Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Ampersandy]

I've had a total of two friends turn trans, only to swiftly disappear into the void (aka. stop communicating entirely). Of course, before disappearing, their opinions would turn into weird, control-freak type statements. I was also, at one point, interested in/flirting with a girl who turned FTM.

Now, for a more uplifting tidbit; my girlfriend had an alternative gender thing going on when I met her, and now, after a few years, she's made a full recovery. At one point we had a pretty emotional moment, where she admitted to me that she was very grateful that I had made her question that stuff, and that she had no idea how her life would've gone if she had gone down that path.

 

[Govt. Shitposting Machine]

I have a couple of people who were in my life and trooned out but I'm not mentally prepped to bitch about that today, so I'll bitch about a mutual I follow since this one is interesting. Followed this chic because we had similar hobbies and political beliefs (sorta). Decent internet friend!

She grew up surrounded by homophobia, felt guilty for liking women and assumed she must have been a boy etc etc you know the usual FtM deal. Supposedly got sexually assaulted by a MtF and that's what made her seek out radical feminism as a way of comfort and trying to get her life back on track by detransitioning.
It's extreme but understandable given her circumstances and anyone who is in our kind of hobby circles sick of the troon shit probably saw that as a breath of fresh air kek.
Though over the course of interacting with her, I've seen her befriend other people similar to her growing up but who ended up transitioning to FtM anyway. And I swear to god this is like the weirdest instance of public grooming I've seen.
Like that one FtM is friends with a bunch of other MtF, so of course the entire group of trannies all start lovebombing her and flirting with her. Which is a deadly combo if you grew up touchstarved and neglected, most people know that.
Anyway now she thinks she's a he/him lesbian, quit her job and moved back in with her parents to start HRT instead of before where she was starting to live independently and accept the fact that she indeed, a butch lesbian, and stop self harming through drugs and other medication.
Like right now she just posted she's excited to see a new doctor for HRT because he's MtF, how the fuck am I supposed to react to this?

Sadly, since I want to remain on good terms, I can't exactly tell her "Holy shit you've basically undone your entire life for these weird internet troons" without her trying to cause a scene so I'm just kinda watching her from afar at this point.
It's frustrating to see this kind of shit happen and you can't call it out because you're considered a bad person for doing so.
Just wanna shitpost about weeb and tech shit without troons invading holy fuck

 

[It Burns]

I've only known two people who trooned out, but wasn't all that close with them, thankfully. Genuinely not looking for support myself here as I've found my own way of dealing with people destroying themselves over various things, but maybe someone will find bits of this interesting. That said, I can probably offer some advice; contact me if you want.

Spoiler: The First

The one I knew in person, he (MtF) is the son of two older family friends. At first he just struck me as your usual Asperger's autist who was socially awkward and just never knew when to shut up, then his parents started telling me about his cross-dressing and eventually started saying he's transgender. Before he started making that all official, for what that's worth, he had been having trouble keeping jobs, coming in very late, unwashed, that sort of thing. Eventually, that family got a bit more pushy about what they believed to be the case with gender dysphoria and it just became difficult to hang out with them, talk about world events, share some homemade food without things becoming awkward for some trans/gender based nonsense. These family friends had already dropped any effort to stay in touch with my parents the previous year for unrelated reasons, but maintained ties with me up until these events. We've known them for as long as I can remember and I would not have the quality of life I do today without them; it really is unfortunate for things to have fizzled out in this manner.

Spoiler: The Second

The second is more interesting because I managed to do a little Q&A on why she (MtF) transitioned. Turned out this wasn't something new and she had seen a therapist some time in middle school and was talked down, only to have something snap after high school and be reassured by a psych specializing in gender dysphoria that getting on HRT is the right course of action. Just a fun, little coincidence, I' sure. I asked why she wanted to transition and the answer was this: "Men are terrible and I do not want to be associated with them" and "I like women's clothing; it's just so much more varied and appealing." What really gets me, however, is this person didn't want to get a vaginoplasty because it's "scary," but is totally cool with getting on HRT, which has far more severe effects on one's body. My guess is that surgery is just so much more visceral and sudden than popping pills. She was also under the impression that existing fat stores would just move around to where they ought to be a woman. Maybe overexposure to social media, hentai, and written fiction in addition to an existing mental disorder/deficiency? Just all kinds of mental fuckery.

