Lolcow Preferences and Cows You Like/Dislike

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Mar 18, 2018
The whole "nu-male who vehemently white-knighted feminists during GG" trope gets kind of old, because the threads usually just consist of a bunch of long Twitter exchanges which I can't be bothered to read. Like, if that's their whole shtick, then it gets boring.

I like a wide variety of cows, though. Typically, ones with batshit insane beliefs about the world like that guy with an acid attack fetish or anyone who regularly post on incel forums.

GM 229

I wrote about this in the Max Landis thread, but the cows that interest me the most are the mid-tier mostly-internet "successes" (Milo, Max Landis, Mike Cernovich, Richard Spencer, Brianna Wu, Zoe Quinn) who have managed to somehow claw their way to some level of media notoriety, as they're often just savvy enough to get there via manipulation/extreme ideologies/identity politics/amassing followers/using or fucking the right people - but often too cruel, stupid, greedy and incompetent to hold onto it once they have it. Wu is a walking shitshow, too crazy to be taken seriously. Landis is a raging douchebag, though he seems to have a handle on things and I can see him floating around on a long, middling career making pandering crap most people will never watch while he shrieks about what a misunderstood genius he is. Cernovich is just hilariously incompetent and so far up his own ass that he'll never understand the depth of his own failure as a human being. I will never get sick of laughing at what a pretentious, insecure moron Richard Spencer is.

Milo and Quinn are probably my favorite cows. Despite being painted as opposites in the media, they're pretty much the same: deeply insecure narcissistic drama queens with no real personality or talent who think they're much smarter than they are. Both have decent predatory instincts and an obsessive need to be in the spotlight at all times. Both are brimming with unwarranted self-importance and absolute sociopaths so invested in their own characters that they'll freak out whenever they feel their identity is being threatened. Both have no qualms about trying to destroy anyone or anything in their way. They're cardboard cut-outs of people.

Milo went too far with the faux-supervillain act and blew it, though he still has his army of idiot followers. Quinn is on the verge of blowing it as more of the shady shit she's done as well as her stunning incompetence gets impossible to ignore, but still clings to her martyr image and her legions of SJW worshippers. They're both notable politically and have managed to amass genuine power in some of the most hilariously stupid ways imaginable, which make them more interesting to me than obscure weirdos like Greer or the Yandere dev guy who will never be known beyond this board. They're also hideous human beings, which makes their inevitable self-destruction all the more fun to watch.

Skitzocows and horrorcows make me feel too bummed out to take much interest in reading about, and incels are fucking revolting. Reading through threads about drug addicts and anorexics and people who are clearly mentally ill just doesn't feel good to me, even if they are shitty people. Still, this board is a museum of curiosities. No matter how bad the trainwreck is, I can't stop browsing.
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Greer did not knowingly know
Dec 15, 2016
Good cow traits: Hubris, lack of self awareness, entitlement and unwarranted self importance, no inkling that they should step away from the keyboard and get a sense a perspective.
I want unfolding drama and scandal when I'm watching weirdoes on the internet, just having odd beliefs doesn't really make a cow for me.

I dislike any cow I have to work to understand. I'm not up to speed on gaming, e-celebs and a lot of the particular insular little communities that are no doubt breeding some perfectly good cows. I just want to be entertained, not have to delve into a whole subculture I have no interest in. So I've missed the boat on DSP and a lot of the redpillers, MRAs, politispergs, furries.
That said, I was reading the Shaner thread in time for the court case shennanigans and thoroughly enjoyed that thread while it was good. Somehow, I stumbled across Shmorkey and his yarn wig at the right time. Murray root was a weird creepy rabbit hole to fall down, too.

I feel I should like the munchies/spoonies more but none of them are grabbing me yet.
I think my cow tastes are skewed by the fact I drifted over to KF from my spiritual home, fandom_wank. Give me cringey people getting overly invested in fiction and yelling about it on the internet. Bonus points if they're horrible people so I can feel smug and superior while laughing at them. Also, fandom has given me some great long-running :ruse: sockpuppet soap operas over the years.
Authorwank is probably the best wank for me, watching a narcissistic author keep coming back to a bad review and reeeeing about it will always be entertaining. Sadly I've not seen much of this in recent years - anyone else feeling a decline in the magnitude of internet drama? Or am I just looking in the wrong places?

Aug 14, 2017
I really don’t think MovieBob should be considered a Lolcow. He doesn’t exactly do much aside from say stupid shit online and thinks he knows more than anyone else. I don’t see how this makes him much different from the countless other spergs that say just about the exact same things as him.
While Dobson makes comics every blue moon that we can laugh at, MovieBob doesn’t exactly interest me, and I can’t comprehend how people still follow him.


geh odahviing, hin koraav ahst zu'u ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Nov 30, 2016
my favourite lolcows have to be the ones who are completely miserable by their on doing.
or completely disgusting (Hey julaay).
not only are those threads informative and have usefull things in it, you feel better because it can always get worse

Yellow Flash
Oct 7, 2020
Anyone who can function in society isn't a lolcow in my opinion. Theirs a degree of hate involved for all the cows like Phil, or Boogie. I'm not condemning anyone for hate I genuinely hate boogie. E-famous people just aren't as funny as tard failures.
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dick out, untucked / vag reconstruct
Sep 29, 2020
For me it's a combination of bizarre/insane, snowflake syndrome and being an asshole. There has to be something about them that makes watchig their misery enjoyable and funny.
If it's just a loon that rants about conspiracy theories, that's amusing for a while but quickly loses interest. If it's just a silly austitic person getting trolled and doing stupid things (like CWC), with little if any awareness of what they are doing, it's amusing to watch but doesn't interest me so much either.

