping tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 2 cups sugar
  • 2 teaspoons baking soda
  • 1 teaspoon salt
  • 10 tablespoons oil
  • 2 tablespoons vinegar
  • 2 teaspoons vanilla
  • 2 cups cold water
  1. Preheat oven to 325 F
  2. Combine flour, cocoa powder, sugar, baking soda, and salt
  3. Create three wells in the dry mixture, and put oil in one, vinegar in one, and vanilla in one
  4. Pour cold water over everything, and then stir to combine
  5. Pour batter into UNGREASED pan
  6. Bake for 45 minutes

  • 2 cups powdered sugar, sifted
  • 1/8 cup butter
  • 1/8 cup shortening
  • 1 egg
  • 3 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • Millk
  1. Cream ingredients together to make a buttercream
  2. Add milk if necessary to reach a "spreading consistency"


I'm goin' WEAST
I make this shit when I'm alone and have a lot of time. Which is all the time now.
Serves one of course
1 skinless and boneless chicken breast
Salt and pepper
1 thin slice ham
1 thin slice cheddar or swiss
1/8 tsp dry thyme leaves. Or if you grow that shit, 2 tsp fresh thyme leaves
1/4 cup flour (all purpose)
1 cup breadcrumbs
1 egg
1 tsp water or: tears of your enemies

preheat the oven to 350 degrees (Fahrenheit)
cover the chicken breast using two pieces of plastic wrap
using a meat mallet or any other hammer like object, attack the chicken gently til the thickness of the chicken is 1/4 inch
don't fucking smash it unless you want it to tear
lay the cheese slice on the chicken, then adding the ham. if you want more cheese add another slice of cheese to the ham
tuck in the chicken and roll that shit tight like a joint
put flour, egg and breadcrumbs in separate bowls. do it: dry(flour)-wet(egg)-dry (breadcrumbs)
season flour with salt and pepper.
season breadcrumbs with the thyme, salt, pepper, and whatever other spices you want i aint picky
beat eggs with the water, til it is watery as fuck
do the dry-wet-dry thing with the chicken before placing it into a hot very-oiled pan. do NOT use the same hand when doing the dry-wet-dry procedure unless you wanna wash breading off your hands
cook the chicken in the oil until lightly browned. put it on an oven proof pan and bake it in the oven until firm and medium brown.

1 batch

1 beaten egg
1 cup millk
10 tbsp cake flour (makes it light as fuck)
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
whatever spice you want (i like paprika)

combine egg and millk
mix all dry ingredients
add drys to egg millk
mix well
should be like pancake batter
dip veggies in and fry that shit. fucking delicious
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Ki ki ki ma ma ma
Ever felt like embracing your inner Hannibal lecter?

1 veal calf brain
1 veal sweet breads (thyroid and pancreas)

1 tbs of kosher salt
3 cups water
2 cups mïlk
A bit of olive oil
3 cups Panko or tempura grade bread crumbs
A few sprigs of whole rosemary
A dash of pepper to taste

Soak the calf brains and sweet breads in a brine of the salt water for 20 mins chilled, drain soak in the mîlk bath but do not drain. Grease a skillet with the oil and heat over low to medium heat. Move the meat from the mïlk wash to the bread crumbs and delicately bread lightly coated. Once coated add the rosemary to the oil until they release a fragrance. Lightly saute the meats in oil until the coating turns golden but do NOT over cook especially the brains as over cooking will cause shrinkage. Move to a plate and serve with fava bean paste on Melba toast and a light crisp white wine like Chianti.
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Least Concern

Pretend I have a waifu avatar like everyone else
I found this easy-ass mac and cheese recipe a few weeks back and have made it twice since, and both times it was great.

tl:dw; Roughly equal parts of noodles (it doesn't have to be macaroni but some sort of short stubby pasta is best), evaporated m-ilk (not condensed m-ilk; if you think you might get it mixed up, check the label before buying. If it has some sort of sweetener in it, put it back on the shelf and buy the other thing), and grated hard cheese. I used pepper-jack for the cheese once, and that was good, but the next time I did it with half pepper-jack and half cheddar, and that was better. I also fried up some bacon, chopped that up, and mixed it in on the second batch for some more flavor.

Put the pasta in a pot and cover it with cold salted water (don't add too much water). Bring to a boil. Once most of the water has evaporated and it's just the al-dente-ish pasta in a thick starch slurry, toss in the evaporated m-ilk and cheese (don't drain the pasta). The evaporated m-ilk will let the cheese melt into something more similar to a cheese sauce than you get from just melting a non-processed cheese by itself. Stir frequently until it's recognizable mac and cheese, tossing in your mix-ins along the way.

