Let's Sperg Let's Sperg: Final Fantasy 2 - Infuriating JRPG Autism


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Leila has been with us for a bit longer then last time. However, she will be leaving us after the Cave of Mysidia, because the writers hate us. Still, leave her stuff on until you get on the ship to go to the Tower of Mysidia.

The Town of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia has a ton of spells for sale. Aside from the aforementioned Swap, you can also get Holy. Flare is, sadly, not around. Sorry Maria, but, you've got enough damage options. The other shops are no slouch either. Somewhere in town is also a library that you can "ask" keywords and get answers from, if you like reading about the lore.

The Cave of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia is southwest of the town, but there's something we need to do first: Head to the stairs in the center of town, and place the White Mask on the statue of the goddess. This will allow us to use the Black Mask later. If you don't use the White Mask, the Doppleganger in the cave will block our moves and prevent us from going onward.


The Cave of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia is pretty big, with a lot of confusing doors around. There's really no trick to this cave, either get a map or just run around and eventually get the right door.


Sure. Let's go with that. The Doppleganger is on the first floor, so at least we know where the proper door is on the first floor. Put the Black Mask on him and he disappears.

The loot is a bit of a mix here. There's the sweet spells Drain and Osmose that let Maria turn into a soul sucking vampire, but the gear here is, well, purchasable in the Town of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia. No, I'm not stopping with that stupid joke.

Anyway, the good part of this dungeon? No final boss! A gentle reprieve, though, before the storm that is the Tower of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia. Once you get the Crystal Rod, warp out, heal up, and sail back to Altair before you go to the tower of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia. And strip Leila of her gear, she'll be leaving us for good in a moment.


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The Tower of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia (last time I make that crack, honest) is directly west of Altair, in the middle of a ring of islands, and as soon as we approach it, we're sucked into a whirlpool and drowned.

Game over.


Our heroes are consigned to a watery grave, forever. The Emperor goes on to kill everyone in the world, and become the sole ruler as the world rots away...


Actually no. Everyone's just been swallowed by a Leviathan, and Leila is gone. If you're an idiot like me and forgot to unequip Leila...I hope you have a save that was nearby. If Leila had a good sword (like say, anything better then a Wing Blade), then I also hope you kept it. We'll be meeting our final ally here.

The Leviathan's body is filled with stomach acids. They act like the lava and Ice Spikes from FF1, where we take damage, but don't deal with randos while inside it. Other then that, the dungeon is straightforward with no real tricks, aside from one guarded treasure chest.

Bolt is your best friend in this dungeon, until you find a Boltfish. Boltfishes absorb thunder, so there's no way to deal with them except smashing them. They also throw a Bolt 8 at you, so Shell might be useful.


This is Gareth. Richard in some translations. He asks us for proof, and while a lot of stuff gets a rise out of him, only the Crystal Rod will convince him to join us.


Gareth is good at one thing: SMASH. Just let him loose with a good sword, and he'll do you good. Luckily, there's one waiting on the next 'floor', the Terra Blade.

The Stomach where Gareth is has no encounters, so feel free to explore around and chat with everyone. There's a way out in the mouth, but there's a big monster that needs to die first. So let's go kill it.

The Diamond Shield is at the bottom of the "mouth" floor, and is guarded by a bunch of Shriekers. Remember when those guys were tough enough to be a final boss of a dungeon? I miss those days. By the way, I hope it's obvious that the Leviathan is a one-time dungeon. There's no coming back when you're done.

Heal up before you chat up the gigantic worm guarding your ship. Maybe give Gareth the Blood Sword. Then, talk to him, and let's kick some ass.


It's literally a retread of the last few boss fights. No magic stuff, just really hard hits. Blink and Shield while using Haste and Berserk on Gareth with a Blood Sword, and the bastard will die in a few rounds.

Get on board your ship and you'll return to the World Map. Sail on to the Tower of Mysidia.