Now if it's a combination of insanity and being a sneaky, spineless little asshole, that's my thing. Nothing like watching sad little fucks spiral down in their own insanity as they get crueler and more entitled. The thing about this kind of cow is that they generally don't know to cut their losses when everyone knows what they are up to: they just do it more, which makes everything worse for them. The worse they get the more special they think they are, because if others are out to get them it must be because they are special, and because all their (mostly self inflicted) suffering they learnt nothing from gives them oppression points, and this means they are better than anyone else. It's that fine line between retarded, malicious and spineless.

They are assholes, they pride themselves in being assholes and parasites, but they aren't clever or sane enough to actually achieve anything and for what little thing they achieve, they fuck up 5 more.

-ED chicks
-Sneaky male feminists
-bpd chicks
-Ryan Haywood types
-people like Jazz Jenning's or Eugenia Cooney's mother
-the sex pests of
-progressive types who try to force their creepy fetishes onto other ppl

The nastier the better. And ofc they have to be funny.
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Chewy Suarez

Something to sink your teeth into.
Feb 19, 2017
I can’t stand Nikkado Avocado or whatever his name is.

Usually, for me at least, with lolcows, they have that “charm” about them that keeps you intrigued to look into them. With Chris it’s like watching someone live their life like it’s written by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, and for someone like Yaniv it’s how far someone can exploit protections for being in a marginalized group that makes you question the system. It could be positive or negative but it keeps bringing you back and seeing what else they can do.

With Nik, that’s non-existent. He’s absolutely repulsive to look at and listen to that I can only watch five seconds of any video he’s in before turning it off. All he does is scream on the top of his lungs, bang his fists into tables with more food then a king’s round table, shit himself, or have a full-on tard breakdown. Even his voice is hard to listen to, it’s almost up there with Shmorky’s. I know it’s supposed to be like watching a train wreck you can’t do anything to stop judging from his past, but there’s so much better lolcows out there. I’m sick of seeing him everywhere and being touted around. I wish Peaches was still a thing, she at least was entertaining and had that “charm” albeit not a good one.

Enoby Way

Justice for Max, bath bombs for Fiona
Apr 15, 2020
My favourite lolcows are Allison Rapp and the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch aka the Kevin Gibes Cinematic Universe.
The main link between them is that they have a laundry list of bizarre and outright unbelievable stuff that comes with them that you would probably find in a Coen Brothers movie.

Alison Rapp was a pedo apologist working at a children's game company who made her barista husband take her last name then forced him to open their marriage, got caught posting hooker pics, got fired and didn't have the sense to stay quiet about it even though the company was willing to do so. Then her husband resigns from the same building in protest, it turned out her husband was trying to get escort work too, and on and on... and meanwhile she just kept relentlessly digging herself a professional hole by blasting everything out on her Twitter including shitting on her former boss.

Meanwhile Kevin Gibes is one of the most blatant un-self-aware AGPs out there, who lives in blissful denial that he has lost almost all feeling down there as a result of his vaginaplasty and is mildly famous on twitter. His tweets are so disgusting that you will learn the hard way not to eat while catching up on the past few days of his sperging. Oh and also he lives in a sexless poly triad with the troon owners of Tenacious Unicorn Ranch, which is an animal-hoarding, tranny-run "self sufficient" alpaca wool farm turned alpaca rescue that constantly grifts for money to solve problems instead of doing it themselves. They recently tendered for a local government recycling collection so now they also use horse trailers to collect peoples' trash. They also have not prepared for a Colorado winter. They are just failing upwards at an astonishing rate and the comedown is going to be immense.

I measure it by how easily could I astonish a friend by listing this stuff while we are both sober, then getting to say "but wait! There's more!" several times and having their mouths open further and further in disbelief. The more adjectival phrases I get to use the better.

There is a huge amount of narcissism, grooming, and emotional abuse caused by all these cows as well, but I don't really enjoy watching it happen, it's just kind of a prerequisite for all the insane shit they get up to.

Cows who sit around and don't *do* much other than lie, start drama, and whine, like Amberlynn and the rest of the deathfats, don't really interest me.


Three Time Survivor of the Rona Jab
May 30, 2013
I loved lolcows that made me feel better about myself and my life. I ultimately used lolcows to cope with low self-esteem and low self-worth. My favorites are Chris-Tran, Pixiteri, Connor Bible, ADF, Shaner, ForeverKailyn, JustinRPG, Prince Jeremy, Jace, Slaton sisters, and Sammy Bushart.

Now, that I honestly worked hard and improved my life, lolcows do not even mean that much to me anymore. There is honest to God no point in laughing at the mentally ill, intellectually challenged, or economically disadvantaged.

Dec 12, 2021
i havent reallt "gotten into" a lolcow, i have a hard time getting invested in someone when i most likely wont be the troll that causes the next harvest. someone help me