Spoiler: A Former Friend

Those two out of the way, there is one person I knew while going to university who's likely at risk of falling into this same mess within a couple years or so. We were rather close as well, best friends, maybe, so everything that happened to her that put her on this path is tragic to me on some level. Hell, I start shaking sometimes when I consider it all. The reason I say she's at risk is because she has a long history of crossdressing, has friends who transitioned, her being totally unfazed when finding out, has recently been diagnosed with severe autism, and she's surrounded herself with a hugbox of people who will not question any of her choices. Just as an example for that last point, she started posting things on onlyfans, her explanation being that jobs are hard to come by, and everyone she knows is cool with it despite it being obvious, at least to me due to how defensive she is about it, that it's rapidly wearing down whatever little psychological stability she has left. My guess is that once she can find a way to get on some sort of welfare, she'll drop onlyfans and start taking HRT, living out the rest of her life renting a basement.

As much as I'd like to help her in some way, she's made it clear that she's bent on burning herself out over what she thinks is sustainable independence. In hindsight, I really should have known better; I've seen enough people I care about self-destruct that I've gotten a sense for the signs. I've also learned that there's no point in putting effort into someone this deep into whatever personal crusade they think they're fighting as I'd only be doing harm to myself stressing over it all in the long run.

To paraphrase someone earlier in this thread, "you can't unfuck a train wreck."

 

[Based Coffee Man]

This is more of an indirect future loss, I guess.

Buddy of mine started dating a FtM earlier this year, idk how far into the transition they are because they're the fat kind of androgynous. FtM troons are generally less autistic about the whole ordeal but this one makes it their personality. Comes up every god damn time we do something as a group, and gets a solid minute of dead air. We play the pronouns game and treat them fine, because they are still a person, it just gets grating after a while. Other friends are too polite to say anything and it's not really a fight I want to have with someone I've known for like a decade. Just worried that down the line, if they're still dating, FtM troon might 50% themselves and fuck my friend up real bad. Love him like a brother and he's depressed as all hell normally.

 

[1440p Curved Monitor]

Anyway now she thinks she's a he/him lesbian, quit her job and moved back in with her parents to start HRT instead of before where she was starting to live independently and accept the fact that she indeed, a butch lesbian, and stop self harming through drugs and other medication.
Like right now she just posted she's excited to see a new doctor for HRT because he's MtF, how the fuck am I supposed to react to this?

See, this is something I don't get about troons. Like your friend was independent and was getting her life back on track... And then she slips into a body mod cult, moves in with parents and probably doesn't realize how her life was better before. Almost all of the trans people that I known had their life get worse after transitioning. People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins lives.

 

[wedgehog]

I know at least five or six, but there's only one who's interesting enough to talk about. In high school I bonded with a very femme guy over a shared love of fashion. We would go to thrift stores and try on dresses together, then go home and do each other's makeup. He didn't think of himself as a woman, and neither did I; we were just dorky theater kids messing around. I distinctly remember him telling me once that he "couldn't imagine not having a penis".

We remained friendly for a few years after high school and gradually lost touch. About a year ago (a good ten years post-graduation), he messaged me out of the blue to tell me he was transitioning and to thank me for the role our friendship played in "cracking his egg". I sincerely hope he is happy. But it makes me sad that someone who by his own admission does not experience physical dysphoria feels the need to medicalize his gender non-conformity. In a different society, he could have been a successful drag queen or makeup artist.

I miss the age of true gender benders. I don't know if we'll ever get it back. It used to be so campy and fun and genuinely subversive. In 2021, it's a rigid, humorless caricature of itself, reinforcing the stereotypes it was once instrumental in breaking.

 

[Govt. Shitposting Machine]

See, this is something I don't get about troons. Like your friend was independent and was getting her life back on track... And then she slips into a body mod cult, moves in with parents and probably doesn't realize how her life was better before. Almost all of the trans people that I known had their life get worse after transitioning. People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins lives.