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The Tower of Mysidia in the Land of Mysidia is one of the longest dungeons in the game, on par with the final dungeon. I should also note: We're getting into end-game, folks.


Mysidia is divided into several sections. This section, 2F to 3F, is Fire. The third floor has lava, which is like the acid in Leviathan, which was like the Lava in Mt Gulg in FF1. We've come full circle.

Each section has a bunch of gear that corresponds to its element. This doesn't help us now, as the Ice gear that's resistant to Fire is on floors 4 and 5, but at least the Fire Gear we get here will help us out in the next section.


Well, a swim through lava is pretty good...


He turns into a Fire Gigas and attacks us. Same rules apply, but at least this time, we can use Ice for extra damage.


The fifth floor has ice spikes. By now, you know the drill.

It should be noted that the enemies on each floor don't typically fit the floor's "theme". You won't run into a ton of fire enemies on Floor 3, and you won't find Ice types here. It's mostly just the bosses.


Second verse, same as the first, down to what the Mage says to us. Just, palette swap. Use Fire on it.

After this fight, you might consider warping out and heading to Altair to thin out your inventory, perhaps restock on Elixirs or other goodies.

The Thunder Floors don't have any gimmick to them, or indeed, any elemental gear. We get a lot of one use items that are all going to be turned into gil when this is over.


The Thunder Gigas is more or less our final boss here. There's a guarded treasure chest on the next floor that holds a copy (or more!) of the guy we killed to take back Fynn, but we've already killed him once so he doesn't count. The Thunder Gigas is weak to Poison, but you haven't been leveling that since you only got it maybe a couple dungeons ago. It's also not an instant kill, it deals damage instead. There's a staff on the 7th floor called the Spellbinder that does poison damage if it's used like an item (similar to the Gauntlets from the last game), but that seems to target randomly-including our own allies. So how do we do this?

Fill Gus with the spirit of @Jaimas by using the Hermes item we got last floor and the Berserk spell on him. Since he's duel wielding Ogrekillers, axes designed for killing Gigas enemies, he's the best to buff up. It still took a few rounds, but no one died, even when that Spellbinder dropped a Poison 16 on Gareth's head.

The next floor, as I mentioned, has the Flare tome way in the back. Just make sure to be ready for the trap, and Maria will have her new favorite toy.


Okay, I lied: This guy is the real final boss. He's waiting on the top floor just before Mindu, guarding a treasure chest with a Black Robe. I guess if Maria wants to be a badass Black Mage, she's gotta kick a lot of ass to get it. The dude is weak to Fire, so cast protective buffs and go to town while Maria burns him alive. Other then that, treat him as a more powerful Thunder Gigas with a different weakness (cause that's kinda what he is). Shell is more of a priority-Icestorm 16 SUCKS.


Anything for a bro, Mindu.

Mindu says he's going to give the seal on the final door every bit he's got, which translates...


To a motherfucking Kamehameha.

However, immediately after he pulls this trick, this happens:


Mindu dies having fulfilled his duty: Unsealing the Ultima Scroll and giving us a fighting chance. We will miss you, White Mage Bro. :heart-empty:


In the final room is 4 crystals that will raise our stats (though, if you don't want stuff going to Gareth, make use of the Memo File or emulator save states), and the gold crystal that gives us Ultima. Silvers first so you get the +10 stat boosts first.

Once Ultima is claimed, a teleporter appears for us. Time to head on out, and finish this fight that so many have died for. Ultima is White Magic, so give it to Firion.

Next time: The Cyclone and The Emperor!
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This...isn't right. Even the Dreadnought didn't cause this much damage...Attempting to enter the town of Altair (or Gatrea) results in nothing happening. They're just regular overworld tiles now.

The towns have been completely destroyed, and the tornado next to Fynn might explain why. Save your game, guys. The monsters in the overworld and in the seas have all taken multiple levels in badass and will wreck your shit. Spend some time leveling Flare and Ultima-they're powerful, but like every spell, they need levels.

