Losing people to transgenderism support thread - Support group for trans widows and other people who lost loved ones to troonism

[Aaa0aaa0]

Daaaym

Thanks
Thought about this a lot. One of the reasons I started this thread.

You can never become masculine "enough", or feminine "enough", because it is all coming from the external validation.

I'd like to add that it also comes from internal: you have to think you're the man/woman/nb, but even if you pass and everyone respects your pronouns, theres a bunch of troons with nagging doubts left because as you said, you can't escape yourself.

Otherwise, thanks & right on. Putting good words to paper

 

[Blood Debts]

Was in a video call a few months back with my sisters and the middle one announced that one of our old friends that she plays D&D with trooned out, but she wasn't going to say who to protect their privacy. I absolutely knew who it was and told her so; she got awkward and tried to keep the mystery going, but I knew exactly which of the people we both knew would be inclined to troon. Dude was a weirdo we've known since high school with the unfortunate combination of being both ugly and arrogant/condescending; rail-thin, mountainous expanses of acne, absolutely no charisma and talked down to girls about everything, especially shared hobbies. We really only hung out with him to play on his Nintendo 64 and because he had Internet. I think my middle sis only still hung out with him out of pity.

"Well, she wants to be called a female name now," my sister says, already using his preferred pronouns. "What does she look like now?" my youngest sister asks. "She looks pretty much the same," my middle sister replies. "Although she's going to start taking hormones soon."

"I'm really happy for her," my youngest sister says. "I'm glad she can finally be happy with who she is. Tell her she's in my thoughts."

Despite me and my middle sis being somewhat friends with this guy, my youngest sister hated him. In fact, I'm pretty sure she hated him right up until the point he was revealed to be trans. But god forbid she hates him now. Don't want to look transphobic.

Except for guessing right in the Name That Troon part of the conversation, I remained silent until the subject went elsewhere. I was mostly just sick to my stomach that they've already started denying reality on his behalf, even though it's obvious he's trooning out because he's a failure of a human being and this way he gets the attention he wants with minimal effort. Shit's fucked up.

 

[Aaa0aaa0]

Was in a video call a few months back with my sisters and the middle one announced that one of our old friends that she plays D&D with trooned out, but she wasn't going to say who to protect their privacy. I absolutely knew who it was and told her so; she got awkward and tried to keep the mystery going, but I knew exactly which of the people we both knew would be inclined to troon. Dude was a weirdo we've known since high school with the unfortunate combination of being both ugly and arrogant/condescending; rail-thin, mountainous expanses of acne, absolutely no charisma and talked down to girls about everything, especially shared hobbies. We really only hung out with him to play on his Nintendo 64 and because he had Internet. I think my middle sis only still hung out with him out of pity.

"Well, she wants to be called a female name now," my sister says, already using his preferred pronouns. "What does she look like now?" my youngest sister asks. "She looks pretty much the same," my middle sister replies. "Although she's going to start taking hormones soon."

"I'm really happy for her," my youngest sister says. "I'm glad she can finally be happy with who she is. Tell her she's in my thoughts."

Despite me and my middle sis being somewhat friends with this guy, my youngest sister hated him. In fact, I'm pretty sure she hated him right up until the point he was revealed to be trans. But god forbid she hates him now. Don't want to look transphobic.

Except for guessing right in the Name That Troon part of the conversation, I remained silent until the subject went elsewhere. I was mostly just sick to my stomach that they've already started denying reality on his behalf, even though it's obvious he's trooning out because he's a failure of a human being and this way he gets the attention he wants with minimal effort. Shit's fucked up.

I'd let thoughts like this slip to your younger sister unless she's hardcore supportive. She knows him, she can at least see this guy is doing it for pity points.

Your middle sister I wouldn't since she has to interact with the guy. Unless she complains about him she doesn't need to get into a fight with an embarrassing dnd nerd over this.

 

[Real Gay Autist]

Friend of mine had the no-going-back-now surgery down there a couple weeks back. They've been radio silence ever since. Worried and scared for them.

