Lack of self improvement in people. - Why are people happy with being horrible?

[ZeCommissar]

Alright so one thing that kinda bugs me is that they are many many people in the world and society at large that just don't do anything to improve themselves in any way, shape, or form at all. Honestly just click on the Lolcows subforum and you already get all the examples you ever need, but i'm going to give a few anyway.

The fat acceptance movement is a pretty prominent one. While shaming people so harshly that they literally become anorexic isn't the way to go, but just letting 300 pound Jane do nothing all day because people are "healthy at any size" is perhaps even worse. Now Jane thinks she's the one that's in the right with staying fat, the doctors that warn her are just being bigots, and now Jane just gained 50 more pounds and died of a heart attack a few years later.

Incels are yet another example of this. "Chad is literally living life on easy mode. If I just had a few millimeters of bone in my Jaw I too could live a perfect life. What's the point of anything now?"

There are also those that just stay on welfare for years using other peoples money instead of being on their own two feet with a stable job, house, and employment. I do not believe welfare in itself is a bad thing, but people that game the system do exist. Most of us also know plenty of people who have been stuck in a "rut" in life for the past.......few decades that they don't try to get out of.

To be honest these extreme examples aren't the only ones. More minor examples do exist like everyone on this planet including you and me. Everyone has something they want to improve but don't for some reason or another. Maybe you are procrastinating, maybe you have low self-esteem and don't think it will work. We all have something we want but just don't have.

Why? If you know what you want, and the steps you probably need to take to get started then what's stopping you? What about the more extreme examples listed above? Is it something more natural like instant gratification at work, or something more sinister like the way our society is run?

 

[Rand /pol/]

'cause self improvement is for gays and I like sleeping in and not having a job.

 

[Bugs_Galore]

Because self-improvement requires you to look in the mirror and admit you have flaws, and that those flaws are nobodies fault except your own. That's no easy task, especially when those faults are deeply ingrained in your behaviors and actions. It is infinitely easier both physically and mentally to cast blame for your problems onto someone or something else.

Are you fat? Well, it's not YOUR fault you eat like shit, it's societies fault for not loving your big beautiful body!

Do you have acne? Why waste time buying expensive creams and taking the time out of your day to develop a regimen to cure your acne when you could blame women for not liking your disgusting greasy face!

Did you flunk out of college? Don't worry, you're not dumb. The institution is just bigoted and racist!

You can play the game a million different ways. But at the end of the day, the simple fact is that casting blame onto others is always easier than taking personal responsibility for your faults.

 

[Classist.]

Well I think that most of the issues you just listed are coping mechanisms or self justifications. It's really sad to see someone, especially a friend or family member, succumb to whatever mental or physical issues they have instead of trying to overcome them. I sometimes think that the defining characteristic of a Lolcow is in the delusional way that they react to the realities of their lives, instead of confronting them or even slowly chipping away at them. I don't think that it's 100% the individuals fault, I've seen first hand that parents/role models/friends/culture can have a dramatic effect on whether someone seeks help or decends deeper into the pit of autistic despair and delusion.

 

[The Shadow]

The funny thing is, self improvement feels fantastic. Noticing newly developed and toned muscle? Being able to paint a nice landscape, or play a song on the guitar that you couldn't play before? Accomplishment feels great. You're setting yourself up for a bland life if you never make an improvement. And I'm not saying with any of those examples you need to become a legendary athlete or painter or musician- just do it for yourself, to give yourself something to be proud of.

Part of the problem is the insane "it's everyone's fault but mine" mentality. It's like drowning yourself just because no one is jumping in to save you.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Self-improvement is hard and often involves out of the box thinking you might not get from anybody. Plus, being a loser and going up from there is hard even without the internet. Most of the people you meet will be utterly dismissive of you, the ones you want to keep talking with never stay and for when you're dragging yourself through muck in an attempt but not really advancing, the failure sticks with you in your mind and theirs forever. Hell, most people dont even know why they should bother. Society is a barely improvised crapshoot, the funniest communities are constantly shuffling (military, LEO, trades, government, big cities, etc.) the bread and butter ones are usually just bread and butter and your family is likely a den of resentment. You could say for your sake but as much as like myself the guy can last without dealing with too much so why bother?