Returning to Fynn Castle, we find that Leila made it out. Talking to Hilda is our next course of action. She tells us about the Cyclone, the magic tornado threatening to destroy Fynn. If we ask about Wind Drakes, she'll tell us that a mirror in Castle Fynn can summon one if we use the Pendant.

That's out ticket onto the Cyclone, but trust me when I say this: Spend some time grinding against all the powerful monsters, especially so you can level up your new spells. It'll be worth it in the end. The Cyclone itself is literally a flying fortress inside a tornado.

Jesus Christ, Final Fantasy 2 just got fucking metal. The next time they bring up a being magically sustaining a windstorm is all the way in FF14 where Garuda waits at the heart of a windstorm. Seriously, why was this concept only used once?

Head to the mirror room by going to the first floor and heading up the stairs in the southwest. Keep heading up until you find the room, then use the Pendant on it. When you do, the Dragon Egg you placed in the spring so long ago in Deist will hatch and fly towards Fynn, where the last Dragoon and the last Wind Drake will be united at last.

The Wind Drake can be equipped. It uses a powerful Blaze ability, like some of our enemies have used.

Once you've gotten the Wind Drake, head to Pavel's house in Fynn. Tell him you're going inside the Cyclone (by telling him the Cyclone Keyword) and he'll tell you to help yourself to his secret stash. Most of it isn't very good, except for the Elixir and the Blood Sword-the other of the two. Don't sell either of them.

When you're ready, head into the hurricane, preferably while screaming along to the greatest hits of your favorite metal band. Walk into the tornado and the dragon will give you a ride up.

The Cyclone's music sucks. The Empire doesn't have any bards. Dio, help a brother out?

Thanks Dio. You shall rock forever.


Seriously. Badass.

The Cyclone's floors are fairly small, but some parts are electrified. Certain parts split, letting you get extra loot. Exploration is rewarded, but a bit of advice: Don't cross the electrified floor on the fifth floor. It leads to a bunch of doors, and each door is a trap in the "high encounter rate" style.


We also meet this guy. He's tough, like the White Dragon from last time. He's weak to Bolt, so exploit that.


Unlike every other boss in the universe, the Emperor doesn't give a shit about us. He throws his guards at us first.

Two waves of easily defeated Royal Guards later, and he finally decides to face us in battle...


But not without backup. You've fought these enemies before. The Emperor is the only surprise here.

He is a little bitch, sadly. Were it not for his backup, Gus could probably one shot him. He doesn't have as much defense or as much health (in this version) as his fucking Wood Golem. You would think the finale would be a bit more impressive.

With the Emperor dead, peace is restored and the day is saved!


Or...perhaps not!

Next time: Castle Palamecia!


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Aww, damn it! Even Cid goes down! Cid lets us use the airship "until he gets better", but, that's a pretty far off point now.

Talking to Palamecia after Cid dies has him tell us that he used a Kite to glide onto the roof. We can use the airship the same way. Time to airdrop in!

Well, first we have to get there. I decided to hoof it all the way to Poft, going north of Fynn, cross the Palamecia desert, and on to Poft. Because grinding.


The FF2 airship is a lot like the FF1 one-can only set down on grassland tiles. It's also a lot slower, much like everything in FF2, but it gets you where you need to go with 0 encounters.

Make sure you're ready before going to Palamecia. You won't be leaving the dungeon until you clear it. Yes, there's one last twist waiting for us-after all, you didn't think we'd go this whole game without Leon returning to our party, did you?


Castle Palamecia starts us off on the 7th floor...but quickly hits us with a dirty trick: A trapdoor that opens too fast for me to get a screen cap of. Sigh.

The loot in Palamecia ranges from "shit we started the game with" (a Buckler, a portion of Garlic) to "World-Ending awesomeness" (The Sun Blade, for instance). I went and stocked up on Elixirs because the Sorcerers drop very valuable scrolls, I recommend you do the same so you can afford to Ultima and Flare your way through this place.