 

[Dildo]

I've just had an argument about this today, and while I don't feel any guilt or shame about what I said I can see I definitely have caused a rift and further problems for myself saying it.

I get on very, very well with my partner's family. The in laws drop in several times a week unannounced, I babysit my partner's nieces and nephews fairly regularly and all that sort of thing. I don't mind it at all, it took a lot to get used to since my own family really aren't like that at all but I've adapted fairly well. They're all fairly atypical middle class socially progressive but economically conservative types.

Today my partner's older sister dropped in, and announced that her oldest girl at 16 has started to troon out. It seemed to happen pretty much over lockdown. She was a generic unremarkable peroxide blonde Starbucks wielding teenager who spent too much time on Instagram, but during the lockdown has spent increasing amounts of time becoming more withdrawn, spending even more time online and dressing in a fairly grungey manner. Slowly at first, but from what I gathered it hit lightning speed after her boyfriend of almost a year dumped her for a mutual friend.

Her mother has always been peak progressive "I want to be cool" Mom; she was nothing short of excited, her behaviour suggested to me she was actually pleased by the whole thing. In hindsight I should have seen it coming, but I stayed quiet and the partner was a bit dumbstruck.

"So, like we're going to hold a "Pride" party for his coming out. Itll be good to see we're all allies and he is valid. Maybe Dildo could make ?more of those cute cupcakes like he did for (other sisters) 30th?"

"Valid" must be a trigger word for me, because something clearly crossed my face while I was finding things to do in our open kitchen to avoid getting in on this. She asked what was up, I avoided answering, but she kept poking and poking and even my partner tried to pull her off that track (He doesn't have an opinion on troon shit and just says whatever he thinks will please his audience, ever the pacifist).

At first I said I couldn't go because they would post pictures and my role in a religion department wouldnt let me be political on current issues (my university wouldn't give a shit, it's secular), then I added on that sometimes it's nice to not have the spotlight on LGBT stuff because you want to be treated normally and not special or at least I know I did. "I'm really disappointed in you Dildo, and all of us, I had no idea you felt so oppressed by heteronormativity and we had all just not felt this".

"I'm not oppressed Jane (not her name), Im just not into Pride as a thing. Look at where I live and what I do, does it look like the straight white man is bullying me?"

Cutting it short I basically flat out admitted I don't want to get involved. I'll be nice, I'll use her pronouns to her face and even use her new name but please don't make me participate in this.

Jane went fucking rage mode. Shes in her mid forties and literally started full on screaming like a Tumblr feminist teenage girl that I was a bigot, shes disgusted, she thought I left my Catholic bigotry in the past and that I was a "threat to our (their families) children" and that she wouldn't step foot in our house again, she was just glad she didn't bring her kid to tell me because she can't imagine how much pain it would have caused her that her uncles partner (I was Uncle Dildo prior to this) was a "Tory bigot". I couldn't help but laugh at the last one, since other than her I'm fairly sure most of their family votes Conservative and even she's a very tentative Liberal Democrat who holds her nose at Labor.

To his credit, my guy did interceed on my behalf while she was there and told her to chill the fuck out and not to talk to me like that. Once she left, we had an argument where he wanted me to apologise and offer to make the cakes (The "It was just so big a shock, thank you for teaching me how to be an ally" speech) and now we're not talking today because I've dug my trench and said I'm not going to celebrate a teenage girl starting a lifetime of pillpopping.

Jane's father has called me today and told me in a very carefully worded way he wasn't entirely pleased with the news but "You know how things are these days, you have to be supportive".

It's wonderfully ironic. I'm being guilted by radlibs and browbeaten betas into make cupcakes for troons, I was fucking for the Christians not baking the gay cake.

I'm aware Kiwifarms isn't my support circle, but I thought I'd share since I'm sure you'll enjoy the irony.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Jane's father has called me today and told me in a very carefully worded way he wasn't entirely pleased with the news but "You know how things are these days, you have to be supportive".

It's wonderfully ironic. I'm being guilted by radlibs and browbeaten betas into make cupcakes for troons, I was fucking for the Christians not baking the gay cake.