 

[Clop]

It's not just people who need to admit they have faults, it's the people who see nothing but fault in themselves. You get a dad who hits you and a mom who calls you a tard and you just so happen to get also teachers who call you a satanist for listening to music to ease the pain for five minutes, and you've got yourself a kid who's set up to think for life that everyone hates them and if you just die in a hole somewhere bothering nobody it'll be worth the money to everyone.

 

[Marissa Moira]

It's not just people who need to admit they have faults, it's the people who see nothing but fault in themselves. You get a dad who hits you and a mom who calls you a tard and you just so happen to get also teachers who call you a satanist for listening to music to ease the pain for five minutes, and you've got yourself a kid who's set up to think for life that everyone hates them and if you just die in a hole somewhere bothering nobody it'll be worth the money to everyone.

Have you seen the rent prices for holes recently?

They're through the roof, fucking boomers bought them all for an investment.

 

[Clop]

Have you seen the rent prices for holes recently?

They're through the roof, fucking boomers bought them all for an investment.

Nonsense. What kind of a hole has a roof? The US must be made of money.

 

[Marissa Moira]

Self-improvement is hard and often involves out of the box thinking you might not get from anybody. Plus, being a loser and going up from there is hard even without the internet. Most of the people you meet will be utterly dismissive of you, the ones you want to keep talking with never stay and for when you're dragging yourself through muck in an attempt but not really advancing, the failure sticks with you in your mind and theirs forever. Hell, most people dont even know why they should bother. Society is a barely improvised crapshoot, the funniest communities are constantly shuffling (military, LEO, trades, government, big cities, etc.) the bread and butter ones are usually just bread and butter and your family is likely a den of resentment. You could say for your sake but as much as like myself the guy can last without dealing with too much so why bother?

There's a specific mentality you need to have in order to function as a loner, but it basically boils down to you can hate yourself all you want but you must never give up.

 

[Sīn the Moon Daddy]

There's a specific mentality you need to have in order to function as a loner, but it basically boils down to you can hate yourself all you want but you must never give up.

Very well said. I'm a big fan of yours.

 

[NN 401]

Many people get very comfortable with their misery.
Just ask beaten house wives/husbands.

The problem is that self improvement is a grind and most people aren’t taught how to deal with failure and be persistent in the face of it.

Here’s another factoid sometimes improving your situation and making a real change to your life can make things worse in the short term. People anticipate this subconsciously.

Confronted your abusive parents who beat you every night?

Great! But now they kicked you out of the house and you have to go live in a group home until you can find your own place.

Oh and they threw away all your stuff. Emptied your bank account etc.

In hindsight enduring extreme discomfort to end up in better situation is totally worth it.


However...At the time all this shit is happening you literally have no idea how it’s going to work out.

So... laziness combined with fear.

 

[Shadfan666xxx000]

Many people get very comfortable with their misery.
Just ask beaten house wives/husbands.

The problem is that self improvement is a grind and most people aren’t taught how to deal with failure and be persistent in the face of it.

Here’s another factoid sometimes improving your situation and making a real change to your life can make things worse in the short term. People anticipate this subconsciously.

Confronted your abusive parents who beat you every night?

Great! But now they kicked you out of the house and you have to go live in a group home until you can find your own place.

Oh and they threw away all your stuff. Emptied your bank account etc.

In hindsight enduring extreme discomfort to end up in better situation is totally worth it.


However...At the time all this shit is happening you literally have no idea how it’s going to work out.

So... laziness combined with fear.

Even then, society has a literal reset button for you: military and buttbusting for a bullshit work job with a trade opportunity might honestly be waiting around the corner. Lie about your autism and asthma and the military will basically drag you into a job slot to recoup the investment. Bitch work in a warehouse can lead to you becoming a mechanic and if you have the smarts AND work ethic (very important you have both) a free ride can get you cloistered in an ivory tower or bitching over the first two options.

