Lolcow Preferences and Cows You Like/Dislike

chimpburgers

Big league
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Feb 15, 2015
In one of the groups I'm part of, we were all discussing why people tend to have a difference of opinion when it comes to many of the lolcows that have been discussed. Kiwi Farms has gone through an interesting evolution with its changing scope in content and attracting new members to join as a result of many of the most popular lolcow threads that have been created.

There has been plenty of conflict in the past because people have different interpretations of what exactly makes a lolcow a lolcow. The amazing thing about this site is how there's a wide variety of lolcow to choose from. If you don't like one kind of lolcow, there's always another one that you might be a better match for you and so on.

I have noticed personally that I have a tendency to like the lolcows who are either extremely salty (take any Sluthate shitposter for example) people or the much subtly stranger cows out there like Kengle the most. I am not a big fan of many of the Tumblr lolcows because I can't really identify as much with that website or the environment it harbors, so going through one of those threads for me usually results in confusion for me. While I don't usually find most of those lolcows to be that funny or interesting, I do understand and respect the fact that they have a lot of staying power with other members who follow them more closely.

It is a lot like finding genres of music that work best for you and what contributes to the idea of being an individual. With all of this said, I want to know what kind of lolcows you like the best and which kind you dislike. You can even name specific examples of lolcows that you specifically like/dislike too.
 

sugoi-chan

chewing on a stick of cum
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May 21, 2015
Mostly the Tumblr ones because they all kind of blend together for me at some point - they tend to be pretty similar in attitude and action and I too don't really get the culture of the site so I have a feeling that a lot of it goes over my head. An exception, though, is Stray Sheep. Her thread blew up (the suicide attempt) at around the same time I stopped lurking and started posting so I still follow that one out of nostalgia, even though she's gotten pretty boring as of late.

I agree with @autisticdragonkin in that the best cows are the ones whose behavior comes from a fervently held belief or worldview, rather than an obsession with things or toys. I like the Sluthaters and their pathetic-ness, Shaner and his belief in a conspiracy to ruin his life, and others. I also prefer the Morbidcows...the ones that are just terrifying or depressing or horrifying to look at, like Nick Bate. Strikerwolf, the new one du jour, is up there with his weight.
 

Sanae Kochiya

afk Shrine Maiden
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Mar 25, 2015
I think so far the only lolcow that I've never really been able to get into is Jace. I can't really place why. I mean, he was amusing, but not the amusing that kept my interest, and honestly once Deagle Nation was exposed as a huge :ruse: I stopped paying that much attention. Beyond that, most lolcows tend to have some sort of hook or draw that latches me onto them.
 

Null

Ooperator
kiwifarms.net
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Nov 14, 2012
I like people that are interesting to interpret. Funny is a plus, but the big thing for me is understanding why. I'll give you a list of what I like and don't like to set a foundation for my preference.

My "like" list:
  • Vintage CWC
  • Vintage Jace
  • ADF
  • Tom Preston / Andrew Dobson
  • Darksyde Phil
  • TJ Church

My "dislike" list:
  • Shaner
  • John Enter
And I'm basically apathetic towards the rest.

I like being mystified by human behavior. Getting by in life is very easy. Billions of people manage to keep their heads down, but for some reason, a few cannot -- and refuse when given a hint. To me, to be a true lolcow, you must be resistant to change to the point where people flat out telling you how to help yourself doesn't work because the person is so stubborn.

People like Shaner are just gross. There's no mystery there, and there's no humor to me. A fat dumpy old man being gross and cruel is not funny or entertaining to me. People like John Enter are just quirky, a person who enjoys something weird a bit too much. Not the kind of person I'd let my daughter date, but not someone I feel needs to be ridiculed.

People like Dobson, Wu, and DSP I put into a unique banner of Lolcow called a Careercow. A careercow is someone who repeatedly fails at trying to do something that they consider their livelihood, something that they could potentially succeed at doing (differentiating them from CWC's Sonichu enterprise), but will not ever be able to do because of a personal flaw. Dobson has artistic potential, but is lazy. DSP can be entertaining (I guess?), but is abusive and crude. Wu could easily continue to rake in SJW buxxx if she put out a game every so often and didn't blunder so frequently. Seeing these people slowly bleed out when they could rectify a single problem and be back on top is interesting to me.

CWC/Jace/ADF behave in peculiar ways that are interesting to think about. Marvin put it well once, "everything Chris does makes sense if you look at it the right way, but that doesn't make it less stupid". When someone is mentally ill, they are truly random. When you think of a teenager trying to be lolrandumb, they're just accessing stuff in their brain at random, but those things they know of are all extant. Randomness does not truly exist, but in the mind of an insane person, the focal lens they see through is so vastly different it's impossible to figure out what they fuck they're on about. That is entertaining to me.

To be honest, I'm more into abnormal psychology than lolcows. I don't need to see dumb people being gross, I need to see insane people being insane.
 

Dr. Boe Jangles Esq.