I'm aware Kiwifarms isn't my support circle, but I thought I'd share since I'm sure you'll enjoy the irony.

Well, at least you have your cisgay privilege to comfort you.

That sucks. I know that sinking feeling as it hits close to home. A friend/family member starts to Body Snatchers screech and, more than that, you have the realization that things will never be the same again.

At least this way they won't start asking you to mentor a "young gay man" in an ill-fated quest for a boyfriend. I hope your guy comes around. Did his mom throw a big-ass party and invite the neighbors when he realized he liked dick?

 

[Buttigieg2020]

Childhood friend of mine lost his divorced father to cancer at a young age and was raised by his fairly successful workaholic mother. He had adhd, but was always very fun and friendly, until his late teens.

He became very irate and depressed after went to chef school and dropped out, college and dropped out, and some skill training thing and dropped out. Started spending a lot of time on the internet on Tumblr and began to isolate himself from his friends. Eventually he trooned out.

I haven’t seen him in awhile, but I’m told by his mother that he spends all his time in his room and is basically nocturnal. He won’t leave the house because he’s afraid he will be attacked or something. He lives in a very very liberal area, so I’m not sure what that’s about. He had a huge life insurance policy from his father but he spent it all, so now he’s broke and a literal NEET.

I guess I could’ve guessed he wasn’t going to have a healthy life when he had a meltdown over missing Big Bang theory at his family’s lake house. He was 18 at the time. I hope he’s ok, but I doubt things will improve, because his mother repeatedly enables him to throw his life away.

 

[Vingle]

we had an argument where he wanted me to apologise and offer to make the cakes (The "It was just so big a shock, thank you for teaching me how to be an ally" speech) and now we're not talking today because I've dug my trench and said I'm not going to celebrate a teenage girl starting a lifetime of pillpopping.

What I don't understand, is why he should care that you have a "good" relationship to them. For sure, he can meet them and leave you out. You wouldn't enjoy meeting them anyway.
This is a real asshole move by him, and you should be happy if the relationship is over.

Don't give in radicals, and think of this like this way. If the daughter has neo-penis surgery. She can't reproduce and pass on the crazy.

 

[Pitaya Argbod]

So, this case stuck out to me a lot, because I was nearing the end of high school and trying hard not to succumb to the troon epidemic at my school myself.
I was close friends with this Japanese-Canadian guy, I met over a fighting game forum. Let's call him "Al". He was a bit older than me, but we got along over fighters and shooters and MMOs. I think he had some issues with his parents since his mom and dad lived in Canada and Japan respectively and he had issues with his mother and not seeing his father a bunch. Overall, he was a little socially awkward but not without reason I guess

Anyway, Al and I were good friends, and one day, he tells me. I was like 16/17 during this time, so I was kind of aware of what kind of troonery had been going on in the US. After he told me for the 100th time that he had little hope for the future and was afraid of it, he tells me
"Pitaya Argbod, I think I'd be happier as a woman. I mean 'Al' is kind of a name for both genders". Never woulda thought it'd be him, so I'm like "Are you fuckin' serious", and I tell him that even if I tried, I couldn't accept something like that cause it just rubbed me the wrong way, and he tells me "Pitaya Argbod, that's pretty mean of you. You're supposed to be tolerant"

So, I wouldn't have any of it, and I told him I had to stop talking. I had summer school that year and that was the last I ever hear of him. I think it'll be 7 or 8 years now. I have no doubt he went 41%. I always remember this when I think of troons I try to talk out of it, but what can you do? :^) I've given up on trying to help my friends who troon out now. They'll never learn until the troon machine has its way with them.

 

[Dildo]

Well, at least you have your cisgay privilege to comfort you.

That sucks. I know that sinking feeling as it hits close to home. A friend/family member starts to Body Snatchers screech and, more than that, you have the realization that things will never be the same again.

At least this way they won't start asking you to mentor a "young gay man" in an ill-fated quest for a boyfriend. I hope your guy comes around. Did his mom throw a big-ass party and invite the neighbors when he realized he liked dick?

