Lolcows you miss/missed -

Jewelsmakerguy

(Cheesy 80s music intensifies)
kiwifarms.net
What happened in the end? Did all his socks get banned?
Most of them did. I think the DarthChaos account's still around, though not actively posting.

Null shut the thread down after everyone involved (including Solid) just began trading generic insults and quote editing. Second one was made just to discuss him without being as bad as the first one.
 

Sylvie Paula Paula

Running at 500 "bi"s per minute
kiwifarms.net
I miss martinfinnegan. [POWERLEVEL WARNING] We actually used to be mutuals on Tumblr (when I was about 13 or 14, 16 at the oldest) and she ended up blocking me for some reason after moving Tumblrs. She never had any rules saying "dont follow me if youre a minor" or anything like that, which made it even more confusing. [END POWERLEVEL]

Hearing about all the shit she's lied about is wild, especially given how many people (including myself) believed her.
 

Pandinus Imperator

kiwifarms.net
I had a personal lolcow who eventually gave up and disappeared from the face of the internet. I miss his shenanigans, I really do.

(Though I do hope he's okay and I didn't utterly destroy him in exploiting his pretentiousness for giggles)
 

Pointless Pedant

Waiting in queue for 2b2t
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I wasn't around for David Gonterman, who was supposed to be CWC before CWC, but later reformed. I'm not sure of the specifics, other than that he was a massive lolcow who liked Sonic.
 
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Tehshigelisok

I put the "Burger" in "Assburger"
kiwifarms.net
I miss Erik Mokracek, aka MGHSHour2a. Guy who used to post literally thousands of vids on YouTube, most of which were text-only reenactments of shitty old game shows with animu/80s cartoon characters. The rest were interchangeable bumpers for fictional TV shows/networks, with stock images and music and only the text changed.

He also had an absolutely garish website with Nearly Every Word In Capitals, Excessive Commas, And No Ends To His Sentences.

Sample quote:

I Love Pianos, And I Always Will, Any Color, Any Size, Old Or New, I Love Them Still, And I Want A Piano In My House So I Can Play It, And As Many Pianists Know, A Piano Can Be Played Without Electricity Or Batteries, My Friends Kimberly, Courtney, And Britnee Which I Filled Up With Love Puts The "Piano" In "Friends Walking Piano Cake" Which Is My Quote, My Debut Album, And A Game Show On Everything Friends, And May The Piano Work Every Day Especially When The Power Is Out.? And I Want To Win Grammies, And A Gold Medal, And $5,000 In Cash At The Grammy Awards, And If I Do, I Will Die, And Cry So Happily, And I Hope I Succeed, A Piano Is What I Want, So I Can Practice, So I Can Win!
Most of them were rambling about fictional game shows, defunct retail stores, fruit snacks.

You can read more of him here and here.

His YouTube channel and website both went down a few months ago, and it's pretty much hard to find his lulz now. He has a Facebook, but nothing lulzworthy has happened on it.
 
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