Original Prick
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Oct 28, 2014
My favs:
-Springtrapp and friends
-Oldschool Vade/Tero
-Thonis
-ADF
-Leighanna

I like cows that rage almost instantly and make wild threats. I also adore cows that try to make demands or control the discussion. They're easy, readily available, paranoid to the point of delusion, and have constant meltdowns, so there's a steady flow of content and laughs all around. Events like the Vade suicide threat and Leighannas attempts to police language here hold a special place in my heart, because there's something cathartic about their preferred mode of attack being turned on them.
 

Conrix

"KIWIFAGS REEEEEEE"
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Nov 28, 2014
I like lolcows that are actually funny. I'm not just aping @cumrobbery's post either.

What made vintage CWC funny for me was his ridiculous responses to his detractors, and his ego in comparison to his actual competence. Same with vintage Jace and his responses to dicks on Skype, or that time he passed out after two push-ups and peed himself on stream.

Connor also had the overblown ego/competence ratio and overblown responses in spades ("maybe you should work harder" "FUCKY YOU! my parents are too strict to let me be the true genius I am, why don't you motherfuckers see that?")

The main reason I don't really think ADF is funny is because it feels like he's just forcing all that edgy outlandish bullshit on us just to keep our discussion on him going, because nobody else cares enough about him and he's an attention whore. It's almost like he thought "hey that drawing of Naruto shooting John McCain got 4chan's attention, I should act like a ridiculously left-wing communist edgelord and mash more Naruto into it, that'll get me LOTS of attention!"
 
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AnOminous

when you find a stranger in the Alps
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The main reason I don't really think ADF is funny is because it feels like he's just forcing all that edgy outlandish bullshit on us just to keep our discussion on him going, because nobody else cares enough about him and he's an attention whore. It's almost like he thought "hey that drawing of Naruto shooting John McCain got 4chan's attention, I should act like a ridiculously left-wing communist edgelord and mash more Naruto into it, that'll get me LOTS of attention!"

What's funny is that he's homeless because of his stupidity. He is an attention whore, but he's mostly whoring for asspats. He ignored his actual friends in reality, and now has none, because he was more interested in acting more and more edgy and retarded for idiots on dA and similar websites. Meanwhile, he's a degenerating bum.

It's irony on a really basic level, I know, but I find it really hilarious to watch this stupid potato-headed dumbass destroy his life. The fact that he's also an incredible asshole means I don't even feel guilty about it.

Chris is another favorite of mine, but to some extent, I'm actually rooting for Chris and don't really want to see anything bad happen to him.
 

autisticdragonkin

Eric Borsheim
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Feb 25, 2015
I like lolcows that do this
db0.jpg
 

Sanae Kochiya

afk Shrine Maiden
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Mar 25, 2015
Well, now that I had some time to think about it, I honestly think that the cows that really just fucking bore me are the cows that post a wall of text that translates into literal gibberish. TJ Church would sorta qualify but his "intellectual discourses" are, like, one or two lines long so they're at least tolerable. When mrz isn't being a goddamn pedofork, he's literally posting a gigantic wall of Google copypasta and saying how he's "hacking the forum," and honestly just all of the weird psuedo-religious mathematics from Brad Miami Watson just made me bored. Any cow that goes on far too long for me to give a fuck will probably lose my interest unless it's something I'm at least vaguely knowledgeable about.
 

Cosmos

Soldier of Love and Bitching on the Internet
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Nov 28, 2014
I don't like most horrorcows on principle because I like to laugh, not to feel profound horror/disgust/sadness/etc. Stemming off from that, I really don't like lolcows that have profound mental disorders (schizophrenia, depression, etc) that keep them living in miserable conditions (both physical and/or mental). It just feels so cruel to laugh at someone when they have no control over the chemicals in their brain. And I just can't laugh at people who drag others with them (animal/child abusers are a big no-no for me; there's nothing funny or entertaining about someone who hurts innocent animals or children who can't defend themselves).

I have to say, though, lately I've been digging edgelords. There's something so funny about the contrast between "I'LL BREAK YOUR LEGS IF YOU TALK SHIT ABOUT ME AGAIN, FUCKER" and the image of them furiously typing it. I also love lolcows like Pixyteri, who are delusional but also harmless and kind of charming. I also love poking fun at Tumblrinas because I've been using the site for four years (I know) and it feels great just letting out the pent-up stress that I can't release over there because I don't want to get lynched.
 

TheMightyMonarch

Yee
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May 8, 2015
I know a lot of people don't like them, but I actually get a lot of enjoyment out of Tumblr lolcows. Growing up in a rather liberal area during the 2000s, I was often exposed to the mentality of conservatism = wrong and liberalism = right. While I identify with being a liberal moreso than a conservative, I never particularly liked this way of thinking because I love to look at issues from different angles and perspectives. Plus it didn't seem a whole lot different from the "Nu-uh! I'm right and you're wrong!" shtick that a lot of conservative politicians and commentators were pulling at the time. In fact, a lot of the time, it seemed exactly the same, just on the opposite side of the coin. As annoying as the SJW movement is, it was kinda refreshing to me because it was a reminder that extreme liberals can be and often are crazy and stupid, much like their extreme conservative counterparts.