The real bizarre shit is that she just fell for it all again after going deep into radical feminism and lesbian seperationism, and the minute she talks to one tranny, she believes it all again.
Even after learning the truth, how can you go back to believing all of the lies? You saw how it ruined you and your relationships before and now you're doing it AGAIN? I already crawled out of pro troonery years ago and can't see myself ever going back to advocating for them.
It's some fucking Stockholm syndrome shit.

 

[Tree]

See, this is something I don't get about troons. Like your friend was independent and was getting her life back on track... And then she slips into a body mod cult, moves in with parents and probably doesn't realize how her life was better before. Almost all of the trans people that I known had their life get worse after transitioning. People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins lives.

Probably not so much transitioning causing these things as much as a failed mental state causing them both. I have to think this is modernity (the internet and all its consequences) breaking people in all sorts of different ways.

Only exposure I've had to this insanity is my brothers friend's middle school sister was ugly and fat and sad about it so "transitioned" (taking hormones) for the social capital. Hard to think they would bother if it weren't for the special treatment. It's sad because I have a heavy relative who is heavy but she's a nice lady married to a respectable heavy guy. If this girl would have just had to tough it out chances were good she'd be all right too, but now who knows how fucked her future is, partly from the drugs, but equally from the sorts of people she'll find herself around now.

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

I'm sorry to hear that. That's one thing about people trooning out I never understood, how they are so willing to believe almost strangers while completely ignoring friends and loved ones who have been there for them forever. That must be some sort of mental defect, because it's really not normal.

People I know dropped out of school, lost their jobs, broke up with partners, got addicted to drugs, etc. It's baffling. Transitioning ruins live

I think you guys are looking at this from a rational perspective of someone and not a warped one.

Here's my guesses:

• Lovebombing - incredibly powerful for touch and attention starved people as well as those with low self esteem, mildly powerful for those who don't. Also incredibly attractive to narcs.
• Looking for a group - those who feel lonely in their current area even if they have family and friends farther away. Covid has shown how crazy people can get when isolated, and being alone without a decent ability to make friends or the opportunity to makes ANY accepting group attractive. A lot of high school incels who grow out of it say that's why they hung out when they were there. Even if something is bad, its better to be surrounded by people than cast out of a group to some people.
• The Panacea - a solid answer to life's complex problems like "you're depressed and anxious about 4 different things that happened in the past plus you have a phobia and low self esteem and hardly any friends" isn't years of therapy and medication roulette, its "YOU WERE A [GENDER] THIS WHOLE TIME!" Therapy isn't a straight path. Transgenderism is seen as one in spite of the movement trying to say "explore your gender, everything is malliable". It has clear steps and everything, just look at the MtF timeline: put on lady clothes, say and act like ladyee, get hormones, then you either stop because you're not THAT dysphoric about your dick or you keep chopping things off and putting them on until you realize all that you just did won't change that you have to live with yourself as a person and body forever and the panacea was a lie the whole time.
• Sunk cost fallacy - the more time one sinks into troons or a group of "friends" who are troons, the more one wants to not admit they were wrong and suckered in. Plenty of former cultist and literature about cultist will talk about this much better than I can, its worth a read if you're autistic about psych and have the time. It is surprisingly powerful.
• Shit self esteem and doubt - if you're a person who's been worn out by bullying or what have you, you will let others think for you. Maybe its because you were told you were stupid so others are smarter than you, maybe it was because you are so used to going with the flow and keeping in line (because if you didn't daddy would beat you for not walking on egg shells), maybe something else. Whatever it is, you're camouflaging yourself so stronger personalities or people you are terrified of dropping you don't hurt you. Its a hard cycle to break without therapy or a good epiphany.

In hindsight, I really should have known better; I've seen enough people I care about self-destruct that I've gotten a sense for the signs.

What are the self destruction signs, if I may ask? I think those would help people in this thread greatly. Feel free to share any other tips if you feel like it as well, a lot of us need copium.

 

[Gravityqueen4life]

you guys sure have alot of friends that tron out. growing up in a ghetto was a good thing no faggots around.

