Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.) -

5t3n0g0ph3r

Resident Archivist
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Super Robot Wars games love to highlight this.

He's easily shot down cannon fodder in damn near all games, and sometimes the game send him to fight threats way the hell out of his league just to make his failure even more hilarious (like the Angels from Evangelion, practically a running gag in the first Alpha game).

One or two games let him be recruitable, but that's only after he acknowledges what a stunning fuckup he is first, which does not happen often.
If you played Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 & 3, you get to relive Jerid's lolcowness. Even when he is paired up with Master Asia from G Gundam Jerid still sucks!
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
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Ingrid Thorburn, the title character from the film Ingrid Goes West is a pretty good example of a Beauty Parlour cow. She’s a mentally unstable attention whore who latches onto popular Instagram people when they give her a tiny bit of attention such as liking a comment she posts or replying to one.

The opening scene of the movie, for example, is Ingrid showing up at a wedding and pepper spraying the bride for not having invited her. We later find out that Ingrid and the bride didn’t even know each other, Ingrid just stalked her on social media. The reason she “goes west” like the title says? Because after finding another vapid social media whore to obsess over, she decides to move all the way to California in order to stalk her.

I COULD go into more detail about why she’s a cow, but then I’d just end up giving a plot summary of the movie. You should watch it for yourself; good film.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
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Would Frost from Mortal Kombat count? She’s acknowledged as a talented fighter with a lot of potential, but her ego is still massively disproportionate to her ability. Basically her whole character arc is being a whiny brat and betraying everyone for not constantly showering her with praise. The villains in MK 11 all have selfish reasons for helping Kronika in her plan to rewrite history. Frost’s reason is that she’s salty that Sub-Zero leads the Lin Kuei and thinks she could do better at it, despite all the evidence pointing to the contrary.
 
P

PL 001

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What about Harold Lauder from Stephen King's The Stand?

He's a fat, pimply kid obsessed with a girl about ten years older than him. He's a pseudo-intellectual who writes God awful purple prose poetry. His nickname is "whack-off Lauder"

After the plague, he's more interested in coming on to Fran than surviving. He marks their trail for others to follow with candy bar wrappers. He finds her diary as they meet up with other people and he jizzes over it.

He actually has a chance to remake his image in the new community and be someone people like and respect, but he throws that away for a shot at pussy and ends up Blowing up a building, killing several people because he was jealous he wasn't getting any sexytime.
 

Overcast

Suck You Bus
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Having just played Bravely Default, Time Mage Khamer VIII.

Dude ruled the city of Anchiem and while the Wind Crystal was out of commission, he forced the citizens to work ridiculous hours to make up for the lack of wind powering the city's windmills. He uses Agnes as a scapegoat for the city's problems and deflects any personal responsibility and goes out of his way to put her down whenever he talks to her.

When things don't go his way, or when he later on gets caught in the act of a conspiracy involving the Duchy, he throws a hissy fit and tries to use his status as a way of expressing how superior he is to his opposition.

His VA did a great job at making him sound like a petulant child. Almost too good of a job.
 

Darwin Watterson

Custom titles are for nerds
True & Honest Fan
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Would Frost from Mortal Kombat count? She’s acknowledged as a talented fighter with a lot of potential, but her ego is still massively disproportionate to her ability. Basically her whole character arc is being a whiny brat and betraying everyone for not constantly showering her with praise. The villains in MK 11 all have selfish reasons for helping Kronika in her plan to rewrite history. Frost’s reason is that she’s salty that Sub-Zero leads the Lin Kuei and thinks she could do better at it, despite all the evidence pointing to the contrary.
Some more stuff I forgot to add: most of her character intros involve her either demanding respect from her opponent despite not doing anything to earn it, or making ridiculous, entitled demands like being allowed to lead Shao Kahn’s armies, or given control of Earthrealm’s jinsei supply. The other combatants all have none of her shit, though, and more or less tell her to fuck off and take a seat.

Her egotism also ends up massively crippling her own faction: The Lin Kuei cyber ninjas are all under her command, and are linked to her via a network; they literally cannot function without her. There is no evidence to suggest that she DOESN’T know this. With that in mind, the smart thing to do would obviously be to hang back and command them from a safe location. Instead, Frost’s overconfidence has her lead from the forefront. This allows Raiden to incapacitate/kill her (it’s not entirely clear), which in turn costs the villains a gigantic chunk of their forces.
 

