Lolcows in Fiction (Books, TV, Movies, etc.) -

cuddle striker

please wait what is your genotype
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Well, I nominate a category of characters.

Slasher movie victims.
naw, they're usually boring suburban teens. the slashers, though, are usually troons (psycho, sleepaway camp), overly involved with their mothers (take your pick), completely batshit (Jason), or pedos (Freddy Kreuger).

Horror movies star horror cows.
 

Darwin Watterson

Holy fuck, the site looks like hot garbage now
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Here’s an unintentional horrorcow for you: Kirk Cameron’s character in the 1990’s TV movie, A Little Piece of Heaven. While this is supposed to be a feelgood Christmas film, literally the only change you’d have to make in order to turn it into a psychological thriller would be to swap out the whimsical music for something more suspenseful.

Kirk kidnaps orphaned children and takes them to his farm. He convinces them that they’re dead, and that the farm is heaven, so that they’ll play with his mentally r.etarded sister and keep her company. Incidentally, one of the kids is played by Jussie Smollett. Before he was faking hate crimes for attention, he was busy being the most fun part of the movie by virtue of not having any of Kirk’s bullshit.

Of course, since this is meant as a feelgood movie, Kirk receives no actual comeuppance despite being arguably a straight-up villain.
 

Yaoi Huntress Earth

My avatar is problematic.
kiwifarms.net
Here’s an unintentional horrorcow for you: Kirk Cameron’s character in the 1990’s TV movie, A Little Piece of Heaven. While this is supposed to be a feelgood Christmas film, literally the only change you’d have to make in order to turn it into a psychological thriller would be to swap out the whimsical music for something more suspenseful.

Kirk kidnaps orphaned children and takes them to his farm. He convinces them that they’re dead, and that the farm is heaven, so that they’ll play with his mentally r.etarded sister and keep her company. Incidentally, one of the kids is played by Jussie Smollett. Before he was faking hate crimes for attention, he was busy being the most fun part of the movie by virtue of not having any of Kirk’s bullshit.

Of course, since this is meant as a feelgood movie, Kirk receives no actual comeuppance despite being arguably a straight-up villain.
I remember the Cinema Snob covered that film and you're right, he is an unintentional horrorcow.
 

Midlife Sperglord

Sperging over console gaming.
kiwifarms.net
naw, they're usually boring suburban teens. the slashers, though, are usually troons (psycho, sleepaway camp), overly involved with their mothers (take your pick), completely batshit (Jason), or pedos (Freddy Kreuger).

Horror movies star horror cows.
Nah, most slasher victims are obnoxious to the point where the audience empathizes with the killer.
 

Crichax

Professional Degree in Jadeology
kiwifarms.net
I've just begun watching Atlanta (FX drama show), and I'm loving it. That being said, Paper Boy is a huge lolcow. He's a rapper who refuses to clean his goddamn house, associates with...bizarre and strange individuals, and is implied to bribe the owners of a club to let him and his friends in.

Also, everyone from Homestuck and Naruto are mega cows. Even waifu Jade.
 

cuddle striker

please wait what is your genotype
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Nah, most slasher victims are obnoxious to the point where the audience empathizes with the killer.
Boring teenagers aren't obnoxious. what movies are you talking about, actually? when I think "slasher" I think, Pieces, Friday the 13, etc.

Or they're rather generic and bland.
That's exactly right. There's nothing cow-like about them, they're not interesting, and I'd be hard-pressed to call them obnoxious.

Other horror genres maybe have lolcow protagonists, but not slasher films.
 
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Yaoi Huntress Earth

My avatar is problematic.
kiwifarms.net
That's exactly right. There's nothing cow-like about them, they're not interesting, and I'd be hard-pressed to call them obnoxious.

Other horror genres maybe have lolcow protagonists, but not slasher films.
There's one guy named Frankie in Final Destination 3 who could be considered a lolcow. (Especially if you save him in the choose-your-own adventure mode of the DVD.) He's an egotistical sexual harasser who only took the blame for these two women's tanning bed-related deaths was "if it wasn't for him they wouldn't have felt the pressure to look so good".

But Frankie is more of an exception.
 
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