 

[The Emperor Skeksis]

and being alone without a decent ability to make friends or the opportunity to makes ANY accepting group attractive.

But a lot of them DO have friends and loving relatives, that's the thing. It's the friends that are posting here, about suddenly losing someone they're known for years. The question is, why are the 'old' friends and relatives not enough for these people, causing them to seek out toxic groups. Maybe that's where the lovebombing comes in...

 

[CobraPlissken]

Spoiler: long, potential indirect powerleveling

So far, I only have one (former) friend who trooned out: a severely underweight young woman diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and anorexia nervosa (binge-eating/purging type), a history of parental abandonment (her dad abandoned her family to raise another one in the other side of the country only to suddenly come back years later like nothing had happened; her alcoholic mom was too drunk to care about her daughter cutting her own limbs, starving herself and throwing up what little she ate to the point it visibly fucked up her teeth with stomach acid) and grooming by a male teacher in her teens.

Back then I didn't think it was a red flag, but she was really obsessed with that tranny Tim Curry character and what seemed to be an effeminate, young male character from what looked like an old Italian pedo-bait film? (fake edit: I searched a bit and it turns out it was Björn Andrésen from Death in Venice). While not styling herself as intentionally androgynous, due to the years-long, extreme malnourishment, she was physically stunted to the point she looked like an 11yo, so obviously she felt very out of place as a woman in her twenties.

We lost contact for a few years and I recently found out that after sharing a place with not only one, but TWO FtMs who 41%'d themselves WHILE LIVING WITH HER, she's trooned out too, considers herself an enby but uses exclusively male pronouns, is medically transitioning (which horrifies me the most, since she's always had very poor grasp on her own identity, and with her internal organs already wrecked by anorexia nervosa, she's the last person who should be taking T), is in a long-distance relationship with a MtF tranny (but she's 100% queer and totally not straight with extra steps!!), and her social media profiles, which used to be quite artsy and interesting, are now just lonely screeches to the void with zero engagement about how much she hates herself, how she should've died a long time ago and how she always drives the people she loves away (not to mention the odd self-aware comment on how no one actually sees and will ever see her as anything other than a female).

I'm sad for her, because even though she was very mentally ill, she was a really sweet, bright and talented girl, and for a while she seemed to be making progress against her learned helplessness, gaining independence from her parents and becoming successful in her professional little niche, and had she found proper treatment and kept distance from her dysfunctional family, I think she could manage her illness well enough to live a fulfilling life.

Unfortunately, transgenderism rotted her brain to the point of no return: she's just a neet living with parents who don't give a fuck if she kills herself under their roof as long as she doesn't interrupt their alcohol binges; she doesn't have any ambition, wasted years doing nothing for her career, and she didn't even use this time to raise a family of her own, so she has nothing going for her; she's driven away the "transphobes" who genuinely cared about her, and has only other tranny crabs-in-a-bucket as her "friends"; her barely pubescent-looking body is now covered with hair along with the self-harm scars and she's probably sporting a clenis, not to mention the irreversible damage to her organs at this point.

It is sad to admit it, but I do think she's better off killing herself than living like that, and I don't have any hope she will get better.

 

[BroccoliBrain]

Without powerlevelling I think I have some worthwhile advice although it only applies to people with relatively mild personal problems and not troonery that stems from fetishes or those with backgrounds out of a horrorcow thread. They need to be put in an environment that gives them something to do outside of the cult. It could be anything, a club, a band, a job, classes, it has to get them away from the internet and back into the physical world where they achieve things and have accomplishments that has nothing to do with transgenderism - where trooning out objectively becomes more trouble than it's worth.

Unfortunately I know you can't play personal therapist to friends. You can't always be there to catch them. I DO NOT recommend 'redpilling' them but if they're still willing to listen to you, keep challenging their thinking. And I don't mean debate/argue with them but... question them, as if you're just incredibly ignorant and need them to explain how things work from the ground up. Keep asking 'why' and hopefully they're intelligent enough to catch on and do a bit of self-reflection because people who defect from cults always began by thinking for themselves.

Some people are too weak-willed to do that or they're too far gone, but I'd rather think of solutions for those who can still turn things around. Better than rolling over and declaring the world is ending because of troons.