I'm jerking my privilege right now just imagining how many oppressed genderfluid demigenders have been traumatized by my existence.

Jokes aside, I feel a bit silly myself. All the signs were there and me and my guy had talked about how the niece had changed but it took until today for it to actually register that "Oh shit, that was actually happening".

I don't even know what's going on that front with her. Since then I've looked up social media pages and the girl is describing herself as demisexual but I can't see much related to either sex, especially since she's deleted everything with reference to her being female or female presenting at some point. Could have been today, could have been last month I've no idea.

Funnily enough no, Mr Dildo didn't have an I like dick party. Mr Dildo was very closeted and still gets very awkward and shy when it comes to sex talk. From previous conversations he's said he doesn't really care about troon shit, he doesn't know any and we're probably not going to have any in our lives (Haw fucking haw), but he will have time to consider it now and from how he views his sister's other West Coast leftie hippie "Healing crystals and moomoos" opinions he could well end up eyerolling as he does for those as well.

What I don't understand, is why he should care that you have a "good" relationship to them. For sure, he can meet them and leave you out. You wouldn't enjoy meeting them anyway.
This is a real asshole move by him, and you should be happy if the relationship is over.

Don't give in radicals, and think of this like this way. If the daughter has neo-penis surgery. She can't reproduce and pass on the crazy.

I think it's just because family is just such a big thing to them. They are close, they run several businesses between various members of the family and the idea that I might not be there with him on those days would get him down. We probably do spend too much time together, if I'm not at work we do almost everything in each others company if not necessarily doing the same thing.

I don't think it's something we're going to break up over. From what his sister saw he took my side, but in actuality he just wants whatever will restore the old status quo ASAP and where his niece isn't likely to stop being a troon in the immediate future, I could potentially accept her trooness. It'll cause him more upset than me because of all his siblings, and he has a few, Jane has always annoyed me the most because of her need for attention. When it was her going through her various phases like going vegan for a few months, buying a yurt, flying to Africa to hug black babies etc I could just ignore her but now that her spawn is on track to join the 42% it's hard to sit and watch child abuse happening in real time. That said I don't really know what the rest of his family will make of this. They're not as far out there as Jane but they tend towards smiling and politely accepting anything deemed progressive as good, even if they occasionally drop the odd comment suggesting they may think otherwise about it.

Mr Dildo is just very eager to keep his family happy and everything ticking over smoothly. I have no doubt if it came down to anything he would back me up, but anytime he ends up arguing with them he always feels bad, his own happiness is tied to his family being happy as well as maddening as it is.

Thanks though guys, I appreciate the input on this.

 

[Odnovo]

I had a thought earlier today, that in the past it was more common to see those in their middle age troon out, and rarely those significantly younger than that, and nowadays it is pretty much the opposite; it has been a while since I've heard a story about how an older gentleman had a nervous breakdown and thus decided to become a troon. Among the troon community, it was common to think that suicide was only the typical end for someone who was well past puberty, but the past few years have proven that younger ones have the same tendency at much the same frequency, as well.

 

[Sperghetti]

At first I said I couldn't go because they would post pictures and my role in a religion department wouldnt let me be political on current issues (my university wouldn't give a shit, it's secular), then I added on that sometimes it's nice to not have the spotlight on LGBT stuff because you want to be treated normally and not special or at least I know I did.

I’m trying to imagine something more comically mortifying than being thrown a surprise “horray, you’re gay” party, but it’s honestly pretty damn hard.

 

[Mr. 0]

I’m trying to imagine something more comically mortifying than being thrown a surprise “horray, you’re gay” party, but it’s honestly pretty damn hard.

having chris as an entertainer at said party, stripping and doing a duet with sonichu (and then curse-ye-ha-me-ha whoever says there's no sonichu there)

 

[Aunt Carol]

I’m trying to imagine something more comically mortifying than being thrown a surprise “horray, you’re gay” party, but it’s honestly pretty damn hard.