The prep time doesn't take that long, and the cook time is pretty much the same as a boxed mac and cheese, but with a much better result. I definitely recommend this if you want a quick side for your main dish. It refrigerates and microwaves well so you can make a big batch and eat it over a few days.
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Orion Balls

Sorry Wendy, I love my hat girl.
Dump Cobbler

In a small bowl, mix together:
-1c flour
-2t baking powder
-1/2t salt

In a second small bowl, whisk up:
-1c milk
-2t vanilla extract

In a third, larger bowl, combine:
-4T softened unsalted butter
-1c gran sugar.
Cream with hand mixer about two minutes.
Incorporate dry ingredients and wet ingredients to the bowl in two batches.
Pour mixture into greased 9x13" pan.

Sprinkle over the dough:
-4c Whatever fruit you want, plus whatever bit of seasoning you like on it. (Blueberries with lemon zest and OJ is great! Frozen Blackberries will dissolve, so it's not recommend.)
-1/2c gran sugar
-4T softened unsalted butter, dotted on surface

-1c boiling water
Over the entire thing

Bake at 350°F for 45 mins, or until golden.

Easy peasy cobbler.

I found a youtube channel for this woman named Maangchi, and she does Korean cooking. I really want to try her recipes one day, but even if I never get around to it, her videos are just so pleasant to watch. Figured I'd share
Cooking Korean Food with Maangchi

Here's a video recipe for Bo-ssam:
Maangchi is amazing. I've tried many of her recipes, never been disappointed. And, you're right, she's just so pleasant and the video quality is very good.

Maangchi is amazing. I've tried many of her recipes, never been disappointed. And, you're right, she's just so pleasant and the video quality is very good.
I tried watching a couple and found too much talking about cooking and looking young, and not nearly enough actual cooking. But I also miss when food channels on cable were instructional rather than competition shows centered around ingredients nobody wants

Mr. Skeltal

Calcium fortified at your own risk
Mr. Skeltal's Aromatic Pork Roast

1 center cut pork loin roast (~2lbs)
3-6 stalks of Celery
3-6 Carrots
1 Onion
1 Shallot
1 Fennel bulb
Fresh Parsley
Fresh Thyme
2 tbsp Butter (Margarine works as well)
2.5 fluid ounces White Wine
2.5 fluid ounces Chicken Stock

Ground Sage

Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit.
Heat butter/margarine in a medium sized Dutch oven over medium high heat.
Peel and roughly chop vegetables.
Pat roast dry and coat with salt, pepper, and ground sage.
Sear roast until all sides are a golden brown. Set aside roast.
Chop parsley and strip thyme leaves.
Place vegetables into Dutch oven and saute until aromatic.
Add herbs.
Deglaze with wine, stirring regularly.
Add chicken stock, bring to simmer.
Reintroduce pork roast fat cap up and nestle into vegetables.
Cover, place into 350°F oven for 45 minutes.
After 45 minutes have elapsed, check on roast, measuring temperature if necessary (185°F internal).
Remove lid, set oven to broil and set timer for 5 minutes.
Remove from oven, remove roast from pan and let rest for 10 minutes.
Cut and serve warm with roasting vegetables.
Here's a recipe for the Pimento Loaf- Mortadella Combo Panini
Ingredients -
2 slices of Mortadella
1 slice of Pimento loaf
2 slices of Provolone
1 tortilla wrap
A Panini presser (or a George Foreman Grill)

Process -
First, Place your tortilla wrap onto a paper towel
then put down the 2 slices of provolone in the middle
After that, place the slice of pimento loaf on top of the provolone
After that, put one slice of mortadella on the left side of the wrap
and the other slice on the right side. When you are done, roll the tortilla up.
After which, spray the panini presser with cooking spray (Recommended for best results: PAM spray)
then turn on the presser, and place your wrapped tortilla in the presser.
Wait about a minute for it to done, then take it out of the presser using a spatula or a fork
and put it on a place. When you are done, you can enjoy your pimento loaf- mortadella combo panini.
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Hip jung Fräulein
True & Honest Fan
Low Carb Mashed Cauliflower with Cashews

-1 head cauliflower
-1 13.5 oz can coconut milk
-2 handfuls cashews
-salt, to taste
-nutmeg, to taste

1. Soak cashews in cold water for up to 4 hours. Drain, and then add to a mess/large sauce pan (or pot, whichever works best for you)
2. Chop cauliflower into florets and add to pan
3. Add coconut milk, then set to boil. I prefer to cover the pan so that it cooks faster.
4. Boil until cauliflower is pretty soft. You don’t want to cook it to death, but you want it soft all the way through.
5. Turn off heat, and either mash with a potato masher, or blend in a food processor or blender until mostly smooth.
6. Add salt and nutmeg, then blend/mash until smooth. It’s going to have a texture, but you don’t want big clumps of cauliflower or cashews.
7. Repeat seasoning/blend until it suits your taste.

If you don’t like coconut milk, you can use 1.75 cups of heavy cream. Nutmeg is also optional, but it goes really well with the nutty flavor the cashews add.
Makes a shit ton. Plenty for leftovers.