Also, some LONG overdue vengeance on the Black Knights. Stand and Deliver!

There's a Fallen Emperor on the third floor guarding a Thunder Spear. He's actually harder then the real Emperor was, taking at least 3 rounds for my team to kill him. Thankfully, he shows up without backup.

There's only a few doors leading to hell rooms in Palamecia. Ignore the one on the first floor, but the other two have goodies-three elixirs in one, and a few powerful spellcasting staves in the other, including a healing staff.

Once you get to the final floor, and you'll know what it is when you see the royal carpet, remove anything from Gareth that you want to keep.


Leon challenges Firion, while Maria desperately tries to get it all to stop. Leon ignores Maria as he's a bit drunk on the darkside, then this happens:


Oh shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt, he's back!

Leon has the utter brass balls to challenge the newly returned Emperor for the throne, while the Emperor declares his intention to destroy fucking everything. Things look hopeless, until Gareth charges in and tells the party to take his Wind Drake and flee.


Semper Fidelis, Gareth.

The Emperor nukes his own castle and replaces it with a new one made of crystal spires. The same trick won't work twice.

We return to Fynn, and Hilda is 1000% done with this bullshit. Leon joins us, I assume we punched him a few times on the return flight for "cranial realignment".


Boy's been practicing. Hand him a good sword and let him keep the axe, and put both Blood Swords into his inventory to prepare for the final fight.

Next Time: The Jade Passage!


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The final battle is fast approaching. It would be best to spend every gil you have on Elixirs, and a few Phoenix Downs.

Talk to Hilda and she tells you about the Jade Passage. Ask about it to Hilda, Leila, and Gordon, and they'll point you towards the Land of Mysidia. We are literally going to hell. Dio, we need another track.

Thanks, Dio.


Welcome to hell, Kiwis.

The Jade Passage is brutal. Every enemy hits like a truck and tanks a lot of damage. Use your Elixirs liberally, you'll get tons of gil. To add to it, the Jade Passage forces you to go through a lot of doors. Remember people: Maps are useful, unless you want to get pummeled by a lot of bad guys.


This guy is waiting on the second floor, guarding a Cat's Claws. It's a Bolt Dragon, but if you have Diamond gear and Shell you'll be fine.


This guy guards a Rune Axe on the third floor. He's just a gigantic wall of meat, with no magical attacks and just a lot of health and defense. Let Leon let loose with the Blood Swords while casting protective spells, and you'll be fine.


This asshole is protecting a Yoichi Bow. Basically the last bow upgrade Maria will get. Ice him while smashing him.

Once you've killed treasure guardians and made your way through, the teleporter at the end of the dungeon will take you to Pandemonium.

So next time: The Final Dungeon!


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Here we are. We've reached this point. Dungeon music has been pretty crap in this game, even the Jade Passage only got the "Dungeon" generic track. Castle Pandemonium though?

Now THAT is what I'm talking about!

Enemies in Pandemonium are even tougher then the Jade Passage, and there's a lot more bosses hiding in treasure chests. It's all worth it though, as we're about to end this war and save the world!

Pandemonium is as chaotic as its name implies. Maps are, as always, good, so you don't spend hours running around and trying to figure out your way through.

The first floor doesn't have any loot on it. The second floor has an Ether that's slightly out of the way. The third floor has a vial of Eye Drops (replaced by an Elixir in Dawn of Souls onward) that's exactly opposite where you need to go. The fourth floor is where it gets interesting: Plenty of loot, but all guarded by bosses, or secret. You'll come to a series of four doors, and each door leads to a small maze with a chest at the end, guarded by a boss. The one on the far left can lead you to the Masamune, if you know about the secret room in the northeast. The door third from the left should be taken last, as it leads past its treasure chest to the next floor of Pandemonium, so save it for last to prevent backtracking.