I mean, gay or troon or registered Green, throwing a party for your teenager about a personal realization is kind of weird. It's up there with those menarche/ "Moon" parties: jesus christ, Mom.

Mr Dildo is just very eager to keep his family happy and everything ticking over smoothly. I have no doubt if it came down to anything he would back me up, but anytime he ends up arguing with them he always feels bad, his own happiness is tied to his family being happy as well as maddening as it is.

I wonder if he'd be more understanding if you talked him gently through some of the ROGD stuff, just to clarify that you're coming from a place of concern, also for the happiness of his family. Pharmaceutical conversion therapy putting a Band-Aid over a young women's understandable angst at aging into society, and her mom is jumping to celebrate this solution instead of supporting her through what she's trying to avoid by trooning out.

Definitely sounds like his sister's a big part of the problem. My nieces are in the single-digits and my sister's got unpredictable Woke spots, so I'm dreading this coming up for me in the not-too-far future, unless there's a big societal peak transing.

 

[TiredAndInked]

I had a thought earlier today, that in the past it was more common to see those in their middle age troon out, and rarely those significantly younger than that, and nowadays it is pretty much the opposite; it has been a while since I've heard a story about how an older gentleman had a nervous breakdown and thus decided to become a troon. Among the troon community, it was common to think that suicide was only the typical end for someone who was well past puberty, but the past few years have proven that younger ones have the same tendency at much the same frequency, as well.

my ex had her fortieth birthday when she trooned out, and we've been apart for three years now and she still likes sending me updates. She's perfectly stable...

 

[Angriest Bird]

I'm lucky enough not to have come in contact with any gender weirdos IRL, perks of being an immigrant in a small town.

My online friendships are practically all some variety of the alphabet soup, though, and it's exhausting. It's like you can't really meet normal people online anymore - even if they act OK most of the time every single person has some moment or topic that'll just make them act retarded and repeat gayyy trans rights gay gaaayyyyy like a broken record.

Sometimes I feel too weird and autistic for the outside world and not weird or autistic enough for online shit.

 

[The Last Boyscout]

I'm lucky enough not to have come in contact with any gender weirdos IRL, perks of being an immigrant in a small town.

My online friendships are practically all some variety of the alphabet soup, though, and it's exhausting. It's like you can't really meet normal people online anymore - even if they act OK most of the time every single person has some moment or topic that'll just make them act retarded and repeat gayyy trans rights gay gaaayyyyy like a broken record.

Sometimes I feel too weird and autistic for the outside world and not weird or autistic enough for online shit.

I have a strong feeling this will always be primarily related to what hobby is at the center of said online people. for comparison, the gaming scene is absolutely loaded with them now, especially if you go to any blindly leftist crab bucket. but having fairly recently gone into computer hardware, despite a fairly decent leftist lean there, I've looked really, really hard and apart from the occasional news story comment trolls, that are drawn to SJW bullshit like moths to a flame anyway, I'm hard pressed to find any of said alphabet soup that actually regularly works with or has computer hardware as their hobby. or at the very least, the kinds that just love to advertise themselves as such and use it as a cludgel against cis scum.

it's almost as if when there's one objective common denominator, that you can't fake and make bullshit up about (how well a computer works), the narcissists have no leg to stand on.

 

[Angriest Bird]

I have a strong feeling this will always be primarily related to what hobby is at the center of said online people. for comparison, the gaming scene is absolutely loaded with them now, especially if you go to any blindly leftist crab bucket. but having fairly recently gone into computer hardware, despite a fairly decent leftist lean there, I've looked really, really hard and apart from the occasional news story comment trolls, that are drawn to SJW bullshit like moths to a flame anyway, I'm hard pressed to find any of said alphabet soup that actually regularly works with or has computer hardware as their hobby. or at the very least, the kinds that just love to advertise themselves as such and use it as a cludgel against cis scum.

it's almost as if when there's one objective common denominator, that you can't fake and make bullshit up about (how well a computer works), the narcissists have no leg to stand on.

