Lolcows you wish you could save (and how you'd do it) -

The Fool

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Nick Bate. I'd spring him from jail and keep him captive in a cage under my bed. One a year on his birthday I would put a tracking collar on him, release him and let him molest as many little girls as he can get his hands on. Then by dawn of the next day I'd go out with a tranquilizer gun to retrieve him. For the rest of the year I'd have him do menial chores around the house, mostly outside as I don't want him getting his feces all over my clean dining room. I'd pay him in food and anime figmas.
 

repentance

True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Ulillillia. I actually think he’s smart and decent but needs years of therapy and social interaction. I’m not even sure how I’d do it, I’m a Hipster that stays at home most of the time and I eat meat. I just know I’d like to help him if at all possible.
Uli is doing fine these days. He got a job, got a driver's licence and a car, and moved to Florida. He's one of the rare instances where the internet did some good.

Oh, and he loves swimming in the ocean now.
 
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Letthepowerofgoutcompelyo

An epic of epic epicness
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
He had a short run, but I could have gotten withawonder to parlay the best elements of his fandom into something longer lasting.
He never realized why we loved fucking around in his chat and doubled down on the league of legends shit.
Some of his best work was driving to get food. He needed a sidekick to play off his vibe, shoulda taken Simon the closet mexican with him. For example
 

Draza

BETRAYALLLLLLLLLLLL
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
I would like to save OnlyUseMeBlade from Alcoholism, because he's going to die soon in a very slow and painful death in the rate he's going at. But since he's a groper and a rapist I am a bit reluctant to do so.
 

Alex Krycek

All my friends are Skeletons
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Uli is doing fine these days. He got a job, got a driver's licence and a car, and moved to Florida. He's one of the rare instances where the internet did some good.

Oh, and he loves swimming in the ocean now.
I heard he lost his job.
 
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Prophetic Spirit

Dumb of Dojima at its finest
kiwifarms.net
Murrlogic1, because...
He needs let Asami go, TLOK isn't worth overall
Anyway, the only one thing i could save him is isolate in a dark room & force to play all Yakuza games for enlighten his poor mind.
Or literally search a japanese succesful bussiness woman but... that's impossible knowing him.
 
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