 

[1440p Curved Monitor]

think you guys are looking at this from a rational perspective of someone and not a warped one.

That's a good point. I've been in worse positions and mental states than more than half of the transpeople I know yet somehow I haven't trooned out. Being grounded to reality is probably the biggest factor.

They need to be put in an environment that gives them something to do outside of the cult. It could be anything, a club, a band, a job, classes, it has to get them away from the internet and back into the physical world where they achieve things and have accomplishments that has nothing to do with transgenderism - where trooning out objectively becomes more trouble than it's worth.

Notice how in the trans community, they actively try to make troons only socialize with other troons. There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring. Pulling them out to groups where there isn't trans people will be hard because they're encouraged not to and will feel scared when they're not surrounded by their cult.

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

That's a good point. I've been in worse positions and mental states than more than half of the transpeople I know yet somehow I haven't trooned out. Being grounded to reality is probably the biggest factor.

Notice how in the trans community, they actively try to make troons only socialize with other troons. There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring. Pulling them out to groups where there isn't trans people will be hard because they're encouraged not to and will feel scared when they're not surrounded by their cult.

I feel you. It really is different for everyone. I feel like I could have trooned out as a gounger woman due to disliking my breast and enjoying masculine hobbies, but never did since it was before the troon crusade and I was absolutely fine with my body otherwise, something that plays a critical road to avoidance. Glad you're connected to reality for this.

You knoe, in spite of their fear mongering, it is more likely most of them want cis partners. Imagine that.

 

[Sinner's Sandwich]

There's constant fearmongering over how cis people are evil and out to get you. Also there's the attitude that cis people are lame and boring.

But on the other hand these insane ghouls are always angry that "cis" people don't want to date them. You would think they would push t4t (troons dating troons) but that's not happening.

"Cis" is just troon speak for normal people. It's dumb bullshit but what do you expect from this cult?

 

[It Burns]

What are the self destruction signs, if I may ask? I think those would help people in this thread greatly. Feel free to share any other tips if you feel like it as well, a lot of us need copium.

The best way I can describe this to others in a general sense is some sort of massive break from or compromise of an individual's strongly held beliefs/characteristics, usually in order to support another long-held belief or characteristic. The details of these are going to be different for everyone, but in my experience this is the last step before one more crisis that finally starts the meltdown. That's not to say a meltdown is guaranteed, some people may manage to right themselves, but it's usually too late to do anything at this point.

That or I'm a person on the internet who's a bit schizo and trying to rationalize why people turn out even crazier than me. Take your pick.

 

[TiredAndInked]

Known a few who've transitioned and it was just another day. If they're happy and not hurting anyone. Cool.

Then there's my ex.

Been together for eight years. She became obsessed with an online D&d show. Met someone there. Would stay at work late to video chat. Believed this person (who claims to have multiple personalities) is their actual twin soul and they're going to spend the next hundred lifetimes together. Went trans with the xey/xem thing. They got married six months later to the cheater, and only reason I knew is because they had to email me with the "being trans gives me a blank check to be this way".

Tldr: I did the numbers and took a chance, but Holy fuck I'm bad at math.

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

They got married six months later to the cheater, and only reason I knew is because they had to email me with the "being trans gives me a blank check to be this way".

Tldr: I did the numbers and took a chance, but Holy fuck I'm bad at math.

I'm glad for your chill friends, but holy shit you can win "most nonviolently derranged exs" competition wherever you go. I hope you got some good support for that and got yourself right from that.

I'd say an email absolving herself from her dickery was tasteless, but this is a person who wants to be known as xe so her taste are long gone.

That's not to say a meltdown is guaranteed, some people may manage to right themselves, but it's usually too late to do anything at this point.

I'm logging this for a rainy day to see if your hypothesis works, and I have a feeling it does. Thanks man.

 

[PandaChai]

I am absolutely terrified that one or more of my siblings will troon out. Without giving too much away, each has their own risk factors which make me worry. It's callous, but after the child of a family friend came out as trans she soon after sadly took her own life, and that might be just enough to deter them from following the same path.