 

[Vorhtbame]

On the whole, it's because people who naturally take a long view of time, and the potential impacts of their decisions over the long term, are an extreme minority. Most have to be taught, by direct teaching or by screwing up.

For example: Investing thirty minutes a day, most days, into exercise is thirty minutes you can't play Candy Crush or watch Game of Porns or gossip. But it means your active time is more energetic and productive, your active time is longer (because you sleep more deeply, your body becomes more efficient at repair, less repair to be done, etc.), and the number of years you'll be energetic and productive increases.

But people don't think that far out, and they don't think in terms of nuance; they just tend to think "Oh, I should exercise because 'it's good for me'. But...no, I already work so hard and I'm just stressed out, and eating a pound of chocolate while I watch Game of Porns makes me feel immediately better, so I'm going for that."

If you can't convince someone that there will be lasting consequences, much less that they should be concerned about those consequences, then they will do what they naturally do. And most people are averse to change anyway, which is a whole 'nother can of worms.

 

[Piss Clam]

Do you have acne? Why waste time buying expensive creams and taking the time out of your day to develop a regimen to cure your acne when you could blame women for not liking your disgusting greasy face!

This bothers me. Just go to a dermatologist. They will prescribe medications that will actually help you instead of the over the counter crap.

When I was a teenager I was subscribed accutane. Cleared the shit up in a few weeks and lasts your lifetime.

Isotretinoin - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

 

[NN 401]

Even then, society has a literal reset button for you: military and buttbusting for a bullshit work job with a trade opportunity might honestly be waiting around the corner. Lie about your autism and asthma and the military will basically drag you into a job slot to recoup the investment. Bitch work in a warehouse can lead to you becoming a mechanic and if you have the smarts AND work ethic (very important you have both) a free ride can get you cloistered in an ivory tower or bitching over the first two options.

You are not wrong.

I was speaking more to a mindset or learned helplessness.

On a subconscious level you have to want to get better more than you want things to stay the same



Also, recognizing that you suck at something and having to give authority over to an institution like the military means having a level of self assessment most people haven’t been inculcated with.

There’s also ignorance.
There are people drowning in student loan debt right now who don’t know that enlisting in the military can drop a fat ass signing bonus in your lap. 20k to 30k.

Bye bye student loans.

All they’ve ever heard are condescending screeds from Hollywood about ptsd and killing brown people.

Their peers and parents are ignorant and discourage them.

 

[Sprig of Parsley]

It's going to vary wildly from person to person, but I'm sure it's very easy for some to resign themselves to mediocrity or worse if they're surrounded by people who have already done so. Breaking out of that becomes even harder when all those peers go crabs-in-a-bucket on anyone who attempts to improve in ways the peers disapprove of. Misery loves company.

 

[SmileyTimeDayCare]

There are a lot of right answers in here but I'm going to throw out another one and that is that people are conditioned to be complacent when it comes to personal growth.

You are taught to excel in school, land that dream job or at least one that gives you some money, healthcare, and a 401k/pension and you're all set. Buy that new car, buy another house, buy that new phone--that's your improvement! You don't need to better yourself.

 

[ProgKing of the North]

Besides the level of comfortably complacency there can be in misery, truly depressed people honestly sometimes feel like it’s never gonna get any better anyway so expending the effort is just a waste of time. It can be hard to shake that mindset.

 

[Gordon Cole]

As people in this thread have said before, Step 1 is acknowledging your own flaws which is already uncomfortable at best and all but impossible at worst for many people. Secondly, people are more willing to live in their own mediocre bubbles rather than enjoy life and try new things, which the enduring popularity of Marvel movies and Applebee's can attest to.

Coming from my own personal experience, looking at the cows here who ree at even mild criticism and blew it at life (Dobson, Spoony, etc.) spurred some change in me in a cautionary, "Oh shit, I don't wanna be that guy" kind of way. But for normies who don't frequent neo-nazi harassment doxing stalker cyberbowling fourms and/or don't have a personal trainwreck, the change usually has to come from within, which again, is much more difficult.