Rick Pratt

Whiny poet
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Jason Dean from the Heathers movie/musical, he's a horrorcow, he manipulated the main character Veronica into making a fake suicide note after murdering the popular girl Heather Chandler and two other characters.

Patrick from Spongebob

Frank N' Furter from Rocky Horror Picture Show

Happosai from Ranma 1/2, he's petty,lazy, perverted and is just an overall jerk

Makoto from School Days

Alex from Clockwork Orange

Toast and his brother from Toast of London

Mark Corrigan and Daryl from Peep Show but at times Sophie was a bit of a jerk too

Douglas Reynholm from IT Crowd

Eddie Monsoon from Absolutely Fabulous, she's an irresponsible, childish, selfish mother to her daughter Saffy, her friend Patsy could also fall under the category but she's more self-aware of her selfish behaviour than Eddie is.

Nathan and Alisha from Misfits

Tony and Sid from Skins

The Mother from the Black Mirror episode Arkangel

Kristine and Rimmer from Red Dwarf

Rick from The Young Ones (is often a snarky spoiled tantrum throwing hypocrite, claims to want to change the world with a "revolution", but doesn't really know much about politics, isn't good with social cues, has 0 friends aside from the housemates who mostly just prank him or argue with him,when a runaway criminal ends up at their house,he lies about getting with her, because of the constant running gag of the other roommates mocking Rick for the fact he's a virgin,technically most of the young ones cast could count as lolcows or horrorcows but mainly Neil and Rick would count,at least Vyvyan and Mike at least make an effort to improve their lives despite living in a un-hygienic student house with nothing but lentils to eat

Richie and Eddie from Bottom, lazy, jobless, perverted layabouts, usually Richie is the one trying to make a bit more of an effort than Eddie, despite his bad cooking abilities, other times he's delusional, whiny and a bit of an incel.
 
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GethN7

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What about Shinji from Fate: Unrimited Brade Works?
Shinji Matou is the Fate series lolcow with some horrorcow for flavor no matter what incarnation we are talking about.

He's the short bus kid from a family of mages and he has no power to speak of, so he basically had to steal it from a sister who is qualified, one who he rapes quite a bit because she's usually too much a doormat for other reasons (until one route she makes him pay dearly when she snaps), and he dies pretty early in every route as a human speed bump, crying like the arrogant little bitch he is.

Even the lighter and softer adaptations make him a total loser who gets treated like a POS no one likes.
 
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CheezzyMach

Superior Tentacle Rapist
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If you played Dynasty Warriors Gundam 2 & 3, you get to relive Jerid's lolcowness. Even when he is paired up with Master Asia from G Gundam Jerid still sucks!
Ironically in DWG2 he does get a badass moment where he calls Shinn Asuka *and by proxy the entire Seed cast* out on their wishy-washy approach to war and forces him to sit down and shut up by beating the shit out of him in his Gundam.
 
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5t3n0g0ph3r

Resident Archivist
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Continuing on the Gundam theme, I present a lolcow that flushed victory to engage his military forces to An Hero campaign:

Ramba Ral

In his unit's first engagement with White Base, Ral piloted his Gouf and led a small detachment of troops.
They successfully cripple the Gundam and nearly brought White Base to its knees. At this point, any sane military commander would have demanded Captain Bright to surrender. If they did not comply, then White Base would have been destroyed. Simple, right?
What does Ramba Ral do at the height of victory (it is within his grasp and all he has to do is squeeze)?

He and his men just suddenly retreat.
Yup. He leaves the battlefield just as they were to secure victory.


What occurs after this moment is the systematic suicide of Ral and his entire unit. Within the span of the next eight episodes, Ral sacrifices his entire stock of ammunition, mobile suits, and the lives of his men to take down White Base. Ral himself ends up An Hero via grenade! As an extra cherry on top, his widow comes after White Base in the very next episode and she ends up getting killed in battle.

This tard threw away victory only to let the very enemy he let live be the needless death of himself, his wife, and every soldier under his command.

Sure, chalk it up to pure idiocy and crappy writing on the staff of Mobile Suit Gundam. But if we talk in-universe, I'm sure anyone would agree that Ramba Ral is a lolcow and a disgrace as a commander.
 