Very, very possible. My hobbies mostly revolve around art and gaming so you can imagine the quality of people infesting the spaces.

 

[The Last Boyscout]

sorry to derail this a bit into this topic, but I still keep replaying this video several times every year because of how satisfying it is:

now...if nowadays this kind of video, let alone collection of youtubers criticizing it ruthlessly, were to come out with something like sayyy...a feminist critique of the Mass Effect trilogy, that basically just regurgitates all of the Fox News bullshit that was thrown against it when it released with a leftist lean, you'd have nonstop calls of cancellation of 'gaming culture' by Twitter and every single gaming journo and everyone online would be compelled to lose their mind over a stupid, irellevant hack, who just so happens to have the backing of a huge news outlet. but because this is the realm of computer hardware, and despite the guy in the video crying 'racism' over and over with 'The Verge' issuing copyright strikes left and right, the overall online sentiment from just about everyone else (including other journos) was that they fucked up and to this day this dude gets ruthlessly dogpiled on Twitter with his dumbshit quotes from this video, since he refuses to even remotely admit that he had zero idea of what he was talking about and that he could've easily led ignorant people to fry their computers with this video.

there are other reasons why I've been transitioning (heh heh) very firmly from gaming into just straight up computer hardware geekdom over the years, but this video stands the test of time why its community is infinitely more preferable to me. and if ever there is a time when tech journos start thinking that: "how The Verge's computer build actually wasn't that bad." makes for a good headline, as opposed to what new processor or GPU is coming out...that's when I'll know I'm in danger again lol. or at least, that my online friendships with other comp hardware techies may be.

 

[On a Journey]

I grew up in a liberal area and am 20 (god I hate this generation) so I have a lot of stories.

First, my childhood best friend, an autistic, homeschooled girl who in adolescence came out as trans/genderfluid. She became obsessed with anime, especially yaoi, and was a classic tumblrina for some time. I am convinced her desire to medically transition (thankfully, her parents were not about to mess around with hormones) was at least partially due to severe PCOS, she would even talk about starting T so she never had to have a period again. We drifted apart after my family moved and we had less and less in common, but I just looked at her social media and it seems like she's mostly stopped with the genderspecial shit and her pfp has a Lesbian flag.

In high school, my friend group were all different kinds of queer, including plenty of genderspecials. I always felt somewhat isolated from these people and it didn't take long for me to start feeling like I was inferior or a worse person for being cishet. I started reading lists of gender identities until I found some extremely meaningless labels I related to (demigirl and demisexual) which I identified as for a little, mostly because they eased my anxieties about hanging out with all the class gays.

My parents' friends' daughter is a FtM. With their support, she socially and medically transitioned as a teenager and got top surgery at 16.

I currently have a younger FtM friend who is focused on moving away from her homophobic family so she can "speedrun transition". She has been OBSESSED with yaoi for years, constantly talks about how attractive gay men are, and longs to be a hot man, so I'm pretty sure she's whatever the girl version of an autogynephiliac is called. She has become more and more unreasonable in general since she started all this.

My younger brother came out as trans to me a few months ago, not long after I started reading KF and picking up TERF ideas. He is an asocial, potentially autistic NEET who has never shown any signs of femininity before this. I want to be supportive and for him to be happy, but I've seen how miserable most trannies are. I've made it clear that I have serious issues with the trans community and am against medical transitioning, but this clearly upsets him. I am fully convinced being trans is a mental illness, and I haven't seen any signs of it being a fetish for him (he says he's asexual) so I do think it's real dysphoria, but the way that's treated should be criminal. I don't think I can bear to see him suffer through transition, doing procedure after procedure to chase an impossible goal, only to realize when it's too late that it can't fix what was actually wrong. I keep showing him the classic peak trans threads here in the hope he'll see the dark side of transgenderism and use his damn head, but other than that I've been supportive of him (using name/pronouns, teaching him about fashion and makeup, not calling him delusional, etc), even when it makes me uncomfortable. If I can't stop this, I'm at least gonna make sure he's one of the "good trans".