A lot of people say they think a lot of the SJWs lolcows blend together and honestly, I can see where they're coming from but the fun part about these particular lolcows is that they have such a ridiculous set of standards that change constantly. Because of this, it's almost impossible (if possible even) to live up to these up to these standards. So you got one minute, someone being the darling of SJWs because their so pious and self righteous. But then the next minute, they flub and then the entire community is out for their blood. I mean shit, this is what happened to Riley for instance. I would be lying if I didn't say it was entertaining to watch from a observer's perspective.
 

AnOminous

when you find a stranger in the Alps
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A lot of people say they think a lot of the SJWs lolcows blend together and honestly, I can see where they're coming from but the fun part about these particular lolcows is that they have such a ridiculous set of standards that change constantly. Because of this, it's almost impossible (if possible even) to live up to these up to these standards. So you got one minute, someone being the darling of SJWs because their so pious and self righteous. But then the next minute, they flub and then the entire community is out for their blood. I mean shit, this is what happened to Riley for instance. I would be lying if I didn't say it was entertaining to watch from a observer's perspective.

What I find hilarious about it is it is basically the some primate chimp shit that SJWs ascribe entirely to males.

Meanwhile their own behavior represents the worst form of jockeying for position and social status that you associate with aggressive animal displays.

Again, irony on a really base level, but funny as hell.
 

Sunny-D

I'M FUCKING INVINCIBLE!
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Mar 10, 2015
I tend to stick mostly to cows that I'm at least semi-familiar with - I'm sure there are some that I'd find hilarious but never bothered to look into because I didn't feel like going through a 100+ page thread for context. Threads that get into the several hundred page range also tend to start feeling redundant, people talking about the same things over and over, unless the subject keeps things fresh. So when it comes to cows I hadn't already heard of, ones that keep things active are good. @Amud was great while he was doing all the work for us by actively hanging out here and engaging people with ridiculous arguments, but he seems to have followed through on not posting and the thread died almost immediately.

I also like "bad artist" cows like Dobson and Purplekecleon just because I like critiquing art. But that can be sort of specific since when it comes to a lot of cows who draw things - Chris, for example, there's not much there to critique besides "It's bad". Dobson, on the other hand, is perfect for this, since you can tell that he COULD have some level of skill if he bothered to put a speck of thought or effort into things. Instead of only being able to say "the whole damn thing is bad" it's possible to point out specific things that are bad. And the specific things are usually hilarious.
 

Cuddlefish

Great googly moogly
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Aug 7, 2015
A lot of people say they think a lot of the SJWs lolcows blend together and honestly, I can see where they're coming from but the fun part about these particular lolcows is that they have such a ridiculous set of standards that change constantly. Because of this, it's almost impossible (if possible even) to live up to these up to these standards. So you got one minute, someone being the darling of SJWs because their so pious and self righteous. But then the next minute, they flub and then the entire community is out for their blood. I mean shit, this is what happened to Riley for instance. I would be lying if I didn't say it was entertaining to watch from a observer's perspective.

The tumblr "Social Justice" movement is fairweather as fuck, even towards media they claim to love.

Remember back when Frozen was the best thing ever and Elsa was the most feminist princess since Mulan and Merida combined? Remember when Marvel was the most progressive comic company? Remember when Joss Whedon could do no wrong?

Nowadays you'd think Frozen featured a "Taming of the Shrew" type monologue and The Avengers is nothing but 2 hours of people pimp-slapping Black Widow from the way the SJW crowd talk about them.

E: and just so I'm not completely off topic; I dislike cows that have actually caused rape/abuse/death/etc such as Nick Bate(self explanatory) or Vade (at least one suicide and one more attempted). It just stops being funny and starts being horrifying at that point. I used to love following Vade's antics until I realized this bitch actually killed a kid and feels no remorse.
 
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chimpburgers

Big league
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Feb 15, 2015
I just remembered why I never got into Pixyteri much, even after reading her ED page. She wouldn't be that bad if she stopped being in denial about her weight and dropped the whole schtick she does and I end up feeling sorry for her rather than laughing about anything she does. In early photos, she looked normal to me. I also am not too fond of pure gross out cows that don't really do anything else besides that. If they get angry and chimp out a lot, that's different though.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
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Feb 24, 2015
I can generally get into following any cow as long as I do it early enough in their "run." Cows who have been around for a long time, I find more difficult to follow just because of the sheer volume of shit to look at. Like, I didn't follow Shaner right away, and now I don't really want to because his thread is over 800 pages and it's just too damn exhaustive to look at. I also don't really like cows who don't interact with their audience, like John Enter. It's no fun. My favorite cows are the ones who come to the farms and sperg out, like TJ, Marjan, and CartoonFreak666.