Lolcows you miss/missed -

Night Terror

this ice shall be your doom
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
this thread really separates the boomers from the zoomers doesnt it
on topic, my favourite old cow was werechu - as far as i can tell he grew up and stopped being such a moron
 

Elysian

kiwifarms.net
There was a lolcow thread on lolcow.farm about a girl named Kayla Day who used to be a popular soft nymphet uwu tumblr poet and high fashion model but then she got fat, started calling herself Ginger Bronson and writing shitty rap music about how she’s a poor ghetto trailer park ho. It got funny when an anon doxed her and found she actually lived in a fancy mansion with her rich parents. She spray painted the walls of her bedroom and put foil on the windows to make it fit her trashy aesthetic lmao. Another anon made a parody of one of her songs and put it on soundcloud which was pretty funny too.

At some point she just disappeared of the face of the internet though. Some of her music is still up but she nuked a lot of her social media and I kinda miss her since she was a pretty funny yet also ultimately harmless lolcow.
 

Angry Shoes

Red Wire: Right Temple, Black Wire: Left Temple
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Not a lolcow in the general sense but I miss the Jesus chatline. Still fucked up that Jay actually passed away. Rest in peace Steven.
Holy shit this brings back memories. I remember laughing at this and TrueCapitalistRadio call-ins back in college.

Is Ghost still out there yelling and throwing beer cans?
 

SuperSushiFighter

Tiddy Beer GF
kiwifarms.net
I missed Chris Chan being in his prime simply because I was too young and didn’t go online searching for internet weirdos.

I first heard of him back when he was arrested for the Game Stop thing back in 2014 was it? I don’t even remember. But that was my first introduction into Lolcowdom.

A year later I heard more about him and got addicted. I eventually joined Kiwi Farms and the rest is history.

But I see pics of how he once was, and it sucks I couldn’t be there back then to laugh at him and see him actually look like somewhat of a normal person appearance wise.
 

Muncie Anderson

Hey Jesse! Now Jerome!
kiwifarms.net
Last month, the alleged horror/sci-fi author Nickolaus Pacione resurfaced on Reddit with a very strange and incoherent attack on the Publix supermarket chain. It honestly makes little sense, in true Pacione fashion. There's a link to an employee complaining that he or she wasn't being offered enough money by Publix to settle an injury claim, and Nicky adds some odd sidebar about a college graduate he saw working at one of the stores and how he "felt his intelligence insulted".

Keep in mind that Nickolaus Pacione has not held any sort of job since 1999, and claims that he has a "career" in writing and publishing. He claims to be disabled and has collected a monthly tugboat in lieu of working; most of which is gone within days of receiving the check (Pacione isn't as bad as Chris when it comes to managing money). And he also has had a history of attacking his enemies who hold down full-time employment, insinuating that these people aren't intelligent enough or creative enough to be a full time writer and editor.

Other Redditors begin commenting, claiming to be "confused" and pointing out that he can't string a sentence together. Nickolaus argues with a lot of them, boasting about his "accomplishments" and challenging the "grocery baggers" to produce articles and blog posts like he has done. Eventually, and perhaps unwittingly, Pacione reveals the true reason for his animosity towards Publix. Spoilers: It has nothing to do with the treatment of its hourly employees, or how someone with a college degree might feel having to work in retail while working towards another goal:

My family is trying to get me to work at Publix though I saw the stigma my classmates, family friends and extended family had when they worked at Jewel where they had some college or graduated. The degree they studied for became obsolete.
Yes, a 43 year old man-child is mad that his mother and stepfather are suggesting that he get off the computer once in a while and actually find something to do that will get him out of the house and out of their hair for twenty to forty hours a week. Sounds familiar, doesn't it.

A big similarity between Chris and Nicky is, they both have their fantasy words that they're going to protect at all costs, so they're going to get pissed at anyone suggesting they go out and find work. Chris has Sonichu and CWCville; Nick has an imaginary publishing company. However, Pacione never seemed all that interested in collecting toys and obsessing over video games, since that would go against his persona of an internet tough guy from Chicago who thinks he's the darkest horror author to ever commit word to paper.
 

The Fool

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Surprised I didn't post it in here but I miss the days of watching Robert/Rika chimp out on /cow/. Anyone remember those threads? He'd keep pretending to be someone else and get immediately called out, and he did it so many times people just started responding to him with the Robbie Rotten Master of Disguise music video. He was so insulted by constantly seeing Robbie Rotten in his threads that he hallucinated Robbie's floating head chasing him out to his balcony while he was high on bath salts. He must have had like two dozen threads and he never changed his tactics in any of them, it was so fun to watch.
 

latter day taint

Shady Bitch
kiwifarms.net
Old school time but Neil Horan aka the Dancing Priest.

For those not familiar, Horan is a defrocked Irish Priest who attention whores at large events to "promote awareness of Jesus." He has fucked up several sports events but his biggest coup was assaulting a Brazilian marathon runner in 2004 at the Athens Olympics, which cost the runner the gold metal.

He also was arrested for kiddy diddling but not convicted.

Sadly his whacko social media has gone dark since last year. I am assuming based on his age he either kicked the bucket or is in a home.
 

CWCissey

Charming Man
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Old school time but Neil Horan aka the Dancing Priest.

For those not familiar, Horan is a defrocked Irish Priest who attention whores at large events to "promote awareness of Jesus." He has fucked up several sports events but his biggest coup was assaulting a Brazilian marathon runner in 2004 at the Athens Olympics, which cost the runner the gold metal.

He also was arrested for kiddy diddling but not convicted.

Sadly his whacko social media has gone dark since last year. I am assuming based on his age he either kicked the bucket or is in a home.
I thought he had a heart attack?

But it worked out fine as another priest had borrowed his car to raffle off after destroying the original car prize.
 

Dorami

✿ Melon Bread Lover ✿
kiwifarms.net
Even before I joined this site Andrea Avrett was one of my favorite artcows to follow, especially because of all the shenanigans that would happen in her thread. The fanfiction analysis/commentary, all of the Long John Silver avatars, I wish I had joined the farms back when that thread was at its peak. Now not only she is inactive on DeviantArt but the thread has been dead for the longest time.
 

Alex Krycek

All my friends are Skeletons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Dan Quinn used to be one of my favorites but he’s gone dark sadly. He used to make these rants involving Stevia blended into water being an elixir and just ranting at random people and businesses. Sometimes you see random homeless people in his videos. At one point one of his YouTube videos had a fucking dead body in it, and then he went dark for well over a year because he was in jail. He resurfaced but his videos were kinda low energy and he started streaming on YouTube and even seemed to enjoy it but those too have passed. I’m assuming he’s in a home and being monitored there for Meth use and being forced to take an Anti-Psychotic.
 
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