Lolcow Mortality -

[Blueberry]

After seeing pics of the amazing trainwreck that is Robby Wayne Stiles being completely blasted on heroin I started to wonder...

Has there been a lolcow that has died &/or are their any lolcows that might possibly die for tragic reasons and what would the reaction be from the community?

I wonder not to be a A-Log or weirdo but there are some potential things that could happen to a lolcow due to their own stupidity or unforeseen circumstances.

 

[CatParty]

elliott rodger, but his death was lulzy

 

[Surtur]

Death by staph infection.

 

[TowinKarz]

A lot of them seem to be morbidly obese and suffer from the related effects, diabetic, poor cardio health, roughness on the bones/joints, etc. I'm guessing a lot of them are going to check out relatively early in life due to that.

 

[Zvantastika]

A lot of them seem to be morbidly obese and suffer from the related effects, diabetic, poor cardio health, roughness on the bones/joints, etc. I'm guessing a lot of them are going to check out relatively early in life due to that.

Slaton sisters are first in line in health problems.

There's also the Halifax Mass shooter fiasco but that's one debatable because the guy who comitted suicide wasn't discovered as a lolcow in time. But taking in consideration the girl was stupid enough to attempt the shooting and get jailed, I'm pretty sure she'll be stupid enough to gather enough wrong attention and get herself killed for being a nazi nuts.

Those 2 are the ones that comes to mind right now, but I'm sure the Tumblrinas doing really stupid shit like shoplifting and posting pics of their drug stash will die because of their antics but it's doubtful we'll know about a particular one.

As for Nick Bates, he's now Bubbles favorite sex toy but I doubt he's going to get killed but maybe it's just me.

 

[Morbid Boredom]

Morbid curiosity about how some lolcows would die is a big part of what brought me here.

Most lolcows are shut-ins. This is what keeps them from learning how normal people behave; it also keeps them from getting into conflicts that could get them killed.

The "observation" of numerous lolcows has only begun in the past decade. There have always been attention-seeking weirdos, but they never had access to a platform that could potentially open them up to ridicule across the world with pretty solid record-keeping. In ten years, we don't have enough data to establish how long they survive. In another ten, we'll be able to see if a bunch of lolcows died young.

 

[SP 199]

Canada, It's always Canada

 

[Blueberry]

I'm looking for esteemed kiwis to give their educated hypothetical death causes for their favorite lolcows.

We have to be ready for anything folks

 

[The Littlest Shitlord]

We've probably had some lolcow deaths already, we just didn't know about it. For most people, when someone they know dies they don't exactly make it a priority to notify random gawking strangers on the internet about it even if they know we exist. These cows just went silent one last time and were never heard from again. They'll only be found if an obituary is posted somewhere under the name we have for them, and somebody happens to google it and say something. As for which cow is next to die, it's probably one of the Slaton sisters. Nick Bate (suicide or murder in prison) and TJ Church (chronic sickly dude who refuses to even believe that he has diabetes) are pretty high up on the death list as well.

 

[Konstantinos]

A lot of the famous lolcows are overweight and we're all familiar with why that isn't a good thing. Aside from the Slaton sisters, obesity has taken a visible toll on the health of both Chris and ADF. I imagine that the people who are still following the Fat Acceptance fad aren't doing too well for themselves either, what with denying that they have serious health problems and everything.

elliott rodger, but his death was lulzy

He became a lolcow posthumously so that almost doesn't count.

 

[CatParty]

He became a lolcow posthumously so that almost doesn't count.

only in recognition. he was a regular on puahate

 

[Le Bateleur]

only in recognition. he was a regular on puahate

Loveshies don't really die in the sense humans die - it's more like when a plant dies, or a chair breaks.

 

[Pickle Inspector]

After seeing pics of the amazing trainwreck that is Robby Wayne Stiles being completely blasted on heroin I started to wonder...

Has there been a lolcow that has died &/or are their any lolcows that might possibly die for tragic reasons and what would the reaction be from the community?

I wonder not to be a nice bloke or weirdo but there are some potential things that could happen to a lolcow due to their own stupidity or unforeseen circumstances.

Well there is Merrill Howard Kalin:

Not sure if that counts but he died at the age of 45 in 2008 which was sad to hear since he seemed like a nice guy just doing what he loved.

 

[autisticdragonkin]

Might it be that despite most lolcows having poor health they still tend to be rather young and thus we just haven't yet seen many enter old age (mid 40s for a lolcow)

 

[Watcher]

A lot of the psychological disorders some of these cows have like Downs and stuff don't usually lead to longer lifespans.

 

[*Asterisk*]

Might it be that despite most lolcows having poor health they still tend to be rather young and thus we just haven't yet seen many enter old age (mid 40s for a lolcow)

That's true. Horrible as his health is, I can easily see Fatman living an extra five or ten years. Hell, even Sean Fausz might make it to 40. For a lot of Lolcows dying in the immediate future, the cause'll probably be suicide.

Aside from Nick Bate, Kevin Havens, and ADF. All three of them will be beaten to death by black guys.

 

[CephalopodEnthusiast]

The Slaton sisters come to mind. They're grossly obese lolcows whose lifestyles have landed them in the hospital more than once.

 

[Francis E. Dec Esc.]

What about Starblade, the autistic "FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON" guy who was murdered by his roommate?

 

[TowinKarz]

Actual homicide (either perpetrator or victim) is, surprisingly rare, I'd say.

Given how delusional some of them are and how many people they've pissed off....

 

[From The Uncanny Valley]

What about Starblade, the autistic "FUCK YOU I'M A DRAGON" guy who was murdered by his roommate?

Heard about him. He was apparently a gigantic asshole to everyone around him but the way he died was still a little sad.