CheezzyMach

Superior Tentacle Rapist
kiwifarms.net
Continuing on the Gundam theme, I present a lolcow that flushed victory to engage his military forces to An Hero campaign:

Ramba Ral

In his unit's first engagement with White Base, Ral piloted his Gouf and led a small detachment of troops.
They successfully cripple the Gundam and nearly brought White Base to its knees. At this point, any sane military commander would have demanded Captain Bright to surrender. If they did not comply, then White Base would have been destroyed. Simple, right?
What does Ramba Ral do at the height of victory (it is within his grasp and all he has to do is squeeze)?

He and his men just suddenly retreat.
Yup. He leaves the battlefield just as they were to secure victory.


What occurs after this moment is the systematic suicide of Ral and his entire unit. Within the span of the next eight episodes, Ral sacrifices his entire stock of ammunition, mobile suits, and the lives of his men to take down White Base. Ral himself ends up An Hero via grenade! As an extra cherry on top, his widow comes after White Base in the very next episode and she ends up getting killed in battle.

This tard threw away victory only to let the very enemy he let live be the needless death of himself, his wife, and every soldier under his command.

Sure, chalk it up to pure idiocy and crappy writing on the staff of Mobile Suit Gundam. But if we talk in-universe, I'm sure anyone would agree that Ramba Ral is a lolcow and a disgrace as a commander.
I haven't seen the episode in a long time but don't the Guncannon and Guntank show up to back up the Gundam and force Ral to retreat? I mean it's possible he could have fought them all off but at the same time I can't really blame the guy for retreating in that case.
 

5t3n0g0ph3r

Resident Archivist
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I haven't seen the episode in a long time but don't the Guncannon and Guntank show up to back up the Gundam and force Ral to retreat? I mean it's possible he could have fought them all off but at the same time I can't really blame the guy for retreating in that case.
The Guntank got knocked out of commission during the fight.
 

5t3n0g0ph3r

Resident Archivist
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...I see. Carry on then.
We were both right. The Guntank did get knocked out in the beginning of the fight, but they managed to get operational in time to cover Amuro's fail. Both the Guntank and Guncannon covered Amuro. Honestly, Ral could have still taken out both of them (let's face it, the Guntank is not as fast as a Gouf).
 

CheezzyMach

Superior Tentacle Rapist
kiwifarms.net
We were both right. The Guntank did get knocked out in the beginning of the fight, but they managed to get operational in time to cover Amuro's fail. Both the Guntank and Guncannon covered Amuro. Honestly, Ral could have still taken out both of them (let's face it, the Guntank is not as fast as a Gouf).
Maybe but I can still see why he wouldn't risk it in that case. If he died the whole operation goes fubar. Better to retreat and wait for those shiny new Doms. * Ral knew the White Base was pretty much fucked and had no idea M'Quve would screw him over*
 

5t3n0g0ph3r

Resident Archivist
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Maybe but I can still see why he wouldn't risk it in that case. If he died the whole operation goes fubar. Better to retreat and wait for those shiny new Doms. * Ral knew the White Base was pretty much fucked and had no idea M'Quve would screw him over*
Ramba Ral is still exceptional in my book.
After the third attempt, I would have reassessed what resources I had available and held off attacking until reinforcements came (never did), but continue to monitor White Base. Ramba Ral? Nope.
"4th attempt underway!"
"Failed? Try again!"
"What you mean we are out of mobile suits?! Attack, again!"
"Hmm.. Our numbers have dropped to unsustainable levels. Do we fall back and potentially link up with other Zeon troops on Earth to set a trap? Of course, not! LOL! Attack, again!"

As for M'Quve, I dislike him and his vase fetish, but he came up with a solid plan to defeat Amuro. The only weakness was the creators decided to shoehorn the Newtype concept right in the middle of the show and made Amuro OP enough to best M'Quve.
 

CheezzyMach

Superior Tentacle Rapist
kiwifarms.net
Ramba Ral is still exceptional in my book.
After the third attempt, I would have reassessed what resources I had available and held off attacking until reinforcements came (never did), but continue to monitor White Base. Ramba Ral? Nope.
"4th attempt underway!"
"Failed? Try again!"
"What you mean we are out of mobile suits?! Attack, again!"
"Hmm.. Our numbers have dropped to unsustainable levels. Do we fall back and potentially link up with other Zeon troops on Earth to set a trap? Of course, not! LOL! Attack, again!"

As for M'Quve, I dislike him and his vase fetish, but he came up with a solid plan to defeat Amuro. The only weakness was the creators decided to shoehorn the Newtype concept right in the middle of the show and made Amuro OP enough to best M'Quve.
That's fair.
 
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