Starting on the far left, our first boss is:


Zombie Borghen! This is the one boss you don't want to use the Blood Swords on, as they'll heal him instead of the other way around. If you want to be nasty, weaponize Firion's high level Cure while beating him down with Fire and physical attacks. Compared to the rest of the dungeon, he goes down easy. His only real trick is a very powerful Flare. On to the next boss after we pick up the Masamune:


Tiamat is a brutal fight, with 5,000 HP, hard hitting magic and physical attacks, and lots of defense. The Blood Swords are once more your friends here. Aside from that, use Blink and Shell, and don't use elemental magic-Tiamat absorbs it. Ultima and Flare work just fine, though.


Beelzebub is the third boss-this being the boss in the far right, to reduce backtracking, remember? He likes to use his level 16 magic, so use Shell and Wall (if you have Wall) while Leon wails on him with the Blood Swords. If you get a pre-emptive strike like I did, it's almost unfair. He absorbs Fire and resists Ice, so Maria should just Flare him.


Astaroth should be saved for last. He's got more HP then the other 2 (7,000 instead of 5,000) and like some enemies we've already faced, his physical attacks heal him, like he's got his own Blood Swords. Speaking of, you know what to do. He resists most elements, so when Maria is done buffing, Flare. He also has some very powerful magic, including Doom 16, so make sure you use Shell to try and survive it. You may want to give Leon a Protect Ring just so he ignores the Doom spell.

With all the bosses dead, head onwards. The last couple of floors have a few items, but no tricks or bosses. Once everything's been gathered and the party's been refreshed with Elixirs, it's time to meet the Emperor.


I like what you've done with the place, Empe. Very mindfucky.

This is it. For everyone who's died fighting this bastard. Scott. Josef. The King, Hilda's father. Mindu. Gareth. And all those who died in the countless attacks on innocent civilians. For all the fallen, we fight!


This fight comes down to a very simple question: Do you have the Blood Swords? If the answer is yes, congratulations. If not, you're in for a slog. Buff your fighters with Berserk and Haste, use Blink and Shell, but be wary that the Emperor can and will use Dispel to remove your buffs. He can also heal himself with his physical attacks if he wants to, and with 10,000 HP in this version, that's a significant chunk of HP he'll be draining. So I hope you have the Blood Swords.


Man, we kicked his ass so hard, his final words are almost grammatically incorrect! (Technically he's accurate, but most would use "can't", not "cannot" which sounds weird). He explodes in his defeat. Hooray!

Hilda greets us warmly on our return.


Gordon praises us. Pavel also congratulates us before he heads off. Leila plans to head back out to sea. Molly is now working here at the castle, and Josef appears for a split second to remind us that he exists. Hilda swears to rebuild what was lost, while Leon heads off on his own, telling us that we can't go back to how things were before the Empire's attack on Fynn. The spirits of the dead give us one last Force Ghost moment, and Firion gathers Gus and Maria to head off on a new adventure.

Roll credits!



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Alright, this'll be the last word on FF2 before I move on to 3. I think I was harsh in my initial criticisms of the game. Unlike every other game in the series that prevents you from going around by way of breaking the bridges, nothing stops you from going all the way around the world on foot here. It's just that the monsters are super fucking tough. But, that being said, this game is great for sequence breakers. The Captains in the City of Fynn are designed for powerlevelers, the earlier you can start kicking their asses, the more you can break the game. The game gets easier the more you learn its tricks-like monster Ranks, and how those Ranks can help you level your spells and weapons a lot faster if you fight higher Ranked enemies.

That said, the Origins variant of FF2 is all but forgotten. Seeing as how it was a straight port of the original NES release, once Dawn of Souls came out and showed itself to have a vastly improved form of FF2, Origins fell by the wayside. FF1 Origins is still remembered somewhat fondly for keeping the original magic system, but when you have a version that upgrades some of the treasure and makes stat grinding a lot easier (by removing stat lowering and giving extra HP and MP at certain intervals), it pretty quickly supplants the original.

Anyway, it's time for FF3, guys. See ya there.

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The point where the name stopped making sense.